Tag: Communication

Be a rainbow in someone’s cloud

Be a rainbow in someone’s cloud

Look around and you will find lots of people looking for support, encouragement, help and empathy. It need not be strangers; it could be close family members, neighbors, colleagues, acquaintances; the common thread is each of them is suffering in various degrees. While some may merely need reassurance, there could be a few others who need a hand of comfort and others just need someone to lend them their ears. On the extreme end of the spectrum, there could be others on the edge of a nervous breakdown, contemplating hurting themselves or on the verge of committing suicide. There are a lot of people around us alone, afraid, lonely and seeking acknowledgement of their existence. Each of us can play a vital role in making the world around us a more lively, engaging and happier place by just being a rainbow in the life of those around us living under the shadow of a dark cloud threatening to rain and drown them.

Like the seven colors of the rainbow VIBGYOR here are seven ways you can be a rainbow for others.

Acknowledge – Begin by wishing your family members each morning. Similarly by wishing or saying a hello to neighbors, acquaintances, friends whenever we bump into them would be the very basic courtesy one can extend to another. As social animals, every individual needs the company of others to live a meaningful life. By simply wishing and acknowledging them we are offering them our warmth which is always reciprocated and warms us too. Incidentally, using basic etiquette’s like saying please, sorry, thank you, excuse me etc. also largely do the same thing; respecting their individuality while also being courteous.

Smile – No one wants to see a grumpy, grouchy, cry booby. A smile, laughter, joy  is always welcome. Nothing can be more invigorating than a smile. A smile not only evokes a pleasant response, it actually energizes the self too. (SMILE is nothing but an acronym for See My Instant Life Energizer – click to read more about it here – http://poweract.blogspot.com/2010/01/smile.html )

Talk – Communication is the thread that binds human beings. While non verbal communication is both powerful and perhaps more widely used, it is talk that is consciously acknowledged as the principal medium of communication. An acknowledgement by way of a nod or a smile are powerful non verbal tools of communication, talking with another helps strengthen relationships. It also opens doors to better understanding and is a quick way to connect more intensely with people.

Help – Action, they say speaks louder than words. So while talk as a means of communication is powerful, it is any action that is offered in terms of helping another is the icing on the cake of relationships.  Simple acts like picking up something that some has dropped or helping someone with a heavy luggage or just spending time with the elderly or sick,  is help that would be much valued. Helping someone in trouble, be it rescuing someone or taking someone to a hospital or babysitting, putting in word to someone influential to get a problem sorted, donating blood when required  etc. are opportunities that  are relatively much more valued than monetary help. At times monetary help too is required but that is subject to our own ability to help out.

Encourage – Encouragement takes many forms. The most obvious is when a person is down an out, giving them some motivational inputs and allying their worries and fears. Encouragement could also take the form of heartily congratulating success and nudging the person to up the bar. Encouragement could also be subtle hints with appealing logic on how to do even better, suggesting course corrections and in extreme cases discouraging individual from taking a path of failure or self destruction. Appreciation is a fantastic form of encouragement. Achievements, good deeds, extraordinary performance all need to be appreciated, for that encourages individuals aim for higher glory. Since man does not live on bread alone, he needs encouragement to nourish his/ her spirit too.

Surprise them – A phone call to a long lost friend or a letter to a former teacher, a visit to an elderly friend or relative can be varied forms of surprises. Similarly sending a surprise gift on a significant occasion that you are privy to would be warmly appreciated and make a big difference to people. Volunteering help, finding solutions to problems of people who least expect it from you would always be much valued.

Share their sorrows – Happiness shared is doubled and sorrows shared are halved so the saying goes. The brightest rainbows are those that appear after a heavy shower. Be that rainbow in the life of people who are going through tough times, serious difficulties and those battling personal tragedies.

Try these:           

Try volunteering your services using any of your abilities/ talents to orphanages, hospice, prisons, old age homes, homes for the differently abled / mentally challenged.

Think back and make a list of people and events in which you were the recipient of any or all of the above support that lit up your life when you were in gloom.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Your personalized visiting card

16- Your visiting cardYour radiating smile is the first thing that enables people to connect with you. It is what they look for when they meet you and that is what they expect no matter what the interaction is about. A smile gives all parties comfort, confidence and a comprehensive platform to communicate. It does not matter if it is a toothy smile or a hearty laugh, it is the genuineness in it that gives it an unique identity. It is your logo that people identify you with; one that gives everyone who interacts with you an anticipation of what to expect when they are with you.

While a smile sets the tone, it is your overall demeanor, which will reflect your personality and your uniqueness. Your manners, your etiquette’s, your dress sense, your communication skills, your attitude, your ability to put people at ease, your commitment etc. enable others to respect and appreciate you as a dependable individual.

Just as the proof of the pudding is in the eating, it is the image that you leave behind after each interaction that becomes your trademark. The expertise and maturity you display in your interactions would be valued as much as your ability to get results. You will command respect and be rewarded with trust. You will be valued as through professional and be sought for first especially when the chips are down. Similarly how you deal with customers and employees would be reflected in their interactions with you. A good way to judge how they perceive you is to note how many of them are willing to come and share their concerns as well as successes with you.

When you command respect you would realize that your visiting card is being valued !

Try these:

  1. List out three changes that your will make to overcome some limitations that hamper your personality.
  2. Who are the three most dependable personalities you have encountered in your professional life. For each individual, list out three remarkable qualities that endear them to you.
  3. Write a tag line for yourself. ( In one sentence write down, what would you like to be remembered for )

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Pain changes people

35-pain-changes-people

Broadly pain comes in two types- physical pain and emotional pain. Both types of pain are tough to deal with. However, the emotional pain is often the one most tough to cope with, because the emotional pain hurts from inside and is much more difficult to overcome. The physical pain can at times be excruciating too and equally difficult to cope with. The challenge of emotional pain is that it provokes questions like why me? What if? Will it change my life for the worse? Can I ever cope with it? that makes it hard for an individual to find satisfactory answers to. The result is that emotional pain triggers in us a negative attitude to people, lose confidence in ourselves and a ‘poor me’ syndrome overwhelms us.

Emotional pain is non physical pain. This means that the pain is felt in the head and heart. Death of a loved is the most common emotional pain but since death is a reality everyone has to deal with, most people can get over this pain over time. Of course there are exceptions like the sudden death of young person or the sudden death of a dear pet. However, emotional pain felt when a marriage breaks down or when one gets an unexpected pink slip or one is made aware of a serious ailment is much more difficult to handle. The most common response to emotional pain are as under:

Trusting less: Emotional pain, especially if it is the result of a disconnect with another person be it a lover/ spouse or employer would seriously affect the aggrieved party/ parties and would often result in them at least temporarily losing their confidence in other people. This means that going forward, it takes them time to let go of the past, are always wary of people around especially new people and would never make a commitment to a relationship personal/ professional without being circumspect about the future.

Thinking more:  Emotional pain always magnifies the problem in the eyes of the aggrieved person. It also makes a person think of various worse case scenarios, make them interject varied negative possibilities to a possible solution and largely make them feel victimized. The over thinking limits their vision to see effective alternative solutions. It also adds to their mental turmoil and consequently  it impacts their personal, social and professional  life.

Becoming a recluse:  People who are emotionally pained tend to become recluse. They shun social contact, prefer their own solitude and face psychological trauma. They find it hard to connect with people for they trust less, think more and believe that no one can help them. They wallow in self pity, have delusions/ fears of a second wave of trauma and adapt to solitude for company. Unfortunately that also means they have lesser chances of picking themselves out of their emotional rut.

Pain changes people. Life becomes harder; living even tougher and at times dying seems like a perfect escape.

Be aware of the dangers of letting emotional pain overwhelm us and make us irrational. As long as there is life there is hope. Listen to both your inner reason and to the advice of well meaning friends. Learn to trust your instincts as well as the voice of love and reason of your loved ones who would do all within their power to help you overcome your trauma. Do not cut yourself from the world around; remember man is a social animal and your best chance to be emotionally stable would be by interacting with others. After all sharing joy doubles it and sharing grief halves it.

Try these:

  1. List out 3 painful moments of your life. How did you react to each of these moments? Do you still feel that pain even today or has time helped you overcome the pain?
  2. So which of the following emotional baggage are you still carrying with you
  • Having a breakup
  • Having a dear one insult/ hurt you
  • Hearing a rude/ disrespectful / sarcastic comment about yourself
  • Being let down / cheated  by a dear friend / colleague
  • Being forced to sacrifice your ethics in order to succeed

How did the above effect you. What have you done to regain your confidence after facing the above?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

The anger paradox

9 Coping with  anger

Every individual however calm and tolerant he/ she is will at times get angry either because they are provoked or because they are upset at what they observe and do not approve. The vast majority of us are quick to get angry, some because they are short tempered others because they are easily frustrated and some because they are idealists and seek perfection all the time. The irony is that most times our anger is justifiable but how we give in to our anger is questionable. We rave, we rant, we scream, shout, abuse, threaten and in extreme cases vent our anger in a physical form. Unfortunately the anger we express allows us to let off steam but rarely does it propel the relationship much further.

The intensity of our anger is largely expressed in direct proportion to the intimacy of the person to whom it is directed e.g. husband and wife or parent and children. In other cases the intensity is largely inversely proportionate to the level of the organizational hierarchy of the sender and receiver of the angry exchange e.g. the superior will inflict all his anger on the junior most subordinate and will sulk to express anger with a superior. With strangers the intensity of our anger depends on the situation, our perception of the individual at who we direct our anger and how effectively the quick release of anger calms us down. What is interesting is that having expressed our anger we do tend to get a sense of relief but very very rarely do we actually resolve the problem effectively. By expressing our anger we certainly convey our emotion but do not effectively convey the real problem nor do we get the full attention of those who we address. Most times expressing anger triggers defensive responses from the recipient who try to apportion blame or to justify the action or simply apologize and escape.

On the other hand if we can pinpoint to ourselves what exactly annoys, irritates and angers us, we would be able to explain our anger perhaps forcefully but certainly very effectively. Our anger is often a quick reaction to what we perceive as an action that is contrary to our expectations. At times our anger could be completely misplaced and if we explain our anger, we would perhaps get to hear a very plausible reasoning for the action. Explaining our anger would educate the recipient, it would also make the recipient better appreciate our point of view and most of all it will be enable the person explaining and the person listening connect and see the issue from the same perspective. Explaining anger would spur the recipient to proactively rectify the problem and this in effect means you are enabling a solution, resolving an issue and achieving our objective.

Expressing anger may give temporary relief to the person expressing it but explaining anger will certainly direct energy and action towards a more permanent solution to the problem.

Try this:

  • Can you recall 3 incidences where you were at the receiving end of somebody’s anger? Were you really guilty or culpable as indicated by the person admonishing you?
  • Think of one or two times when you expressed your anger only to sheepishly realize that your anger was completely misplaced. Do you think you could have handled the situation differently and more effectively with loss of face?
  • You were entrusted with Rs.5,000 in cash to be deposited in the bank. Since one of your office colleagues was going to the bank you asked her to deposit it on your behalf. Unfortunately her handbag containing your money was stolen on the way. How would you react to this situation? How do you expect the person who entrusted you with the money to react when you explain the matter to him.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Life has many choices… so what is your choice?

13-30-Life has choices...what is yoursThe toughest part of life is taking decisions. Unfortunately all our life we will be constantly facing this dilemma because almost all the time we are blessed with choices and we have to decide what to choose. Remember the battle with the alarm every morning when it is time to wake up? Confused about what to have for breakfast / what to wear etc.? On hindsight, each one of them is a minor decision as compared to the major decisions you have to make regarding your career, your future, your savings, your life partner etc. Yet there is one decision that you need to make that would determine how you are perceived by the world at large and one that will decide your fundamental happiness; the decision to be yourself.

Being yourself seems to be the easiest thing to do but in reality it is very tough because

You seek acceptance of all what you do or say

You would ideally like to project a picture perfect picture of yourself

You would like to have an impact or influence on the people and the world around.

However it is possible to find greater acceptance of the person you are, project yourself in more favorable light and leave your footprints on the sands of time. What you need to do is groom yourself right, develop the right social skills and values systems, iron out your weaknesses and then when you project yourself it is a well rounded personality that comes to the fore.

Here are a couple of things that one must focus upon so as to comfortably be yourself and find acceptance by many and also touch many lives.

1. Cultivate good manners

2. Enhance your vocabulary and communication skills

3. Be truthful

4. Groom yourself well / dress appropriately

5. Learn to appreciate and compliment

6. Develop empathy

7. Control your temper

8. Keep calm no matter what the crisis

9. Be respectful no matter what the provocation

10. SMILE

Try this:

  • How would you want people to describe you after they have frequently interacted with you?
  • Name three people other than your family members who have had a profound impact on you?
  • If you were to be marooned on an island which person personally known to you would you prefer to be your companion on that island.
  • What is the one most endearing quality you seek in a person who you consider your friend.
  • If in a sudden crisis who is the person you would reach out to first ?
  • Your best friend is in serious trouble with the law. You are aware that he is guilty. How and what and when would you communicate with him/ her?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Keeping friendships alive

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept. Samuel Butler

Ever notice how our income barely seems to help us keep our expenses covered even if we are earning more and more each year. The reason for this is very simple; we really don’t pay attention to our money matters as much as we should. Now if we substitute the word money with the word friends, we notice that we have made so many friends but find it hard to really maintain the relationship. The reason is the same; our inability to take care of our friendships.

In today’s technology facilitated world, making friends across the globe is passé. Yet while we may see many of them online for example, either we do not converse with them or they are too busy. Over time we delete these contacts with no remorse. Technology allows us that liberty without any pangs of conscience but in real life, we rarely delete but we rarely connect either. When we look back at the close friendships we have made in school, college, our neighborhood, at work etc. we find that we are open to most people when making friends. However when we interact more closely we could be changing our opinion and then the friendship starts to fizzle.

To begin with any friendship to be called one needs to be developed and this is a time consuming process. There has to be some commonality of interests for a friendship to begin and flourish. More importantly the wave length of friends should match so that there is understanding, tolerance, mutual respect and a strong bonding. These are traits that are discovered slowly as one nurtures a friendship. There are three pillars of friendship Communication , Trust and Openness. All friendships are built up on this foundation and so it is important that one is not only aware of this but also makes an effort to strengthen each of these qualities in our interactions with friends.

Communication is of course a two way process and unless both parties interact and share thoughts ideas fears hopes expectations and very often discuss on mutually interested topics and also indulge in talking shop, the friendship will not really flower. Of course we must be careful that we are not too blunt or insensitive while communicating or else we would be making a very counter productive move. Trust is the soil in which the seeds of bonding are sown and it is here that friendships take roots and sprout into a life long bonding. We have to be careful that we never betray anyone’s rust in us for there is no second chance when trust is betrayed. Openness is the fertilizer that nourishes the friendships and ensures that the growth is healthy, robust and invaluable. Openness is tough because we expose ourselves and we hope that our open communication is accepted with out bias and the underlying trust is never shaken.

Remember: Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”

Try this:

  1. Take a fresh look at the names appearing in your friends list in your email contacts, chat lists, social networking sites etc. Are there some people who you should delete to make the list more manageable? Are there others who you realise have been unfairly ignored but need to be communicated with. Go ahead and do just that.
  2. Ask yourself if you prefer an email greeting or an old fashioned snail mail greeting card / letter. Make a list of people whom you feel will much appreciate a and written letter and personalized card. Ensure you write the note and get a card and if possible go and deliver it personally to such people. The recipients need not be friends of your age but could be teachers, friends of your parents or neighbours who have moved away.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

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