Tag: Disappointments

Disappointments are inevitable…but you can overcome them !

Dissapointments are natural...but...

How many of you reading this feel they are always unlucky and never win be it a lottery, or a game of tambola / housie or just a lucky draw at a raffle? Disappointment is a natural corollary at the end of any such game for all those who never win and worse still miss out on winning by a whisker. There are others who seem to be very lucky but are disappointed that they never win the big stakes. Perhaps most of us see these as minor disappointments of everyday life and get over our disappointments in these situations quickly.  However, the larger disappointments come from our self set (often unrealistic) expectations; be it grades in exams, winning a match, meeting a deadline, meeting a commitment or it could be expectations related to  a large salary rise or  a promotion or worse still expectations from our children in their scholastic, personal and professional life.

One consolation that softens the pain of disappointment is the realization that everyone suffers disappointments albeit in varying measures. However, it is coping with disappointments that are a huge challenge for us.. While the techniques to cope would vary it is essential to be aware that we should not let disappointments become an excuse nor let it fester in our minds and poison our thinking and actions. Here are a couple of pointers to overcome disappointments, quickly regain our composure and motivate us to strive for something even better than what we didn’t get.

Accept disappointments as inevitable: No matter how well planned and careful one is circumstances are uncontrollable and obviously disappointments will lurk around. Escaping disappointments is not an option and accepting this reality is the first step in coping with disappointments. Eg. Flight delays can be very frustrating just as not getting reservations be it for travel or at the theater can be equally disappointing.

Put disappointments in perspective:  Well some disappointments will always be more painful than others. It is our ability to be rational and pragmatic about the disappointment that will bring equanimity into our life. E.g. Not getting a ticket for a movie could be huge disappointment if you were with a date but a flight delay could be terrible if you were to miss an important long haul connecting flight because of the delay of the first flight. In either case it is essential to reconcile to the reality and make the best of the inevitable situation you are faced with.

Seek a positive in the disappointment: To make the best of the inevitable situation you find yourself post the disappointment, force yourself to find a pleasant alternative. This needs a little imagination, a spark of creativity and a stout heart to overcome the disappointment. E.g. If stuck in a stopover town due to a delayed flight, the best option is to explore /discover the nuances of the place. If you missed out on getting tickets you alternatives could range from a surprise fine dining experience to exploring alternative entertainment options or simply going on a drive.

Focus on the many blessings you have: Pause for a moment and think of all the things that you are blessed with. Loving family, decent lifestyle, good education, freedom to pursue your dreams and the list is endless. So the disappointments you encounter are mere blips in an otherwise reasonably good life. Learn to let go of the disappointments and instead embrace the fortunes that you are blessed with.

Be aware that no disappointment can overcome your spirit: Disappointments are equivalent to the little pricks that one has to endure when romping through the woods. We never give up on our trek or hike merely because of a couple of untoward mishaps or stumbles or a scraped knee. It is our enthusiasm that props up our spirit, strengthens us to endure and motivates us to the very end. We need to realize that it is this same spirit in much larger doses that will always insulate us from giving up when faced with disappointments.

Try this:

 

How will you cope with the following disappointments?

  1. You are unable to recollect the location of an important document that you remember having kept very safely.
  2. You are in rush to catch a flight and discover that your car won’t start and you have reach the airport on time.
  3. You pick up your favorite coat and notice a large ugly stain on it.
  4. A long lost friend is visiting you and gifts you something. On opening the gift you find it is something that you craved for but it has the most terrible color that you despise immensely.
  5. You are invited to be the keynote speaker at a prestigious seminar. You have worked hard on your speech but on the day of the address, you wake up feeling feverish and with a terrible sore throat. 

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Overcoming Disappointments

13-24-Dissapointments are natural...but...

Disappointments arise when outcomes do not meet expectations. As human beings we tend to brood longer over our disappointments but relish our successes fleetingly. Ask yourself how often you complaint, whine, criticize, find fault, get upset / angry, feel hurt, pass on blame, keep regretting, try to be alone/ silent etc. On the other hand how often do you smile, praise, thank, appreciate, remain enthusiastic, compliment others, be the company of others, say/ do something positive spontaneously etc. Your honest answers would give you a clue to how you cope with disappointments which are unavoidable but never unmanageable.

Even if we are optimists and have a positive attitude we can still be disheartened and disillusioned by major disappointments. If we are pessimistic and have a tinted outlook then it becomes imperative that we find ways and means to cope with the disappointments that we would encounter off and on.

Here are a few strategies to cope with disappointments.

It can’t get worse. Imagine you failed in your exams. You lose a year now. It has happened; but now you can honestly tell yourself that it is the worst possible outcome but it can’t get worse than this. Once you make this profound discovery moving on with life becomes relatively much easier than brooding over the why it happened; if only I studied more; perhaps I should have taken a chance and cheated and the numerous such thoughts that keep swimming in your head.

Thank god it is only this much. Recently a family member came home way past midnight and gently broke the news that he met with an accident. Obviously you are rattled and then shocked to see the person swaddled in bandages. Once you get over the initial shock the next natural progression is to seek more information about what happened all the while berating the person for being careless and irresponsible. Once we have calmed down and get hold of ourselves we rationalize that thank god it wasn’t worse. From then on we are able to handle the shock and disappointment with more pragmatism and acceptance.

Ok so how do I limit the damage? You are frantically searching for an important document and to your horror and terrible disappointment you just can’t seem to locate it. Your panic is matched only by the disconcerting feeling that you are heading for disaster. You search every nook and corner, you can rummage through every drawer and cupboard, you vent your frustration and then fall on your knees seeking divine intervention; alas all in vain. The quicker you get hold of your emotions the better the chances of finding an alternative solution that will help limit the damage perhaps even find an alternative solution.

What is good about the situation? Your team has played and excellent match in which you dominated the opponents and yet you lost the game thanks to a freak goal by the opposition. It is hard to come to terms with such heartbreaking disappointments. The results can be overturned; the missed chances cannot be retrieved; a blame game won’t help. A debriefing by the coach however can turn up a surprising number of useful and invaluable insights about the game. The mistakes made, the attitude and approach of the players, the chinks in the opponents armor than can be exploited next time around, the difference in play in both periods of the game; all of these are more seriously imbibed when the bitterness of disappointment is more acute.

Nothing can overwhelm me. You reach the airport only to be told that your flight has been cancelled and your connecting flights and holiday plans have in simply gone for a toss in a jiffy. Anger, frustration, helplessness, sadness, panic seem to engulfing you. Your mind is in a whirl, you can’t focus and you are in a tizzy. Quickly take deep breaths and calm yourself. While asking the reason for the flight cancellation may be a natural instinctive reaction, wasting time delving into it would be both fruitless and frustrating. Instead, focus on outlining the alternatives to salvage the situation. Take proactive action to implement your plans and be pragmatic about your subsequent actions.

This too shall pass. Pause and think; how many disappointments have actually
ruined your life or brought it to a complete standstill. The fact that you are 
reading this is proof that you are hale and hearty despite the many 
disappointments that you would have faced in your life. The reality of life
mandates that each of us will have triumphs (success) and disasters
(disappointments)  and the trick to overcome disappointment is to remember
Rudyard Kipling’s lines in his poem IF 
If you can meet with triumph and disaster 
And treat those two imposters just the same;

For neither success not failure is permanent… for this too shall pass. 

Try this:

  1. You overhear your best friend criticizing you.
  2. You were hauled up by your superior / school management for an aberration done by someone else and no amount of pleading your innocence can cut any ice with them.
  3. You encounter a flat tyre on deserted stretch of the highway.
  4. You press the buzzer during the tie breaker of a quiz final and discover that the right answer is on the tip of your tongue but alas you are unable to articulate it on time.
  5. You go to highly rated restaurant and to you horror the food is awful and disappointing.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Handling disappointments

“Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.”   Eliza Tabor

None of us want to face disappointments in any form but we try to be ready to face it when it comes, for the one reality we all agree upon, is that disappointments are an inevitable part of life. While not getting a ticket for a big game could be a small disappointment, missing a connecting flight could be a bigger disappointment and for a start player missing out on playing a big game because of a freak injury could be a devastating disappointment. Funnily enough disappointments could also take on varied hues depending on one’s perspective. A student hell bent on standing first could be bitterly disappointed if he/she misses goal that mark by a single mark but it is also possible that the person standing first is more devastated that despite standing first he/she could not get admission to a college of his/her choice. Disappointments are therefore all a matter of perspective.

The real challenge, irrespective of how terrible the disappointment is, hinges on coping with it. There are 3 ways of doing this and the three ways can be used individually or in consonance with one another which will actually turn the disappointment into affirmative success.

Accepting the reality.  When faced with a disappointment, we console ourselves that perhaps it was inevitable and thereafter we attempt to ignore it. While this is a good strategy when  no other strategy works (as is the case where we miss a connecting flight because of a delay in our original flight or when an unexpected injury denies us the opportunity to play in a big final game) it leaves us feeling a wee bit sorry for ourselves. However when we face a disappointment as a reality that cannot be wished away we come to terms with it and see it as an inevitable part of growing up and a slice of life. (The penalty shooting expert who misses his shot in the shootout could be so overcome with remorse that he may lose all confidence in his/ her own ability unless they accept the fact that 100% success is never guaranteed )

Seeing the positives. This is tough because we need to make that extra effort to overcome our disappointment and actually try to connect dots to visualize the learning and the positives. Here the battle between our emotional self and our rational self is inevitable and the latter takes much more time to embed itself in our psyche. However with a healthy dose of self esteem,  a sense of proportion and the tenacity of purpose one can train the mind to be more stable, visualize more pragmatically and creatively assimilate the facts to draw up a blueprint of success and overwriting the script of temporary setbacks and disappointments. Edison exemplified it when he attempted as is said more than a 1,000 different items in his quest for the filament for the electric bulb and with each failure is remarked to have said ‘ now I know that this too will not work’.

Moving beyond the past. Most of us are guilty of either gloating on our past success or more frequently ruing the past disappointments. While me must soak in the success that come our way and reflect on the disappointments so as to learn from it, it would be foolhardy to be caught in a time wrap and remain in the past. Particularly when it comes to disappointments, we must take up the challenge of recouping, reinforcing and redeeming ourselves by displaying our resolve, learning and performance in overcoming our disappointments.  It is when we succeed that we really put behind our past failures and recognize the core of our spirit and ability.

Remember: “The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.”  Robert Kiyosaki

Try this:

  1. Think of the 3 big disappointments and how you coped with it
  • In your school days
  • In your teenage days
  • In your professional / personal life
  1.  How will you cope with the following disappointments?
  • Your favorite sports team loses at the last moment in the finals to a much less fancied opponent.
  • You misplace your free VIP ticket to your favorite singers live concert
  • Your prized mobile gifted by your spouse /girlfriend/ boyfriend/ parent slips and is crushed to bits by a passing car
  • You have presented a well researched and well drafted report but you are humiliated in front of an outside audience by your boss for a typographical error that you believe is relatively insignificant to the overall contents of the report .

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com