Tag: Anger

The elimination diet

The elimination diet

The focus of a healthy diet is largely on what is good to eat and then on eliminating what must be avoided. To have a healthy mind and body a similar approach must be taken with emphasis on the emotions and feelings over which must exercise control and eliminate. That in turn will give space for healthy emotions and feelings to fill up and expand the quality of one’s life. The following unhealthy emotions must be eliminated so that one can have ample space to plant and nurture good emotions.

Anger – Anger they say is one letter short of danger. It is an emotion that is relatively easily provoked, often over trivial’s and frequently indulged in when the opposite party is a loved one who we often take for granted. The hacks to control anger include taking deep breaths, delaying any response to any provocation, responding instead of reacting, walking away from a potentially explosive situation etc. (Read more about Anger by clicking on the following link – https://actspot.wordpress.com/category/anger/ )

Regret – Looking back hoping things could have been different will never change the reality that you are in. Regrets only open up old wounds, create dissatisfaction with the present and drains a person emotionally. By eliminating regret, the focus shifts to the blessings of the present and using the opportunities available will open the doors to progress and success.  ( Read more about regret by clicking on the following link- https://actspot.wordpress.com/category/regrets/ )

Resentment – By hating someone and harboring thoughts of revenge all one is doing is fueling resentment for another. Resentment merely saps our energies by diverting it to imaginary, non productive and a dangerous path of self destruction. It is best to let bygones be bygones. Avoid people or situations that have got you grief so that you do not have to keep wondering about getting even. Instead focus on how you can succeed despite all the obstacles that you have had to face.

Guilt – While you may have some regrets about your behavior or the harm you caused others never let that guilt keep gnawing at your conscience. Ideally be brave enough to apologize and confess your mistake so that the slate is wiped clean. If you let guilt shadow you, the rest of your life you will be leading with one eye behind to see if the shadow is still around. It will slow down your effectiveness, make you less of a risk taker and send you on frivolous guilt trips that drain out your mental peace and energies.

Blame – Blame is the antithesis of responsibility. Blame is merely a way to pass on the buck. The responsibility is often never fixed on the right shoulders, the problems remain and blame only offers temporary let off. A blame game is the only game where there are no winners merely poor losers. It can also create animosity and bad blood leading to broken relationships. Occasionally blame also brings with it a fair share of guilt too. Growing up takes place when one is willing to shoulder responsibility; blame won’t nurture that.

Worry – Worry they say is like sitting on a rocking chair- lots of movement but not going anywhere. Worry never solves problems. It becomes a millstone round the neck that weighs a person down from performing her/ his best. Worry also triggers a wide variety of ill health physically, mentally and emotionally. It is best to embrace the reality and move on with life. The past cannot be changed; why waste time worrying over it. The future  is there for you to utilize; how about planning, thinking, working on making a wonderful future. ( To read more click on the following – https://actspot.wordpress.com/tag/worry/ and https://actspot.wordpress.com/category/past-2/ )

Try these:

  1. Make a list of the anger, regret, resentment, guilt, blame, worry that you still have within you. After writing it put the list in a small box and put the box away. It can help detoxify you from these negative emotions that you have held so long in your heart.
  2. When was the last time you did the following:
  • Apologized to someone who you had wronged
  • Let go of a guilt.
  • Forgave someone who had wronged you.
  • Took the blame for someone else’s mistake
  • Worried about something that never happened

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

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Don’t hold on to thrash

35- 29 Sept 17- Drop the trashOver years we accumulate a lot of knowledge, experiences and wisdom, yet we often ignore the basics. We need to de-clutter out minds, our hearts and cleanse ourselves of toxic emotions. We are forced to de-clutter our mobile phones when the memory is full yet when it comes to ourselves, we are not even aware of the need to adopt a similar approach. Midway through this year is a good time to spruce up our inner self so that we focus on the second half of the year with positive emotions, a forgiving heart and a wondrous attitude of hope.

Here are some pointers on what to drop, so as to de-clutter our life:

Regret – Perhaps one of the most common feelings experienced by everyone at some time or the other. The problem with regret is that we mull over what could have been rather than what we can. The past cannot be changed and yet it seems to unduly influence our thoughts, our actions and our future. We can of course learn from the mistakes we regret but one must not  make it the fulcrum of our future.

Hurt – We are hurt because we allow the feeling to pervade into our psyche. One cannot control the actions or responses of others. Equally importantly we need to recognize that each individual has his/ her own context and emotions which influence their responses.  While it is natural to take offence and feel hurt when actions or responses from others physically or emotionally scar us, the challenge is to get over the hurt quickest and forgive those who have hurt us.

Guilt – Knowingly or unknowingly we are all prone to make mistakes. The mistakes we make consciously e.g. losing our temper or being foul mouthed are more likely to leave us with a deep sense of guilt. At times some mistakes we make are a result of our inability to be strong and resist the forces that we know are wrong but powerful.

Fear – We have both rational fears and irrational fears. Rational fears are more in the nature of preparing for possibilities based on past experience, current facts and a reasonable anticipation of the future. However, most of our fears are imaginary and largely irrational. We fear the future as a catastrophy that can overcome us much and it is largely driven by the fear of superstitious beliefs. The future is rather unpredictable but we can, based on experience and intelligence prepare to face the future with a reasonable degree of confidence.

Anger – This is an emotion that is partly individualistic but largely driven by stress, fear and irrationality. Getting angry at a traffic jam or at a very small child who indulges in some disagreeable behavior is neither healthy for the person getting angry nor is it going to produce any positive outcome. Anger is good emotion when sparingly indulged in, for there could be both meaning and reasonability that produces desired outcome.  Flying off the handle at the slightest pretext is a futile waste of a strong emotion and a serious impediment to developing good relationships.

Shame – We have all gone through some embarrassing moments. However, some happenings could have caused us more pain in terms of embarrassment and consequentially we can never live down the accompanying shame. Failing and repeating a class is often the epitome of embarrassment during school days. Yet, the fact is over time no one really cares or highlights that aspect and instead they focus on how the person has evolved. As an adult in a moment of weakness one could have indulged in some unethical practices or behavior. The stigma will be hard to erase but that does not mean the individual cannot change for the better. While we must never forget our indiscretions, we must not let it be a major scar in the form of shame that overshadows our potential.

See how carefree and energetic you feel once you can de-clutter your life by getting rid of the unwarranted intrusions that subconsciously invade your mind.

Try these

  • What are the three most personally embarrassing situations that you have encountered? What percentage of blame do you allot to yourself for the said situation?
  • Outline three situations that anger you immediately. How often do you encounter it? What is the antidote to cope with your anger?
  • During the past few years which fears have you got over? Which fears still haunt you? How do you propose to confront the fears that still haunt you?
  • Do you regret hurting someone on purpose? When was the last time you forgave someone who wronged you?
  • This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

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The anger paradox

9 Coping with  anger

Every individual however calm and tolerant he/ she is will at times get angry either because they are provoked or because they are upset at what they observe and do not approve. The vast majority of us are quick to get angry, some because they are short tempered others because they are easily frustrated and some because they are idealists and seek perfection all the time. The irony is that most times our anger is justifiable but how we give in to our anger is questionable. We rave, we rant, we scream, shout, abuse, threaten and in extreme cases vent our anger in a physical form. Unfortunately the anger we express allows us to let off steam but rarely does it propel the relationship much further.

The intensity of our anger is largely expressed in direct proportion to the intimacy of the person to whom it is directed e.g. husband and wife or parent and children. In other cases the intensity is largely inversely proportionate to the level of the organizational hierarchy of the sender and receiver of the angry exchange e.g. the superior will inflict all his anger on the junior most subordinate and will sulk to express anger with a superior. With strangers the intensity of our anger depends on the situation, our perception of the individual at who we direct our anger and how effectively the quick release of anger calms us down. What is interesting is that having expressed our anger we do tend to get a sense of relief but very very rarely do we actually resolve the problem effectively. By expressing our anger we certainly convey our emotion but do not effectively convey the real problem nor do we get the full attention of those who we address. Most times expressing anger triggers defensive responses from the recipient who try to apportion blame or to justify the action or simply apologize and escape.

On the other hand if we can pinpoint to ourselves what exactly annoys, irritates and angers us, we would be able to explain our anger perhaps forcefully but certainly very effectively. Our anger is often a quick reaction to what we perceive as an action that is contrary to our expectations. At times our anger could be completely misplaced and if we explain our anger, we would perhaps get to hear a very plausible reasoning for the action. Explaining our anger would educate the recipient, it would also make the recipient better appreciate our point of view and most of all it will be enable the person explaining and the person listening connect and see the issue from the same perspective. Explaining anger would spur the recipient to proactively rectify the problem and this in effect means you are enabling a solution, resolving an issue and achieving our objective.

Expressing anger may give temporary relief to the person expressing it but explaining anger will certainly direct energy and action towards a more permanent solution to the problem.

Try this:

  • Can you recall 3 incidences where you were at the receiving end of somebody’s anger? Were you really guilty or culpable as indicated by the person admonishing you?
  • Think of one or two times when you expressed your anger only to sheepishly realize that your anger was completely misplaced. Do you think you could have handled the situation differently and more effectively with loss of face?
  • You were entrusted with Rs.5,000 in cash to be deposited in the bank. Since one of your office colleagues was going to the bank you asked her to deposit it on your behalf. Unfortunately her handbag containing your money was stolen on the way. How would you react to this situation? How do you expect the person who entrusted you with the money to react when you explain the matter to him.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

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A disaster called Revenge

Revenge could steal a man’s life until there was nothing left but emptiness. Louis L’Amour

The one problem with anger is that the next immediate thought that comes to mind is revenge. The problem with such a thought is that we are so consumed by that thought that we forget to enjoy life. It is another matter that most times we are unable to execute revenge because it is a double edged sword and often we only go around feeling bitter, hurt and frustrated. Revenge is perhaps a very human quality for the animal kingdom has never displayed such emotions, although there are stories about how some animals do have a long memory and do extract their pound of flesh when the opportunity presents itself. Perhaps we need to take this lesson from the animal kingdom that revenge is by and large a fruitless exercise that is best avoided.

Often the provocation for revenge is the feeling of being insulted, humiliated or unfairly treated. Ironically the animal kingdom is devoid of such emotions and they accept the simple law of the jungle that it is the matter of the ‘survival of the fittest’. When viewed from this angle, there is a case for the emotion of revenge, because the human race believes in the rule of civil society that is governed by rules, laws and regulations. More importantly some of the most human feelings of ego, jealously and pride pave the way for the feeling of revenge to be a legitimate outlet to vent our negative emotions lest we human beings go crazy when stressed out during our normal interactions. Yet the reality is that revenge is a very stressful emotion that invariably leaves very few winners rather it only leads to a painful existence for all involved who survive the revenge.

Once we succumb to the revenge virus, there is no antidote and only a strong sense of responsibility and common sense can ever pull us back from the potential threat of self destruction. Revenge is like a hand grenade with its pin removed but one which we are unable to lob too far. The resultant devastation would possibly hurt and destroy others but there is a very good chance that we too would be facing collateral damage. Revenge often consumes much of our time in planning, plotting, generating negative emotions all of which are directed at our potential target but which like a cancer actually eats us up within. Perhaps the most unfortunate aspect of revenge is that the process is long, passionate and emotionally charged but the post execution feeling is often a damn squib for there is nothing to drive us, occupy us or engage us thereafter. We are then left with a deep sense of emptiness that pervades our life and our existence.

Remember: “Revenge is a confession of pain” Latin Proverb

Try this:

  1. There are many books of fiction and movies that revolve around the theme of revenge. In almost all cases it is the Good triumphing over evil by taking appropriate revenge and there is a sense of fairness and justice. However read the book or watch the movie the ‘Godfather’ to get a better perspective of revenge and the price one has to pay for it. Notice that when Michael extracts revenge for the killing of his brother Sonny he has to thereafter leave family and friends behind and go on a long cooling off period to another country. Also pay attention to the various acts of revenge that are interspersed in the book.
  2. Recollect the times that you had a strong need to extract revenge. If you attempted revenge introspect about the net effect of that act. On hindsight would you have executed your plans?  Also ask yourself if the feeling of taking revenge is actually your way of acknowledging your emotional weakness and inability to cope with the pressures brought about on you be it in terms of tickling your ego or a feeling of being humiliated or insulted.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Anger & Fear

The angry people are those people who are most afraid. Dr. Robert Anthony

Aggression they say is the best form of defense and very often this logic succeeds because the counter party is too swamped or overwhelmed to respond effectively. It is this logic that is used by many a people many a time when they are on a weak footing and have their back to the wall. To hide they fear they use aggression, very often in the form of anger, to deflect the opponent, divert attention from the problem and to bulldoze the other into submission. While there may be temporary success, it is obvious that in the long run it wont hold up against someone who sees though your thin veneer of the angry performance.

 There are two lessons to be learned here. The first is that, if you are on the wrong, it best that you stop covering up and admit the fault rather than deflecting attention by aggression and anger. Your fear that you will be exposed can happen any which way because the probability of the truth succeeding is much higher than the untruth being camouflaged forever. It is also important to realize that when fearful we are prone to make more mistakes, tell more untruths, get stressed and will be mentally disturbed. This will take a toll on ones personal health, relationships and mental peace. The net effect is that we would be walking around fooling ourselves that we have a problem solved but always wary that the facade can be exposed.

 It is imperative that we be aware that an angry opponent is very often irrational in his/ her behavior and hence prudent confrontation is always advised. Bearing this in mind the second lesson is that when confronting someone who is angry; examine the source of the anger even while we maintain our cool. Remember a calm mind can think better and more rationally and so your arguments, logic and rebuttal to an angry outburst will be measured, firm and pointed. Often an aggressive, angry and  fearful opponent when cornered with facts, evidence and logic will make some attempts to heighten the tempo of his / her aggression but will never be able to keep it up for they suddenly realize that they are standing on a quick sand pit. They will then make attempts to reconcile and resole rather than confront and lose.

Remember: Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration. Dr Phil

 Try these:

The next time you lose your temper and after you have calmed down, ask yourself the following questions.

  1. Did I lose my temper because I didn’t get my way?
  2. Did the other party irritate me by being stubborn/ indifferent/ unresponsive/ loud/ boorish etc.?
  3. Was the other party right and was my anger more a reaction to my own helplessness?
  4. Was I cowed down or fearful of the fact that my own family members/ children disobey me and I feel powerless and try to assert myself by anger?
  5. Did the answers to the above enlighten you?

During the past month can you recollect the times and the reasons why you got angry and irritated?

  1. How many of these situations warranted your legitimate anger and how many of them were avoidable?
  2. When you get annoyed how do you express your anger?
  3. Do you shout, use foul language, sulk , threaten people or get physical?

 This post is courtesy www.actspot.com  

You are also invited to visit our weekly Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com