Category: Be Positive

Be your own Sergeant Major

19-21- 17 Nov19-Be your own Sergeant Major

If you have never been part of the armed forces, which unfortunately most of us have never been part of, self discipline is always a challenge. This is because, we give in to temptations, make excuses, make light of authority, have no clear commitment and ignore all varieties of signals that suggest we be self disciplined, if we need to succeed. Perhaps the realization, that each of us is solely responsible for our own self discipline, is a key trigger to begin our journey of success. This means that each of us as to see ourselves as both the soldier and the sergeant major in charge of our life.

Every sergeant major uses both positive and negative energies to drive his soldiers to excellence. The negatives are the last option but unavoidable considering that the objective is excellence is the at the heart of winning any battle. To be your own personal sergeant major, the positives and negative energies that you must leverage are as under:

Visualize the positive outcomes – Visualize the end  result. As Steven covey says’ Begin with the end in mind’. Most people use the same technique when they start a diet plan or begin their gym routine. The challenge is to believe in the outcome even if there are no immediate visible changes. At the heart of it all is the need to be consistent and patient.

Be aware of the negative effects – While the positive end result can help one remain positive, the fear of the consequences of not being self disciplined can be a strong stick that drives one to be disciplined. This is largely seen in the case of academics, where even the most lethargic student makes at least a last minute effort to study for fear of failing. Being dropped from a team is not exactly what a competitive individual would want. Perhaps a fear of that could push her/ him to take practice , coaching and fitness very seriously even if they are not particularly enthused.

Find motivators – Motivators will attract your enthusiasm like a magnet. Seek out the small advantages, benefits, rewards that your actions will bring in. Let these motivators pull you towards making the efforts required even if they are boring, tiresome and painful.

Avoid excuses – While motivators can pull, the danger is the excuses that have an overbearing negative influence in propping up our lethargy, casualness and indifference. The net result is we end up succumbing to the various excuses that we imagine or those that sinfully entice us. One has to be mentally stronger than the excuses that keep popping up and prevent us from doing what needs to be done.

Embrace the process – Notice the small changes. Appreciate the positive difference that you feel when you overcome all excuses and stick to your plans. Relish the self discipline that you have consciously adopted. Be glad you chose the right way to forge ahead.

Fear is the key – When lethargy, temptation, excuses keep tugging away and entice you away from your discipline, be aware of the consequences. Let the fear of the ill effects kill your temptations. You be your own sergeant major and kick your own butt to ensure you that you do not stray.

Remember that ‘Man is both the sculptor and the sculpture of his destiny. Chipping away the bad in us, is a very painful and never ending process. The end result though, would be an individual self that one would be very proud of.’

Try these:           

  • What are your 5 bad habits that you are seeking to overcome? What plan of action do you have for overcoming it?
  • What are the 3 good habits you would like to cultivate? Any plan of action for the same?
  • What are the 2 good routines you follow? Have you influenced anyone to learn from your routines?
  • Prepare your new year resolution and ensure you have a plan of action for 5 of them. By Dec 2020 notice how you managed to achieve the plan you listed, by being your own Sergeant Major.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Our purpose in life could be unique

Our purpose in life could be unique

Often friends and acquaintances have asked me what motivates me to write this blog. The quote today in many ways, aptly sums up the key motivation for me to write. I think, my writing and sharing matters to those who read it, especially those who have chosen to follow my blog and get the blog feed in their inbox. It is my belief, that I do make a difference, to many of those who read my blog. I am sure the same feeling is what drives others, be they artists, caregivers, teachers or volunteers to spend time pursuing what they do. For most a job is a job but for those driven to make a difference the value of their effort is never measured in numbers.

While engaging in what you do is at the core of how we inspire, ignite and spark the flame, what really makes the difference are the following:

Being passionate – Your passion and zeal are what generates the energy and motivation in those around you. Notice how a passionate teacher, a enthusiastic co-worker or a diligent boss energizes you do achieve the impossible. Go about your activities with enthusiasm, excitement and energy- you can be sure you will transmit it to those around. They will draw inspiration from you and that will ignite the spirit of enthusiasm in others.

Setting an example – Walking the talk is what sets the example for others to believe in and follow. It could be simple actions like carrying your own cloth bag or helping a challenged person cross the street or acknowledging someone who has done you a small favor. Being attentive to people who are talking to you, smiling when meeting a stranger on the subway or hotel lobby, being respectful to the waiter serving you are simple ways of setting an example especially to those who look up to you for the right values.

Encouraging – Everyone who falters on the first attempt tends to get discouraged. When they continuously slip they become despondent. They require encouragement. A clap, a word of encouragement, a wave of the hand in appreciation, a thumbs up, a pat on the back are little ways to fire up an individual. Next time you notice a first time speaker floundering, give him/ her a nod and a smile to indicate that they are doing good and just need to keep at it. It will make a difference to their performance. Have you realized how we encourage babies taking their first steps? We are more excited to see them making their first walk of faith. Yet, later we are the same people who do not share their passion for things they find amazing but those that do not meet our standards of sensibilities.

Listening – Have you ever noticed people, especially young kids talking in excitement? All they need is someone to listen to. Unfortunately most adults give them a casual hearing and often react with suggestions far removed from the tale the youngster is sharing. The simple act of listening and then responding with words of appreciation, encouragement and enthusiasm is what sparks and ignites the spirit of excellence in them.

Being non judgmental Many a time what others do may my complexly out of sync with our own tastes or sensibilities. However, we must suspend judgment and never react with our own views and thoughts. At times it takes time for us to understand the other person, many a time we cannot visualize what they can see and far too often we are too conservative to appreciate the risks others take. The best way to ensure the others are pepped up and given a nudge is by being non judgmental and being open minded to ideas, views, actions that may faze us temporarily. You may not really encourage because you cannot understand but do not discourage because you fail to understand the other person.

Try these:         

  • List out the three qualities of those people who have inspired you. Ensure one of them is a former teacher and if you have work experience, identify a former boss or colleague.
  • What is the one quality in you that others appreciate? Do you utilize that enough to inspire and enthuse those around you? What more can you do to fire the spark in people, especially children and youngsters?
  • Think of two instances where it was the example or encouragement of someone else that helped you reinvent yourself and achieve whatever you are proud of.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Self motivation – the key to success

Self motivation – the key to success

Motivation, like air, is something invisible yet omnipresent. Unlike air which we breathe automatically as long as one is alive, one has to strive to identify and embrace motivation. While there could be various types of external stimulus that could pave the way for motivation, genuine motivation comes from within. Intrinsic motivation, as it is known, is intense, long lasting and fuels commitment. Unfortunately, intrinsic motivation is extremely hard to identify. On the flip side, if one were to identify one’s intrinsic motivation, life would be much more enjoyable, work more passionately and success would follow seamlessly. The trick to a great life is finding that motivation, which spurs you to remain excited every moment of your life.

Here are some pointers to discovering / identifying your intrinsic motivation:

Look out for something that you like /appreciate: The moment you start liking and appreciating things, you will always see things in a positive, enjoyable, engaging light. Similarly, try to seek out the good in whatever you do. It is this wondrous approach to life, work and social requirements that gives you a natural ability to be charged up and excited all the time. E.g. Your job is not too taxing / your boss is tough but fair/ you have friendly colleagues / your family is most fun to be with / you have family routines that are unique etc.

Ask yourself What is unique/ exciting about this? At times, the drudgery, the routine, the boring aspects of one’s life and job gets us mentally bogged down. You will find it hard to be motivated. That is the time you will have to take a re-look at whatever you do and see if from a prism of optimism and possibilities. The small thrills of the job, the interesting outcomes despite the routine, the appreciation from others for doing your routine job well etc. are all triggers to remain self motivated. E.g. You are sought after by colleagues because you are able to organize fun events / You can make a routine circular about a picnic much more fun filled / you get to meet interesting people as part of your job / you get to learn / gain expertise in technical aspects of your job

Ask yourself ‘How will I make a unique contribution to this?’ Ask yourself if you can make your job and your life even more easy, exciting, different, fun filled etc. Initially it would be hard to see such possibilities but once you look for such possibilities, you will find that there are surprises awaiting discovery. E.g. How can I speed up the job/  Are there ways to have checks and balances to minimize errors in the job/ can I introduce automation or get a software developed to manage things better.

Ask yourself ‘ How can I add fun to this?’ Any job can be made fun provided you believe it can be fun. Even the most routine and boring tasks can be made exciting by a little creativity, a bit of daring and the willingness to believe in yourself. E.g. I have heard of a telephone operator who had a penchant for sketching draw up a sketch of frequent callers, who she never met, purely based on their voice. Her sketches, I am told a remarkable accuracy to the facial features of the subjects. Similarly, I was in a flight in which the boring pre departure in-flight announcement of wearing seat belts was made in the most hilarious manner by a flight attendant. Everyone paid attention, they were engaged and most importantly the message was delivered effectively.

Be grateful for the opportunities that you get. The art of being grateful makes us more tuned in to our inner self. We become aware of all the blessings we are endowed with. As a result we begin to value all we have with a greater sense of responsibility. This sense of responsibility automatically triggers motivation within us, because you now know that you have to keep doing what you go to do because it is a blessing denied to many. E.g. You get a promotion. Almost immediately you  realize that your commitment must be much more, your skill sets need to be finely honed and you are motivated to take on the challenge albeit even when it includes longer hours and even more challenges.

Try these:

  • What is your next target in your personal and professional life? Write it down and commit to it. Notice the motivation that spurts up once you write it down and commit to it.
  • Recall the most appreciative feedback you have received in your life. Does the recollection of these moments excite you and energize you?
  • What do you think motivates a lift man/ your house help / the delivery boy who delivers to your home/ the waiter who serves you? Do you remember any one of these people who you have interacted with? What was the special characteristics that she/ he displayed, that makes you recall the person?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Reminders to succeed

Reminders to succeed

Waking up each morning is easy; your biological clock does it for you albeit at a time when you really don’t want to wake up. The real challenge is to make the day worthwhile. Perhaps focusing on the following daily reminders would help enhance self belief, stimulate daring and prod  one to act decisively to achieve a set goal.

I am amazing – The greatest blessing an individual has is that s/he is blessed with a mind that can imagine the best. Unfortunately, there is a tendency to focus on the worst possibilities, perhaps as a way to minimize expectations and then feel happy with the mediocre successes that come our way. On the other hand once you start looking at the amazing gifts you are blessed with you gain in confidence, you seek out new ways of leveraging your potential, you do not get perturbed by negative feedback and you go that extra mile to achieve your dream. Once you see yourself as an amazing person, you will never let yourself fail to attempt the challenging but enticing possibilities that exist all around you.

I can do anything – Doubt kills more dreams than actual failure. This is a telling statement because very often we do not attempt simply because we doubt our capabilities. Once you believe that you are capable of doing anything you set your mind to, you will begin the task. Keep in mind that you need to be passionate enough to be able to achieve the near impossible because you can do anything only when you are truly obsessed by what you want. Can do anything does not mean you attempt what you are not prepared to put in more than a 100%. It also does not mean that you can get away by having rash, ostentatious and outlandish goals that have no correlation to your abilities, your will power and your determination. Of course you can attempt the impossible; just ensure it is not the miraculous you are aiming for.

Positivity is a choice – Each day will be unique. There will be good days and bad days, great moments and disappointments. However, each of us has a choice to treat the moment with respect. The great moments must be cherished, the disappointments viewed as opportunities to learn from and grow. Out attitude towards every event that punctuates our moments is what determines the choice of a positive response that we have consciously and proactively taken. Positive thinking and response is a choice we have and it is best we train ourselves to take that choice no matter how disappointing, despondent or miserable we feel. Turning those troubles into lessons is the best way to make positive choices.

I celebrate my individuality – Since we live in the times of competition, comparison and connection, there would be a tendency to imitate, copy and fit in with those around. While choosing to take the best from others is a wonderful way to grow, we must never forget that our individuality is what makes us unique. To maintain your unique identity and to leave your mark on this world focus on your strengths and leverage it while at the same time you try to minimize your weakness. At times showcasing your individuality may look out of place, it could evoke criticism, it could make you stand out like a sore thumb but at the end of the day, that is what makes you outstanding.

I am prepared to succeed –Success is never an accident. It is the outcome of focused, persistent, determined effort. Once can prepare to succeed by having the self belief in what one is doing, getting ahead through a planned, organized and phased action plan and having the right attitude to stick to your beliefs no matter what the obstacles. All these obviously means that you must be prepared to pay a price in terms of sacrificing time, money and sweat to toil in faith and hope.

If  you are ready to lead the way start now! No excuses; no fears; just hit the road running.

Try these:          

List out three of your most off beat ideas/ thoughts / passions. Ask yourself why you have not yet made that a mission in life?

What is the one unique trait that you are often appreciated / praised/ noticed / noted for? How have you leveraged it to succeed in life?

What are your three often used excuses? Can you replace those words with a positive phrase that can rejuvenate you to focus on your goals.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

 

Making dreams come true

Making dreams come true

All of us at various times have a wide variety of dreams and fantasies. There are some dreams that seem to come back with regularity and at times they also become day dreams. They are largely connected with happiness, success, achievement, appreciation, recognition and similar positive images. The problem is that for most of us, these remain pipe dreams that we do not translate into concrete achievements that can embrace those positive emotions. The problem is not with the dreams but our inability to cross the chasm between dreams and reality. The steps are crystal clear, the difficulty is our inertia. Overcome that inertia and do the following:

Turn dreams to goals – Wake up and if you can visualize your dream then you are definitely getting somewhere. Grab a pen and paper and jot down the dream not in a fanciful way but in a concrete pragmatic way.  E.g. you dreamt that you stood first in class. Reality is that currently you have a backlog and are in the bottom half of the class. Now to make your dream a goal, be pragmatic. Jot down your goal as ‘clear my back log and get 20 % more marks in all subjects than my previous score.’ Notice that your goal is more tangible than merely imagining standing first.

Break down every goal into action plans – This is even more crucial then jotting down your goal. Now you are making your goal a SMART goal by being more Specific about the steps to be taken (how will you plan a study time table, what subjects would you pay more attention too etc.) , Using a Measure ( in this case score), ensuring that it is Attainable ( you should not try to achieve ridiculous things beyond your ability like saying scoring 80% in all subjects because current performance standards are way below that), be Realistic ( if you are currently studying  only on the previous day of the exam it would be foolhardy to imagine yourself studying for 8 hours every day ) and ensure your goal is clearly Time bound. Of course, the example given is for an average person but there could be people who have a much more steely resolve and the ability to cope with bigger challenges that they map out for themselves.

Take action – All the goals and action plans turn to successful results only when one takes the action required. Taking action means you need to find the right motivation ( ideally intrinsic motivation), develop the right attitude ( avoid all distractions, remain focused, do not give into temptations ) and remain enthusiastic ( reward yourself for the small success you encounter when you stick to your action plans) and then do what you have to do to achieve your goal ( in this case regular study, practice regularly, revise frequently, )

Try these:          

  1. List out three personal weaknesses you want to overcome. Now write down your smart goals to achieve it and see tangible results in the next 3 months.
  2. Write down your goals and action plan for the following:
  • To increase your savings
  • To improve your fitness
  • To minimize your social media addiction
  • To develop your social circle

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Choose joy

Choose joy

Happiness is a choice that you make every moment of your life. You are reading this possibly because you are happy to read it. Possibly you are reading this post to divert yourself from some pressing worries. Perhaps you are reading this because you hope to be inspired or your get to learn some new words or simply because it appeared in your inbox and you are curious to know what it is all about. Whatever be your reason to read, it better be a conscious choice but more importantly it must be a choice that makes you feel happy. Choosing joy is not an option but a compulsion because the world around has enough and more challenges, worries and problems that will engulf you and joy is that antidote to cope with it.

Finding joy is not as complicated as one may think, considering the numerous challenges one faces daily. It is all about adopting /embracing the right mix of self belief, attitude, optimism and being pragmatic.

Self belief It is the belief that you are blessed with choices and that you will choose the right path as long as you can visualize joy at the end of it. E.g. A student has studied well but unfortunately gets a very tough question paper. Despite the possibility of not faring well or even failing, he/ she refuses to copy because in her/ his eyes that would be cheating. It is the self belief that no matter what the outcome, I will remain true to my character and values.

Attitude – It is how one approaches each moment and the changing landscape that makes life so unpredictable. E.g. The student referred to in the previous point can become despondent that all her/ his efforts are in vain or can choose to look at the challenges as a learning to put even more effort or to be more selective in what is being studied. The attitude decides how one embraces joy no matter what the situation.

Optimism – It is seeing the bright side of things. Even in the darkest hours look for a glimmer, a ray of sunshine or at least a twinkling star. E.g. The student who gets a tough paper must make an effort to attempt the paper and be optimistic that her/ his effort will give a favorable outcome. The assumption of course is that the student has studied well and so can put in a decent effort.

Pragmatic – Choosing joy is always the result of pragmatic thinking. If the situation is hopeless it is better to embrace it stoically rather than in grief and despondency. E.g. The student can keep wondering and hurting that all his/ her efforts are in vain or could lament his/ her fate. On the other hand of one is practical look at the tough exam paper as an eye opener on how one must be better prepared. Focus in doing one’s best using all the knowledge gained through the hard work put in. If the paper has been uniformly tough for everyone, chances of those giving it a great shot passing are much higher. Giving up and not answering is a pragmatic but wasted effort as the outcome is now never in doubt.

Try these:          

  1. Can you recollect two of your most terrifying moments in your life? What were your reactions? How did you overcome the situation?
  2. You arrive at the airport for a much awaited foreign holiday. The airport suddenly announces that all flights are cancelled due to major technical glitch at the airport. It is peak holiday season and you can never get a booking again.  What will be your response to the situation? How will you choose joy after the initial shock and despondency?
  3. How would you react to the following situations?
  • The police has issued a fine for over speeding. The car was being use by your friend when the incident occurred which was captured on CCTV.
  • You dropped your phone accidentally and by mistake a passerby stomped on it with her spike heels. The screen is shattered.
  • You go for a health check up and the doctor says you need a specialized check up for what the doctor suspects is rather serious ailment.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

What is meant to be will always find its way

What is meant to be will always find its way

As we approach the last month of the year, there is a tendency to look back at the year gone by and reminiscence about the good, the bad and the ugly that happened to us. There would be moments of pain that we recall, there would be ecstatic moments which send our spirits soaring high and there would be some frustrations that are irritating to recall. However, what we find toughest to cope with are the moments of regrets that overwhelm us; we desperately wish then that we could turn the clock back and redo things differently. This lingering feeling of haplessness; of missing out on opportunities to change our destiny keep haunting us for a much longer time. In this time of reminiscence, one must also keep in mind the reality that ‘what is meant to be will always find its way’ just as in the picture above, the quaint flowers bloom along a forlorn, deserted, almost arid sidelines of the railway track.

Once we awaken to this profound truth that ‘what is meant to be will always find its way’ we would be less delusional, more practical and certainly more optimistic that the best is yet to come. This in no way means that you can sit back and wait for good fortune to parachute into your life. Instead, it is an exhortation that we must continue to give of our best and the fruits of our labor will be sweet and plentiful, when the time comes. The year gone by would have had its shares of ups and downs but our focus must be on the highs in our life, the hopes that we have for the times ahead and we must inbuilt in us, the ability to visualize the fruits of success. Dreams give you a reason to aspire, a focus to aim at and a pinnacle to scale. Life will no longer be arid, parched and infertile. We will plant the seeds of hope, water it with faith, nurture it with diligence and reap the fruits in abundance.

Patience is the one virtue that each one must cultivate. No seed sprouts overnight to grow into a plant. Similarly, all our actions, our sacrifices our energies will bear fruit only when the time is ripe. Of course, it is assumed that we align our actions with reality and not dig wells where there is no semblance of water. It is also good to keep in mind that often we are bestowed with what we can really cope with, manage efficiently and accept with good cheer. Plant seeds of hope, faith and good cheer in your heart and let your mind and body help you plough your life ahead. When the time comes, gather the flowers, fruits and produce and share it. You will receive what you deserve sooner than later. It may not be in a form or shape that you expect but it is yours for the picking if you look for it.

Try these:           

  • List names of 5 people who you know personally. One must be a family member, the other a colleague, an acquaintance, a neighbor and a person who assists you in some way (house help / liftman / security guard/ gardener etc.)
  • Can you recollect the best moment you had last week. What do you think will be the most wonderful thing that can happen to you before the month end?
  • If someone gifted you Rs.1,000 what will you do with it before the month end?
  • How will you view things if your wallet got stolen and it had Rs.5,000?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

 

Brand your life

Brand your life

With Deepawali around the corner, it is but natural that shopping is high on the priority list of those celebrating Deepawali, especially Indian’s the world over. Add to the fervor the numerous advertisements by online and offline advertisers all displaying a humongous range of visually  pleasing merchandise.  The buyer is bedazzled with the choices but stumped when it comes to decision making. Eventually, the chances of branded goods being purchased are much higher than non branded goods. The reasons are simple; there is reasonable guarantee of quality, reasonable price, committed delivery and a reasonable return/ exchange policy if not satisfied. It is the brand that simply triggers these convictions. Is it not time for you to build your personal brand so that when you interact with others, they have a similar trust, faith, expectation and confidence in you?

For ordinary individuals, personal branding is all about cultivating a holistic, honest and heartwarming identity. It is different from an image created by film hero’s / heroines or rock stars / sports person and celebrities who have a purely marketing angle to their individual branding. For ordinary folks like you and me, personal branding is conveying ourselves honestly to a world that will recognize our worth and respect us for our candor and acceptable demeanor.

The tools for personal branding are simple, easy and inexpensive.

For lips – Truth – Practice the art of being truthful however much the urge to tell a lie because of fear, jealousy, envy or other compulsions like protecting someone. Obviously it won’t be easy but if you set your own standards, you will never have to think twice about your course of action. More importantly, the world will know what you stand for and what to expect. Your brand is build immediately.

For Voices – Prayer – Unlike a ritual, which is often the norm for organized religion, a simple prayer is acknowledgement of thanks for the blessings in life, a earnest plea for the grace of acceptance of the challenges, a request for fortitude to cope with the challenges and most of all it is seeking blessings for those around us for their continued well being. Action is the bed rock of prayer; it requires one to do something for self, for others and for the world at large be it participating in alleviating the pain and /or poverty or spreading good cheer or doing good deeds. Work is worship and prayer in action. Your prayers in action help build your brand

For eyes – Sympathy – Concern for others helps one sympathize and empathize with the challenges people around us are coping with. Hopefully this realization will spur us on to engage in translating our concern and sympathy into tangible action. Your actions will be noticed and your brand will be recognized.

For hands – Charity – Doling out money is the easiest thing a person with means can do. Real charity is in sparing time and spending it doing something worthwhile for others who require our charity. Simple things like spending time with the aged, the sick, the lonely by visiting hospitals / orphanages/ prisons is all that is required. However, it is a commitment and that commitment is the brand that you will be recognized for.

For heart – Love Falling in love with those who we like is easy; the tough part is to love those who are difficult to deal with, those who do not value us, those who we despise. It could be pesky neighbors, difficult colleagues, hard to please bosses, your nemesis. At times it is worse because it could be a troublesome family member or an irritating friend. Love is all encompassing; it should overlook faults, be unconditional and above all be genuine. Your brand will reflect in the ever widening circle of friends and well wishers around you.

For face – Smile – The simplest of all form of personal brand building. A smile costs nothing. It is the curve that helps straighten out things. Your smile is the outward reflection of your inner beauty. It is the brand that you wear on your face. View it differently and your SMILE translates into See My Instant Life Energizer.  http://poweract.blogspot.com/2010/01/smile.html

Try these:       

  • Out of the above which are the two strongest aspects that define your personal brand? Which are the two weakest aspects on which you will work hard to ensure your personal brand is top class.
  • Identify a person whose brand image you closely identify with i.e. you share similar traits or values.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

 

It is ok to be not ok

It is ok to be not ok

At times events that happen to us or around make us feel overwhelmed. At these times each of us is caught in a bind, wondering if it is ok to give in to your natural feelings like anger, hurt, frustration etc. that the event has triggered or to try your best to be stoic, dispassionate and pretend to be brave. Often we prefer to embrace the latter, more to prove our own ability to cope rather than let our defenses down and spill out our deepest emotions. There is also the added pressures from the do- gooders around, who whisper gently that one needs to control his/ her emotions and not succumb to fear, frustration, anger, hurt and loneliness. Unfortunately, one cannot be completely divorced of personal emotions and reality demands that expelling pent up emotions is a good way to get rid of unwanted toxic feelings from within.

Hence there is nothing wrong in getting angry, upset, confused or feeling stuck up, lonely, hurt or to give in to a good crying spell. In short, it is perfectly ok not to be ok.

However, there is a risk that by regularly giving in to our negative emotions, we may become susceptible to adopting a ‘poor me’ syndrome. One needs to be watchful against undervaluing one’s self, looking at life from a all that goes wrong and not being able to enjoy the countless bounty one is blessed with. This is the point at which some of us begin to wage war with ourselves by finding fault in happenings that are not to our liking or events that come as a set back or by craving for what we do not have or aspire too. The thinking is skewed; the feeling of not having enough, the tendency to blame self, family, circumstances and fate are all symptomatic of a person at war with himself/ herself.

The antidote to this is threefold:

Do not bottle up your feelings – give release to your emotions. It is perfectly alright to feel down, hurt, depressed, sad, unhappy, anxious, worried and weepy. There are moments when we need to align our behavior with the feelings that are overtaking us. By giving vent to those feelings we are exhaling those toxic emotions and cleansing ourselves from within. The toxicity exhaled will be replaced by positive feelings of hope, acceptance, courage, determination and self belief. It is a cleansing of the mind and body that helps rejuvenate the spirit.

Do not overreact to circumstances – At the other end of the spectrum is a tendency to overreact to unforeseen, unfortunate and unforgiving circumstances that occasionally transgress into our peaceful existence. Since change is a constant in everyone’s life it is obvious that sooner or later each of us will have to deal with pain, fear, illness, failure and death. The problem is when we overreact and see our problems as disastrous, calamitous and unending. Bringing a sense of proportion and balance is the only way to deal with circumstances that we do not want to face but have overtaken us. So while giving in to our feelings and reacting to it without bottling it up is perfectly in order, over reacting and getting emotionally irrational would be a self inflicted disaster.

Find value in your current circumstances – No matter what the circumstance you face, look around and see that there are a people courageously coping with even more calamitous problems. In comparison it would occur to us that we are much more blessed in that our problems are relatively easy to cope with. The best way to cope with any form of emotional pain is to look it is from a point of view of what do we still have despite all that is happened. Seek out value that makes tomorrow worth looking forward to. E.g. a student who has failed can still count on his parents, friends and teachers supporting him despite them possibly criticizing him / her initially. Failure then is not the end of the world but a temporary blip in life.  An even more extreme example is the purported reaction of Thomas Alva Edison, whose life’s work was charred to ashes when his house went up in flames. His reaction was, as he said the ‘opportunity to observe the biggest fire he had ever seen in his life’. Subsequently when asked about the loss of all his years of research, he is purported to have quipped ‘ now I can start again with a clean slate’.

Try these:           

  • What were the two most challenging / trying/ painful experiences you encountered? How did you cope with it?
  • Share with us links or documents of 2 inspirational articles or stories or videos of people who have coped with their most challenging problems. You can email them to us at actspot@gmail.com

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

The elimination diet

The elimination diet

The focus of a healthy diet is largely on what is good to eat and then on eliminating what must be avoided. To have a healthy mind and body a similar approach must be taken with emphasis on the emotions and feelings over which must exercise control and eliminate. That in turn will give space for healthy emotions and feelings to fill up and expand the quality of one’s life. The following unhealthy emotions must be eliminated so that one can have ample space to plant and nurture good emotions.

Anger – Anger they say is one letter short of danger. It is an emotion that is relatively easily provoked, often over trivial’s and frequently indulged in when the opposite party is a loved one who we often take for granted. The hacks to control anger include taking deep breaths, delaying any response to any provocation, responding instead of reacting, walking away from a potentially explosive situation etc. (Read more about Anger by clicking on the following link – https://actspot.wordpress.com/category/anger/ )

Regret – Looking back hoping things could have been different will never change the reality that you are in. Regrets only open up old wounds, create dissatisfaction with the present and drains a person emotionally. By eliminating regret, the focus shifts to the blessings of the present and using the opportunities available will open the doors to progress and success.  ( Read more about regret by clicking on the following link- https://actspot.wordpress.com/category/regrets/ )

Resentment – By hating someone and harboring thoughts of revenge all one is doing is fueling resentment for another. Resentment merely saps our energies by diverting it to imaginary, non productive and a dangerous path of self destruction. It is best to let bygones be bygones. Avoid people or situations that have got you grief so that you do not have to keep wondering about getting even. Instead focus on how you can succeed despite all the obstacles that you have had to face.

Guilt – While you may have some regrets about your behavior or the harm you caused others never let that guilt keep gnawing at your conscience. Ideally be brave enough to apologize and confess your mistake so that the slate is wiped clean. If you let guilt shadow you, the rest of your life you will be leading with one eye behind to see if the shadow is still around. It will slow down your effectiveness, make you less of a risk taker and send you on frivolous guilt trips that drain out your mental peace and energies.

Blame – Blame is the antithesis of responsibility. Blame is merely a way to pass on the buck. The responsibility is often never fixed on the right shoulders, the problems remain and blame only offers temporary let off. A blame game is the only game where there are no winners merely poor losers. It can also create animosity and bad blood leading to broken relationships. Occasionally blame also brings with it a fair share of guilt too. Growing up takes place when one is willing to shoulder responsibility; blame won’t nurture that.

Worry – Worry they say is like sitting on a rocking chair- lots of movement but not going anywhere. Worry never solves problems. It becomes a millstone round the neck that weighs a person down from performing her/ his best. Worry also triggers a wide variety of ill health physically, mentally and emotionally. It is best to embrace the reality and move on with life. The past cannot be changed; why waste time worrying over it. The future  is there for you to utilize; how about planning, thinking, working on making a wonderful future. ( To read more click on the following – https://actspot.wordpress.com/tag/worry/ and https://actspot.wordpress.com/category/past-2/ )

Try these:

  1. Make a list of the anger, regret, resentment, guilt, blame, worry that you still have within you. After writing it put the list in a small box and put the box away. It can help detoxify you from these negative emotions that you have held so long in your heart.
  2. When was the last time you did the following:
  • Apologized to someone who you had wronged
  • Let go of a guilt.
  • Forgave someone who had wronged you.
  • Took the blame for someone else’s mistake
  • Worried about something that never happened

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com