Tag: Betrayal

Two types of pain

33- 10 Sept 17- Two types of painEach of us must have experienced both forms of pain at various points in our life. The pain that hurts us can be physical pain or psychological pain. Physical pain, unless it is a permanent pain, is often forgotten once we are physically healed. The psychological pain on the other hand tends to remain with us for a much longer time, perhaps in some cases even lifelong. The trauma of pain that hurts is now better managed by medication, counseling and therapy, yet the experience often leaves an individual  scarred, bitter at times and definitely wary of going through the agony once again.

The same pain that we experience be it physical or psychological, can be channelized by every individual by using the right attitude and thinking to become a life changing experience. Not just life changing for the individual but also life changing for the people around, the circle of influence we can reach out to. The very essence of pain management is an excellent example of it. It is the result of years of experimentation and research done by individuals who dealt with people in pain and decided to reach out to alleviate the pain of such people. However, although most of us as individuals may not have the technical expertise to do the same, each of us can develop the right attitude and thinking to change our approach to managing our pain as well as the pain of those around us.

Accept what cannot be changed This is the toughest part of managing pain. Embracing the inevitable, making peace with the reality and looking at pain from the prism of positivity would enable an individual to accept the unchangeable faster and more whole heartedly. Death of a loved one, the loss of a limb or a physical transformation due to an accident or having an incurable disease like MND would require the individual to accept the reality that life is altered forever. Once an individual makes peace with this reality, reorienting the thinking is a relatively easier process.

Channelize your pain to transform your life – Be it your pain or you being a part of another’s pain would always impact your life. If a close friend or family member is in any type of pain, it impacts you also. You need to channelize the pain into seeing it as a way to learn some lessons be it reorienting your thinking or being made aware of people who you took for granted as being more dependable or finding your hidden reservoir of strength to mange yourself.

Empathize with those in pain – Be there for people who are in pain. Comfort them by your understanding, presence and patience. Divert their minds to pleasant thoughts, beautiful memories of the past and give them hope. Let them know that you share their suffering and that you would like to share their burden. Understanding the trauma of those in the throes of psychological pain is very tough because we tend to use logic or rationalize it. However, emotions run a lot deeper and they remain simmering within the individual. It is essential that those around try and draw the person out of his/ her trauma, reassure them of getting their life back on track and show them hope in the future. This can dull the pain, the fear and inject in them a strong desire to make a stronger comeback.

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional – This is the mantra that each one should adopt and share. Each of us will experience a variety of pain in varying degrees. We need to quickly get to grips with it and try to mitigate it by dwelling less on the suffering and instead focusing on how it is changing you to become stronger, more resilient and helping you discover your inner strength.

Try these

  1. List out 5 activities that give you maximum pain. The challenge is to confront each of them and to jot down the learning from it each time you confronted it.
  2. Attempt one or more of the following:
  • Visit an elderly / lonely neighbor once a week
  • Go to the local hospital and ask the social worker how you can help out
  • You can also visit a hospice or old age home or a home for the challenged
  • Visit a nearby park and notice people who seem alone/ lonely. See if you can strike a conversation with them and bring a smile to their face.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

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Be true to yourself or…

We are betrayed by what is false within. George Meredith

One of the easiest signs to spot is someone lying because there is an involuntary tendency to look away from the others person eyes while lying. Body language experts will be able to spot numerous meanings in our actions and mannerism which would reveal a lot more than what our words convey. The rule of the game is simple; we cannot hide our emotions even if we can mask our thoughts when expressing ourselves in words or deeds. It obviously stands to reason that it is best that we be true to our innermost feelings rather than put on a façade. Unfortunately the ways of the world are so crooked that we are forced to either adopt or adapt to that or risk being in a minority or being ostracized.

So the question one needs to ask is if the old adage of ‘honesty is the best policy’ still holds true in today’s world. The reality is that the adage still holds very true but its implementation poses a huge problem for the overwhelming majority. There are numerous reasons why the average person finds it difficult to traverse the straight and narrow path of transparency and honesty. To begin with, the general value systems of the world have undergone a major metamorphosis. We too naturally are pressurized to adapt to this change and therefore we rationalize our attitudes and behavior thereby deviating from our core values and morals. E.g. taking a gift from a supplier is not longer taboo for a purchase executive and giving it is the norm for the suppliers.  The purchase executive is certain that the gift won’t influence his decisions and the supplier is certain that the gift is just a token of festivity and won’t have any bearing on the business decisions.

The numerous temptations that abound are the second major reason for us being false within. We are constantly being lured by false advertisements, tantalizing models, quick rich schemes, false promises etc. Once we fall prey, then we are no longer ashamed of the consequences. Thereafter, we convince ourselves that we are indulging in harmless activity and that we are simply stretching the rule book to keep up with the times. Most of us lack the moral courage to be different from the crowd and to stand firm and true to our personal values systems. E.g a studious student who is pressurized to allow a dullard to copy from his answer sheet, will find it difficult to handle the group pressure exerted. Thereafter, the studious student in pursuit of getting full marks would not be too repulsed by the idea of copying if it means he can get that one mark that will make the big difference.

There are many times when our own falseness pricks our own conscience hard and some of us do try hard to traverse the road less travelled by. Many a time this happens when our bluff is called or when we find it too hard to suppress our person repulsion of our own double standards. This actually reflects the reality that sooner or later our falseness betrays us and we make a valiant attempt to right the wrong. It is rightly said that if one sticks to the truth then one will not have to remember the numerous lies that one would otherwise have to resort to order to keep our lie going. It is also good to be aware of our own tone, choice of words, rate of speech, mannerisms and body language for  they are the ones that betray us first when we are false inside. Eg. Sarcasm is all about interpreting the words spoken through the timing, the choice of words, the background of communication and the tone and style in which the comment is delivered.

Remember: “False happiness renders men stern and proud, and that happiness is never communicated. True happiness renders them kind and sensible, and that happiness is always shared.” Charles de Montesquieu

Try this:

  1. Play the card game called bluff. It succinctly brings out the difficulty of being poker faced when lying and the manner in which other interpret body language.
  2. Jot down the three most embarrassing moments when you lied and were caught red handed. Also jot down the three acts of falseness that you committed and were never caught but its memory makes you ashamed.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com