Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Fear’ Category

21- 11 June 17- DisciplineIt is tough to be disciplined without supervision because falling prey to the lure of something more agreeable often overrides our deepest desires. Invariably it is a third party with authority, like a parent, a teacher, a coach, a boss who can forcefully discipline us. Unfortunately, we cannot have such authoritarian figures around us all the time, hence we have to make our inner most urge and our conscience our self appointed disciplinarians. The trick is to find ways and means to identify what we want most and super impose it on what we want now, so that we do what is needed to be done most, now!

Have goals – Each of us has to make the effort of having various goals for the varied dimensions of our life. Having a passion that will become a profession would be an ideal long term goal. However, profession is just one dimension of our life and finding our passion is in itself a challenging goal. In addition to a professional goal, each individual must also have a financial, social, personal, and academic goal. Goals enable one to have focus and a purpose. These will define the actions you take that will bring you closer to each goal that you have set. Remember that there is also a time element that has a major bearing on how much of the goal you achieve. E.g. the earlier you start to save, there is higher chance of having a larger savings.

Have milestones for each goal – While goals provide a focal point, often they seem to distant and we begin to think that we have ample time to reach those goals. On the other hand if one has short duration milestones which together enable you to reach your long term goal, it will help you focus on what needs to be done the most now. E.g. If your goal is to score an aggregate of X marks, you have to further break it down into the marks to be scored in each subject and then allocate time for studies for the respective subjects. You may even have to allot time for breaks for yourself so that you can relax, distress and recharge yourself.

Measure progress – While making goals and milestones is relatively easy, the key to progress is by measuring how much you have achieved. This will force you to do what needs to be done, make you aware of how well you are faring and give you a realistic picture of how realistically you will achieve your long term goals. Measuring progress will also help you revise your plans, revise your milestones and action plans so that you are able to progress towards your goals.

Make fear an allay – The goal gives you the focus, the milestones help you make progress and the measurement of your progress will provide you both the carrot and the stick for self discipline. The stick comes in the form of fear. If you are lagging behind, it will definitely give you a jolt for you will have put in extra efforts to attain your goal. This will automatically make you more disciplined. The stick called fear will be your ally in making you realize if you have drawn up a realistic goal or if you have majorly slipped in being disciplined.

Visualize success sweeter – The carrot that the measurement of progress provides is in the form of joy and satisfaction with the progress you are making. This in turn motivates you to continue to be disciplined because you have already tasted the sweetness of success. Self discipline becomes etched in your psyche because you know it is the most rewarding habit that you can form.

‘Fear will force you to be self disciplined; success will make you addicted to self discipline. Use both these forces to be self disciplined so that you can say NO to what is not to be done now and instead DO what has to be done now so that you attain what you want MOST.

Try these

  1. Make a list of all the pending jobs that you have as of now. It should include official work, personal work, leisure time activity, your family time activity etc. Now regroup them under some meaningful categories, perhaps on the same lines as mentioned above i.e. personal work, official work, family related etc. Are you in a better position to focus on the urgent and important work listed? Do not make this a onetime activity but use it as a tool to be updated and profited from.
  2. List out the following
  • Three instances where you had to pay a price for not being self disciplined.
  • Three activities that you dislike but cannot avoid.
  • Three instance where you felt really happy that you were self disciplined.
  • Three activities that you love but cannot indulge in.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

17- 14 May 17-Discover yourselfThe first step is to believe you are unique… different from your siblings, your twin and from every other human being ever created or to be created. Once you realize this, it should be a strong motivator for you to leverage your uniqueness and showcase your identity to the world. Far too often we associate academic or sporting brilliance at an early age as a sure sign of future success. The reality is that with few exceptions, most of those who showed early promise could not cope with the pressures of the world or did not have the nerve to move out of their comfort zone and make a unique mark. Of course the word successful is relative. As long as you use your talents, promise and abilities to become someone better than anyone hoped you would, it could be a fair indicator of talent. A better measure would be if you are happy with what you have achieved and do not have any regrets about not fulfilling your promise, that would be real success.

To become what you are capable of, focus on these:

Believe in yourself – Have the confidence that you have it in you to do something special. While academic excellence could boost your chances of doing well, it is actually the self belief, the discipline and the passion that one brings in, that opens the doors to achievement and success. Self belief also fortifies you against nay-sayers, the critics, those who discourage you and those who constantly belittle your progress. Self belief gives you the energy to carry on when progress seems slow or non-existent and when obstacles and failures occasionally threaten to derail your plans.

Be prepared to learn – Every type of formal learning as well the experiences of each passing day, gives invaluable practical learning. The challenge is to be open minded and willing to soak in the learning. Occasionally the learning can be tough and painful; other times it can be easy and simple. The key is to seek out the learning each day and put it into practice by adopting / adapting good practices and giving a wide berth / avoiding the bad practices.

Be prepared to fail – Failure is an essential requirement for success, for it is the true measure that explains life’s uncertainties and challenges.  It also prepares one to anticipate troubles, teaches one to think creatively, toughens one to face adversities and most of all it helps one to realize one’s own potential, passion and purpose. Failure is also a sure sign that one is trying and doing something and not merely day dreaming.

Be prepared to take risks –Although one is prepared to fail, there is always the psychological barrier that often limits us from daring, moving out of our comfort zone and taking the big leap. Many a time it is the outcome of ‘paralysis by analysis’. Other times it is simply because the going is good and so why test one’s potential attitude. Unless one thirsts for success, enhances one’s benchmark, craves to make a mark, the risk taking ability remains dormant. Visualizing the big picture, focusing on the ultimate goal and challenging yourself are the best ways to take risks and realize one’s latent potential.

Keep going – There could be setbacks, you could get tired and discouraged and occasionally the mind would waver and set in motion negative thoughts. Pause but do not stop. Catch your breath, reinforce your zeal, get inspired by your vision, be motivated by the challenge you have taken up and keep going.

You have a point to prove to yourself; to be somebody nobody thought you could be !

Try these:

  1. List out the 5 – 10 things you were keen on doing but which others discouraged you from doing or that which people said was beyond your capability. Now choose one which you are still passionate about and set yourself a deadline and a plan of action to achieve it. Begin now.
  2. If you have an audience, what is the one ability that you can showcase and grab their attention? It could be a magic/ card trick, an exquisite piece of musical talent, it could be mimicry, cartooning or painting or sketching, telling your favorite joke in your own unique style, creating your own limerick instantaneously etc.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

6-6-feb-17-what-is-your-excuseExcuses come naturally to us. It is our defense mechanism against inertia, criticism and failure. Part of the reason is our upbringing. As children, if we were encouraged, appreciated and motivated chances are that we minimize excuses and focus on getting results. On the other hand, if as children we were discouraged from exploring, criticized for failing and shouted at for the mess created rather than appreciated for the outcome, excuses are the only shield we have to take refuge under. Unfortunately, over time, excuses become an extension of our personality and we rationalize every unsavory action of ours with creative excuses, most times merely fooling ourselves.

Once we remove excuses from our lexicon the benefits are enormous; just try it and see the difference.

You begin to dare/ explore – Fear of failure and criticisms are the two red flags that often derail our hopes and ambitions. We limit our actions to only those that we are sure will succeed, those that meet approval of peers and elders and those that are tried and tested. We have ready excuses for anything untoward. Give up excuses and then you become more daring and start exploring options that you are passionate about. Success and failure are just milestones/ markers along the way not millstones that weigh you down.

You discover hidden potential – You give expression to your passion, move out of your comfort zone and discover talents and potential that remained dormant within you. You do not have to rationalize your actions or the consequences; no excuses for anything; you take responsibility. Dare do win is your only motto.

You become creative – When failure is not a fear, when justification is not needed, then excuses have no place in your lexicon. You can give expression to your inner spirit, the vivid imagination you have, the adventure of a lifetime with you owing no one an explanation or justification. No excuses needed; more life explored; fun and failure is just a phase of life but the process is what brings the thrill.

You do not fear failure – If at first you don’t succeed you just begin to try again. If you find that you were following the wrong trail in life, all you need to do is change tracks with no excuses for your actions or the past. No fear of failure comes from the freedom of not having to explain or justify or give excuses.

You succeed – Success is not just a destination; it is actually the enjoyment of the journey. The destination is merely a marker in life that tells us how far we have come. Every moment is a challenge, so also an opportunity to make life more colorful and meaningful. When we leave behind the baggage of excuses to be given we are no longer weighed down by expectations, More importantly we are on a journey in which we set the pace, the destination and the breaks. Every move forward is success for we have traversed ahead. No excuses, no regrets, no failures, no finish line.

Try these:

  1. How can you color up the monotony of your work life, personal life and social life? Be creative, be daring, explore and act.
  2. Find creative ways to do the following:
  • Overcoming a bad habit / addiction
  • Becoming more productive in the work place and at home
  • Surprising friends and family
  • Overcoming an inhibition or fear
  • Picking up a good habit
  • Increasing your savings every month

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

35-pain-changes-people

Broadly pain comes in two types- physical pain and emotional pain. Both types of pain are tough to deal with. However, the emotional pain is often the one most tough to cope with, because the emotional pain hurts from inside and is much more difficult to overcome. The physical pain can at times be excruciating too and equally difficult to cope with. The challenge of emotional pain is that it provokes questions like why me? What if? Will it change my life for the worse? Can I ever cope with it? that makes it hard for an individual to find satisfactory answers to. The result is that emotional pain triggers in us a negative attitude to people, lose confidence in ourselves and a ‘poor me’ syndrome overwhelms us.

Emotional pain is non physical pain. This means that the pain is felt in the head and heart. Death of a loved is the most common emotional pain but since death is a reality everyone has to deal with, most people can get over this pain over time. Of course there are exceptions like the sudden death of young person or the sudden death of a dear pet. However, emotional pain felt when a marriage breaks down or when one gets an unexpected pink slip or one is made aware of a serious ailment is much more difficult to handle. The most common response to emotional pain are as under:

Trusting less: Emotional pain, especially if it is the result of a disconnect with another person be it a lover/ spouse or employer would seriously affect the aggrieved party/ parties and would often result in them at least temporarily losing their confidence in other people. This means that going forward, it takes them time to let go of the past, are always wary of people around especially new people and would never make a commitment to a relationship personal/ professional without being circumspect about the future.

Thinking more:  Emotional pain always magnifies the problem in the eyes of the aggrieved person. It also makes a person think of various worse case scenarios, make them interject varied negative possibilities to a possible solution and largely make them feel victimized. The over thinking limits their vision to see effective alternative solutions. It also adds to their mental turmoil and consequently  it impacts their personal, social and professional  life.

Becoming a recluse:  People who are emotionally pained tend to become recluse. They shun social contact, prefer their own solitude and face psychological trauma. They find it hard to connect with people for they trust less, think more and believe that no one can help them. They wallow in self pity, have delusions/ fears of a second wave of trauma and adapt to solitude for company. Unfortunately that also means they have lesser chances of picking themselves out of their emotional rut.

Pain changes people. Life becomes harder; living even tougher and at times dying seems like a perfect escape.

Be aware of the dangers of letting emotional pain overwhelm us and make us irrational. As long as there is life there is hope. Listen to both your inner reason and to the advice of well meaning friends. Learn to trust your instincts as well as the voice of love and reason of your loved ones who would do all within their power to help you overcome your trauma. Do not cut yourself from the world around; remember man is a social animal and your best chance to be emotionally stable would be by interacting with others. After all sharing joy doubles it and sharing grief halves it.

Try these:

  1. List out 3 painful moments of your life. How did you react to each of these moments? Do you still feel that pain even today or has time helped you overcome the pain?
  2. So which of the following emotional baggage are you still carrying with you
  • Having a breakup
  • Having a dear one insult/ hurt you
  • Hearing a rude/ disrespectful / sarcastic comment about yourself
  • Being let down / cheated  by a dear friend / colleague
  • Being forced to sacrifice your ethics in order to succeed

How did the above effect you. What have you done to regain your confidence after facing the above?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

24-The grass is green whenSo what stopping you from having a wonderful life? Ah we can list out a number of problems, obstacles, difficulties, circumstances to justify our quarrel with the life we lead. The real problem, alas, is that we focus on what others have instead of valuing and nurturing the life we are blessed with. Everyone has some issues, some challenges and certainly some complaints with their own life but notice the people who are contented, happy and carefree and you will realize that they are no different from the rest of us. However, they have made a small adjustment in their life; they have decided to make the best of what they have. They simply water the patch they have and make it greener after preparing the field for a bumper crop.

Till the soil – The ground needs to be tilled well. This will help remove the weeds. It will aerate the soil. Do this to your mind. Remove the negativity, the guilt, the fears that you have. Fill the mind with positive images of what you want, how you will design it, the little actions you need to take to achieve your dreams and experience the positive energy that seeps in through the kind into your whole being. Just focus on what you want. E.g. Think of the next holiday. Do you want to to go abroad or to a destination within the country? Would you like it to be the countryside, the beach front, mountain terrain etc. Now work out a plan and get working on it by putting it down on paper and start looking up/ reading up about the place, the travel routes, the fares, the cost of accommodation etc.

Plant the seeds – Now that you have tilled the soil it is time for you to plant the right seeds. Decide on what you want to grow. It must be suitable to the soil, the weather and your abilities to cultivate it.  E.g. Decide on a specific destination for the holiday. What makes the destination so appealing? Think of an occasion (anniversary) or time (holiday that you and your family can take) to go there.  How will you mange the budget for the holiday?

Add fertilizers and pesticides – This is critical, for it is the step that ensures you get a good bumper crop.  With fertilizers you nourish the soil and with pesticides you protect the crop. E.g. You choose the right hotels to stay; ensure you have clearly outlined your travel plans in each destination, you earmark the tourist spots to visit and also what you would want to avoid. You ensure you pack the right clothes for the season and also ensure you don’t carry an overload which would be too heavy to carry or which can be fined for excess baggage.

Water regularly – While you may have done the hard work, the produce is still a long way off from being harvested. In the interim one must regularly water the soil. This would also include pruning if required, transplanting where applicable and weeding too if there are too many weeds. E.g. Till the date of the trip you will fine tune your plans. Perhaps you may decide to skip a destination and spend more time in one of the destinations you budgeted less time for. More importantly you keep regularly saving to ensure you have the means to make the trip a memorable one.

Enjoy the labor and the produce – You harvest your bumper crop and realize that all the cynicism that you had earlier was misplaced. Your worries and doubts limited you earlier but with those impediments removed upfront, you actually have accomplished much more than what you imagined. E.g. You trip is memorable not just because it worked clockwork but also because you did what you just envied others do. When you kept working on your patch and watering it regularly your patch became greener too. The pictures and videos you bring back refresh your memory and help you relive the holidays again. Maybe you also make your neighbors and friends wee bit envious too!

Try these:

  1. If you had 10 minutes to do things before you die, what are the 5 things you will do? Can you utilize some points from the above reading to water those 5 patches you just listed.
  2. How would you utilize the inputs from the above to
  • Add value to your current work profile
  • Make your personal and family life even more fulfilling
  • Plan your retirement
  • Chase a dream
  • Expand your personal growth
  • Positively influence your family members, colleagues at work and your friends.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

23- Five things to quitOften people wonder what they need to do to set things right in their life. Perhaps each of us is guilty of indulging in one or more of the following, as a result of which we fail to realize our full potential.

Trying to please everyone:  We find it difficult to disappoint people. So we agree to the plans set by others even at the cost of having to make major adjustments that could impact our plans. In some cases we commit, although we are aware that we may not be able to honor our commitment. As a result we get annoyed with ourselves for giving in when we really should not have. We start resenting those who forced us into agreeing with their plans. We feel overburdened and pressurized. At times we fail to meet our commitments because we were busy trying to accommodate others.. You cannot accommodate everyone! Learn to say NO if the situation warrants it

Fearing Change: Everyone loves the status quo because we have reasonable control over what is happening. Change is therefore looked upon as potential danger, a possible threat and a definite inconvenience. We therefore find out excuses to avoid change of any sort. Actually change offers us opportunities to discover our potential, holds out promise to leap frog into something more spectacular and can often also help get away from the drudgery and irritable aspects of the existing  situation. Bear in mind that Change is the only constant in life.

 Living in the past: The good old days are symptomatic of how we get entrapped in the cage of the past. Perhaps life was simpler then but we take for granted the gifts of progress that has made our life a wee bit more comfortable. Living in the past also weighs us down from soaring and embracing new opportunities and possibilities. The past cannot be undone nor can it be re lived. While we may reminiscence about it off and on, we cannot let the past make us a prisoner of it. As Longfellow elucidates eloquently in his poem the Psalm of Life ‘Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!    Let the dead Past bury its dead!  Act,— act in the living Present!    Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Putting yourself down :  From childhood we are taught to be modest and humble. This is a good quality to imbibe. However, when we let our modesty envelope us, we begin to shy away from praise and appreciation. We feel embarrassed when others laud our achievements. At times we try to play down our contribution so much so that we try to draw attention of others to what we could have done better and how we didn’t do enough. Accept credit with humility; showcase your achievements with pride; enjoy the accolades you deserve.  

Overthinking : We do not achieve as much as we possibly can for one simple reason. We think too much about the what’s and if’s and but’s instead of working in earnest. We worry about people’s reactions to our bold initiatives. We worry about failure and that dampens our enthusiasm. We think about fool proofing our initiatives and therefore never get around to launching our ideas. We worry about the past and the mistakes we made. We think about the future and feel insecure. Thinking before acting is definitely a must but it is the over thinking and consequent ‘paralysis by analysis’ syndrome that we must be watchful of. Do not become a prisoner of your negative thoughts.

It is time you got over these personality traits that limit you from realizing your true potential!

Try these:

  1. List out 5 things that you always wanted to do but did not attempt because you lacked confidence or because you worried about failure or were too concerned about the reactions of others. Put a deadline and attempt any 2 in the next 6 months.
  2. List out 5 of your worst fears. How many of them do you think you are likely to encounter in the coming year. Do you know of anyone who has confronted the fear you are terrified of and can you learn from how they coped with it?
  3. Assuming you won a lottery ( you just might if you dare to invest in a lottery ticket) of Rs. 1,00,000 how would you utilize the proceeds?  Are you already thinking that you don’t have that kind of luck or that this is a hypothetical question and you don’t want to even think about it.?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

13- 6 June 15 FreedomBy and large each individual would like to be unfettered from the expectations of others, have the courage to live their dream and be insulated from the barbs, the criticism, the finger pointing and the ‘I told you so ‘reactions of those around us. We long to be free from the clutches of the pressures of ‘conformity’ that society at large subtly exerts on us. While social norms and personal values remain the guideposts of our life, anything outside this ambit would be seen as a curtailment of our freedom. The reality is that far too often we do not have the daring to challenge these restrictions because we are not self confident, we would like to avoid disagreements and most of all because we tend to take all of forms of feedback personally.

Yes you can enjoy personal freedom when you can bring about a balance between retaining your personal norms and self imposed norms in order to get approval of others. The latter is extremely difficult because as human beings we resent any criticism or negative feedback. Unfortunately we live in a world filled with individuals who are quick to spot and comment on anything that does not confirm to their personal standards. So your hairstyle, dress sense, gestures, choice of words, career choices, friends circle etc. are all constantly under the scanner and since we cannot please everyone we tend to try and please the majority. No sooner we do this we feel losing our dignity, independence and freedom to be what we really are.

To enjoy your freedom and explore all dimensions of your life review the following

Do you always seek approval of others? This can manifest in many ways; be it constantly expecting others to notice your new wardrobe / hairstyle etc. or always seeking permission to do anything off beat or different. You would always be constrained from enjoying and doing what you love because the approval of others is vital for you to feel the joy of being yourself.

Do you succumb to the temptation of being critical? This is reflected in the frequency with which you play spoilt sport or being sarcastic or prone to giving backhanded compliments to others. With such a mindset you would often alienate people and in turn be prone to be constantly at the receiving end of similar jibes from others. Your mind is then either preoccupied with being critical or the fear of being criticized. How can you then experience freedom of mind and body?

Do you hold back, anticipating disapproval? You are fascinated by a new dress/ gadget / holiday plan etc. but stop short of indulging because you are worried about disapproval from others. You are shackled by the chains of approval syndrome.

Are you wary of trying new and different experiences? You want to attend a new play or musical but it is a genre that you have never heard about or know anything about and so you drop the idea. Maybe you want to visit a new restaurant serving oriental food / Greek cuisine / African fare but you immediately get imaginary thoughts about the contents / taste/ presentation /ingredients being so alien to your senses and hence do not go ahead with your initial plans. Your mind is not free of wild imagination running riot.

Do you tend to brood a lot over any criticism or negative feedback? So if someone in authority criticizes your work or a close friend passes a negative comment or if you overhear something negative said and assume it is about you and you are preoccupied rationalizing the comment or justifying to yourself how wrong the others are, you would have already sacrificed your freedom on the altar of perfection.

Do failures or the thought of failure overwhelm you? The real shackles that most people find themselves bound by, is the fear of failure. Once a person fears failure then inevitably they lose the capacity to be independent, experimental, adventurous and original.

Freedom is never about being right it is about being able to march to the tune in your head, the beat that only you hear and walking towards a goal that only you and you alone can see. Don’t ever take things personally be it your own fears, others criticisms or disapproval’s, your doubts or your failures.

Try these:

  1. Make an inventory of the numerous odds and ends lying in your house that you would like to get rid off. Now try to sell these ( garage sale / advertise it / sell it online etc.) and donate the proceeds to charity.
  2.  Jot down the following
  • Name of an individual ( who you interact with regularly) who you loathe.
  • Your worst nightmare / fear.
  • Your one regret in life as on date.

Now for each of the above write down 3 – 5 positive things that you can think of.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »