Tag: Ego

Forgiveness is sweet revenge

Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge. Isaac Friedmann

On the face of it, the very thought of forgiveness being sweet sounds like a sugar coated pill bitter inside but sweet on the outside. When we add the word revenge the whole meaning changes and now it has become as effective as chemotherapy with side effects, for the cure is almost as bad as the disease but then it cures. The reality though is that forgiveness is very tough for it requires a very large heart, a bigger attitude and tremendous courage of self belief. This is mainly because, we cannot forgive when our ego is hurt, if the hurt and bitterness is very painful , if our trust has been betrayed and if our anger has never subsided. Even worse is a situation where we are convinced that an eye for an eye is the best policy to be followed in life.

However if we pause to have a relook at forgiveness, we would realize that in the long run forgiveness heals us more than anyone else. When we carry our hurt, we are spreading a slow poison inside us, the guilt gnaws at our conscious from time to time, the need to extract revenge pricks our ego very often and a good part of our life is spend in bitterness and frustration.  Instead if we made up our mind to forgive, we would be happy in the realization that a big load is off our chest and very ironically, our enemy who is forgiven suddenly has the burden of living with his conscious. It is in transferring our burden to our enemy by forgiving him /her that we extract sweet revenge.

In forgiving we are taking a conscious decision to let bygones be bygones and to exonerate those who have wronged us. For many of us this is a very painful and heart wrenching decision because we may have suffered immensely, there is social pressure on us to prove ourselves by extracting revenge and  psychologically it becomes painful to hate someone whom we have forgiven but we find it very hard to both forget and love those whom we forgive. Yet in this one life changing moment when we forgive, there is a peace that nestles in ourselves that we have overcome the barrier of hate, bypassed the need for revenge and made our oppressor a victim of our magnanimity. In that final twist in the tale we taste the sweet revenge that is embedded in forgiveness.

Remember: “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain

Try this:

  1. Think of a couple of people who may have hurt you in some deep and painful manner either by abusing you/ insulting you/ ignoring you/ lying to you/ gossiping about you/ etc. Ask yourself if you still are carrying the hurt with you long after the episode is over. Try to forgive those who were hurtful to you. If possible ensure they are made aware else just let your mind be free of their injustice. See the difference in your life thereafter.
  2. Look back and see if others have asked your pardon and you have refused to forgive them. This is the right time to reach out and forgive them. It could be someone who accidentally put you in trouble, some who lied to you, a person who refused to obey orders, a person who misunderstood you etc.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Forgiving ones own self

How unhappy is he who cannot forgive himself. Publilius Syrus

Many of us live with regrets and those regrets never let us enjoy our life to the fullest. There is always that lingering feeling of uneasiness that mars our bliss, spoils our fun and restrains our exuberance. What compounds our misery is that our regrets are of our making, they are often not life threatening but would certainly qualify to be life altering and they can be overcome with patience and resilience, provided we are prepared to let go the hurt, erases the pain from our heart and mind and accept the reality that the past cant be changed. Most regrets are relationship related and we could either be the culprit or the victim and it takes tremendous fortitude to overcome the past and forgive ourselves.

We do not forgive our selves particularly when we have hurt people very close to us or when we realize that we have let down those close to us because of our own folly. Many a time children regret their rather brash and rude behavior with their parents much later in life and by then there is a perceived divide that the child in us cant forget but which the parent has forgiven and possibly forgotten. Anger is a key trigger that ignites uncouth behavior and threatens relationships. When in anger we resort to plain speak often bordering on the uncouth, make wild and hurtful accusations, twist facts to hurt and humiliate others at whom we are angry and even lapse into making wild assumptions that translate into pitiful laments and harsh accusations. Then when we are more clear headed, we often become remorseful and regret our actions and continue to wallow in self pity.

Our plight is made miserable by the reality that the past can’t be undone and much as we wish we cannot erase those memories from our life. The challenge for us is to get to terms with this reality and realize that just as we have the power and the need to forgive others, we have to exercise this power to forgive ourselves too. To do this, we first need to accept the reality that the past can’t be changed nor can the painful memories be erased. Then possibly we can attempt to minimize the guilt by apologizing to the aggrieved party/ parties if possible. This is very very tough because it is an admission of our own errors and to admit that means hurting our own ego. Thereafter it is then essential that one genuinely feels sorry for the indiscretions (Catholics have the sacrament of Confession which is wonderful heart cleanser if practiced with earnestness). In cleaning our heart and mind by using the twin detergents of apology and remorse, we will have forgiven ourselves. 

No sooner we manage to forgive ourselves a big burden is lifted off our backs and we begin to breathe easy, feel rejuvenated and begin to view our surroundings in new light. There is a spring in our step, a glow o our face and a warmth in our hearts that will automatically be transmitted to all those whom we come in contact with. There is no more regret, no more guilt and no more unhappiness. 

Remember: Forgiveness is a funny thing.  It warms the heart and cools the sting.  ~William Arthur Ward 

Try this:

  1. Recollect at least 3 situations when in your anger you have either hurt/ humiliated/ insulted /ignored /answered back / accused unfairly / shouted at someone. Ask yourself if you now regret that behavior. Do you still carry the burden of that indiscretion. If yes work out a way to forgive yourself of that guilt. 
  2. If someone who hurt you and insulted you terribly sought your forgiveness would you be able to forgive easily and freely. If not ask your self if your digging a grave of regret for yourself. If you can forgive freely, examine your own feelings thereafter and feel yourself unburdened and relaxed.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com 

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog   www.poweract.blogspot.com

Nurturing friendships

Hold a true friend with both your hands. Nigerian proverb

First of all, apologies to all my readers for uploading this blog a wee bit late. As I was out of town, despite my best efforts this post and the subsequent post could not be written and uploaded on time.

One of the things that money can never buy is a good friend. Unfortunately money attracts a lot of friends but most of them are more interested in the good things that our money can buy and ultimately almost all these friends turn out to be fair weather friends. It is those friends who we make more because of our common bonding, comfort level and above all implicit trust who will become our confidant, companion and collaborator. Yet we would make the painful realization that many a time, some of our closest friends have faded away from our lives and it is only much later that we wake up to the realization that we have missed out on an invaluable relationship.

If we are to look back and trace the roots of how and when these friendships started fading away, the one striking realization we would make is that invariably most friendships faded because of a break down in communication. When either we have not kept in touch with them over extended periods of time or vice versa, the bonding that is originally sealed gets weakened and gives way and then before we realize it, the friendship has ceased to exist. Other times, misunderstandings and mistrust snip of the thread of friendship and then it is very difficult to sew the whole thing up again. In fact good friendship gone bad can actually lead to enmity which is the opposite of friendship.

 It is clear therefore that friendships may blossom suddenly but it is imperative that we nurture it with care and affection. It is essential that we make the realization that no one can take friendships for granted. There are so many emotions at play in a friendship, that it is imperative that we pay close attention to how these emotions have a bearing on friendships. The most important thing is never to take emotions of our friends for granted. Sometimes a mild teasing or a sarcastic comment or a hurtful remark could spark out tensions between friends and be very damaging to the relationship. Other times our impatience, our inability to listen or our habit of not taking our friends into confidence can have serious negative repercussions on friendships. We must also watch out for our own emotions that maybe triggered by our own ego, emotions or poor judgment that may precipitate a crisis that can strain a friendship.

The one common balm that can always ensure that friendships will endure and can be mended is honest communication. At the first signs of a strain in friendship or relationships, the moment we are uncomfortable with some thought, idea or observation of a friend or when we have the urge to clarify or apologize to a friend, we must instinctively use all means of communication to reach out. We are fortunate to live in an electronic age where we have so many varied and discreet ways of communicating effectively we need to use all those means. It would also help if we develop that ability to be proactive and actually take the lead in surprising friends with little gifts, some surprises and some out of the way pampering. We often do it when in love with someone of the opposite sex, but seem to miss out on using it to nurture the real friendships. Finally leaving aside all our ego and hurt aside we must develop the fine qualities of apologizing and forgiving. With these twin balms in our custody, all hurt and ill will can be got rid off and we can nurture friendships to bloom all the year round life long.

Remember. : Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose  Tennessee Williams

Try this:

  1. Look back and recollect 3 good friendships that you could not nurture and wish you could be in touch with them and review the old bond. Are there some tips from the above blog post that you believe that you can immediately implement to activate those friendships?
  2. With the New Year season around the corner how about exploring the possibilities of getting gifts for some friends and surprising them?  Don’t wait for the New Year’s eve to do it. Go today and explore possibilities both for friends and family.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog   www.poweract.blogspot.com

Forgive and…

I firmly believe a great many prayers are not answered because we are not willing to forgive someone. Dwight L. Moody

When we hold a grouse against another, we not only carry a deep resentment but there is a lot of ill will that we wish upon that person.  We work up a frenzy within us, seek retribution in return for our agony that we endure and take delight in our foes distress and pain. We even convince ourselves that forgiveness is a crime and so we cling on to our morbid pleasure of hating that person and slyly look out for some ill happening in that person’s life. Notice that in this whole process there are three things that are actually backfiring on us. We are not able to focus on anything constructive, we do not generate or emit positive energy and we are obsessed with our foe and end up neglecting our own self. It is precisely these reasons that impede us from praying in faith and reaping its bounty. Let us understand each of these impediments a little more in depth.

Have you ever tried to concentrate on some task soon after going through an ordeal? You would notice that you are distracted, a sinking feeling constantly overpowers your emotions and the task on hand seems overwhelming. Your thoughts constantly seem to go back to the source of our discomfort and hence you are uneasy and disturbed.  Under the circumstances even a pleasurable task like watching TV or reading a good book seems like a burden. Something similar happens when we carry a grudge and are unable to forgive another. Then our joys are muted, our prayers sound hollow and we lack the conviction to seek in hope and receive in faith. Obviously then it is no wonder that most times our prayers remain unanswered when our hearts are fully of revenge and there is no space for peace and tranquility.

With angst in our heart, revenge in our mind and ill will overpowering our emotions, all the positive energy is sapped out of us.  When we transmit negative energy around, it is near impossible to expect positive outcomes.  Just as a rotting corpse will attract the vultures and the wild animals, negative energy will attract only cold vibes, churn up the existing tranquility and saddled us with undesirable outcomes. When the environment is vitiated the tempo slows down, our actions are leaden and our prayers are half hearted, cold and sprayed with the foam of hate, wickedness and malice which has filled out heart and refuses to subside.

Finally, when we cannot forgive, our mind, thoughts and heart have only the destruction and ill will for our foe uppermost in our mind. With our concentration on our foe so overpowering there is little time for us to pray for our own needs and even if we did mange it, most times it would be so negative in its desires (possibly seeking bad tidings for our foe) that the prayers cannot be answered. Yet we continue to pray partly mechanically, partly in fond hope and mainly to unburden our consciousness. With the spirit missing out of prayer, it is no wonder that our prayers remain unanswered. The best way out is then to forgive our enemies, cleanse our heart and mind and then pray fervently and lo and behold even if our prayers are answered with a NO we will accept that answer with gratefulness.

Remember: “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” Paul Boese

Try this:

  1. It is not easy to forgive someone who has wronged you a lot. Yet if you want to, it is better to take help from a matured common friend who can facilitate the forgiving process.  Sometimes the person you haven’t forgiven is long gone from your life and yet the resentment stays.
  2. Read some stories  from the Chicken Soup series on forgiveness and empathize wit those who have shared their stories of forgiveness.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

The greatest mistake…

The greatest mistake you can make is to be continually fearing you will make one. Elbert Hubbard

Fear paralyzes and that in two words is the only problem with fear. Unfortunately those two words are responsible for a whole life time of failures, dashed hopes, unfulfilled potential, abject performances and even financial woes. When we are afraid, our natural instinct is self preservation and this means taking evasive action pronto. Moe often than not the flight response is so dominant that we are mentally set to flee long before the feared possibility even appears on the horizon. However when we are suddenly faced with a fearful situation, often we find ourselves quaking in fear and rooted to the spot unable to move or react.

One of the most commonly experienced fears is the fear of making a mistake. Perhaps this is one of the chief reasons why the majority of the population around the world is terrified of public speaking.  Usually if we maintain status quo the chances of making a mistake are minimized for then we haven’t triggered anything that will be linked back to us. However while most times we can get away with doing nothing, there are many critical times when being paralyzed with fear can be life threatening. Take the case of a person trapped in the topmost floor of a high rise building on fire who is asked to cross over to the next building by slithering across the ropeway attached. The fear of the fire and the fear of heights can trigger panic in the person who might end up immobile.  A similar fate could befall a person who suddenly encounters a big cat like a lion or a tiger in the jungle.

A situation that drives people crazy with fear is the possibility of public humiliation if one commits a faux pas or mistake in public. Rather than seeing a mistake as a natural outcome of action gone wrong, people with a tremendous ego, fragile confidence or those who are timid by nature avoid any situation that brings them to the spotlight. As a result some of the most talented people never display their talent or ability and lead an inglorious life, punctuated with regrets and envy of others. There are many others who are so fearful of mistakes that instead of learning from mistakes, they are constantly trying to cover up, give excuses, find fault with extraneous things and absolve themselves of all responsibility. In the long run their growth is stunted, their potential remains unfulfilled and at best they play second filled all the time.

The best way to overcome the fear of mistakes is to realize that the vast majority of mistakes are never fatal. Equally important is the realization that mistakes will happen no matter how well one prepares. Eg. Look back at the numerous silly mistakes you made while answering your examination papers. Perhaps they may have cost you a merit rank but it never dampened your enthusiasm to do better next time. Mistakes are a humbling experience and reveal to us our human weakness and fragility. Finally if  one has  benefited from a mistake, then one needs to take that as a rare grace of a mistake.  When one can overcome the fear of mistakes, only then can one explore the frontiers beyond and yonder.

Remember: “If you don’t make mistakes, you don’t make anything”

Try this:

  1. Total the following numbers (without jotting it down again and without using a calculator or excel sheet or any external aid)  23456+45678+98765+413289+243546+765849+132589=             Jot down the speed with which you calculated the total. Now try to beat that speed by calculating the same numbers without counting the fourth number. Recheck your total using a calculator. If you made a mistake in totaling is it because you were focused on speed or simply careless.  If you didn’t even attempt it, is it because of your fear of mathematics or you think it is absurd doing the exercise. Do you think you are making a mistake by not attempting?
  2. If you have to relive your life again, list at least 3 mistakes in your life that you would correct or ensure you would never repeat.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Lucky miss…

Sometimes the best deals are the ones you don’t make.  Bill Veeck

Many a time we bitterly regret missed opportunities and lapse into bouts of despondency and curse our own fate. Fortunately these bouts are not too frequent or disastrous. In fact if one were to reflect later, many of these missed opportunities actually seem like god send for it is possible that they were defining moments that changed the course of your life for the better. Look around and you will see people who are all chasing their own dreams and looking for that one lucky break which they believe will change the course of their destiny towards the utopia of their dreams. Perhaps if you introspect, you too are part of that crowd waiting hopefully for a bolt of good fortune and opportunity. What we often fail to see is that some of the best opportunities come in the garb of failure, bad luck and hopelessness whilst we kept our eyes open for fancier chances.

Some of us must have missed out on getting admission to a prized course or college by a whisker and it rankles us that fate was so cruel. Yet we might be doing exceptionally well in the new area of study. On hindsight perhaps it was best that you didn’t admission in the area of your choice. There must be times when you were forced to submit to your strong value systems and hence missed out on lucrative deals. Yet the clear conscience that lets you sleep peacefully is worth much more than the monetary rewards that you sacrificed. Perhaps some of you are doing exceptionally well professionally but there is strange emptiness within you. Maybe you would prefer to change tracks and pursue your passions for art, theater or teaching none of which stand up to much in a fiercely competitive and materialistic world. Ask yourself then if the deal you made to pursue the current profession was worth it?

If you participate in a bidding process you will realize that you must be well prepared to know when to back of lest your ego push you to a doomed bid.  Many a time we back off from a deal because we don’t feel it right and later regret letting our emotions overrule us. However if we follow up on the fate of that deal , more often than not our hunch would be proved right for the deal may have fallen through later. Doing a property deal for example is a very complex task for there are too many emotional variables that have to be considered apart from the practical aspects of the deal. Many a time we keep looking back wistfully at some of those property deals that we didn’t pursue and rationalize that maybe we were right. The truth is we also need to get a bit lucky in some deals.

The best deals are often the ones which we enter into with our eyes open and our hearts in place. When both are in sync then the probability of the deal really working out are very very bright. Ironically when our mind and heart are not in sync that is when we also let many a deal pass by and in the long run the probability of that being a good deal is much higher for the best deals are ones  which make you feel right in mind and heart.

Remember: “Always be closing…That doesn’t mean you’re always closing the deal, but it does mean that you need to be always closing on the next step in the process.” Shane Gibson

Try these:

  1. Pause for a moment and look at the various times we have failed or missed out on chances that came our way. Did life stop? Have you overcome the hurt and bitterness of failure? Have you taken a fresh guard to face the new innings, post failure? If your answer to these are yes then seek out the benefits of  what new opportunities that have come your way because of your failure.
  2. Play a game of poker to understand what the whole business of what a good deal is. More often than not we are passing the play because you don’t have a good hand and while you don’t have a chance of winning that game then, you certainly ensured you didn’t lose in it.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Growing by overcoming our weakness

Growth begins when we start to accept our own weakness.  Jean Vanier

As long as we are blind to the reality of where we can improve, our growth will remain stunted. It is only when we know where we are weak that we can begin to make a focused effort to overcome that weakness. It is tough to easily identify our real weakness because often we focus only on the symptoms rather than attempting to diagnose the real problem. It is even more difficult to accept criticism and so we often ignore negative comments, take a casual approach to feedback we get and prefer to rationalize all criticism with frivolous arguments. The net result is that we continue to struggle with our weakness.

A sportsman for example would find it extremely tough to realize why despite his hard work and practice sessions he is unable to reach the first place in various tournaments. A good coach will constantly monitor his performance and correctly identify if the problem is psychological, or if it is in the technique or it is result of poor strategy. Once the player accepts the coaches diagnoses and is prepared to make the changes recommended it is possible that he would be able to see better results. One reason we do not easily accept our weakness is because our ego comes in the way. The ego is vital to make us more competitive, aggressive and helps us focus on victory. The trouble starts when the ego assumes itself to be more powerful than the sum total of a persons abilities. Such ego refuses to accept that there are any flaws in us and we tend to ignore, underplay and / or brazenly refute any criticism that confronts us.

The second reason we are unable to confront our weakness is our inability to visualize. There are many intangibles in our life that prove to be the millstone that drags us down. Poor attitude, fear of failure, inability to think tactically, being lazy etc. are realities that are difficult to pointedly demonstrate. Any such comment is hard for many people to accept simply because they cannot visualize how it applies to them. Finally our reluctance to change will always be a stumbling block to accepting a weakness. If we accept a weakness, we will have to work hard to change it but many of us are so set in our ways that we dread the thought of making a change. Under such circumstances we prefer to stoutly deny any suggestion of weakness that would perpetrate the need to change and make adjustments. If we are told we are overweight we will make statements that it is temporary because we partied during a wedding in the family or that it is just the clothes that make us look fat or that we can still walk 5 kms without getting tired and so we are perfectly fit.

If we finally let better sense prevail and acknowledge our weakness we can at least make a beginning by trying to improve. However the process of improvement is challenging and painful. Challenging because we might have to unlearn and or double our efforts; painful because the results of our efforts would be time consuming, unpredictable and may not produce the results expected.  However the growth that remains unseen and unappreciated is in the fact that by accepting our weakness we have reduced our ego, improved our visualization and we are prepared to change our thoughts , actions and beliefs.

Remember: “If we’re growing, we’re always going to be out of our comfort zone.” John Maxwell

Try this:

  1. Take a pen and paper and attempt to write with the hand that you normally don’t use to write with. Keep up the effort for at least 3 spells of 10 mins. each for one week. Notice the progress from day 1 to day 7. How did it feel? Do you think you would have progressed faster if you had some motivation?
  2. List out 3 bad habits that you are constantly being reminded of. Chalk out a plan to reduce the bad habits that you have?  Have a time frame and clear milestones to ensure that you progress. Eg. If you bite your nails then you can buy a pair of gloves and wear it as often as possible or tell your partner to tell you when you indulge in the habit and collect a rupee from you each time.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

An exercise in humility

When the knees are not often bent, the feet soon slide. Anon

Humility is a great virtue and even the most egoist person would have to bend his knees to offer his / her prayers to the almighty.  Often there are times when we have to bow down to other forms of authority and as many a business man has realized ‘customer is king’ and ‘customer relations’ the mantra that brings even the biggest business man to his knees. The finicky movie business demonstrates it best when we see the lead actors and actresses forced to make public appearances to promote their latest movie simply because there is no guarantee of success and connecting with the audience is mandatory.

Being humble is a sure shot way to connect with reality. The fact is no one can achieve anything all on his/ her own. You have family and friends to thank for their implicit faith and trust in you, colleagues and associates for their part in supporting your endeavors, your competitors and critics for keeping you on your toes and making you competitive and there is the world at large who is the reason you become someone. Failures are inevitable but they reinforce the reality that you are vulnerable and that is a sobering thought that keeps you grounded. Your mistakes force you to apologize and that is a humbling experience and an ego buster.

Humility is an excellent ego monitor. While ego propels people into venturing into unchartered waters, success pumps the ego and one can tend to be over bloated with pride and arrogance. Humility comes as an antidote to such crass and crude mentality. Dynasties and kingdoms have met their Waterloo not because of social revolution as much as because of the lack of humility that blinded the power hungry to the reality of a changing world order.  The days of monopoly business are over partly because of the technological revolution but in large measure due to a brash management cozy in their ivory towers blissfully ignorant of their own inadequacies and bashfully brushing aside the any suggestion that competition is heating up.

Networking and connections are best established if one is humble. The lowest to the highest person in society can connect with a person who is perceived as humble. Humility empowers a person to be open, free and frank, virtues that immediately attract others to ones aid. The remarkable achievements of social activists, local level leaders, visionary citizens and the like can be traced to the fact that almost all of them is humble enough to go to the people with their pleas and get the necessary resources from the very people whom they want to serve.  Rich or poor if a person requires to ensure the availability of fresh blood for a surgery to be undergone, it is the network and connections that will come in handy more than money and power. Humility will be the one virtue that ensures people connect with your need and go out of their way to help.

Remember: “To be humble to superiors is duty, to equals courtesy, to inferiors nobleness.”Benjamin Franklin

Try this:

  1. Reflect on the 3 individuals for whom you have a very high regard. Ask yourself if their Humility is one of the virtues that influenced your appreciation of them?
  2. On Good Friday, the Pope washes the feet of 12 people who represent the disciples. It is one of the most public display of humility. Do you recollect any such similar incidents or events that you have come across?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Forgivness heals us

Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself. Harriet Uts Nelson

It is always a tough call to forgive anyone who has harmed you in any way; be it in deeds, words or indifference. We often end up nursing a grudge and heart of heart seek some sort of revenge failing which we hope the other party gets some divine retribution. In fact should the other party have some unfortunate misery descend upon them, we take a perverse pleasure in their plight and rationalize it as ‘they deserving their punishment.’ Surprisingly what we somehow do not realize is that in the whole process we are the ones who have suffered more for our hearts were filled with the pain of the injury, our mind never letting go of ill will for the other party and life burdened with the challenge of getting even by hook or by crook.

Many a time, we tell ourselves that we have pardoned the wrong doer. Secretly we take a moral high ground that we have done a magnanimous deed. Often our pardon is more out of societal pressures, counsel of elders or a compromise so as to ensure the problem is not escalated. Pardon in most cases is just an expression used to elevate ourselves on a higher pedestal of virtue and perhaps to soothe our own mental turmoil and anguish. A pardon is not really perfect unless forgiveness is central to the process. Pardon is merely forgiveness without love where as forgiveness is pardon plus love.

Forgiveness in essence not only enables us to pardon a person, but it goes a long way in rehabilitating ourselves from the guilt that we still have to take revenge. Forgiveness cleanses us from within, removing all traces of ill will against another, suppresses our ego, seeks redemption of the wrong doer and frees us of the burden of scheming plotting and extracting revenge. Once we forgive, there is a big load off us and we suddenly begin to see our life in new light. We experience joy within and happiness all around. We have no axe to grind, no questions of ourselves and no fear or doubts that remain a Damocles sword over out head.

If we really reflect revenge and forgiveness are human traits never seen in the animal kingdom. Perhaps the fact that the human being is born with an ego that needs to be placated at all times is the reason for us getting caught up in the mire of seeking revenge and wishing ill to another. No sooner we forgive; we attain peace and experience tranquility for we are have now discovered our real self. If forgiveness can give us such bliss we need to practice forgiveness more and enjoy the fruits every moment of our life.

Remember: “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”  Bryant H. McGill

Try this:

  1. There are many times we can’t forgive ourselves for simple lapses like not meeting up with someone who was on death bed and who has now died or not taking the effort to keep in touch with close friends who have moved away or you have moved away from them.  How about forgiving yourself now, by writing a letter to the loved ones of the deceased appreciating the deceased. You can also write to long lost friends and if possible pay them a surprise visit.
  2. Make it a point to also read the earlier posts on Forgiveness by clicking on this link https://actspot.wordpress.com/2010/01/04/forgiveness/ There are more posts related to forgiveness that you can access in this blog by clicking on the word Forgiveness on the tags on the right of the blog page.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com


Ego is to the true self what a flashlight is to a spotlight. John Bradshaw

Every man must have an ego, for it is the ego that provides the spark to ignite ones potential. It is therefore natural that as we progress in life, we measure our progress in terms of achievements, successes, use the monetary barometer and the material possessions to satisfy our ego that we are someone. In this pursuit, other yardsticks more difficult to quantify but vital for an ideal life, like good health, family bonding, being a socially aware person etc. are put on the backburner. This naturally makes our self understanding rather lopsided and skewed, leading to very distorted view about our own self. We then see ourselves as spotlights focusing the light on ourselves, whereas the world at large sees us as flashlights that light up the way for sometime in the dark.

To understand our own limitations and inflated ego, simply stand in front of a full length mirror and try to appreciate yourself from head to toe. Now pick out your physical strengths and then focus on areas of improvement on your own physique. Notice how you rationalize the areas of improvement since you are not ready to either accept it easily nor work towards changing it.  It could be being overweight, having a bad posture, poor grooming or simply a negative disposition. The ego is at work overtime to help you see virtue in your weakness. E.g. Some people brush aside their bulging belly as a sign of prosperity or justify their dressing sense as being cool.

In reality any measure of success we achieve is an ego booster and that is perfectly fine. The trouble starts when we start multiplying our success instead of merely adding them up. The multiplier effect is as potent as putting aviation fuel in our car for while there may be a brief spurt in the speed of the car, the engine would simply burn out even before we have begun to enjoy the ride. An inflated ego blinds us to reality, we court danger with alacrity and our morals and conscience often take a back seat. The fall of the once high and mighty, their condemnation to ignominy and obscurity should serve as a warning lest we fall prey to the same illness that plagued them. We need to watch out, before the very ego that sparks our potential turns into a raging fire that consumes us.

Remember: “Ego has a voracious appetite, the more you feed it, the hungrier it gets.” Nathaniel Bronner Jr.

Try these:

  1. If and when you get a chance, do visit a show or exhibition where you can look at the distorting mirrors. It will be both enjoyable and illuminating. While enjoying the varied looks that the images on the mirror reflect pause and think about how your ego maybe distorting your image in the eyes of others. E.g. Whilst you might think of yourself as an open person, your colleagues might view you as a proud, self opinionated person.
  2. Do read the post on Exaggerated Grandiose Opinion  dated 16th March 2010 in our weekly blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

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