Category: Patience

Two types of pain

33- 10 Sept 17- Two types of painEach of us must have experienced both forms of pain at various points in our life. The pain that hurts us can be physical pain or psychological pain. Physical pain, unless it is a permanent pain, is often forgotten once we are physically healed. The psychological pain on the other hand tends to remain with us for a much longer time, perhaps in some cases even lifelong. The trauma of pain that hurts is now better managed by medication, counseling and therapy, yet the experience often leaves an individual  scarred, bitter at times and definitely wary of going through the agony once again.

The same pain that we experience be it physical or psychological, can be channelized by every individual by using the right attitude and thinking to become a life changing experience. Not just life changing for the individual but also life changing for the people around, the circle of influence we can reach out to. The very essence of pain management is an excellent example of it. It is the result of years of experimentation and research done by individuals who dealt with people in pain and decided to reach out to alleviate the pain of such people. However, although most of us as individuals may not have the technical expertise to do the same, each of us can develop the right attitude and thinking to change our approach to managing our pain as well as the pain of those around us.

Accept what cannot be changed This is the toughest part of managing pain. Embracing the inevitable, making peace with the reality and looking at pain from the prism of positivity would enable an individual to accept the unchangeable faster and more whole heartedly. Death of a loved one, the loss of a limb or a physical transformation due to an accident or having an incurable disease like MND would require the individual to accept the reality that life is altered forever. Once an individual makes peace with this reality, reorienting the thinking is a relatively easier process.

Channelize your pain to transform your life – Be it your pain or you being a part of another’s pain would always impact your life. If a close friend or family member is in any type of pain, it impacts you also. You need to channelize the pain into seeing it as a way to learn some lessons be it reorienting your thinking or being made aware of people who you took for granted as being more dependable or finding your hidden reservoir of strength to mange yourself.

Empathize with those in pain – Be there for people who are in pain. Comfort them by your understanding, presence and patience. Divert their minds to pleasant thoughts, beautiful memories of the past and give them hope. Let them know that you share their suffering and that you would like to share their burden. Understanding the trauma of those in the throes of psychological pain is very tough because we tend to use logic or rationalize it. However, emotions run a lot deeper and they remain simmering within the individual. It is essential that those around try and draw the person out of his/ her trauma, reassure them of getting their life back on track and show them hope in the future. This can dull the pain, the fear and inject in them a strong desire to make a stronger comeback.

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional – This is the mantra that each one should adopt and share. Each of us will experience a variety of pain in varying degrees. We need to quickly get to grips with it and try to mitigate it by dwelling less on the suffering and instead focusing on how it is changing you to become stronger, more resilient and helping you discover your inner strength.

Try these

  1. List out 5 activities that give you maximum pain. The challenge is to confront each of them and to jot down the learning from it each time you confronted it.
  2. Attempt one or more of the following:
  • Visit an elderly / lonely neighbor once a week
  • Go to the local hospital and ask the social worker how you can help out
  • You can also visit a hospice or old age home or a home for the challenged
  • Visit a nearby park and notice people who seem alone/ lonely. See if you can strike a conversation with them and bring a smile to their face.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

One change at a time

8-one-change-at-a-time

With exams around the corner, it is inevitable that students and often their parents feel the pressure of managing the study time tables so as to perform well. That is also the time when time pressure, the accumulated backlog of studies and the need to overhaul one’s life suddenly begins to overwhelm all the stake holders in this game. A similar situations crop up in our life off and on and the need to overhaul our life is the one common constant irrespective of which phase of life we are in. In trying to overhaul one’s life, the cardinal mistake we make is, thinking that we can overturn all the bad habits we have imbibed over the years, overnight. Just as you and I took nine months to be born, just like a year takes twelve months to change and a day requires 24 hours to be completed before a new day begins, we have to patiently work on small changes in our attitude, style and behavior before the effects of transformation are visible.

The four essentials for transformation are:

Deciding to change – This is the first step in bring about any meaningful change in one’s life. Until one decides to change, the status quo would always seem impossible to change. Excuses, rationalization and reconciliation with the existing situation would constantly nag you into succumbing to the status quo. Decide that you need to change your habits, your style, adopt a different strategy E.g. You know you have to spend more hours studying. You will find enough reasons why you are unable to do so and rationalize your decision for not being able to change and finally reconcile that you are a mediocre student. The same holds true for those wanting to lose weight but not being able to get themselves to eat healthy or exercise.

Planning the change – Once you decide to change, the key is to spend some time planning how you are going to bring about the change and be the change you want. Many of us fail in this step simply because we visualize that implementation of the plan is impossible. If you can outline the map to achieving what your goal is, you would at least have a clear agenda to follow. E.g. Having a clear time table to study is the first step in ensuring you are able to do justice to each subject that you have to study. Those subjects requiring practice or additional study, however much you dislike the subject, must be allotted more time.

Implementing the change – This is the toughest part of the process of transformation. At this stage you are attempting to move away from all that you felt comfortable doing despite knowing the consequences, to disciplining yourself doing unpleasant things, in the hope that it will give you good results. The tough part is beginning, the tougher part is motivating yourself to continue but the toughest part is keeping the momentum going. The trick is to visualize the small changes, mentally see yourself inching yourself forward towards your goals and occasionally noting how much you have progressed and how closer you are to your final goal.

Being patient – This is the most important virtue because without it, one would be tempted to give up. Patience comes from self belief, from charting out progress and being reasonable about your expectations at every given time line. Occasionally you could be slipping as per your plans, at other times you feel your pace is slow and many times there seems to be no motivation to pursue your plans. Remember the number of times you fell of your bicycle before you managed to master it or the number of times you felt you were drowning before you learned to swim. The lure of the eventual goal must be so encompassing that you become patient enough to trudge along despite all the obstacles that come your way.

Try these:

  • Try to play a new sport or pick up a new hobby. Notice how you take time to gain expertise, despite your possible talent in that field.
  • List out 3 changes that you want to bring about in your life. Outline what is stopping you from doing it. Plan and implement the plan to bring about the change.
  • Challenge yourself to overcome a constant criticism that you often encounter either from your spouse / child/ friend / colleague / well wisher.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

The good, better, best way…

19-  Be Good Better BestAre you one of those people who is frustrated that things are not going your way?  Are you getting impatient and desperate? Are you on the verge of giving up your dreams because life seems to be going nowhere? The good news is you are not alone. There are plenty of people, including highly successful people, who on the outside are an epitome of perfection but on the inside are bitter, broken and busted. However though misery loves company, that is no consolation. The reality is that you want to change your life around and do it soon. So here is how to go about visualizing, living and enjoying your future.

Believe – To begin with there must be something clearly outlined in your mind that you believe you passionately want. This is the key to solving the majority of our problems regarding our future. Most of us have a very sketchy idea of what we want to do, achieve and appropriate to feel satisfied and happy. The problem is we use sweet and nice sounding words, most of which are intangible and difficulty to identify when describing what we want from life and our future. Using words like wanting to be happy, successful, appreciated, recognized, rich etc. are adjectives that merely describe but do not clearly point out the destination. On the other hand outline what you want to achieve and then you have a tangible goal, you can outline the way to achieve it, you can put milestones to measure your progress and most importantly you can start believing in a tangible future. Your actions will then always be aligned to moving forward towards the direction of your belief which is the tangible goal you have set for yourself. Every little progress made in that direction will motivate, inspire and reinforce your confidence. You will also see and be able to measure the progress and if you falter or stagnate you will find alternatives to re-chart your course without giving up on your goal. Even changing your goal is a way forward since you have accepted the reality and are willing to change. Good things happen when you believe and work towards your goal for you will always make progress, perhaps slowly but surely.

Be patient: Patience is a virtue that one must develop for we often tend to give up quickly in frustration. Yet patience must not be mistaken as an everlasting wait; nor must an individual mistake patience to mean doing nothing and hoping things fall in place. Patience is like the farmer tilling the land, sowing the seeds, watering it and then believing he will have a good crop if the conditions are right. As he waits the farmer inspects his crop adds fertilizers, sprays insecticides, continues to water it if required or works on draining the excess water  and also plans out the steps to take care of the bumper harvest he expects. While he/ she patiently waits for the effort to bear fruit they also work towards ensuring a conducive environment to ensure the harvest is good and the fruits of the harvest are efficiently and effectively utilized. Better things will definitely happen when one is patient and works towards facilitating the attainment of the goal.

Don’t give up: This is tough because there will be numerous occasions when we realize that progress is almost at a standstill, doubts creep up and we start questioning our judgment, when critics begin to needle us with their own gloomy predictions and when we are tethering on the brink of confusion. No doubt we have to be pragmatic but that must be tempered with rational thinking, sound logic and an inbuilt self confidence. Many times we give up because we are not clear headed and we tend to exaggerate our doubts and fears; other times we give up because we cannot see ways to overcome obstacles; occasionally we give up because we succumb to criticism and barbs from others whose opinion we respect but possible they do not have the same vision as us. Find motivation to persist, seek out companions who encourage, view criticism dispassionately, learn from mistakes, keep the goal in mind and the progress attained; most of all believe, be patient and then keep persisting.  Learn from couples who want a child but are unable to conceive one of their own; they don’t give up but adopt. They believe they can be a complete family, they believe in their ability to make it a loving family and they don’t give up because they cannot have their own child but adopt one to make their belief come true. The best things surely come to those who do not give up.

Try these:

  • Revisit your childhood dreams/ fantasies. List out 3-5 dreams that you haven’t realized yet but are keen to make it happen. Map out a plan to attain that within a reasonable time span.
  • Outline a plan to attain any two or more of the following
  1. To increase your income by 10 %
  2. To increase your savings by 10%
  3. To be engaged in a social service activity
  4. To improve your own health/ quality of your life
  5. To make family time more meaningful and fulfilling
  6. To learn a new skill or trade or expand on your hobby or change your life style.

 This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Leave a little sparkle

15- Leave a little sparkle

Most of us go through life feeling that we are just one in a crowd and that no one ever notices us nor values us. Yes it is true that parents would always have a special place for their kids but even that is often liberally sprinkled with do’s and don’ts and an incompleteness that suggests we need to still exceed their expectations.  As a result, we are often trying to match up to expectations, trying to prove a point to others and do not really offer to the world around liberally of our talents, our abilities and our real self. The reality is that our individuality has much to offer that is unique and that is valued by others. It is the little things that we do, that is more significant than the convoluted efforts we make to impress others and gain approval. By being ourselves we are more natural, caring, feeling and expressive.  There is always a lot of sparkle that we leave behind when we are natural not artificial, genuine not put on and when we can freely offer of our self without expectations from others.

Our natural self is often influenced by our upbringing, our family values and the inputs in our formative years in school and social settings. Our own attitudes, beliefs and thinking too have a major bearing on how our personality shapes up. There is a lot of positivity, goodness, care and concern that we are born with but these can be reinforced or negated by influences as we grow up. There is so much that we offer the world around that is valued, appreciated and eagerly sought for without us being conscious about it. So what is it that we can offer spontaneously, amply and freely that will always sparkle up our environment and the people around us?

A smile is obviously the most obvious and easiest sparkle that we can share with others. With a smile we acknowledge another person in a warm way. It is a sure way to state we notice the other person and a way to silently inform that we appreciate their presence. Very often it is also the beginning of a communication and possibly a friendship and a connect. A warm genuine smile brightens up the environment, lightens the mood and livens up the spirit.

Appreciation is something that every individual seeks. It is also something that can be easily given for there is a lot to appreciate in others. We tend to be stingy with our appreciation mainly because we are not aware how effective it is in creating a bond and building up relationships. Appreciation must not be confused with flattery. Appreciation is a genuine expression of a good sentiment towards an other. It can be simply an appreciation of the good work done by someone or your acknowledgment of something good in the other person. The best appreciation is when we respond positively to the individual concerned but we can also be appreciative of the person in a forum or setting where the person is not present.

Empathy is our ability to understand and feel a person’s pain and if possible to act decisively to mitigate it by our actions. Empathy goes a step beyond sympathy in that we don’t merely understand the others pain but we also attempt to walk with the person in discomfort and try to alleviate the pain to the extent possible. We are active participants in the process of healing for the others. This is difficult to spontaneously do because we often tend to hold back our feelings and expect others to ask us for our support.

Encouragement is a simple yet powerful technique that enables one to motivate and support others thereby leaving our little sparkle in their lives. Lots of people constantly need support in their emotional life as well as in coping with the stress of failures. Often they blame themselves for their inability to cope with the challenges they face. As a friend or well wisher or even as a bystander we can perhaps try and take a detached view and offer encouragement to the individual concerned and motivate him/ her to have fresh perspective and try again. With our encouragement we rekindle hope in them and they begin to pursue with greater vigour.

Support comes in many forms. Encouragement is also a form of support. However it is the support that we lend in practical terms like financial support at crucial times, being with them physically when they are in trouble, like when are involved in a calamity, that is really cherished.  One could also support by putting in a word to influencers who can help their cause or just being with them when they are at their lowest depth psychologically and emotionally. Even if we cannot support them directly we must be able to at least guide them to find support or suggest to them alternatives to explore. Even the tiniest of support offered is the little sparkle that you offer them.

Keeping in touch has become easy nowadays because of technology. Yet, it is the personal touch that one craves for. Wishing people or expressing sympathy or forwarding messages through the electronic means has become so easy that it is done with little or no personalization or feeling. The real touch is in our ability to talk, meet, getting together and in giving surprises to those around. This does take both time and effort, but it is the time and effort we invest in keeping in touch that sets us apart from the others. The sparkle that we leave behind is the memories of those wonderful moments when personal touch actually touched the heart. The sparkle of those memories would always be cherished and would always remain priceless.

Try these:

In addition to the above explore how you can leave a sparkle through the following

  • Your manners
  • Your etiquettes
  • Your initiative
  • Your impartiality and fairness
  • Your tone/ language/ conduct
  • Your talents / abilities
  • Your wit/ humor/ presence of mind

 List out the following

  • Names of 2 individuals (other than immediate family) who have deeply influenced you.
  • Recollect 2 wonderful moments from your life where someone played an important part in making it memorable.
  • Can you remember at least 2 incidences where your involvement in some way made a person thrilled and ever grateful for your presence.
  • Are there memories of times when you did not get the appreciation /support or encouragement that you sought from someone? Do you still feel bad about it?
  • Do you remember an embarrassing moment/s when you backed out from offering support / encouragement to someone who placed his/ her faith in you?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

You can get what you want

7- Get what you want

Many of us are disheartened and disappointed in life because we believe that others are more blessed than us. We also view this as being unfair to us because in our view we are equally eligible for the largesse of life. The real issue however is the fact that we cannot pinpoint what we want. Most times what we want is what we suddenly envy in others who posses it. It is therefore essential that we clearly visualize, identify and decide what exactly we want for ourselves. This brings clarity to us, enables us to evaluate how we can attain it and most important ask and seek it. Yes getting what you want all begins with asking for what you want and this in turn means you begin by knowing what one want.

Ask – When we want something we need to ask for it if we are unable to get it on our own. The prerequisite for this step is to ensure we know what we want. It could be a material thing, it could be job or reference that you seek or it could even be exploring a relationship. Unless you ask others would either not be able to understand your want or they may not even notice your want or they would be so unsure about your requirements that they would prefer to be cautious and not even offer you anything. We do not ask for what we want because our ego won’t permit us to ask, we fear rejection of our request, we are embarrassed to ask or we are wary of the obligation that may come from those acceding to our request. Asking also has another dimension. Once we know what we want, it motivates us to ask ourselves for the required effort, commitment and perseverance to obtain what we seek.

Believe – If we ask we must believe that we are going to get what we sought. This is because we ask only when we are sure we know what we want and we are confident that by asking we can get it. Another reason to believe is the reality that we are then prepared to make best use of whatever we receive. A third reason to believe is the fact that if we are sure we will receive it we would be both cautious and reasonable in what we ask. At the same time don’t forget, that barring miracles and some lucky times, it would be silly to believe you would get anything that you don’t deserve. E.g. You don’t study and you pray for good marks or you have been rude and insolent to your parents and you ask them for something special and expensive for your birthday.

Receive If you ask with confidence and believe with full faith you must be ready to receive with arms open wide. You will receive in packages that defy logic, in a form that could surprise you and at times you least expect. Once you are prepared to receive all that you ask for and believe in keep looking for the arrival of the gift. Perhaps you are desperate for a job and you meet an influential person. That could be the beginning of you getting a job offer. At times when you are sure you deserve to get something and at the last moment it eludes you disappointment and frustration is logical. If you pause and reflect it maybe a hint of you having to expect more, work harder and receive a bigger reward. At times therefore, not receiving despite your conviction that you merit it, could suggest that you are to ask, believe and be prepared to receive something even more valuable and deserving.

Try this:

  1.  Can you recollect opportunities / prizes / awards that eluded you? On hindsight can you reflect on how that miss actually benefited you?
  2.  Attempt to do the following
  • Toss a coin 15 times and try to guess which way the coin will land face up.
  • Go to a basketball court and take 15 shots to score a 3 pointer basket.
  • Every morning list out at least 3 things that you will achieve before you retire to bed at night.
  • In the coming week listen carefully to people asking for something ( may be something tangible or seeking help ). Surprise at least one person by offering tangible help. Attempt to do this every week preferably for a stranger.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

 

A note to myself

2- 10 Jan 16 A note to myselfThe beginning of the year is a an excellent time to write a note to one’s own self as a reminder of how one can pace one’s life by following some key tips. The tips are meant to guide, to inspire, to motivate and to energize one to making this year more inspiring, more productive and most importantly, most fulfilling. These tips condense the wisdom of the ages. They are only illustrative but they are enlightening and pragmatic.

Promise to treasure your time. – Life could be unfair to each one of us except for the one factor that beggar and king, poor or rich, intelligent or stupid, we are all given in equal measure TIME. Lack of time therefore can never ever be an excuse for failure. It is waste of time, inefficient use of time and not valuing time which are the real culprits for our non performance or lack of achievement. Let my focus this year be on making the best use of the precious time gifted to me!

Don’t fall in love with potential.– Look deep and you will find that you are blessed with many talents and enormous potential. The trouble is we tend to envy the potential in others that we do not posses. Worse still is the fact that we do not make any serious attempt to either discover our potential or even if know our potential squander it by our lethargic behavior, our indifferent attitude or by simply waiting for the opportune moment. Potential is like a matchstick in a matchbox; available to light things but latent if never used.

You want something doesn’t mean you deserve it – We make numerous excuses for not realizing our goals or utilizing our potential fully. The excuses largely centre around our lament that we didn’t get the right tools or the right opportunity. The reality is that even a person born with a silver spoon has to cope with his/ her limitations, create the opportunities, expend energies and work hard to make their mark in the world. Wanting something desperately is wishful thinking; working on getting it is the first step to realizing ones goals and utilizing one’s potential to the full.

Be patient but don’t procrastinate. – Waiting for the right moment is the bane of productive action. Inertia often masquerades itself as being patient. Instead of seizing the moment, which is the quality of highly successful people, those who procrastinate in the fond hope of getting the right opportunity find themselves either not starting or getting beaten at the post. Never get into a situation where you suffer from an illness called ‘paralysis by analysis’.

Be hopeful but not naive – Hope is good rock to build a foundation on. However, hope should not be used as a crutch to rationalize personal inertia, getting lured into quick rich schemes, getting duped into by glib talkers and not being decisive enough and cutting losses. When you are naïve, your belief is shallow, your confidence wavering, your dependence on others overwhelming and your judgment very faulty. When you have hope you seek a way out, you create the opportunity and you prepare yourself to grasp the chance for you are sure it is coming sooner than later.

When it is right you will know it. – When in a dilemma making a choice is tough. Yet if you are brought up with the right values, cherish the principles of being an upright person and let your conscience be your guide your choices will never go wrong. You will never feel guilty, you would be emboldened to act decisively and the consequences of your action will never give you sleepless nights. A clear conscience is the best pillow.

You don’t have to force it. – If you are denied something, perhaps it is for the best. If you are bestowed with an unexpected blessing, perhaps you richly deserved it. Whatever the gift, whatever the outcome, whatever be your feelings see it as befitting the moment. It is when we become rigid in our expectations that we try to influence the outcome and then get disturbed when the outcomes belie our expectations. Strive to improve your future but don’t try to shape the future by force.

Try this:

  1. Your friends force you to go with them for a trek. You go very reluctantly since you are not feeling too well and also because you do not like treks. Half way to the trek you twist your ankle. The pain is intense and you are annoyed and frustrated. The majority of your friends ask you sit there while they complete the climb. Two members of the group stay with you while the rest continue the trek. What will you be discussing with those waiting with you.
  2. List out the following
  • Your favorite quote or proverb
  • Your favorite book
  • Your favorite movie
  • Your favorite personality from history

Is there a common thread that binds the above choices? Can you identify that thread?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Broken crayons can still color

Broken crayonsEver thought about your favorite color? So is it blue or red or black or green or ??? Do you remember the times when as a kid, you scrawled on the walls with broken crayons you found? You may not have great artistic talent but when you get some crayon pieces, the itch to scribble, dabble with them and just experiment with the colors would be hard to resist. You don’t need a fresh set of crayons to unleash your talents; all you need is a piece of crayon and your imagination will do the rest.

Have you ever visualized yourself as a multi colored crayon? Pause and look at what you are wearing. Remember what you wore yesterday or the day before or for the last party you went too? I am sure you wore different attires, colors and styles depending on the occasion, your mood and the timing. Now can you visualize yourself as a live multi colored crayon? Frankly each of us has the potential to color the world around us in different hues and also make our life colorful too. At times especially when you are happy and energized, you feel like a new big crayon but when disheartened and feeling low you would see yourself as a miniscule piece of crayon. When happy and excited you certainly would be able to add vibrant colors and positive energy to the world around you but when the going is tough, you see yourself as a broken useless piece of crayon that can only color something dreary and faded; yet the fact is that even the tiniest piece of crayon still retains the same vibrant color. All you need to do is picture vividly and color freely to get your masterpiece ready.

Here are tips on making those broken crayons add vibrant colors:

Take stock of what you have – Even when you are at the lowest point in your life, don’t forget that you are alive and that you can turn your life around. However, to do that make a realistic assessment of the colors left with you and begin painting only what the colors available with you can be made best use off. E.g. If unfortunately you have got the pink slip don’t imagine your life to suddenly turn into just one color black. You must take stock of your strengths and limitations and work around that. Do not become too pricey when opportunities present themselves nor accept any opening out of desperation.

Plan with a purpose – When you begin coloring there must be a schema in mind, a blueprint in your imagination and a definite visual of the final outcome. Preparing the schema takes time, requires a lot of effort, it would initially appear confusing and complicated but it is the strong foundation on which a firm structure can be built. E.g. When you seek new job opportunities you don’t quit first and search for a job later. In fact you would ask yourself the reasons for the change you plan, the kind of job profile that you are aiming for, the kind of compensation you would want and then you would confine your search to shortlist those job options that fit into your plans.

Strip of the paper covering on the crayons – Most crayons come with a paper covering that you peel off as and when you have utilized the exposed part of the crayon. Obviously if you don’t peel of the paper cover, the crayon wouldn’t do the job it is meant for. You too would have to occasionally do a reality check about yourself; strip of your ego, don’t keep glossing over your past achievements, put aside the temporary failures or setbacks you may have encountered, asses your strengths and weaknesses and prioritize your plans.

Substitute colors by being imaginative – When you run short of specific shades you can attempt to substitute other colors, even try to mix the colors to get the preferred shade, modify the drawing or style of coloring etc. When life refuses to allow you the luxury of sticking to the carefully laid out plans all you can do is adapt. Adapting to circumstance could involve making sacrifices, making adjustments to the original plans, occasionally it could mean abandoning something very close to your heart. Very often it involves making risky choices, sometimes having to take that leap of faith or having to give into your gut instincts. . E.g Have you taken on a new job responsibility or attempted something different during the course of the year?

Keep coloring Yes every crayon can color but one has to take that crayon and start coloring with it. Keeping crayons in the original box packing for spending the crayons would be a sheer waste of some excellent resource. In the same way you have to explore the various dimensions of your abilities and talents. You may make new discoveries about your potential. You could also make some painful realizations about your limitations. When you begin to do something, the results could vary but there is certainty that you would evidence a picture that emerges from your efforts E.g. when was the last time somebody expressed surprise at something you did? If you haven’t been applauded or criticized it means you have stagnated and have become placid, boring and staid.

Try this

  • Gentlemen who never enter the kitchen should try to visit a cookery blog and attempt to surprise your family with a new dish. Ladies who have never every attempted tinkering with any mechanical stuff can attempt to at least open the car bonnet and identify various parts of the car and engine under the bonnet.
  • Buy a 500 or 1000 piece puzzle from the store. Make the puzzle and get it framed and hang it in a place where you can see it often and remind yourself that you did something different and you succeeded because you tried.

 This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Overcoming Disappointments

13-24-Dissapointments are natural...but...

Disappointments arise when outcomes do not meet expectations. As human beings we tend to brood longer over our disappointments but relish our successes fleetingly. Ask yourself how often you complaint, whine, criticize, find fault, get upset / angry, feel hurt, pass on blame, keep regretting, try to be alone/ silent etc. On the other hand how often do you smile, praise, thank, appreciate, remain enthusiastic, compliment others, be the company of others, say/ do something positive spontaneously etc. Your honest answers would give you a clue to how you cope with disappointments which are unavoidable but never unmanageable.

Even if we are optimists and have a positive attitude we can still be disheartened and disillusioned by major disappointments. If we are pessimistic and have a tinted outlook then it becomes imperative that we find ways and means to cope with the disappointments that we would encounter off and on.

Here are a few strategies to cope with disappointments.

It can’t get worse. Imagine you failed in your exams. You lose a year now. It has happened; but now you can honestly tell yourself that it is the worst possible outcome but it can’t get worse than this. Once you make this profound discovery moving on with life becomes relatively much easier than brooding over the why it happened; if only I studied more; perhaps I should have taken a chance and cheated and the numerous such thoughts that keep swimming in your head.

Thank god it is only this much. Recently a family member came home way past midnight and gently broke the news that he met with an accident. Obviously you are rattled and then shocked to see the person swaddled in bandages. Once you get over the initial shock the next natural progression is to seek more information about what happened all the while berating the person for being careless and irresponsible. Once we have calmed down and get hold of ourselves we rationalize that thank god it wasn’t worse. From then on we are able to handle the shock and disappointment with more pragmatism and acceptance.

Ok so how do I limit the damage? You are frantically searching for an important document and to your horror and terrible disappointment you just can’t seem to locate it. Your panic is matched only by the disconcerting feeling that you are heading for disaster. You search every nook and corner, you can rummage through every drawer and cupboard, you vent your frustration and then fall on your knees seeking divine intervention; alas all in vain. The quicker you get hold of your emotions the better the chances of finding an alternative solution that will help limit the damage perhaps even find an alternative solution.

What is good about the situation? Your team has played and excellent match in which you dominated the opponents and yet you lost the game thanks to a freak goal by the opposition. It is hard to come to terms with such heartbreaking disappointments. The results can be overturned; the missed chances cannot be retrieved; a blame game won’t help. A debriefing by the coach however can turn up a surprising number of useful and invaluable insights about the game. The mistakes made, the attitude and approach of the players, the chinks in the opponents armor than can be exploited next time around, the difference in play in both periods of the game; all of these are more seriously imbibed when the bitterness of disappointment is more acute.

Nothing can overwhelm me. You reach the airport only to be told that your flight has been cancelled and your connecting flights and holiday plans have in simply gone for a toss in a jiffy. Anger, frustration, helplessness, sadness, panic seem to engulfing you. Your mind is in a whirl, you can’t focus and you are in a tizzy. Quickly take deep breaths and calm yourself. While asking the reason for the flight cancellation may be a natural instinctive reaction, wasting time delving into it would be both fruitless and frustrating. Instead, focus on outlining the alternatives to salvage the situation. Take proactive action to implement your plans and be pragmatic about your subsequent actions.

This too shall pass. Pause and think; how many disappointments have actually
ruined your life or brought it to a complete standstill. The fact that you are 
reading this is proof that you are hale and hearty despite the many 
disappointments that you would have faced in your life. The reality of life
mandates that each of us will have triumphs (success) and disasters
(disappointments)  and the trick to overcome disappointment is to remember
Rudyard Kipling’s lines in his poem IF 
If you can meet with triumph and disaster 
And treat those two imposters just the same;

For neither success not failure is permanent… for this too shall pass. 

Try this:

  1. You overhear your best friend criticizing you.
  2. You were hauled up by your superior / school management for an aberration done by someone else and no amount of pleading your innocence can cut any ice with them.
  3. You encounter a flat tyre on deserted stretch of the highway.
  4. You press the buzzer during the tie breaker of a quiz final and discover that the right answer is on the tip of your tongue but alas you are unable to articulate it on time.
  5. You go to highly rated restaurant and to you horror the food is awful and disappointing.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Being human…

13-5-We are human

The reality of life is something that most of us are prone to misconstrue as being unfair to us. The prime reason for this is our focus on what we crave and do not have and our envy of those who have what we crave. At times when things seem to be going our way or are in a happy frame of mind, we do appreciate the blessings we have but these periods of bliss are far few and in between. So how does one etch happiness into our psyche?

Happiness is a state of mind and the key then is to fine tune the mind to allow happiness to seep in and envelope us. This is best done as under:

Appreciate the reality:

We need to appreciate the fact that we are human. This means that we can think, we can emote and we can decide.

We need to realize that we are not perfect and as a result we have to learn to forgive ourselves, tolerate the mistakes of others and make efforts to correct the mistakes rather than give up in hopelessness.

We need to be ecstatic that we are alive for we now have limitless opportunities to leave our mark in this world and energize the environment around us.

 Focus then on thinking positively, being more forgiving and grasping opportunities.

 Realize the truth:

That as human beings we will make mistakes, we stumble, we fall and we may even get hurt. The truth is that these are like vaccination pricks that are temporarily painful but leave a long term positive effect in ensuring our well being. Seen in this light, it dawns on us that every fall makes us more humble, every mistake teaches us a new lesson and that hurt is a mechanism to alert us to impending dangers that can be avoided through caution and alertness.

Every setback, every tumble we take and every obstacle that comes our way is just a blip in the larger scheme of life; recognize this truth and you shall be free of worries.

 Clasp all possibilities  

Understand the innumerable possibilities that come with the knowledge that we can rise again, we can try again, we keep learning and we keep growing. Seen amputees participate in games and athletics or heard Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata a classic that one finds hard to believe has been composed by a deaf composer. If these seem extreme examples, look at the physically, financially or academically challenged in and around you who have succeeded despite all odds.

So do you see the innumerable opportunities around you just waiting for you to clasp them and turn them into successes?

Embrace life

Now be thankful for the priceless opportunity of life for as long as life exists we can find happiness in the little things and big things that surround us.

Don’t forget that LIFE is Love Inside Finding Expression – start with loving yourself.

Try this:

Write down the following immediately

  • The one new learning you would like to acquire E.g. Learning a new sport or language
  • The one physical good that you desperately want to posses, which is a realistic possibility for you sometime in the next 5 years. E.g. A high end music system (name the brand of your choice)
  • The one limitation / trait that you would want to eliminate at the earliest. E.g. Being more decisive or being more organized
  • The one change you would like to bring to your life E.g. Lose weight or spend more time with family etc.

Now work on ways to realize these desires before the end of 2013

  1. Click on this link and watch this inspirational and motivational talk by Nick Vujicic a truly physically challenged but most engaging speaker http://tinyurl.com/6oqnzk
  2. Click on this link and watch the Last Lecture by Prof. Randy Pausch to appreciate the need to embrace life  http://tinyurl.com/2z3wsx

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Lost and found…

Look back at some of the most embarrassing moments of your life and perhaps it will evoke painful memories of ridicule, taunting and shame. Remember the first time you failed an exam or the time you came last in a race or the time the teacher humiliated you in front of the whole class or the time you were foisted with a nasty nickname. If you were subject to such abject humiliation, the one overwhelming thought could possibly have been to just disappear from the face of the earth. Surprisingly, as you would have realized, life didn’t stop then although you must have wished it ended right then. Even more surprisingly, the past didn’t haunt you nor did it drastically affect your present. Dig a little deeper into the recess of your mind and you would recollect with fondness that your were shielded by a protective, caring, affectionate, understanding and loving people , be it parents, grandparents, friends, neighbors or understanding teachers.

In a similar way there are plenty of us who are often outwardly very extrovert but deep inside lonely, dispirited, confused, wanting acceptance, seeking companionship and /or wanting understanding. Perhaps some of us want to pursue our passion but parental pressures have pushed us to pursue a career that is just another job. There could be others who have failed to realize their full potential in their chosen field either because of ill luck or because there were others far superior in aptitude and skill. For others a minor mistake or lack of judgment or sheer silliness could have led them astray and they repent for it but find no takers for their remorse. A touch of love, an iota of understanding, a word of encouragement, unconditional forgiveness and or simple acceptance would be enough to rekindle the spark of life, achievement and success in their lives.

We don’t need to look far to find such individuals. Some of us could be in the same boat. There could be friends or siblings in a similar predicament. There could colleagues or acquaintances seeking a touch of humanness. You can be the catalyst who can find such lost souls to find themselves. Ponder over these questions and act with a clear conscious and you could be savior to many including yourself.

Can we just LISTEN ?  Can we stop being Judgmental? Can we accept them unconditionally? Can we attempt to understand them? Can we guide them to the right path? Can we help take the initiative to address their concerns? Can we be more patient?  Can we just be there for them?

Action Points:

  1. Outline 3 ways you can express your appreciation to others and make them feel nice.
  2. Can you recollect the most touching gesture / compliment / gift that you have ever received?
  3. What was the biggest failure you ever encountered personally and who helped you cope with it? How did that person help you regain your confidence?
  4. Write down 3 of your favorite quotes or proverbs. Reflect on why they appeal to you.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com