Tag: Fears

Death is not the biggest fear…

Death is not the biggest fear…

Death is a scary thought because it is a definitive end. We visualize that end and we are repulsed because we have so many unfulfilled dreams, so many wishes that we are sure will be realized if only we live. What we do not understand is the reality that, the real fear should be the realization that, what is yet to be achieved is not an accident but the result of us not risking enough to fulfill it. Even this understanding is comparatively superficial to the real fear that we are blissfully unaware of; being alive and expressing ourselves freely. We largely live a fearful life; fearful of expressing a minority view point; fearful of taking the side of your convictions; being afraid to stand up for the segregated, the marginalized, the deprived, the defenseless. In reality we are fearful but we fail to acknowledge it. Ask yourself this simple question ‘ Do I express myself freely, frankly, fearlessly on every issue that bothers me?’ You will realize that, subconsciously at times and deliberately most times, we hold back lest we are trolled, shadowed, shamed, stalked, assaulted, vilified, jailed or tortured by those who disagree with us.

Living is a risk; it carries the risk of us failing our potential; of us not standing up to be counted when the time comes; of cheating our conscious when it suits us; of us looking the other way when we should have stood by those in trouble; of telling blatant lies, white lies or being economical with the truth because the truth could hurt us; of being hypocrites, being insensitive, being inhuman and of being chameleons that change color to suit our survival. We do not risk living our real selves but live our lives to suit the world around. Can we honestly look in the mirror and look ourselves in the eye?

The fear of living, in day to day life, extends to us being fearful of skeletons tumbling out of our hidden closets; of pretending to be happy in relationships that have long ceased to exist; of doing jobs that we hate but cannot do without; of the demons of worry that beset us often; of losing loved ones; not fulfilling cherished dreams; of being made fun of or ridiculed; of having to pretend to be as rich, happy and successful as those around.

Yet, we have largely coped with these risks and that is what makes us reasonably successful. We have at times conquered our fears, occasionally learned to cope with it and sometimes succumbed to it. In our journey through life what makes us remain cheerful, optimistic and enthusiastic each day is not the absence of the fear of living but the presence of our sense of individuality, of knowing that we are an integral part of humanity and that each day has surprises that make our life love filled, fun filled and fulfilling.

Try these:           

  • Think of three occasions when you did not do, what on hindsight, you should have had the courage to do. How did you rationalize your failure to yourself? Would you have done things differently today of the same circumstances prevailed?
  • What were the three most courageous things you did, despite being aware of the consequences? Do you regret having lived by your convictions?
  • How do you deal with a person who is loud and self opinionated and gets very vocal with his/ her views when he/she sees you, because he/she knows you hold a completely dramatically opposite view point.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Be fearless- make life limitless

Be fearless- make life limitless

Fear is an emotion that even the brave confront but for a minute more than the rest. You cannot escape fear for it stalks you in various ways and makes you vulnerable. Yet, fear also gives you the opportunity to confront it and the stakes are all yours if you overcome your fears. The trouble is overcoming fear is not a onetime challenge but a constant threat. The beauty of it is that every time you conquer the fear, your life begins to flower and bloom and you radiate success every step of the way.

The logical question therefore is how does one become fearless enough to make life limitless? Some pointers are given below:

Be aware of your strengths – Leverage it as much as you can – One key to becoming fearless is by being aware of your strengths. You are less vulnerable in the areas of your strength. One common strength that every one aspires for is ‘financial security’. If you are financial strong, you are in a much better position to become fearless and take risks. Similarly if you are an expert or have a specialization that very few can duplicate, you are in a commanding position at least in your field of expertise. For most of us our strengths are areas in which we have good experience, some abilities that we are applauded for or it could be simpler things like having the right attitude, the ability to remain calm in a crisis, the skill of maintaining excellent interpersonal relationships etc.

Know your limitations – minimize it in your life – Just as we have key strengths each of us could also have seriously limiting habits/ fears / weakness. Far too often we find it hard to accept these limitations within us. At times we are aware of our limitations but dogmatically refuse to take corrective action. Limitations leave us vulnerable to exploitation/ reduce our ability to be fearless / create in us doubts and we become risk averse.  To be fearless one needs to strengthen our area of weakness or compensate for it in some manner so that we are fortified enough to be daring and fear less.  E.g. if you have quick temper it is best that we learn to restrain it. If at times you fly off the handle compensate for it by learning the art of expressing an apology to those aggrieved.

Assess critical situations – face it with faith – Whenever one faces a crisis or one comes across a critical situation it is imperative that one remains calm. Panic of any sort would blur the thinking, distort our perception and tempt one to take hasty actions which could boomerang in the long run. Instead take a little time to collect ones thoughts view the situation dispassionately and then map out an action plan. Often you would have to get your creative juices flowing to come up with offbeat solutions. Thereafter believe in your abilities to execute it as planned. Your faith should make your fearless about your course of action.

Be prepared – Think, plan, respond to the moment – There is no substitute for meticulous preparation. It just helps one be well prepared and therefore fearless to take action. At times even the best of preparations cannot factor in the unexpected. That is when one has to respond not react to situations. Response is a well thought out strategy as opposed to a hasty patchwork that at best stems the rot temporarily. Responding is possible when you can bring into play your experience, your calm thinking and take some giant leap of faith. That giant leap of faith makes you fearless and you suddenly discover a power that you never knew existed within you.

Try these:

  • List out 3 experiences in which you benefited by taking a fearless stand/ action.
  • Can you recollect any situation where you did not respond because of hidden fear and which resulted in you missing out on a growth opportunity or having to bear a financial loss
  • How will you react / What will you do in the following cases:

You reach a new city and find out that your wallet/ purse is stolen and your mobile phone is not working. You have no money or friends in the city.

You are in a flight and there is an emergency declared by the crew. There is a real danger of a crash landing.

You have been intimated that you are part of delegation for an important meeting. At the last minute your boss asks you to cancel your trip and gives you some local assignment.

 This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Be true to yourself

Nature has been very kind to mankind and that is why it has put an auto program within us in the form of our senses to help us protect ourselves from danger. Ever realized how is it that when we inadvertently touch something hot we instantaneously draw away from it or how quickly we sense danger when we smell a burning odor or stale food is immediately sensed by the tongue. The senses are programmed by nature to be true to the duty of self preservation.

The problem arises when we have to depend on ourselves for progress, growth and happiness. To this end, we are largely dependent on our academics, intellect, behavior, attitude, skill sets and motivation for setting our goals and attaining them. The very stumbling block for many begins with the academics where we are prone to expect more marks than our effort and intellect, succumb to the temptation to use unfair means so as to boost our marks and / or happily make peace with the results and rationalize that you have done your best. In effect we are just not being true to our abilities, our potential or our conscience. If you get marks that you really do not deserve, does it mean that you are academically superior to the rest? Do you think you can continue your bluff in your professional life? The replies to these questions should be again answered honestly and you would have made an important step in the pursuit of being true to yourself.

It is said that a clear conscience is the best pillow; implying thereby that if one is true to one’s self you can always enjoy a blissful sleep. In having a clear conscience one is not merely troubled by deceit, lies or improprieties that one may have lapsed into but the bigger pricks of conscience are brought about by a feeling of inadequacy that one has not discharged one’s duties effectively, not stood up to protest injustice or when one has merely sat on the fence when having to take a decisive stand. Not keeping ones promise is just a simple example of negligence in discharging ones obligation but there could be larger issues like not helping out an accident victim or not exercising one’s franchise during the elections. It may be pertinent to emphasize here that  while not voting could be viewed as an insignificant event that does not prick one’s conscience it is this collective lack of conscience that ultimately give us poor political leadership. Perhaps if each of us was true to ourselves our environment would have been a much better place to live in.

Look around and be aware of your critics. Perhaps some of those critics are people who have some differences or dislike towards you and many of their criticisms could be frivolous. There could be other critics who fail to appreciate your point of view or the reasons or intent behind your actions/ responses that they criticize. Then there are a few who are very very close to you and it this proximity to you that gives them the liberty to be more judgmental and honest in their critical feedback. What is important for you is to realize that there is always an element of truth in most of the criticisms and it is an excellent feedback to help one improve. The more important lesson though is that your friends, fans and supporters will always far outnumber your critics and most of them will never be true to you when it comes to telling you your faults, your limitations, your weaknesses or the area of improvementYou improve and progress only by being honest and true to yourself, for you and only you know yourself; only you know your fears, your ambitions, your apprehensions, your limitations, your abilities, your insecurities, your frustrations, your desires, your cravings, your hopes, your expectations, your values.

Try this:

  1. Write down your strengths and weakness and also your fears and aspirations. Make as elaborate a list as possible. Now try and honestly rate each point in each of the 4 grids and number it from 1 onwards, 1 being the most important priority. Now candidly visualize how each of the fort points in each grid impacts your decisions / your approach/ your progress.
  2. Identify 3 of the following characters and jot down one honest negative feedback you would give each of them. Think of how you will package that feedback to make it more acceptable to the recipient without your relationship being affected.

–          Friends

–          Colleagues

–          Relatives

–          School/ college mates

–          Subordinate/ junior / employee

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

How to ignite the spirit of courage

“When you have no choice, mobilize the spirit of courage” Jewish Proverb

When we look around us there are times when we feel dispirited, disheartened and deflated and it just gets worse when there are many others like that around us. We are then left wondering if there is any hope for us and if life has anything meaningful t to offer us. These are times when we wished we didn’t have to go through this painful and apparently hopeless process. No matter who one is, no matter how rich and powerful, no matter how intelligent or smart one is, low points in life will always be a part of living. Death is one low point that is a great leveler and is the one common denominator of sadness, pain and hopelessness that binds all living beings.

The average human being is often commonly plagued by the lows that follow death of a loved one,  fear of failure and worry about the future. Death is a reality that we must make peace with and accept with equanimity. It spares none and can come most unexpectedly. While affection and love will always tug at the heart and trigger emotions of various hues we need to pick up the pieces and get back on track at the earliest. Since human beings cannot remain isolated, unemotional or unaffected one would need to delve into the personal resources of rationale, courage and acceptance which would form the foundation of the spirit of courage that will pull us out of the quagmire of grief.

Fear of failure is omnipresent too. No one can ride on past success for each one of us has to script a new success story everyday. Ironically, the fear of failure is just as prevalent amongst the rich as much as it is prevalent amongst the poor, it is found in equal measure amongst both the brilliant and those who are below average and spares neither the urban population nor the rural folks. Since we cannot insulate ourselves from this fear the next best thing we can do is to ensure that fear of failure does not overwhelm us. Self belief is the key to open the doors of courage. Resilience and hard work provide the steps to the ladder of success.  It also helps to be planned, prepared and persistent for then we would be better equipped to face failure without hurting ourselves too much in the process.

Since the future is the unknown that is both a mystery and an opportunity rather than view it with trepidation, we must look at it in anticipation. View the future like a hand of cards dealt by the dealer when playing a game of bridge or poker. It is only once we have the cards that we can play the game.  Just as we look forward with anticipation eager to know the hidden cards, which if it is a poor hand we fold and wait for the next game, so too must we see each day. Patience, hope and the daring to take calculated risks be it in playing or packing up are the mantras to muster courage and fire up the spirit. Fearing the future is perhaps the most passive and sure fire way to lose ones way in the maze called life. Instead anticipate the changes, prepare for it and plod into it with gusto and presto we discover the truth ‘that life is an adventure to be lived not a mystery to solved.’

Remember:  “Pure logic is the ruin of the spirit.”  Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Try this:

  1. Here is a wonderful link to the Video titled the Last Lecture by Randy Pausch http://tinyurl.com/2z3wsx  ( Do you think you can manage something like what he did under similar circumstances? If your answer is yes…go on attempt to write your own epitaph)
  2. Here are a few realities of life. How do you visualize each of them
  • Monthly bills to be paid
  • Some illness in the family
  • Some celebrations that occur
  • An unexpected surprise or shock
  • Retirement
  • Alzheimer’s disease
  • Winning a lottery/ inheritance/ gift/ an award

 This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Why worry?

Worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due. William Ralph Inge

Anything that disturbs our equilibrium, will pressurize us, make us anxious and continue to be an irritant that constantly nags and worries us. It could be as simple as awaiting ones exam results or it could be more life altering as awaiting the diagnosis of a biopsy report or it could be trivial issues like not being able to find a matching pair of socks or a clean handkerchief. While there would be many reading this post who would discount all the above examples as not relevant to them, it would help to just pause and reflect on our pet peeves and irritants that get us worried so often.

Interestingly, if we are honest to ourselves and study the actual happenings which initially got us worried, we would notice that barring rare exceptions most of our worries were ill conceived and completely misplaced. This brings us to an important lesson in life; that most worries never come true or happen in reality. The reason we keep worrying could possibly be explained by our parental guidance to be well prepare for all eventualities. As a consequence we have honed the skill of anticipating problems and troubles, working out alternatives to combat the perceived problem and thereafter worry that every alternative has a limitation. The irony is that originally perceived problem morphs into a myriad of subsidiary niggles each of which keeps pricking us and disturbing our peace of mind.

When seen from a different perspective, worry is simply hoarding a lot of useless stuff in the hope that it will prove useful when the time comes. Alas, this is like accumulating a sack full of salt, when all we need is a pinch of it. The excess baggage weighs us down, preoccupies us and diverts one from focusing on the more practical and meaningful activities that should ideally be our priority. Another angle to understand the futility of worrying is to see it as an off shoot of a poor me syndrome. Here we condition ourselves to believe we are in pain, in trouble, in dire straits and are constantly seeking the attention and sympathy of those around. Worry manifests itself as a bait to lure those around into paying attention, offering their support and fawning over the worrier.

The consequences of worry are what should really worry us; it affects our health, our psychology, our relationships and completely disrupts our personal, social and professional life. Ranging from sleeplessness, our worries create anxiety, panic and could end up with depression and other psychosomatic illness. What is more subtle is the elaborate process of denial that we are worrying. More often than not we have the urge to portray a happy and contented personality for the world at large while deep inside our heart and mind are progressively being weakened by our inability to eliminate, accept or confront our worries. The realization that our worries are best confronted when they really come true will help us build up the ability to reduce our anxiety, temper our fears and seek positives in perceived problems.

Remember: Don’t trouble troubles till troubles trouble you.

Try this:

  1.  Think of what would be the main worries of the following people and analyze if their worries are justified. Also try to group the worries in order of seriousness as perceived by you.
  • A chief executive of a company
  • A solider on the battle front A student who gets average marks despite working hard 
  • Parents of mentally or physically challenged children
  • An unwed mother.
  1. Check if you suffer from the following symptoms of excessive worry
  • Less sleep or restless sleep Bouts of anxiety and depression.
  • Constant negative thinking.
  • Unexplained fears Feelings of jealousy/ envy

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Fear not…

Fear is the dark room in which negatives are developed. Anon

With the advance of technology, the concept of dark rooms and developing of negatives is almost nonexistent but the reality of fear will always lurk as long as mankind exits. The concept of fear takes on various hues. While many are irrational fears, there are a few fears that are obvious and realistic. Similarly many fears are avoidable but a few are inevitable and unavoidable. Another way of looking at fear includes the fear of the past catching up, fear of the present over whelming us and fear of the future lurking around. Some fears are so extreme that we even have terms ending with phobia to classify it. The worst type of fear is the type that we visualize and hype up simply because we imagine ourselves to be victims who can then get some sort of attention.

The most common fear is fear of the future. We worry about what will happen tomorrow, how we will manage if we lose our job, if we lost our investments, fell ill or if we are invalid and dependent on others. The most common fear is the fear of dying. The irony is that almost all of these fears are realistically possible at some point in time, but by giving in to our fears and worrying about it won’t help us very much. Instead, all we do is waste our energies and our productive time trying to avoid the pitfalls of the fear. If we see fears in  a different way, we will find some tremendous ways to use the knowledge about our fears.  To begin with we can take action to minimize the risk of the fear overtaking us e.g. We can start exercising and eating right to ensure we remain healthy for a much longer time. We can attempt to insure against our perceived fears e.g. By taking an insurance policy or doing proper investments for the future.

Many of our fears never ever come true. However our fears overwhelm us to such an extent, that we then begin to actually visualize minor distortions in our everyday life pattern as indications of our fears actually coming true. Eg. We may have bumped and got a lump which may take some time to heal, but in panic we imagine them to be some tumor and to make our dark imagination even more darker we may see it as cancerous too. It is also possible that some of our fears are rooted in some unfortunate childhood experiences eg. Being locked in accidentally in a dark room could trigger claustrophobia. Extreme fears like claustrophobia may require us to take expert help and counseling support. There is nothing wrong in that but here again we run into a problem. We believe that anyone under counselling treatment is mentally ill and we fear being branded that way.

Being pragmatic, rational and realistic holds the key to mimizing our fears. In any case most of our fears never come true. It is strongly suggested that we try to overcome our fears because otherwise we may be letting our fears effect us mentally, physically and emotionally. Fear will breed negativity, paranoia and insecurity and we would never really realize our full potential then.

Remember: “You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.” Mary Manin Morrissey

Try this:

  1. Read the following post on FEAR False Evidence Appearing Real  by click this link http://poweract.blogspot.com/2009/12/fear.html
  2. Choose from the following fears your worst fear and attempt to rationalize it and minimize your fear.
  • Fear of snakes
  • Fear of Ghosts
  • Fear of being locked up all alone in a dark room
  • Fear of Death
  • Fear of parachuting
  • List any other fear that you believe terrifies you more than any of the above

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Anxieties are passe…

Do not think of all your anxieties, you will only make yourself ill. Shih King

One of the real reasons that we are not as effective as we could be is the fact that we are constantly distracted by our anxieties and cannot focus on what we ought to do. While it is only human to take on the tensions and anxieties what is important is to ensure that we try an address the issues without getting obsessed by it. Depending on the nature of the anxiety and the person’s temperament, each person has a different method of handling and coping with anxieties. Some bottle up their feelings, others tell all and sundry; some others feel restless and nervous while others simply go into a shell and avoid all forms of interaction. There would be others who will get aggressive and loud mouthed while others will silently scheme and plot to extract their pound of flesh. What is common is that most people will walk around with their anxieties firmly entrenched in their psyche.

It is not easy to overcome the trauma and nervousness of an impending problem and a prolonged wait leads to panic and anxiety. Under such circumstances the psychological trauma can manifest itself in varied forms of behavioral and physical problems including illness. The good news though is that there is nothing really permanent in this world and so all our fears and anxieties too will come to an end sooner or later. This is a great realization and the sooner we are able to comprehend it, the easier it will be for us to divert our attention to more pleasant thoughts of forthcoming happy occasions, events and possibilities. Focusing on the positives not only calms us down but gives us a motivation to look forward to the morrow.

When we are faced with a problem, the best recourse is to accept it and meet it with a clam and optimistic outlook. Let us assume that you have made a critical error in an important report that you have submitted to top management. While the consequences can be very sever, by not owning up and having the courage to tell management about the error we are simply prolonging our agony, and worse still not giving management a chance to do damage control. In other extreme cases where the problem is beyond redemption as would be the case if someone close to you is diagnosed as having an advanced stage of cancer, we need to get over our shock quickly and then work on minimizing the impact of that news. We can prepare the patient to face the reality, get the family ready to accept the harsh truth and at the same time make arrangements to have the best possible treatment so that the suffering and pain is minimized for all.

Anxiety indicates panic and turbulence. By minimizing anxiety we can get ourselves to think more clearly and rationally and look at the positives that are there waiting to be discovered. It also help us accept the reality more calmly, see the truth more candidly and fortify ourself spiritually, mentally emotionally and physically.

Remember: “Anxiety is the rust of life, destroying its brightness and weakening its power. A childlike and abiding trust in Providence is its best preventive and remedy.”

Try this:

  1. When you study your daily ‘To Do’ list, invariably there will some tasks that you despise. Begin your day by tackling those tasks first and notice how relaxed you feel after that.
  2. Outline your 5 worst fears in life. E.g Bankruptcy, Death of a loved one etc. Now rationally look at each and see what is the probability of each of it occurring. Also examine the precautions one can take to minimize the chances of facing such a situation. Work on those precautions at the earliest.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com