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Archive for the ‘Judgment’ Category

25-14 JuI 17-I am me1At times we try to analyze ourselves and realize that while we have much to cheer about, we also have much more to rue.  We do not like our limitations, our burdens and resent our shortcomings that are accentuated when compared to others. Rarely do we enjoy our own company or luxuriate in the knowledge that each individual is a very unique person; so very different from his/ her own peers, friends and even siblings.

It is MY individuality that I need to appreciate, embrace and celebrate.

Appreciate my individuality It is reflected in diverse aspects of my personality

My physical dimension

My mental make up

My emotional

My value system

Embrace my individualityIt is acceptance of who I am

Learn to love my whole being

Learn to make peace with my short comings

Learn to utilize my life

Learn to value my dignity and self respect

Celebrate my individuality The art of cheering for myself

I will stand up for my rights

I am ready to defend my point of view

If different I shall be different; no apologies for who I am.

I will smile often, laugh heartily, live it up passionately.

Try these

Today I will write down the following:

5 things that I am proud of

5 aspects of my life that I will try and improve

5 people who I am most blessed to have in my life

5 embarrassing moments of my life

5 dreams that I have yet to achieve

2 most glorious moments of my life

2 most painful moments of my life

My favorite color/ animal / book/ movie

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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20- 4 June17 -A great relationship

If you look at the friendships you have made over the many years of your life, what stands out is the fact that you have and equation with your friends which is often very ironical. There are things about your friend that you love and that is the reason for the bonding and yet there are habits/ mannerisms/ behavior / style of your friend that you dislike, possibly abhor and yet you overlook them. Friendships thrive on these differences and how individuals manage to reconcile these juxtapositions holds the key to endearing and enduring relationships.

It is possible that in many relationships it is differences between individuals is what triggers attention to each other but ultimately it is the similarities that bring about a confluence of appreciative emotions. In most cases though, it is the similarities in thought and approach that helps bonding and the respect for differences cements these bonds. Excellent relationships are all about managing these juxtapositions.

Good relationships are cemented stronger if both the appreciation of similarities and the respect for differences are expressed; the former more vigorously the latter more diplomatically. The latter is a tad tougher to express for it always carries a possibility of being misunderstood or being seen as a reproach and hence viewed as an indictment. This can bring about a wedge in relationships and hence has to be expressed very selectively and cautiously.  The differences are accentuated in criticisms, puns, sarcasm and disagreements. Hence it is important to be aware of the potential lethal effects of using any of the above in words or deeds.

Honesty in the relationship ensures there is greater understanding. However, brutal honesty can be damaging. Disagreements and differences of opinion are essential to retain the individuality of the people in a relationship. It is the individuality of the parties in a relationship that makes the communication, the interaction and the engagement in a relationship unique and interesting. The similarities between two individuals is what cements the relationship for there is a commonality of understanding, purpose and respect born out of appreciating the commonalities in each other.

Try these

  1. What are your three strengths that you think your friends appreciate in you? What are your three traits you think others find it hard to reconcile with or do not appreciate in you?
  2. What are the similarities and differences you note in the following people
  • Your siblings / cousins
  • Your three friends at work
  • Your three colleagues with whom you bond easily.
  • Your three best friends
  • Your classmates in school/ college with whom you meet up occasionally

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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42-keep-floweringAs we come to yet another year end, we would tend to reminiscence about the year gone by. While we do pause, recall and get a high about the lovely memories that we cherish, we have a propensity to linger much longer on the sadness and losses we have endured over the year. Perhaps it is thoughts about a loved one who we lost, maybe it is about a change of job or residence because of which we had to leave behind friends and good times we shared with them or maybe it is the recollection of some unfortunate happenings that scarred us. Reality is that we normally tend to take our happiness for granted and let our sadness engulf us. As a result we do not fully value and enjoy the full worth of the numerous blessings that have come our way. More importantly, we do not become fully productive, fully alive and completely besotted by the wonders of our life.

We can take a leaf from the life of a tree; it flowers, it bears fruits and it provides us shade. Yet it does not question why the flowers fall or why the fruits are used up or why it gets chopped. It simply grows despite all the odds. Can we not pick up a few tips from the way a tree continues to grow in rain and blazing heat?

Let bygones be bygones: No matter what odds it faces, be it children shaking it hard, animals grazing on it or the birds nesting on it the tree has simply not let these become excuses to remain stunted and fruitless. It has outgrown the challenges it has endured. It still provides the kids an opportunity to have fun, the animals to scratch themselves against its bark and the birds to build nests and feed itself from the fruits. Perhaps we too must look at our strict parents, hawk eyed school teachers and school bullies as people who helped you become stronger. Do not hold grudges against them. In fact, thank them for molding you to become the person you are.

Grow because you love your life: The tree grows because it wants to establish amongst the flora a fauna. It does not compete with the other vegetation but focuses on becoming what it was designed to do. Perhaps we too can stop imitating others, be less obsessed with the success of others and instead focus on becoming the best individual we can be. As individuals we have an advantage; we need to grow up where we are born. We can move an imbibe the best of cultures, customs, traditions and knowledge and improve much beyond what we initially gifted with. Make it a point to enjoy your life every single moment; the growing up will be much more well rounded and enjoyable.

Make peace with the world around: Yes people have harnessed their cattle on to the trees, they have thrown stones to get the fruits to fall, they have even perhaps disfigured the tree in order to climb it; yet the tree remains rooted and continues to grow. Can we not forgive those who criticize us, those who taunt us, those who talk ill about us, those who discourage us?

Learn to give even if you receive nothing: A tree largely receives only nature’s bounty and very rarely does it get any conscious support from human beings. Yet it continues to have flowers, bear fruits and provide itself for all and sundry be using its shade or eating its fruits or ultimately chopping it for domestic use. Once we have a similar attitude, our relationship with others will improve, our ability to give more increases because we have no expectations and we view others as worthy of our largesse.

Make your life a celebration of all seasons: While the tree does adapt itself to all seasons, it also provides us with an important lesson that no matter what the circumstances one needs to adapt and adjust to the situation. No matter what season, the tree will still retain its singular charm and grace even if it has shed its leaves or it is in full bloom.  It is a lesson that teaches us to take the good times, the bad times, the low times and the highs of our life with dignity and poise. We need to be balanced at all times. At the same time we need to find something good in our troubles and be pragmatic in our good times without being vain and conceited. Everyday must be a celebration of life, for tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Try these:

  1. List out 4 ways in which you will ethically make your life more colorful/ enjoyable.
  2. Make a list of the following
  • Your three favorite quotes
  • Your three favorite books
  • Your three favorite movies
  • Your three worst fears
  • Your three unpleasant moments of your life
  • Your three most disliked fruits/ vegetables or food.

 This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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38-did-you-noticeIf you get irritated by the fact that despite your best efforts, all you get is criticism for what could have been done better, then ask yourself if you are guilty of the same mistake.  Each of us guilty, albeit in varying degrees of being critical, unappreciative and  finger pointing, especially when things do not happen as we plan or hope for. Occasionally some of us even berate ourselves for our lack of success and / or our failures because we find it hard to accept that we could not achieve what we set out to do. The point is that we are pained when others do not appreciate our toil, sweat and tears and unfortunately we too succumb to the same when we undervalue ourselves and others.

Obviously no one can avoid mistakes. However we need to look at mistakes, failures, lack of success from a more holistic view. This will enable one to be less critical, more appreciative and value the efforts, the sacrifices and the struggle without overvaluing momentarily success. The former gives us work ethics; success is an important milestone and motivator but cannot substitute for the discipline, the hard work and the rigor that is the corner stone of every successful person.

So how must one react to mistakes?

Acknowledge – Mistakes happen but it is the way we acknowledge the mistake that ensures it does not cascade into a disaster. If we have made a mistake, be honest about it and acknowledge it. If others have made mistakes, acknowledge the mistake without passing judgment and / or getting emotional about it. Mistakes happen for a variety of reasons and it is patently unfair to judge the mistake without grasping all the facts.

Appreciate – Mistakes happen because someone decided to do something. Even not doing something is a decision. In most cases there is honest effort, clear goals and possibly deep thinking that preceded the action.  One needs to appreciate all these, for often mistakes are not an outcome of these but a result of calculations gone wrong. By appreciating something, the signal is that one values everything done to get success and that not achieving it, is painful for all concerned.

Motivate – Criticism is the easiest thing to do; the challenge is to find something to motivate those who failed, to try again and hopefully succeed. Motivation is essential to keep up morale, kindle hope and most of all to express confidence in the person/s. Motivation pushes people to overcome the past, focus on the future and succeed beyond their capabilities.

Suggest – In the chaos that often follows failure, critics would give opinions, point out mistakes and berate the failure. Instead, an objective feedback in the form of suggestions would be more acceptable to those who are already dejected. In calmer moments they would review the performance and ponder over the suggestions and possibly come out with a better game plan to succeed.

Exude optimism – Every individual requires reassurance; if you are successful you need to be reassured that you can have a repeat performance but it is when you fail that you need to feel that still have it in you to try again and succeed. You exude optimism by being willing to lay your bets on success the next time around, by willing to join the journey the next time around and by proclaiming aloud that you have full faith and confidence. Optimism opens up numerous possibilities, gives greater confidence, you prepared to correct your previous mistakes and most of all you are ready to begin again.

Make it a point to notice the tears, the sadness and the pain first; acknowledge that and only then focus on the mistake.

Try these

  • So list your top 3 failures and what where the reactions of people close to you then. How did you cope with those failures?
  • What did you try differently and did not succeed in the first attempt?  What did you learn from that experience?
  • Do you recollect a time when you criticized someone for a failure and on hindsight realize that either you were wrong or too harsh?
  • What are the things / activities that you are keen to start experiment with but fear of failure is holding you back? How about giving some of those desires a try?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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37-look-againEvery one wishes to have a smooth, peaceful and happy life. However, the wonder of life is in its unpredictability, its constant change and the contrasting emotions that spice up life. Like the varied delicacies that we savor everyday, which is a mix of sweet, sour, hot, cold, spicy, bland, delicious, ugh, life helps us experience a wide variety of feelings, emotions, joys and pains. Obviously, given a choice we would prefer to experience only the emotions that appeal to us, those that we enjoy and relish. The challenge then for us is to find those hidden emotions within the moment that we experience particularly when we are distraught, hurt, pained and emotionally drained. To do that we need to look again and search for what we want to feel.

Seek the good in the bad – So you got fired from the job or your boss has just given you are earful and a warning. Hurts terribly, you become fearful, you want to erase the memory of it. Yet the hurt keeps echoing in your mind. If you pause and try to calmly relook the situation making a conscious effort to focus on what is good about the situation you could realize that there are collateral benefits in the situation. Perhaps they just nudged you to do what you always wanted to do; quit and find a new job or begin a new venture. Maybe you realized that your performance was slipping because you were bored in your job and now you are forced to find new opportunities. Maybe you were already planning alternatives but not finding the time to tie up all the loose ends and the sudden turn of events has now given you ample time to finalize your plans faster and move on.

Find something happy in the sadness you encounter – May be you lost a loved one or flunked an exam or your relationship is collapsing. Not the best of times. You are overwhelmed by the sudden turn of events that are now not just painful but the reality is a nightmare that won’t go away. Pause again and try to visualize it from a more positive angle. Perhaps the person who passed away was spared pain and agony; maybe the exam failure was expected but now you know what you did wrong and correct yourself; maybe it is best that the relationship is ending without more acrimony and ill will.

Discover some gain in your pain – Did you lose your wallet or credit cards? Maybe somebody rammed your car and damaged it? Did you hard disk crash and with it your data vanished in a jiffy. Painful no doubt but it is possible that there is some good coming from it too. Look again and search for the gain in the pain you just went through. Maybe you just spend a huge amount using the cash in your wallet so fortunately the loss of the wallet happened after that or you would have lost a lot of money. Perhaps you car need an make over and the accident has grounded you now but the insurance company would settle it now for you. Quite possible that there was a lot of junk in your hard disk and you are now spared the effort of painfully going through each file before deleting or organizing it. Yes there is some gain in every pain; look again for it.

Focus on what makes you grateful not hateful – So you got criticized at appraisal time and you hate your boss for it. Did you just get a feedback from your doctor stating that you have tested positive for some aliment and now you are constantly asking yourself ‘why me’? You find something that you desperately wanted on the online portal but just when you are about to pay you realize that the dimensions of the product is not what you want and that is the only piece available.  You hate your boss, you don’t want to meet your doctor anytime soon and you hate that website that just broke your heart. Look at the events from the filter of positivity. There would be plenty to be grateful for. Now that you have a feedback from the boss, however unflattering it may be, there could be some truth in it and you have a reference point to begin to change. If the feedback from the boss is in your view distorted and not true, maybe it is time you looked for another job opportunity. The doctor is just a messenger of the truth and perhaps he is also the savior who can suggest an appropriate course of action. Did you just save some money by not buying what you longed for or better still you may find something even better later.

When hurt/ pained/ bitter pause. Re-look the situation from a filter of ‘so what is good about the situation’ and suddenly life would be much more joyous and immense possibilities open up to you.

Try these:

  • List out the 5 most painful experiences you have had in your life. Identify one good thing about each of the said experience/situation.
  • List out 5 frequent criticisms that you are accused of by family/ friends / colleagues/ bosses / teachers. Is there justification for those criticisms? What are you doing to rectify / remedy the situation?
  • Make a list of 5 people / personalities who you dislike/ disapprove of. Can you outline 2 points about each of them that you appreciate / respect them for.
  • Name 3 adjectives that apply to your positive qualities and 3 adjectives that describe your negative qualities.  So what is your action plan to eliminate those negative adjectives?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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36-your-real-worth

Physical wealth, be it money and possessions are a good measure to judge how financially secure a person is. It is also a great asset to lead a reasonably good and comfortable life. It is also a good magnet to attract friends and widen one’s social circle. It is also a good inducement to garner support, influence opinion and climb ups the social ladder. However, physical wealth would be a poor indicator of a person’s true worth. This is because wealth can be created, acquired or inherited  but wealth can never buy reputation and good will which has to be earned, respect and recognition which comes from a deep appreciation of the individual in you, your sense of fair play and justice which comes from personal values and your emotional balance and empathy for others which comes from the heart.

We need to examine these a little more in detail to understand an individual’s true worth.

Reputation and goodwill : It take a life time to build a reputation and goodwill. It comes from doing the right things at the right time, avoiding the undesirable and being perceived as someone who is dependable, principled and balanced. It based on the general perception people have of an individual over a long period of time. It is often reflected in the simplicity, humility and achievements of an individual and society’s perception of these qualities.

Respect and Recognition: Respect and recognition comes with age and maturity. How a person has grown personally and professionally would have a large bearing on this. It could also come from the insightful contribution of the individual in his social and professional environment and the positive influence he/ she has had on those around them.

Fair play and justice: Displaying fair play and justice comes largely from being principled and this in turn is largely influenced by one’s upbringing, personal values and courage of conviction. The ability to hold a minority view point, the daring to express a dissenting note and tuning one’s moral compass in the direction of what is the truth.

Emotional balance and empathy: This is tougher to judge for individuals can display a different personality in private and be very different in public. However one cannot keep a quick temper, a giant size ego, a negative aura or a irrational outbursts only in the private space. How one deals with those at your mercy, with those who look up to you for support, those who differ from you in thought word and deed are primary pointers to an individual’s emotional balance and empathy.

When you attend a funeral where there is a large turnout, do you see some of the above points being reflected in that deceased persons life and it being a prominent reason for the large turnout?  Perhaps these are also critical considerations for others who will part with their last penny if ever you seek their help. Therein lies your real worth; what others value you for.

Try these:

  1. List out 5 qualities / values/ traits that you think others really value in you. Jot out a couple of qualities/ values / traits / habits that others criticize you for. What can you do improve upon those criticisms?
  2. What are the few social problems that really irritate and annoy you? What have you done about it? Is there anything more you can do about it?
  3. How will you deal with the following:
  • You answered 6 questions instead of 5 which was the norm. The teacher corrected all the answers and erroneously added the marks of the sixth question to the total as a result of which you passed the exam. Would you bring the error to the teachers notice or ignore it?
  • You are cleaning your cupboard and come across a book you had a borrowed from a college mate five years. When the college mate asked you return the book, since you could not find it, you lied to him/ her that you had returned it. The friend was upset with you since he/she did not recollect you returning the book.  A couple of years have gone by since that incident and you are not in touch with that college mate but you do know in which city he/ she is. Would you pick up courage to return the book and apologize to that friend? Alternatively what would you do?
  • You are on an outstation trip and while walking you stumble upon a wallet containing Rs.15,000. In that wallet you find some torn papers listing out a couple of names of individuals. It also has a dry cleaners bill of a certain city and a tailors bill of another city. The names on both these bills are different. Both the bills do not have any telephone numbers on it. What will you do?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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29-four-point-transformationEach of us is seeking ways and means of transforming our life into something more glorious. We try to change our personalities, we seek good counsel, we attempt to add more formal and informal education to our CV . We even attempt to convolute our entire being into an artificial person that we cannot identify with. The efforts are laudable; the outcome may often fall short of our expectations. A simpler way would be, to attempt and imbibe the following four points in our daily life and that could be the beginning, of an entirely new chapter in your life.

Attract what you expect – No matter what the situation, it pays to be optimistic, positive and motivated for they tend to attract success. It is good to visualize vividly your goals, your plans, your future for that is when you begin to identify happenings and situations that will set you on the path that you want to go. E.g. assume you want to own a car. Think of the make and color of the car. Soon you will begin to notice that, you tend to be spotting exactly the same type of car more often on the roads. It is just that you are goal focused and hence tend to overlook all other vehicles that you are not interested in.

Reflect what you desire So what is it that you passionately desire? How can you achieve those desires? Nothing comes easy, but every small step you take, will take you closer to realizing your dreams and desires. You can seek status/ wealth / academic excellence/  a successful career / a perfect spouse or a wonderful parent. No matter what you desire, your actions / your attitude / your behavior/ your ethics and your passion need to reflect your desires. E.g. You have to display leadership skills if you want to be taken seriously as a potential leader or you cannot become a wonderful parent unless you spend ample time with your children.

Become what you respect – Who are the people you respect? What is it about them that you admire and acknowledge? Their personal values, their communication style, their ability to put people at ease, their discipline, their attention to details etc. could be some of traits that make them well respected and admired by society. It is upto you, to work hard and change yourself, by imbibing some of these well respected qualities and traits. You will soon evolve to become an individual whose traits, values and style get approval of others and you start gaining their confidence and respect. E.g. Once you let it be known that you respect time and are a stickler for time by attending meetings or keeping appointments, people will begin to respect you for your commitment and  your value of time.

Mirror what you admire – It is said that imitation is the best form of flattery. Most times though we tend to imitate or mirror the style statement of celebrities, ape the playing style of our sporting heroes or tend to be part of the current trends. While some of these could be useful, what we must never ignore is to identify the traits, the values and the spirit that many of our heroes and favorite celebrities posses. Their work ethics, for example, could be the key to their success. Possibly their discipline and their ability to evolve with the times give them that extra edge to succeed. Identify these wholesome qualities that you admire and make that part of your style too.

Try these:

Be honest to yourself and answer how you would react in the following situations:

  • You have studied hard for an exam but unfortunately the paper is very tough. Unless you pass the paper you may lose a year. You notice that the student in front of you seems to be answering well and you can copy from his/ her paper. What will you do?
  • You find a lost wallet containing a large sum of money in it. There is no identification of the owner of the wallet. What would you do?
  • You have to tell your principal which of the two people has committed some terrible mischief. The person who has done the deed is your closest buddy but the other accused is the class bully and you dislike him immensely and have some scores to settle with him. What response would you give your principal?
  • You have entrusted some valuables including a family heirloom with a friend’s friend, when you and your friend had to suddenly go out of town. On coming back the person with whom you had kept the valuables says that he/she is unable to locate the same despite trying their best to locate it. You are distraught and want to file a police complaint. Your friend is adamant that you should not file that police complaint since it would tarnish the other friends’ reputation. What would you do?

List out some of the traits / values you respect in the following persons:

  • Your favorite teacher
  • Your dad or mum or sibling
  • Your favorite uncle/ aunt /neighbor
  • Your colleague / friend
  • A celebrity you admire
  • A well known character from history.

So which of these traits / values do you share or would like to imbibe?

 This post is courtesy http://www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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