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Archive for October, 2016

35-pain-changes-people

Broadly pain comes in two types- physical pain and emotional pain. Both types of pain are tough to deal with. However, the emotional pain is often the one most tough to cope with, because the emotional pain hurts from inside and is much more difficult to overcome. The physical pain can at times be excruciating too and equally difficult to cope with. The challenge of emotional pain is that it provokes questions like why me? What if? Will it change my life for the worse? Can I ever cope with it? that makes it hard for an individual to find satisfactory answers to. The result is that emotional pain triggers in us a negative attitude to people, lose confidence in ourselves and a ‘poor me’ syndrome overwhelms us.

Emotional pain is non physical pain. This means that the pain is felt in the head and heart. Death of a loved is the most common emotional pain but since death is a reality everyone has to deal with, most people can get over this pain over time. Of course there are exceptions like the sudden death of young person or the sudden death of a dear pet. However, emotional pain felt when a marriage breaks down or when one gets an unexpected pink slip or one is made aware of a serious ailment is much more difficult to handle. The most common response to emotional pain are as under:

Trusting less: Emotional pain, especially if it is the result of a disconnect with another person be it a lover/ spouse or employer would seriously affect the aggrieved party/ parties and would often result in them at least temporarily losing their confidence in other people. This means that going forward, it takes them time to let go of the past, are always wary of people around especially new people and would never make a commitment to a relationship personal/ professional without being circumspect about the future.

Thinking more:  Emotional pain always magnifies the problem in the eyes of the aggrieved person. It also makes a person think of various worse case scenarios, make them interject varied negative possibilities to a possible solution and largely make them feel victimized. The over thinking limits their vision to see effective alternative solutions. It also adds to their mental turmoil and consequently  it impacts their personal, social and professional  life.

Becoming a recluse:  People who are emotionally pained tend to become recluse. They shun social contact, prefer their own solitude and face psychological trauma. They find it hard to connect with people for they trust less, think more and believe that no one can help them. They wallow in self pity, have delusions/ fears of a second wave of trauma and adapt to solitude for company. Unfortunately that also means they have lesser chances of picking themselves out of their emotional rut.

Pain changes people. Life becomes harder; living even tougher and at times dying seems like a perfect escape.

Be aware of the dangers of letting emotional pain overwhelm us and make us irrational. As long as there is life there is hope. Listen to both your inner reason and to the advice of well meaning friends. Learn to trust your instincts as well as the voice of love and reason of your loved ones who would do all within their power to help you overcome your trauma. Do not cut yourself from the world around; remember man is a social animal and your best chance to be emotionally stable would be by interacting with others. After all sharing joy doubles it and sharing grief halves it.

Try these:

  1. List out 3 painful moments of your life. How did you react to each of these moments? Do you still feel that pain even today or has time helped you overcome the pain?
  2. So which of the following emotional baggage are you still carrying with you
  • Having a breakup
  • Having a dear one insult/ hurt you
  • Hearing a rude/ disrespectful / sarcastic comment about yourself
  • Being let down / cheated  by a dear friend / colleague
  • Being forced to sacrifice your ethics in order to succeed

How did the above effect you. What have you done to regain your confidence after facing the above?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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34-finding-your-passion

One question that often baffles an individual is how one finds his / her passion. It is largely by a trial and error method in most cases. Some lucky individuals do get to know their passion from early childhood; others discover it in teenage and some stumble upon it much later. For the overwhelming majority though, finding one’s passion is almost as elusive as trying to find the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. We would focus on what is common to every individual’s passion and what is the ideal passion to pursue.

What you love – The primary test of what one finds passionate is how much we love it. Passion comes from having a deep, abiding interest and obsession with something. Now most times our passions, especially in our growing up years keep changing. Similarly we discover new and fascinating things that grab our attention and make us pine to for it. Varied dimensions of technology in particular fascinates us as do creative pursuits and self driven concerns like environmental pollution, garbage recycling, health etc. What compounds our choices is the combination of passions that we seem to revel in. Let us say writing or art or cinema is our primary interest and now technology offers us blogs /video platforms to express ourselves and reach worldwide audiences. Pursuing new applications to leverage our expertise combined with the power of technology available on with smart phones and computers opens up new frontiers to explore. With wider choices, we have more opportunities to explore; we must experiment and discover what we truly find fascinating.

What you are good at:  While it is difficult to zoom in on to a couple of things that fascinate us, what is more important and more challenging is finding out if we have the skills, the aptitude and the ability to pursue and make those passions an extension of ourselves. Having a fascination and obsession is relatively passive, the true test is if we can translate what we love into a profession that makes us happy, allows us to use all our abilities and makes us happy each single day. One critical test to know if our passion is real, is to test if we have the intrinsic motivation to pursue it every single day. Do we keep thinking about our work and how we can improve it, make it more fascinating, keep ourselves updated about it and get a thrill out of sharing about it. Once you know what you love and what you are good at, you can feel a sense of happiness every single day.

What pays you well : While you can be happy pursuing your passion, the reality is that we live in a world that requires us to fend for ourselves and our families. This is reality that we cannot escape from and we must be alive to this facet of living. The ideal passion would be one, where you can follow your heart, use your head and turn it into a profitable venture. This means that we make use of our talents, our obsessions to ensure a good living. There are times when we realize our strengths and leverage it to make a good living but our heart and mind are into something else. That is when you are financially well off but bored because you are not fully engaged in what you do   E.g. We are academically brilliant and hence you get a good degree and pursue a job that pays well.  Perhaps your first love is to spread your knowledge and become a teacher but that profession is relatively less acceptable socially and financially relatively less rewarding than your current profession. It is then a compromise passion not the ideal passion that your pursuing.

For many people, once they have met their financial goals, they find it simpler to follow their ideal passion. They would take risks to pursue eco farming, teach the economically weaker, be involved in social activities where their skills sets are fully used etc. Till one reaches that stage, the ideal passion is one where your love for something, your skill set /aptitude/ expertise in that area and your returns/ benefits from pursuing that combine, to provide you happiness and bliss every single moment.

Try these:

  1. So what would your dream job/ profession be? What is stopping you from realizing that dream job/ profession?
  2. Make a list of the following:
  • Appreciation received from parents / teachers / classmates/ colleagues
  • Encouragement received from all of the above
  • Advice/ suggestions on what you must pursue as a profession
  • The events/ occasions when you felt elated and valued
  • The activities that make you delighted/ thrilled / blissful
  • The above will give you pointers on where you can find your ideal passion

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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33-a-good-dayA perfect day would always be relative to the experiences of the past days yet each of us can strive to make each day a wonderful day. No matter what happens during the course of the day, if the day has not been wasted, it becomes a wonderful day. So the simple rule to follow is to have a plan for each day, strive your best to ensure you have worked well to achieve your plans and at end of day your heart is filled with happiness and satisfaction.

The trouble most of us have us with our time. For most of us, we just don’t have enough time to do all what we want. For others especially those who are retired, time weighs heavily and each day seems slow and unending. The reality is that if we plan each day, we will be busy; we would have something tangible to achieve and end of day we would have made significant progress and less dissatisfaction. A plan would give us something ready to work on, give us a milestone for accomplishment and ensure that we are kept fruitfully occupied.

A plan helps us have a roadmap but we have to walk the talk if we have to reach the destination. The problem for many begins here. While our plan and intent are positive, when it comes to walking the talk, we have a number of excuses, problems and explanations to rationalize our inefficiency and inability to give our best. The trick here is to find a passion and motivation to begin and sustain doing all what we have to do to make our plans become fruitful. In the process we would forget the time, lose ourselves completely in doing what has to be done. Success is never guaranteed but the satisfaction of done a good job, a great effort and a fruitful use of time is certainly guaranteed.

The one issue that spoils an otherwise wonderful day are the sudden unexpected failures, bad news and coping with negative energies and thoughts. Managing that is challenging but not impossible. The way to do that is to change perspective. View each such impediment as ‘ it could have been worse’ or ‘now I have learned that…’ .  It is important to be reasonable and rationale in our thought for it is our thoughts that spur emotions and actions. Once you can control or reorient your thoughts, every day will be a wonderful day, for you would have learned how to appreciate the wonders of each day.

The happiness that follows when we are satisfied that we have given our best shot, is something that is priceless. The happiness is reflected in the sparkle in our eyes, smile on our face and then everything else fades into oblivion. We may look overworked, we may be wearing crumbled clothes, our hair could be ruffled and unruly but there would be a spring in our step, our aura would exude success and excitement is palpable.

A wonderful day would be all these and more…try it and see the difference.

Try these:

  • Write down a plan for 2nd weekend of the next month. Follow the plan and find out for yourself if plans work.
  • What would you do with the money you win of Rs.1 lakh in a lottery?
  • What are the three priority areas in your life that you would want to improve upon? Do you have a plan for achieving it?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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32-power-of-self-esteemMost of our problems can be attributed to either over confidence or lack of confidence. Our focus today would be on latter issue of lack of confidence, which essential has its roots in our poor self esteem. Self esteem is confidence in one’s own worth and abilities. Our poor self esteem could be an outcome of various negative influences, experiences and / or our own mindset. Constantly being criticized, facing a couple of failures, our inability to take risks, are some of the key influencers that dent self esteem. While we cannot completely erase the past, we certainly can take some proactive steps to ensure that we recognize our self esteem and build up on it to improve, contribute and prosper. The quick three step approach is as follows

Believing you can do it: The important thing here is to first have something to believe in. So it is better you have a clear goal and a plan to achieve it. When we attempt to set goals, the first hurdle we face is questioning ourselves if the goal is worthwhile, doubting our ability to attain it and constantly comparing the goal with other alternatives and / or with our perception of goals set by others. Setting goals that revolve around our passion, our talent, our flair and our motivation is a simple way to make a wish list. Once this wish list is outlined, translate them into goals with a clearly outlined strategy to attain it, being aware of your own efforts that would have to accompany your dreams to turn it into a reality and believing that you have it in you to make it come true. Your belief comes from your willingness to make the sacrifices that invariably precedes the reward, the confidence within you that you will take it to its logical conclusion and the drive and motivation within you to make it happen.

Believing you deserve it: While you may have a clear goal, an inner urge to push yourself to attain the goal and a very strong desire and motivation, what can possibly play spoil sport is your reluctance to acknowledge that you deserve the success you are aiming for. It is the belief that you are just as deserving as the next person to dream big and reach for the stars that sets apart the winners from the also ran’s. Every start up is based on this one key principle that you are as capable of coming up with a winner as the existing or future competitor. Every employee who believes that he deserves better is the one who makes the upward move either laterally or within the same organization. A realistic personal SWOT analysis would be a good spring board to launch your future, for that is when you put your beliefs to the test.

Believing you’ll get it: The initial period when you dare is often fraught with risk and confusion. Every small set back would dent your confidence and you begin to doubt if you will get what you crave. Almost everyone rushes in with enthusiasm but the sheer effort that is required to keep the momentum going is herculean and that is when one begins to falter. It is only the belief that you will attain what you have planned no matter what the cost, no matter what price you have to pay, that will energize you to keep going. A blind belief would not me of much use, but belief backed by appropriate action is the key. The belief that you will get it must appropriate trigger action and soon the near impossible begins to happen to us. Your belief is like the recharge in your mobile phone; every recharge boosts its ability to deliver each day.

Believe that you can do it; believe that you deserve it; believe that you will get it !

I just used the same principle to get my blog posts going; I can vouch it works !

Try these:

  1. Click on the following link to get a comprehensive write up on Self Esteem:  http://tinyurl.com/jsnu97p 
  2. Make a list of the following and achieve it.
  • The amount of money you can raise for your favorite charity in the coming week.
  • A current topic about which you are passionate, about which you will write a letter to the editor of a local newspaper, within a fortnight.
  • A local historical site or tourist spot or museum which you have not visited but will do so in the next 1 month
  • Three life style changes that you are keen to bring about, which you will work on immediately and see the expected results within a year. E.g. Lose 10 kgs weight by year end

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »