Category: regrets

Never complain Never explain

Never complain Never explain

Whining and moaning are typical ways in which we try to deflect attention away from ourselves for our failures. When that fails we try to justify, rationalize and/ or offer lame excuses camouflaged as logical reasons for our failures. The unfortunate part is that, whether we complain or we explain, the reality is that we goofed up and that our credibility is at stake. It would take a lot of time, effort and perseverance for us to regain trust of others, get their buy in and hopefully rebuild relationships.

A complain is a poor lament. Complains are akin to laments that seek to put blame on others. It could be people, situations, events all of which imply that the problem is elsewhere and not with the person making the complain. A failure, is a natural phenomena when there are many variables and unpredictable circumstances. However, having the grace to accept failure is praise worthy when it is shorn of any form of complain. Complains are means to deflect attention elsewhere and a decoy to avoid taking responsibility. Complains will never change the reality; it may however show the person making the complain in poor light, possibly seen as having poor grace and definitely looked at as a whiner who shirks responsibility.

Explaining is perilously close to fibbing. A heightened and convoluted method of complaining is explaining. The objective here is to pretend to offer an unbiased and rational logic. The trouble is that it often tells only one side of the story from the tellers point of view. Facts related to other participants in the story may be conveniently ignored, distorted or grossly exaggerated to suit the explanation. Here again the technique is used when the intent is to escape responsibility or to put things in a light more amiable to the person telling it.

Both, a complain and an explanation would have a fair bit of truth but it is the futility of it, when the damage has been done, that makes it most unsuitable. Again a complain or an attempt to explain would also be tinged with or laced with a concoction of convenient facts, possible half truths and occasionally distorted truths. The listener would always receive it with skepticism; analyze it for distortions and make judgments that could be more prejudicial than the real facts.

Try these:           

  1. You have been nominated to organize a picnic. You went about the task meticulously. However, there was a poor turnout for the picnic with quite a few last minute cancellations. The bus in which you had to travel came late, the air-conditioning was not working and it broke down once on the way. The venue of the picnic saw unprecedented crowds and the overall picnic was disappointing.
  • How would you share the picnic experience with a close friend from a different organization?
  • How would you brief your boss who was a last minute drop out?
  • HR writes to you stating that there was strong negative feedback from the participants about the organization of the picnic and seek your feedback on the same.

2. Assume you borrowed a valuable item from a friend.  What will you do when the time comes to return the same and the circumstances are as under:

  • You have lost/ misplaced it
  • You discover that the item has been seriously damaged.
  • You have a strong urge to keep it and not return it because you know it is much more useful to you whereas it will be junked in the friends place.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

The elimination diet

The elimination diet

The focus of a healthy diet is largely on what is good to eat and then on eliminating what must be avoided. To have a healthy mind and body a similar approach must be taken with emphasis on the emotions and feelings over which must exercise control and eliminate. That in turn will give space for healthy emotions and feelings to fill up and expand the quality of one’s life. The following unhealthy emotions must be eliminated so that one can have ample space to plant and nurture good emotions.

Anger – Anger they say is one letter short of danger. It is an emotion that is relatively easily provoked, often over trivial’s and frequently indulged in when the opposite party is a loved one who we often take for granted. The hacks to control anger include taking deep breaths, delaying any response to any provocation, responding instead of reacting, walking away from a potentially explosive situation etc. (Read more about Anger by clicking on the following link – https://actspot.wordpress.com/category/anger/ )

Regret – Looking back hoping things could have been different will never change the reality that you are in. Regrets only open up old wounds, create dissatisfaction with the present and drains a person emotionally. By eliminating regret, the focus shifts to the blessings of the present and using the opportunities available will open the doors to progress and success.  ( Read more about regret by clicking on the following link- https://actspot.wordpress.com/category/regrets/ )

Resentment – By hating someone and harboring thoughts of revenge all one is doing is fueling resentment for another. Resentment merely saps our energies by diverting it to imaginary, non productive and a dangerous path of self destruction. It is best to let bygones be bygones. Avoid people or situations that have got you grief so that you do not have to keep wondering about getting even. Instead focus on how you can succeed despite all the obstacles that you have had to face.

Guilt – While you may have some regrets about your behavior or the harm you caused others never let that guilt keep gnawing at your conscience. Ideally be brave enough to apologize and confess your mistake so that the slate is wiped clean. If you let guilt shadow you, the rest of your life you will be leading with one eye behind to see if the shadow is still around. It will slow down your effectiveness, make you less of a risk taker and send you on frivolous guilt trips that drain out your mental peace and energies.

Blame – Blame is the antithesis of responsibility. Blame is merely a way to pass on the buck. The responsibility is often never fixed on the right shoulders, the problems remain and blame only offers temporary let off. A blame game is the only game where there are no winners merely poor losers. It can also create animosity and bad blood leading to broken relationships. Occasionally blame also brings with it a fair share of guilt too. Growing up takes place when one is willing to shoulder responsibility; blame won’t nurture that.

Worry – Worry they say is like sitting on a rocking chair- lots of movement but not going anywhere. Worry never solves problems. It becomes a millstone round the neck that weighs a person down from performing her/ his best. Worry also triggers a wide variety of ill health physically, mentally and emotionally. It is best to embrace the reality and move on with life. The past cannot be changed; why waste time worrying over it. The future  is there for you to utilize; how about planning, thinking, working on making a wonderful future. ( To read more click on the following – https://actspot.wordpress.com/tag/worry/ and https://actspot.wordpress.com/category/past-2/ )

Try these:

  1. Make a list of the anger, regret, resentment, guilt, blame, worry that you still have within you. After writing it put the list in a small box and put the box away. It can help detoxify you from these negative emotions that you have held so long in your heart.
  2. When was the last time you did the following:
  • Apologized to someone who you had wronged
  • Let go of a guilt.
  • Forgave someone who had wronged you.
  • Took the blame for someone else’s mistake
  • Worried about something that never happened

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Don’t hold on to thrash

35- 29 Sept 17- Drop the trashOver years we accumulate a lot of knowledge, experiences and wisdom, yet we often ignore the basics. We need to de-clutter out minds, our hearts and cleanse ourselves of toxic emotions. We are forced to de-clutter our mobile phones when the memory is full yet when it comes to ourselves, we are not even aware of the need to adopt a similar approach. Midway through this year is a good time to spruce up our inner self so that we focus on the second half of the year with positive emotions, a forgiving heart and a wondrous attitude of hope.

Here are some pointers on what to drop, so as to de-clutter our life:

Regret – Perhaps one of the most common feelings experienced by everyone at some time or the other. The problem with regret is that we mull over what could have been rather than what we can. The past cannot be changed and yet it seems to unduly influence our thoughts, our actions and our future. We can of course learn from the mistakes we regret but one must not  make it the fulcrum of our future.

Hurt – We are hurt because we allow the feeling to pervade into our psyche. One cannot control the actions or responses of others. Equally importantly we need to recognize that each individual has his/ her own context and emotions which influence their responses.  While it is natural to take offence and feel hurt when actions or responses from others physically or emotionally scar us, the challenge is to get over the hurt quickest and forgive those who have hurt us.

Guilt – Knowingly or unknowingly we are all prone to make mistakes. The mistakes we make consciously e.g. losing our temper or being foul mouthed are more likely to leave us with a deep sense of guilt. At times some mistakes we make are a result of our inability to be strong and resist the forces that we know are wrong but powerful.

Fear – We have both rational fears and irrational fears. Rational fears are more in the nature of preparing for possibilities based on past experience, current facts and a reasonable anticipation of the future. However, most of our fears are imaginary and largely irrational. We fear the future as a catastrophy that can overcome us much and it is largely driven by the fear of superstitious beliefs. The future is rather unpredictable but we can, based on experience and intelligence prepare to face the future with a reasonable degree of confidence.

Anger – This is an emotion that is partly individualistic but largely driven by stress, fear and irrationality. Getting angry at a traffic jam or at a very small child who indulges in some disagreeable behavior is neither healthy for the person getting angry nor is it going to produce any positive outcome. Anger is good emotion when sparingly indulged in, for there could be both meaning and reasonability that produces desired outcome.  Flying off the handle at the slightest pretext is a futile waste of a strong emotion and a serious impediment to developing good relationships.

Shame – We have all gone through some embarrassing moments. However, some happenings could have caused us more pain in terms of embarrassment and consequentially we can never live down the accompanying shame. Failing and repeating a class is often the epitome of embarrassment during school days. Yet, the fact is over time no one really cares or highlights that aspect and instead they focus on how the person has evolved. As an adult in a moment of weakness one could have indulged in some unethical practices or behavior. The stigma will be hard to erase but that does not mean the individual cannot change for the better. While we must never forget our indiscretions, we must not let it be a major scar in the form of shame that overshadows our potential.

See how carefree and energetic you feel once you can de-clutter your life by getting rid of the unwarranted intrusions that subconsciously invade your mind.

Try these

  • What are the three most personally embarrassing situations that you have encountered? What percentage of blame do you allot to yourself for the said situation?
  • Outline three situations that anger you immediately. How often do you encounter it? What is the antidote to cope with your anger?
  • During the past few years which fears have you got over? Which fears still haunt you? How do you propose to confront the fears that still haunt you?
  • Do you regret hurting someone on purpose? When was the last time you forgave someone who wronged you?
  • This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Our two lives

4-28 Feb 15-Our two livesWe are not talking about this life and after life. Yet in a matter of sorts, it is an afterlife that comes, once we realize that for the larger part of our life we have been either living someone else’s dream or pursuing a life driven by fear of the unknown, greed for the insatiable and to compete with the worldly ways of those around us. Expectations, comparisons and subordination to others are the three root causes for us unknowingly leading a life not that we would love to lead but one that we force ourselves to lead.

To really live and lead the life that you crave, it is essential that a person be aware of who sets the expectations for you and what are those expectations. Often it is family but it could also be neighbors, teachers and other influential people in our life. They would, with good intent subtly nudge you to tread the beaten path, the one that many others have successfully trod on. Alas that deprives you of the opportunity to explore your dreams, your ideas, give expression to your talents and take risks that would give you a thrill. You will also soon be burdened by the comparisons made by others be it peers, friends, parents, extended family and well meaning influencers about your potential and the success possible. They would also subtly point out to you role models and equally subtly attempt to draw comparisons between you and them. Finally you succumb under the weight of the comparisons and expectations and unwittingly subordinate your dreams to those set by others. You will not take risks, be constrained to meet the standards set by others, possibly also lower your own standards of ethics and morals simply to cope with the demands placed on you.

Once you realize that you cannot afford to waste your life simply because you have just one life, that is when wisdom dawns on you to push aside all external pressures and to follow your heart and your dreams. To do this is not easy but it is very much possible. All you need to do is…

Let your passion lead you. Once you discover what you are passionate about, you will find a hundred different ways in which to pursue it. You will find a way to make every obstacle a stepping stone, every failure a learning experience and create opportunities where none exist. However, finding one’s passion is challenging because there are so many competing and lucrative alternatives that catch our fancy. Let our passion be something that wakes up each day with enthusiasm, make us feel confident of attaining and gives us reason to celebrate when going to bed each night.

Be disciplined. When a person is following his / her passion, nothing is every boring, dull or useless. You have a goal and you map out the way to attain that. However apathy, laziness and casualness are pitfalls that derail even the best laid out plans. You should be motivated, self driven, hardworking and optimistic to walk the talk and make things happen.

Have faith. Far too often, when we encounter some difficulties or impediments or roadblocks to our well laid out plans we tend to worry and even panic. We try alternatives but lack the conviction or self belief that the alternatives will work. Unfortunately we also expect quick changes that we seek and when these do not seem to happen we give up. We then tend to believe that the well intentioned suggestions of others could perhaps be the answer rather than the well thought out and passionate goals you have set for yourself. The key to realizing your passion and leading a life of fulfillment and contentment is in believing in your own abilities and goals.

Have no regrets. When one travels the road less travelled, often it is a lonely path that one furrows. You will experience discouragement, difficulties and disappointments along the way. At times the effort seems wasted, other times the goal seems too distant and occasionally you would wonder if you made a mistake. Never ever regret the courageous steps you took to live your dreams and lead your life. Every moment of that journey is an experience, a challenge you set for yourself and a step forward to your goals.

Try this:

What are the three alternative career choices you would have made if you had another chance today. ( Ensure that these are not wild thoughts but something that is possible even today ) Now list out what is holding you back from pursuing those dreams. Can you work around these to take a shot at what you are most passionate about?

If you haven’t already tried do you think you could attempt to explore your interests and talents in the following

  • Being a chef
  • Becoming a magician or juggler
  • Trying you hand as a Master of Ceremonies / Stand up comedy
  • Becoming a writer / photographer / artist
  • A guide at a museum / art gallery / nature trail
  • Be a coach for any sport in which you are competent

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com