Category: Anger

Forgive and…

I firmly believe a great many prayers are not answered because we are not willing to forgive someone. Dwight L. Moody

When we hold a grouse against another, we not only carry a deep resentment but there is a lot of ill will that we wish upon that person.  We work up a frenzy within us, seek retribution in return for our agony that we endure and take delight in our foes distress and pain. We even convince ourselves that forgiveness is a crime and so we cling on to our morbid pleasure of hating that person and slyly look out for some ill happening in that person’s life. Notice that in this whole process there are three things that are actually backfiring on us. We are not able to focus on anything constructive, we do not generate or emit positive energy and we are obsessed with our foe and end up neglecting our own self. It is precisely these reasons that impede us from praying in faith and reaping its bounty. Let us understand each of these impediments a little more in depth.

Have you ever tried to concentrate on some task soon after going through an ordeal? You would notice that you are distracted, a sinking feeling constantly overpowers your emotions and the task on hand seems overwhelming. Your thoughts constantly seem to go back to the source of our discomfort and hence you are uneasy and disturbed.  Under the circumstances even a pleasurable task like watching TV or reading a good book seems like a burden. Something similar happens when we carry a grudge and are unable to forgive another. Then our joys are muted, our prayers sound hollow and we lack the conviction to seek in hope and receive in faith. Obviously then it is no wonder that most times our prayers remain unanswered when our hearts are fully of revenge and there is no space for peace and tranquility.

With angst in our heart, revenge in our mind and ill will overpowering our emotions, all the positive energy is sapped out of us.  When we transmit negative energy around, it is near impossible to expect positive outcomes.  Just as a rotting corpse will attract the vultures and the wild animals, negative energy will attract only cold vibes, churn up the existing tranquility and saddled us with undesirable outcomes. When the environment is vitiated the tempo slows down, our actions are leaden and our prayers are half hearted, cold and sprayed with the foam of hate, wickedness and malice which has filled out heart and refuses to subside.

Finally, when we cannot forgive, our mind, thoughts and heart have only the destruction and ill will for our foe uppermost in our mind. With our concentration on our foe so overpowering there is little time for us to pray for our own needs and even if we did mange it, most times it would be so negative in its desires (possibly seeking bad tidings for our foe) that the prayers cannot be answered. Yet we continue to pray partly mechanically, partly in fond hope and mainly to unburden our consciousness. With the spirit missing out of prayer, it is no wonder that our prayers remain unanswered. The best way out is then to forgive our enemies, cleanse our heart and mind and then pray fervently and lo and behold even if our prayers are answered with a NO we will accept that answer with gratefulness.

Remember: “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” Paul Boese

Try this:

  1. It is not easy to forgive someone who has wronged you a lot. Yet if you want to, it is better to take help from a matured common friend who can facilitate the forgiving process.  Sometimes the person you haven’t forgiven is long gone from your life and yet the resentment stays.
  2. Read some stories  from the Chicken Soup series on forgiveness and empathize wit those who have shared their stories of forgiveness.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Adaptability makes the difference

He is happy whose circumstances suit his temper; but he is more excellent who can suit his temper to any circumstances.  David Hume

Everyone would like things to go the way they want it, visualize it and plan it. When most times things do fall in place as per our desires, we are elated and more often than not swagger around with a triumphant air. Good planning, reasonable expectations and a pragmatic approach invariably ensures that our plans are executed to perfection and definitely one can take pride in the effort. The trouble is when our efforts are not duly rewarded and things unexpectedly go wrong. It is here that the true temperament of a person is revealed, his/ her character tested and the ability to handle pressures and stress displayed. In short the mettle of a person is tried, tested and trusted when he/ she can gracefully tackle the crisis and relieve the pressures that would have built up.

Road rage is a perhaps one of the most explicit examples of people not being able to adjust their temper to suit the circumstances. In daily living there are umpteen numbers of times when we find our temper rising, our blood pressure shooting up and our normal personality acquiring a demonic transfiguration. Most parent’s complaint about their unruly children, complete forgetting that the children have the parents genes and a little probe into history would probably reveal that the parents were much more terrible brats. Most citizens revel in the armchair luxury of criticizing the government in general and the living conditions in particular while spouting umpteen reasons for not exercising their franchise. Our health, the weather, inflation and politics are but a few of the millions of topics on which we fail to reach any positive conclusion and prefer to wallow in the woes both real and imagined.

Reactions of people when circumstances let them down provides a very dramatic study in human psychology. The most commonly seen behavior when stressed is to use expletives to relive themselves of this uncontrollable rage that wells up within us. It might sound strange that people react so dramatically differently to the same situation. Some people go into panic and rage when they are unable to find their valuables, while others would calmly conjure up improbable theories to rationalize the location of the missing valuables.  There are people who sulk, while others would rave and rant. There are still others who would wail and scream hoping to get both attention and sympathy while others would soak it all in and possibly be heart broken in the end. Of course there are some who are so petrified that they simply remain rooted to the spot unable to think, act or react. Sudden death of a loved one often brings forth such a reaction for the pain of loss is searing and benumbing .

Ideally though, the most composed people are those who may panic briefly but quickly regain their bearings and take proactive action. Those who display a sense of equanimity and are able to keep their cool despite suffering extreme pain, anxiety or frustration are the people who can be relied upon when the chips are down. If these people can have a calming influence on others as would be required in case of emergencies or disasters then they would rated as the people who have not just the best leadership qualities but perhaps the most balanced persona too.

Remember: The art of life is a constant readjustment to our surroundings.   Kakuzo Okakaura

Try this:

  1. Think of 3 instances when you lost your temper. Do you think that on hindsight you could have controlled your temper and thereby become more effective? Also think of 3 people you know / knew who just cannot /could not take pressure of any kind. Recollect their reactions when stressed. What was your reaction their inability to cope with stress?
  2. Read up on the Suffering and rescue of the Chilean miners who were trapped for over 33 days in a collapsed mine. Here is one link for you. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/14/world/americas/14chile.html You are encouraged to search for other links including video links to get a better insight into how circumstances did not overwhelm the brave.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

A disaster called Revenge

Revenge could steal a man’s life until there was nothing left but emptiness. Louis L’Amour

The one problem with anger is that the next immediate thought that comes to mind is revenge. The problem with such a thought is that we are so consumed by that thought that we forget to enjoy life. It is another matter that most times we are unable to execute revenge because it is a double edged sword and often we only go around feeling bitter, hurt and frustrated. Revenge is perhaps a very human quality for the animal kingdom has never displayed such emotions, although there are stories about how some animals do have a long memory and do extract their pound of flesh when the opportunity presents itself. Perhaps we need to take this lesson from the animal kingdom that revenge is by and large a fruitless exercise that is best avoided.

Often the provocation for revenge is the feeling of being insulted, humiliated or unfairly treated. Ironically the animal kingdom is devoid of such emotions and they accept the simple law of the jungle that it is the matter of the ‘survival of the fittest’. When viewed from this angle, there is a case for the emotion of revenge, because the human race believes in the rule of civil society that is governed by rules, laws and regulations. More importantly some of the most human feelings of ego, jealously and pride pave the way for the feeling of revenge to be a legitimate outlet to vent our negative emotions lest we human beings go crazy when stressed out during our normal interactions. Yet the reality is that revenge is a very stressful emotion that invariably leaves very few winners rather it only leads to a painful existence for all involved who survive the revenge.

Once we succumb to the revenge virus, there is no antidote and only a strong sense of responsibility and common sense can ever pull us back from the potential threat of self destruction. Revenge is like a hand grenade with its pin removed but one which we are unable to lob too far. The resultant devastation would possibly hurt and destroy others but there is a very good chance that we too would be facing collateral damage. Revenge often consumes much of our time in planning, plotting, generating negative emotions all of which are directed at our potential target but which like a cancer actually eats us up within. Perhaps the most unfortunate aspect of revenge is that the process is long, passionate and emotionally charged but the post execution feeling is often a damn squib for there is nothing to drive us, occupy us or engage us thereafter. We are then left with a deep sense of emptiness that pervades our life and our existence.

Remember: “Revenge is a confession of pain” Latin Proverb

Try this:

  1. There are many books of fiction and movies that revolve around the theme of revenge. In almost all cases it is the Good triumphing over evil by taking appropriate revenge and there is a sense of fairness and justice. However read the book or watch the movie the ‘Godfather’ to get a better perspective of revenge and the price one has to pay for it. Notice that when Michael extracts revenge for the killing of his brother Sonny he has to thereafter leave family and friends behind and go on a long cooling off period to another country. Also pay attention to the various acts of revenge that are interspersed in the book.
  2. Recollect the times that you had a strong need to extract revenge. If you attempted revenge introspect about the net effect of that act. On hindsight would you have executed your plans?  Also ask yourself if the feeling of taking revenge is actually your way of acknowledging your emotional weakness and inability to cope with the pressures brought about on you be it in terms of tickling your ego or a feeling of being humiliated or insulted.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Forgiving friends…

It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend. Madame Dorothee Deluzy

Forgiveness does not come easily to anyone. We find it hard to forgive because often the hurt caused is too raw and painful to be condoned. Our ego and self respect won’t permit us to let bygones be bygones. We are seething with anger and revenge is uppermost in our minds and forgiveness will dilute that feeling which we see as a manly sign. There are times when social and peer pressure force us to abandon all thoughts of forgiveness lest we have to face the wrath and fury of our own supporters. Whatever the reason, it takes a large heart and plenty of love to forgive someone who has wronged us.

When we feel wronged by an unknown person we are quick to take affront simply because we believe the other person is careless, inconsiderate and deserves punishment rather than mercy and forgiveness. We would rarely venture to find out the real cause of the problem or misunderstanding which possibly could throw up new revelations. Yet by nature we are quick to condemn and almost reluctant to admit our mistakes if we realize it. If the wrong is done by someone whom we do not get along with or dislike or someone we consider an enemy our immediate reaction is that the deed was done deliberately with wrong intent and with full knowledge of the perpetrator. Our immediate  thoughts are to get even and possibly extract revenge for what we visualize as deliberate acts. At this point forgiveness is far removed from our minds and our fury and rage blind us to any possibility of reconciliation.

Nothing can be as hurtful as realizing that someone who is a friend has betrayed us or let us down deliberately. The hurt stems from the fact that we never expected someone who is close and intimate with us to become a villain in our lives. On one hand we cannot imagine such a situation and on the other hand the reality hits us hard and hurts us deeply.  At this point we believe that an enemy can be forgive because we expect only such behavior but that it would be stupid and spineless to forgive a friend who betrays us.  More than anything else we feel foolish that we have trusted the friend, are embarrassed that we could not see the friends nefarious intentions and connive ourselves that he deserves no mercy and definitely no forgiveness.

If we pause and let our rationality talk to our senses we would slowly realize that by not forgiving all we end up doing is wasting our energies hating someone, constantly imbibe negative thoughts of getting even and taking revenge and perhaps waste our life in the pursuit of an imaginary pleasure got by doing harm to avenge our hurt. On the other hand if we allow ourselves to be pragmatic, down to earth and sensible, forgiveness will knock the sails out of the person who expects nothing remotely as this gesture for his / her deeds. In fact it might shock them into realizing their grievous fault and they in turn could seek pardon. In the end both the person forgiving and the person forgiven would have unburdened their heavy hearts and lightened their conscience and enjoy the rest of their lives.

Remember: “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” Bryant H. McGill

Try this:

  1. Ask yourself if you have the tendency to be sarcastic, caustic in your comments, foul mouthed in conversation or extremely critical about others. This could cause a lot of unwitting hurt to people who are close to you but who cannot really express their hurt to you. Next time be aware of such behavior and check yourself. If by chance you realize your mistake apologize for such behavior and you will find that you will be better accepted and appreciated.
  2. Ask yourself if you still dislike and distrust some of your classmates for some of their comments or behavior that had caused you hurt then. Perhaps they have forgotten those incidents but it is you who is carrying it with you still. Can you make an attempt to meet up with these people or begin communicating with them as if nothing ever happened. You will realize that you feel much more relaxed and relieved when you let go the past hurt.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Forgive self

They may not deserve forgiveness, but I do. Anon

At first glance the quote is both confusing and perplexing. Our initial reaction is of shock and disbelief that someone can dare to point a finger at others but absolve himself/ herself of the same crime. It is only on a closer second reading and introspection that the true meaning of the quote becomes apparent and deeply insightful. Read the quote again before you read further.

In fact the crux of forgiveness is deeply embedded in the quote. One needs to forgive another not because he/ she deserves forgiveness but because you want to be forgiven and absolved of any ill feelings, anger, guilt and vengeance that you may have felt in your heart. It is quite natural and human to be aggrieved when some wrong has been perpetrated or perceived to perpetrated either on us or anyone close to us or on humanity in general. The resultant emotions of anger, shock, haplessness and revenge instantly come to the fore and  we are possessed by it for quite a while. More demonic thoughts like taking an eye for an eye can creep into our thoughts and in extreme cases we might even contemplate elimination of those who we see as not worthy of any sympathy let alone forgiveness.

It is against such a backdrop that we need to revisit the above quote. If we can control all our negative impulses and allow ourselves to be more rationale it is possible that over time our original angst and anguish will subside and we may possibly look back at the events as a bad nightmare. However it is tougher for us to completely forget the incident and the mental trauma one goes through. It is toughest for an average person to get over the fact that some extremely evil and vile thoughts had crossed our mind with revenge as central to those thoughts. It is then that we search for a way to clear our fragile conscience and realization dawns on us that forgiveness is the only pacifier available; suddenly it dawns on us that They may not deserve forgiveness, but I do.

The only way one can live life in a carefree and oblivious manner is to ensure that we carry no traces of rancor or ill will for another. Forgiving even those who do not deserve it, opens our heart to the power of love, the spirit of giving and the bliss of peace.

Remember:  “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smede

Try this:

  1. Read this article and perhaps you will realize that you empathize with the writer. You will also discover that it is easy to blame another and very tough to forgive them for their acts but it is best that we forgive for maybe we are guilty too. http://in.yfittopostblog.com/2010/07/26/remembering-kevin-carter/
  2. Make a list of people whom you find hard to forget or forgive for the pain they inflicted on you. It could be teachers from school and college days, it could be a parent or a relative, it could be a colleague or a boss or maybe it is former friend or spouse.  Ask yourself if you can attempt to forgive them now and convey it to them too if they are alive?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

You reflect what you feel

We are cold to others only when we are dull in ourselves. William Hazlitt

Most of us are prey to mood swings and often use that as an excuse for our poor manners and behavior at times. The reality is that we behave in a manner that we actually feel inside us. Even attempts to camouflage our inner most feelings work for sometime but sooner or later the people around will sense our true feelings and they may even attempt to covertly or overtly confirm their views by probing us. It is essential therefore for each of us to be aware of our feelings, conscious of our behavior and cautious in our interactions when not in the best mood or frame of mind.

When we are ecstatic about some event or news, we are just seeking people to share that moment of terrific excitement. We are overjoyed and enthusiastic, our communication is rapid and energetic, our focus is on sharing our joy with all and sundry whom we come in contact with. Getting excellent marks in exams, winning a prize or competition, getting engaged, becoming a parent or grandparent etc are momentous events in the life of any human being and these occasions provide the perfect setting for celebrations. On the other hand poor grades, a break up, ill health and death are moments of acute pain and sadness and most times we withdraw and prefer the solitude around. We maybe sullen, sad depressed, angry or frustrated and our communication can be aggressive, resigned or we simply remain silent or prefer to be incommunicado.

There are some of us who have our own quixotic reasons for remaining in a foul mood or remain depressed or behave indifferently. Some of us are in these moods because we crave attention by behaving odd while others believe that there is nothing right going on in their lives. A few might simply believe that they done in by fate and others are simply envious or jealous of others around whom they perceive to be more blessed than themselves. What is uniformly revealing is that all these people exhibit behavior that mirrors their own feelings of despondency and frustration. E.g People who have a short fuse and who fly of the handle at the slightest pretext.  Onlookers can often sense these unacceptable behaviorally patterns and often give such people a wide berth. Someone who has a more humane touch would attempt to accept the behavior and counsel the errant party but might face rejection of his / her efforts.

Can we reign in our moods. Not easy but yes it is controllable. Being aware is the first step. The next is being consciously aware of the effects of our behavior on others and making a determined effort to change our perceptions from within so as to reflect the change in our outward mannerisms. Smiling and thinking positive are immediate cures for a poor attitude.  What is most critical is believing that you have a responsibility to every person whom you come in contact with irrespective of the persons financial or social status.

Remember: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you is an excellent maxim to follow.

Try this:

  1. Can you recollect the last 3- 5 times you were brusque , rude, defiant, angry, indifferent  to others. Can you remember the people with whom you behaved like that and the background that prompted such behavior? Who was the main culprit in the matter?
  2. The next time you are upset attempt to take deep breaths, pause and forcibly smile, ensure a big time gap before you interact with anyone, read a joke or see a cartoon or do anything that will improve your mood and make you feel cheerful.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Forgivness heals us

Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself. Harriet Uts Nelson

It is always a tough call to forgive anyone who has harmed you in any way; be it in deeds, words or indifference. We often end up nursing a grudge and heart of heart seek some sort of revenge failing which we hope the other party gets some divine retribution. In fact should the other party have some unfortunate misery descend upon them, we take a perverse pleasure in their plight and rationalize it as ‘they deserving their punishment.’ Surprisingly what we somehow do not realize is that in the whole process we are the ones who have suffered more for our hearts were filled with the pain of the injury, our mind never letting go of ill will for the other party and life burdened with the challenge of getting even by hook or by crook.

Many a time, we tell ourselves that we have pardoned the wrong doer. Secretly we take a moral high ground that we have done a magnanimous deed. Often our pardon is more out of societal pressures, counsel of elders or a compromise so as to ensure the problem is not escalated. Pardon in most cases is just an expression used to elevate ourselves on a higher pedestal of virtue and perhaps to soothe our own mental turmoil and anguish. A pardon is not really perfect unless forgiveness is central to the process. Pardon is merely forgiveness without love where as forgiveness is pardon plus love.

Forgiveness in essence not only enables us to pardon a person, but it goes a long way in rehabilitating ourselves from the guilt that we still have to take revenge. Forgiveness cleanses us from within, removing all traces of ill will against another, suppresses our ego, seeks redemption of the wrong doer and frees us of the burden of scheming plotting and extracting revenge. Once we forgive, there is a big load off us and we suddenly begin to see our life in new light. We experience joy within and happiness all around. We have no axe to grind, no questions of ourselves and no fear or doubts that remain a Damocles sword over out head.

If we really reflect revenge and forgiveness are human traits never seen in the animal kingdom. Perhaps the fact that the human being is born with an ego that needs to be placated at all times is the reason for us getting caught up in the mire of seeking revenge and wishing ill to another. No sooner we forgive; we attain peace and experience tranquility for we are have now discovered our real self. If forgiveness can give us such bliss we need to practice forgiveness more and enjoy the fruits every moment of our life.

Remember: “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”  Bryant H. McGill

Try this:

  1. There are many times we can’t forgive ourselves for simple lapses like not meeting up with someone who was on death bed and who has now died or not taking the effort to keep in touch with close friends who have moved away or you have moved away from them.  How about forgiving yourself now, by writing a letter to the loved ones of the deceased appreciating the deceased. You can also write to long lost friends and if possible pay them a surprise visit.
  2. Make it a point to also read the earlier posts on Forgiveness by clicking on this link https://actspot.wordpress.com/2010/01/04/forgiveness/ There are more posts related to forgiveness that you can access in this blog by clicking on the word Forgiveness on the tags on the right of the blog page.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

The gain from pain

One cannot get through life without pain … What we can do is choose how to use the pain life presents to us.  Bernie S. Siegel, M.D.

Broadly speaking one will experience 3 types of pain. The physical pain is what we are most familiar with like breaking our bones or getting grazed when one falls. The emotional pain is one we experience when our emotions are put to test like in case of a broken relationship be it with parents, spouse, siblings or children. The psychological pain is one we may be subject to but not acutely conscious off as will be the case if we are the butt of jokes amongst classmates or if one is constantly being belittled or humiliated. Almost all of us would have suffered from one or more of such pain but in most cases we have overcome it and gone on to forget it too.

Yet when we are asked to look back and recollect some of the more painful memories it is the emotional and psychological pain that often comes immediately to mind. Painful experiences leave a deep and sordid aftermath which can be life altering whichever way one takes it. For those who are deeply scarred by the event will always walk in the shadow of that pain and will attribute all their failures and miseries to that pain. On the other hand those who are more resilient and positive will use that painful learning to fire up their spirit and conquer their fears and hurt brought about by the pain. Herein lies the test of the true spirit of life – will you conquer pain or will you let the pain imprison you? For every Helen Keller and Douglas Bader there are a thousand others who give in to their pain and commit suicide. Here is the extraordinary story of a man cheated by fate once but one of those bravehearts who never let fate rob him of his freedom of expression; click here to read on about M.P.Anil Kumar http://sojish.com/topics-mainmenu-31/63-notes-a-articles/196-airborne-to-chairborne.html

While it might be pretty easy to pontificate about pain ( as I am doing right now) it is the person in the line of fire who has to experience the agony of the pain. One never knows but tomorrow it could be either mine or your turn to be part of that painful experience.  Death of a loved one is a pain that each of us would have experienced at some point. In all probability we would have soon taken the rational bypass  that death is a reality and consoled ourselves that we have to face the reality. However if the person who died is in the prime of youth or a child the inevitable question that haunts us is ‘Why?’.  More traumatic to deal with is the pain brought on by  a drastic physical change the like losing a limb or being a paraplegic, for these are life altering not just for the person but also for the family. Not far behind is the pain of seeing a loved one suffer from dementia, Alzheimer’s, motor neuron disease etc. all of which have no cure as on date and yet slowly wastes the body away causing deep anguish to both the patient and to the family. Can we realistically handle such pain?

Yes one can minimize the impact of such pain through a mixture of pragmatism, counseling, prayer and positive thinking. Pragmatism will help one comprehend the reality with fortitude. Counseling will alleviate the  panic and help channelize ones energy into acceptance of the reality. Prayer is the one channel that will send a person tons of hope to cope. Positive thinking will provide the oxygen that nourishes body and mind, strengthen ones resolve and provide us a shield to guard against depression and a feeling of hopelessness.

Remember: Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.

Try this:

  1. As and when you can, try walking barefoot on a tar road or on cobble stone walkway for at least 5 – 10 minutes. What are your feelings? Do you give up even before you have walked a  100 meters? Do you get irritated saying ‘ Why am I doing such a stupid thing?’ To experience the pain brought about by fear you can visit a nearby zoo or snake park and try  (with permission of course) handle a non poisonous snake.
  2. Plan a visit to a local old age home/ a hospice / home for the mentally challenged and spend a day with the inmates. How do you think the staff of these places motivate themselves to work for those who are in pain and suffering?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Degree of forgiveness

One forgives to the degree that one loves. Francois de La Rochefoucauld

An interesting aspect of forgiveness is highlighted by La Rochefoucauld, when he proclaims that the ability to forgive is directly proportionate to our ability to love. If we stop to pause and examine our own behavioral pattern we might find that his observation is almost spot on. The most simplistic example is the mother’s ability to forgive her child whatever the crime and that is just reflective of the deep love she has for her child.

We may be tempted to state that we have experienced sharp jibes, a nasty scolding and perhaps a caning in extreme cases from those who love us very very deeply and so we wonder if that is their way of expressing their love? There may be exceptions like some people having a quick temper or others adhering to near impossible moral / behavioral parameters and then can be pretty sharp in their outburst. Yet, the vast majority of those whose forgiveness includes appropriate punishment actually are expressing their love and seek to provide the deterrents to ensure that you are aware of the mistake and will make efforts to correct yourself. A good teacher who is relative strict, is in fact a blessing for many, for we value the discipline much later in life, though during our school days we may have taken a complete dislike and antipathy to him/ her.

The mistake many make is in equating forgiveness with love.  Yes when we love we are duty bound to ensure that the forgiveness must be in inverse proportion to the crime for that is a mark of showing our deep love for the person. If we equate forgiveness with love, there is a very real danger that our love blinds us to the infractions of those we love. We would also be siding with the wrong doer and thereby stunting his/ her ability to discern wrong doings and worst of all complete forgiveness without punishment would embolden the guilty to wrong rationalize his/ her act and falsely believe that their act is legitimate.

So that bring us to another dimension of forgiveness; the correlation between punishment and forgiveness. Punishment should be in proportion to the infraction and that would be the right measure of  forgiveness which in turn is equivalent to the love that a person shows to another.

Remember: “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”Paul Boese

Try these:

  1. How would you deal with the following
  • Your younger brother is caught telling lies.
  • Your best friend gives you a black eye because of a misunderstanding.
  1. What punishment would you suggest (if you’re a teacher / a parent/ a classmate / counselor)for students who do not do their home assignment.  Would your punishments vary depending on which role you choose from the roles given in the bracket?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Bless us with patience…

God grant us patience!  William Shakespeare

Just visualize the scene where as a family we are sitting in a restaurant and debating what to order. We take our time about ordering the food, since most of us take an eternity to make up our minds. Finally when we give the order to the captain, we have this compulsive urge to instruct him to ensure that the food is served fast. While we dilly dally about our choice of food, we have no patience to wait for the food to be served. In a day and age where instant coffee and instant noodles are standard fare, where pizza delivery is timed in a clock work fashion and where ‘please hurry up’ is a standard appendage to any request, the virtue of patience is at a very high premium.

Contrast this with natures wonder called life cycle. It still takes 9 months from conception to delivery for a human being. If you plant a seed today, it might take years for someone to be able to enjoy the fruits of the tree. Look at the wild animals patiently stalking their prey or imagine the patience of the migratory birds for they have to fly very very long distances which take days on end. This phenomenon opens our eyes to a very critical weakness in most of us living in the fast paced world- lack of patience. You may disagree and say you are very patient and perhaps you are right too. If you are still reading this post, give yourself a clap for your patience; for the net speed may have been too slow and yet you persisted or the contents up to this point may have tested your patience but you optimistically go on.

On the other hand, examine your own investment strategy. Do you believe in quick money and indulge in daily trading in the stock markets or regularly buying the lottery or gambling? On the other hand are you a long term investor and / or do you prefer slow and steady returns as in bonds and debt markets? Examine your own tastes in music and sports. Do you prefer the classics to rap and metal music? Do you like to watch golf or F1 racing or prefer tennis to a football match? No doubt the choice is based on your personal interests and factors other than just your patience level, but it may give you a clue to your personal operating style which could have patience as dominating variable.

When we get impatient we also get irrational. We are then overpowered by irritation, annoyance and get easily provoked. That is when we attempt to speed up decisions leading to poor decision making, try to short circuit the system and end up messing things up and often lose our bearings and consequentially end up looking foolish and stupid. Worse still, impatience makes us lose time for in our hurry we botch up things and setting that right almost invariably takes double the original time frame. Patience is a virtue that will bring us peace of mind for then you will never be riled or ruffled.

Remember: “Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow – that is patience.”

Try these:

  1. Observe your own reaction when caught in the tail end of a line that does not seem to be moving or caught in slow moving traffic. How do you analyze the situation? Do you curse the people in front of you or do you simply work up a rage and abuse one and all or do you calmly use it as an opportunity to think and introspect or if in a car increase the volume of the music and make the best of a bad situation?
  2. Name 3 activities that you think really test your patience frequently.  What are the alternatives that will enable you to cope with that activity with least irritation and most profit?
  3. Ask yourself the following questions .Do you enjoy teaching children?  Do you think you can spend a couple of hours at the home for the aged or with mentally challenged people?  Can you work with slow learners or Alzheimer’s patients? If you answered yes to all of the above….GOD has BLESSED  you with the virtue of PATIENCE…please return the favor and go and volunteer in one of the above activities.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

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