Tag: Feedback

Our ego, our burden

Our ego, our burden

Sometimes you are fortunate to get some insightful pictures that convey a lot more than just the visual appeal. Today’s picture very succinctly captures the essence of many of our problems viz. our ego becomes our burden.

Our ego is planted in the mind and the individual nurtures it with gusto believing that she/he needs to have a place in the sun because she/he is special, gifted, unique and extraordinary. It is true that every individual is blessed with qualities that make the individual special in comparison to another. However, that does not necessarily mean that the individual is extraordinary and starkly stands out as a result. When the mind is too full of our own self, that is when ego starts puffing up like a balloon and at the slightest prick or extra inflation it can burst. Till that happens, every egoistic individual has to carry the burden of his ego, nurtured in the mind, as a burden.

The antidote to ego is humility. This is a quality that can be nurtured with the right upbringing, a pragmatic approach and most importantly the knowledge that ‘this too shall pass’. Success, however great, is always transitional. In a similar way, failure is never permanent.  If this concept is firmly ingrained in the mind, each individual will relish her/ his success without the success or achievement morphing into ego. Without the ego, an individual will never resent another, she/he will learn to enjoy the moments in the sun as well as in the shadow and will be less stressed, have more fun and live life with gusto.

Humility brings to the fore three definite benefits

You are able to take on criticism – Any negative feedback or criticism is largely resented except when a person is humble enough to acknowledge that s/he can change and become better by paying attention to one’s faults. Most times, the criticism is actually shared so as to make the individual aware of not so apparent faults, which if corrected can furrow the path to greater success.

You will not fear mistakes – Everyone makes mistakes. However, only a person who is humble does not fear mistakes. S/he is aware that not trying is more detrimental to progress than making mistakes. Mistakes can be rectified; not trying does not enable any form of progress. Mistakes also make us aware of our limitations, our erroneous approach and helps challenge our limits. Improvement and success are the goals that mistakes hope to inculcate once you are made aware of them.

You will learn to appreciate those better than you.- A humble person is the one who can recognize and applaud someone better than her/him. It also enables one to notice the progress one needs to make so as to reach the same zenith and improve upon it. Without being humble, chances are that we focus only on finding fault with others, instead of learning from them. Progress, demands improvement and improvement requires us to benchmark with those better than us. Only someone humble enough to acknowledge that reality will benefit from that realization.

Try these:          

  1. Click on the following link and read the blog post http://poweract.blogspot.com/2010/03/ego.html
  2. Which was the best criticism you received and how did it help you grow?
  3. Which was the one mistake that you failed to recognize for a long time because your ego would not permit it? How did you finally overcome it and what was the outcome of you correcting that mistake?
  4. Identify three persons as under
  • Classmates who you appreciate for their success
  • Competing professionals who you respect for their competence
  • Idols from any field who are role models for you

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Your thoughts define you

34- 26 Sept17-Your thoughts define you

You are defined by your thoughts. Your thoughts in turn are influenced by your attitude. Each of us has a different set of upbringing, education and experiences. The environment in which we grew up could have instilled in us the values we hold dear, the fears and hopes we carry within and helps us visualize opportunities and widens our horizons. All these factors contribute to the type of attitude we embrace which in turn fortifies us to meet the challenges of life and grasp the opportunities that come our way. We can take credit for the successes we attain and by the same yardstick take responsibility for not realizing our full potential. Far too often, we limit ourselves because we limit our thinking. Either we fear the worst or we doubt our own abilities.

To explore our potential and to leverage it one needs to focus on the following:

Clean up the cobwebs in the mind – Our mind is cluttered with thoughts that largely center around self preservation, safety, risk avoidance and following the set path. Occasionally we indulge in the luxury of visualizing something different, more outlandish, something that seems to be closer to our heart. Those who dare to explore that whole heartedly often do succeed because they have clarity and focus on what to do rather than what to avoid. Do not let the mind be filled with confusion, anxiety and be overwhelmed. Instead separate and segregate our numerous thoughts and arrange them in an orderly manner so that one begins to get clarity.

Rearrange the muddled up plans in the mind – Many of us suffer from wanting to do too many things. As a result we set ourselves multiple goals but lack the personal bandwidth to manage all the goals. We need to prioritize our goals and map out the specific action to be taken for each goal. This will help one focus better and avoid negative inputs like fear, depression and worry sabotaging our efforts.

Stop thinking and begin to act on our thoughts – Perhaps the one thing almost all of us are guilty of, is thinking too much and not taking enough decisive action. If we let our mind imagine the worst case scenario and blow it out of proportion then we will spend more time trying to ring fence the imaginary problems. Consequentially we delay taking action thereby derailing the original plans. While planning is essential one must put the plans in action if one has to make tangible progress. So keep at bay the self doubt, the feeling of inadequacy and the anxiousness and apprehensions and replace it with confidence, hope and faith in your abilities.

Review and caliber our action as required – Even the best laid plans may not factor in circumstances beyond our control or imagination. Reviewing the progress of plans and recalibrating the action required is critical to getting the project implemented. If we do not pause to review there is every possibility that you continue to progress in the wrong direction or that we take a circuitous route that is time consuming and costly. Never hesitate to admit you made a mistake or that you need to be realistic and cut your losses. Do not become dogmatic or egoistic lest they cloud your judgment. Try and be open to feedback, be open to correction and be ready to change.

Try these

  1. List out some goals that you have set for yourself but which have not yet taken off. Identify the reasons for the lack of progress on your part.
  2. Identify two initiatives that you started off earnestly but which failed/ disappointed you. Can you put your finger on the specific mistakes you made which you did not correct on time and led to the failure/ disappointment?
  3. Write down the 3 negative emotions you are guilty of harboring in your mind far too often. Now ask a few family members, friends and colleagues to share the one negative quality you display the most. Their responses could be an eye opener for you.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Reflect on these statements and then act

32- Think about theseHere are 7 exceptional statements that would make you pause and think. The more important element though is to appreciate the logic and then apply it in day to day life. The focus of this post is to encourage you to apply the logic in our everyday life and thereby enrich the quality of our daily living.

Make Peace with your past so that it doesn’t spoil your present.  Don’t use the excuses related to the past to justify your failures of the present. Instead, delve into your inner spirit and challenge yourself to make today and your future something special. Have no regrets. Failures/ poor marks in exams, failed relationships of the past, the criticism and taunts, the anger and frustrations have to be left behind in doorway of the past. However, if there is something from the past that has relevance to your personal improvement, do make it a point to learn from it. This is especially true of negative feedback given by others which may have been hurtful then but from which you can profit now.

What others think of you is none of your business. Your business is to focus on what you have to do. Never make the mistake of doing something to please others. Sometimes you have to be upfront, honest and frank even if it means displeasing people in authority or people with whom you share a very close relationship or bond. However, at times you must pause and think about any suggestions or comments or feedback that others express for there could be opportunities for you to learn from it.

Time heals almost everything; Give the time, sometime. There are times when you feel low. Other times you in physical or emotional pain. One tends to rationalize the pain but often it seems to keep coming back in waves and overwhelm us. Fortunately for us, time is a great healer. While we may not forget a hurt or pain, over time the intensity of it gets reduced. Losing a loved one or a jolt in a relationship are deeply painful experiences and the immediate reaction is to go into depression and despondency. If one can tide over the initial  shock and hurt, time is sure to give you  relief and peace.

No one is the reason for your happiness except YOU yourself. A critical mistake we make is searching for happiness in external happenings and material things. A new mobile phone or a new dress would certainly make us happy but it won’t last for long because the craving to get something new would forever haunt us. On the other hand if we find happiness in the simple pleasures of daily life, could be the bright sunlight or the tasty breakfast or the mere thought of having a good day, it would last longer and become more meaningful. Happiness is a choice you make every moment. You form that habit and happiness will envelope you.

Don’t compare your life with others; you have no ideas what their journey is all about. Jealousy is a very human emotion and unfortunately a very poor emotion to retain. The root cause of jealousy is our tendency to compare ourselves with those who are more successful or happy or richer than us. If we compared our self with those less blessed and less privileged than us then we would value our life and our riches with greater understanding and joy. The trouble with comparison is not just that we use the wrong benchmark but that we compare very selectively. We see their success but never pay attention to their hard work, their sacrifices, the pain they underwent and the numerous failures they have had to overcome to reach where they are. Understanding their journey will make us appreciate our blessings in the correct perspective.

Stop thinking too much; it is alright not to know all the answers. We plan, we think about the future, we rue the past, we imagine that we could have been even better off if we just had a little luck and the right connections. Perhaps we are also trying to gain all the knowledge but not really using it.  At times we are trying to beat google at its own game. We try to be pragmatic and minimize our emotions lest we succumb to our emotions when we take decisions. We are human beings because we have emotions and so logic and knowledge while being very useful, would not make us better human beings unless we let our emotions have a say too. It is ok to be less informed but more connected with life.

Smile; you don’t own all the problems in the world. At the end of the day everything boils down to just sporting a smile.  As they say, a smile is curve that sets everything right. If you can wake up with a smile and retain it the whole day and go to bed with it, then life would be just perfect. Aim for such perfection. In my view a SMILE is an acronym for See My Instant Life Energizer.  You can read about it by clicking on the following link http://poweract.blogspot.in/2010/01/smile.html

Try these

  • Using all the alphabets of your first name, middle name and last name list out at least 5 English words. How many of those words represent your nature. E.g. Thomas Jeffery Hanks – thanks, meet, fat, same, shame, far, mat, most, share, hare, etc.
  • List out the names of 3 people who you are envious / jealous of. For each write down 3 attributes they posses that makes you envious of them. Can you also list out 3 reasons why they deserve the success they have attained?
  • What are the 3 questions that keep recurring off and on? Any reasons why you feel threatened by these questions or uncomfortable trying to find answers to these questions?
  • Make a list of 5 of your favorite jokes. Share it with your friends the next time you have a get-together.
  • What has been your worst personal experience to date? How have you coped with it? Have you got over it ?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Never complain, never explain

18- 18 May 17- Never explain never complainThe moment things do not go as per our plan or wishes, the tendency is to complain about something or the other that we believe, derailed our plans. Similarly, no sooner we are criticized, before we even ingest the criticisms, we are quick off the blocks with our explanations and excuses. To maintain our individuality, to become independent in thought, word and deed it is essential that we act as per our convictions and take responsibility for the consequences of our action. No matter what the outcome, there is no need to complain or explain; for it is the outcome of a responsible action.

To ensure one takes a good independent decision follow these rules:

Act responsibly: This is tougher than it looks because sometimes temptations, the need to act macho, the ego to prove something, the urge to defy others etc. overtakes our rationality and we act emotionally thereby opening up the risk of doing things that we may regret later. Responsible behavior is being fully aware of the consequences and being more rational and less emotional. You will never have to justify your action for you took it responsibly.

Take responsibility: There are times when you as a member of a team have to stand by your team and your leader even if you have a dissenting view about the action taken. Similarly as a leader there are times that you have to take harsh and unpleasant decisions which the majority may not favor. These are the times you take responsibility without fear or favor.

Learn from the feedback: There is always scope for improvement. Hence it is important that even if you don’t have to explain or never opt to complain, listen carefully to the criticism, the suggestions, the alternatives and the explanations given by others. Look also for examples of others; those who succeed, those who fail, those who did not act and those who sat on the fence. Everyone is offering free lessons to learn from; keep learning!

Think before you act: You should seek out the best from books, people, experiences and thought. However the decision has to be taken by you after applying your mind to the action you are going to trigger. Be aware of the velocity your action will trigger, the reactions it will generate and the goal it is set to achieve. When you are sure that there is balance between these and that it is time to be decisive act with confidence and faith. There is nothing you will regret ever.

Try these:

  • Which was the best decision that you took in your life?
  • What is the one mistake you still regret?
  • What was the stupidest decision you took under pressure from others?
  • What was the one situation you had to make up an excuse to get out of trouble?

 Did you face the following situations and how did you deal with it?

  • Your parents asking you to justify your poor scores in exams
  • Your coach benching you for a poor performance
  • Your friend / partner / spouse constantly complaining about a certain behavioral trait of yours

 List out your complains against the following people

  • Your parents / siblings
  • Your colleagues/ bosses
  • Your three best friends
  • Your neighbor
  • The last three co-passengers who disappointed you

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

The masks we wear

10- The mask we wearTruth be told; each of us wears a mask to suit the occasion. We pretend to be happy when we are sad; try to obviate all traces of our jealousy, envy, greed; pretend to like those who we hate but cannot avoid. Many a time we sheepishly smile to disguise our embarrassments and irritation. While we, as individuals use a pseudo mask that attempts to project what we really are not, the clown merely amplifies it with a physical mask, to ensure all those who see it, are in sync with the image being projected.

There is a pattern in facets of ourself that we hide, behind the masks which we put on. The reality is that  ‘Each individual is actual 3 persons. The person I think I am; the person you think I am and the real me.’

The person I think I am : Each of us has an unique identity and that is not merely because of lineage but is also the outcome of how we are shaped by the family, the social settings around us and our own individuality. So siblings could still have widely differing interests, skills, attitudes, display different traits and mannerisms. What is important is how the individual visualizes himself/ herself. Some are pragmatic; some carry the baggage of their own limitations, anxieties, experiences and thinking. There are some who are over confident while others are modest to a fault.  Some are risk takers, others cautious, some reckless and most of us simply flow with the tide. There could be varied aspects of my own self that are probably noticed by others but I remain blind to it.  There could be areas of improvement that I need to focus on or talents and strengths that I can leverage. Listening to others holds the key to understand the person I really am.

The person you think I am : Who I perceive myself to be is what I largely tend to display; notwithstanding the fact that occasionally we attempt to sugar coat ourselves subtly to gain acceptance and occasionally we project a tough principled disposition so that we are seen as fair, upright and no nonsensical. However, there would always be some skeletons in our cupboard that we go to great lengths to hide. It could be some misdemeanors that we do not want others to know, we obfuscate inconvenient truths so that we are perceived more favorably and many a time we tend to display our deftness in ‘running with the hare and hunting with the hounds’ just to ensure that all our interests are projected. The person you think I am may be a far cry from the real me. Yet my style, mannerisms, behavior and attitude are tuned to make others think about me the way I subtly project myself. Phrases like ‘ still waters run deep’ or ‘Janus faced’  are testimony to the reality that ‘the person you think I am ‘ may be quite different in reality. Opening up with relevant facts will ensure that others get to understand me better.

The real me : The real me is largely hidden from others. Even I would known only myself better only when put to the test.  Occasionally some hidden aspects of me are known to very close family and friends. My insecurities, my fears, my hopes, my aspirations, my anxieties, my deepest thoughts, my confidence, my exuberance, my feelings of love, hate, revenge etc are part of me that very few know about. There are aspects of me that even I have yet to discover like my true potential, my natural aptitude, my yet to be discovered talents, my weakness, my mannerisms, my body language etc. The real me may crave for attention, may seek to be understood, may yearn for acceptance or may search for companionship. The real me could be fearful but when put to the test dare to confront his fears; she may be docile by nature but her wrath could be devastating. The real me strives to maintain equilibrium amongst the chaos of life or it could crumble like a dried leaf when trampled upon.  The real me lurks within. The real me is often searching to discover myself. The quest for individuality is what makes me uniquely ME.

Try these:

  1. Read up on or attend a session on the Johari Window concept.
  2. List out the following
  • Two criticisms about the person you admire the most
  • Two points of appreciation about a person you detest.
  • Two secrets you would find it hard to share in a public forum.(just a brief one line statement would do)
  • Two of the naughtiest things you did
  • Two actions that you took that you are really proud of
  • Your biggest fear
  • Your greatest strength

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Look again- see differently

37-look-againEvery one wishes to have a smooth, peaceful and happy life. However, the wonder of life is in its unpredictability, its constant change and the contrasting emotions that spice up life. Like the varied delicacies that we savor everyday, which is a mix of sweet, sour, hot, cold, spicy, bland, delicious, ugh, life helps us experience a wide variety of feelings, emotions, joys and pains. Obviously, given a choice we would prefer to experience only the emotions that appeal to us, those that we enjoy and relish. The challenge then for us is to find those hidden emotions within the moment that we experience particularly when we are distraught, hurt, pained and emotionally drained. To do that we need to look again and search for what we want to feel.

Seek the good in the bad – So you got fired from the job or your boss has just given you are earful and a warning. Hurts terribly, you become fearful, you want to erase the memory of it. Yet the hurt keeps echoing in your mind. If you pause and try to calmly relook the situation making a conscious effort to focus on what is good about the situation you could realize that there are collateral benefits in the situation. Perhaps they just nudged you to do what you always wanted to do; quit and find a new job or begin a new venture. Maybe you realized that your performance was slipping because you were bored in your job and now you are forced to find new opportunities. Maybe you were already planning alternatives but not finding the time to tie up all the loose ends and the sudden turn of events has now given you ample time to finalize your plans faster and move on.

Find something happy in the sadness you encounter – May be you lost a loved one or flunked an exam or your relationship is collapsing. Not the best of times. You are overwhelmed by the sudden turn of events that are now not just painful but the reality is a nightmare that won’t go away. Pause again and try to visualize it from a more positive angle. Perhaps the person who passed away was spared pain and agony; maybe the exam failure was expected but now you know what you did wrong and correct yourself; maybe it is best that the relationship is ending without more acrimony and ill will.

Discover some gain in your pain – Did you lose your wallet or credit cards? Maybe somebody rammed your car and damaged it? Did you hard disk crash and with it your data vanished in a jiffy. Painful no doubt but it is possible that there is some good coming from it too. Look again and search for the gain in the pain you just went through. Maybe you just spend a huge amount using the cash in your wallet so fortunately the loss of the wallet happened after that or you would have lost a lot of money. Perhaps you car need an make over and the accident has grounded you now but the insurance company would settle it now for you. Quite possible that there was a lot of junk in your hard disk and you are now spared the effort of painfully going through each file before deleting or organizing it. Yes there is some gain in every pain; look again for it.

Focus on what makes you grateful not hateful – So you got criticized at appraisal time and you hate your boss for it. Did you just get a feedback from your doctor stating that you have tested positive for some aliment and now you are constantly asking yourself ‘why me’? You find something that you desperately wanted on the online portal but just when you are about to pay you realize that the dimensions of the product is not what you want and that is the only piece available.  You hate your boss, you don’t want to meet your doctor anytime soon and you hate that website that just broke your heart. Look at the events from the filter of positivity. There would be plenty to be grateful for. Now that you have a feedback from the boss, however unflattering it may be, there could be some truth in it and you have a reference point to begin to change. If the feedback from the boss is in your view distorted and not true, maybe it is time you looked for another job opportunity. The doctor is just a messenger of the truth and perhaps he is also the savior who can suggest an appropriate course of action. Did you just save some money by not buying what you longed for or better still you may find something even better later.

When hurt/ pained/ bitter pause. Re-look the situation from a filter of ‘so what is good about the situation’ and suddenly life would be much more joyous and immense possibilities open up to you.

Try these:

  • List out the 5 most painful experiences you have had in your life. Identify one good thing about each of the said experience/situation.
  • List out 5 frequent criticisms that you are accused of by family/ friends / colleagues/ bosses / teachers. Is there justification for those criticisms? What are you doing to rectify / remedy the situation?
  • Make a list of 5 people / personalities who you dislike/ disapprove of. Can you outline 2 points about each of them that you appreciate / respect them for.
  • Name 3 adjectives that apply to your positive qualities and 3 adjectives that describe your negative qualities.  So what is your action plan to eliminate those negative adjectives?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

The anger paradox

9 Coping with  anger

Every individual however calm and tolerant he/ she is will at times get angry either because they are provoked or because they are upset at what they observe and do not approve. The vast majority of us are quick to get angry, some because they are short tempered others because they are easily frustrated and some because they are idealists and seek perfection all the time. The irony is that most times our anger is justifiable but how we give in to our anger is questionable. We rave, we rant, we scream, shout, abuse, threaten and in extreme cases vent our anger in a physical form. Unfortunately the anger we express allows us to let off steam but rarely does it propel the relationship much further.

The intensity of our anger is largely expressed in direct proportion to the intimacy of the person to whom it is directed e.g. husband and wife or parent and children. In other cases the intensity is largely inversely proportionate to the level of the organizational hierarchy of the sender and receiver of the angry exchange e.g. the superior will inflict all his anger on the junior most subordinate and will sulk to express anger with a superior. With strangers the intensity of our anger depends on the situation, our perception of the individual at who we direct our anger and how effectively the quick release of anger calms us down. What is interesting is that having expressed our anger we do tend to get a sense of relief but very very rarely do we actually resolve the problem effectively. By expressing our anger we certainly convey our emotion but do not effectively convey the real problem nor do we get the full attention of those who we address. Most times expressing anger triggers defensive responses from the recipient who try to apportion blame or to justify the action or simply apologize and escape.

On the other hand if we can pinpoint to ourselves what exactly annoys, irritates and angers us, we would be able to explain our anger perhaps forcefully but certainly very effectively. Our anger is often a quick reaction to what we perceive as an action that is contrary to our expectations. At times our anger could be completely misplaced and if we explain our anger, we would perhaps get to hear a very plausible reasoning for the action. Explaining our anger would educate the recipient, it would also make the recipient better appreciate our point of view and most of all it will be enable the person explaining and the person listening connect and see the issue from the same perspective. Explaining anger would spur the recipient to proactively rectify the problem and this in effect means you are enabling a solution, resolving an issue and achieving our objective.

Expressing anger may give temporary relief to the person expressing it but explaining anger will certainly direct energy and action towards a more permanent solution to the problem.

Try this:

  • Can you recall 3 incidences where you were at the receiving end of somebody’s anger? Were you really guilty or culpable as indicated by the person admonishing you?
  • Think of one or two times when you expressed your anger only to sheepishly realize that your anger was completely misplaced. Do you think you could have handled the situation differently and more effectively with loss of face?
  • You were entrusted with Rs.5,000 in cash to be deposited in the bank. Since one of your office colleagues was going to the bank you asked her to deposit it on your behalf. Unfortunately her handbag containing your money was stolen on the way. How would you react to this situation? How do you expect the person who entrusted you with the money to react when you explain the matter to him.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Expereince Freedom

13- 6 June 15 FreedomBy and large each individual would like to be unfettered from the expectations of others, have the courage to live their dream and be insulated from the barbs, the criticism, the finger pointing and the ‘I told you so ‘reactions of those around us. We long to be free from the clutches of the pressures of ‘conformity’ that society at large subtly exerts on us. While social norms and personal values remain the guideposts of our life, anything outside this ambit would be seen as a curtailment of our freedom. The reality is that far too often we do not have the daring to challenge these restrictions because we are not self confident, we would like to avoid disagreements and most of all because we tend to take all of forms of feedback personally.

Yes you can enjoy personal freedom when you can bring about a balance between retaining your personal norms and self imposed norms in order to get approval of others. The latter is extremely difficult because as human beings we resent any criticism or negative feedback. Unfortunately we live in a world filled with individuals who are quick to spot and comment on anything that does not confirm to their personal standards. So your hairstyle, dress sense, gestures, choice of words, career choices, friends circle etc. are all constantly under the scanner and since we cannot please everyone we tend to try and please the majority. No sooner we do this we feel losing our dignity, independence and freedom to be what we really are.

To enjoy your freedom and explore all dimensions of your life review the following

Do you always seek approval of others? This can manifest in many ways; be it constantly expecting others to notice your new wardrobe / hairstyle etc. or always seeking permission to do anything off beat or different. You would always be constrained from enjoying and doing what you love because the approval of others is vital for you to feel the joy of being yourself.

Do you succumb to the temptation of being critical? This is reflected in the frequency with which you play spoilt sport or being sarcastic or prone to giving backhanded compliments to others. With such a mindset you would often alienate people and in turn be prone to be constantly at the receiving end of similar jibes from others. Your mind is then either preoccupied with being critical or the fear of being criticized. How can you then experience freedom of mind and body?

Do you hold back, anticipating disapproval? You are fascinated by a new dress/ gadget / holiday plan etc. but stop short of indulging because you are worried about disapproval from others. You are shackled by the chains of approval syndrome.

Are you wary of trying new and different experiences? You want to attend a new play or musical but it is a genre that you have never heard about or know anything about and so you drop the idea. Maybe you want to visit a new restaurant serving oriental food / Greek cuisine / African fare but you immediately get imaginary thoughts about the contents / taste/ presentation /ingredients being so alien to your senses and hence do not go ahead with your initial plans. Your mind is not free of wild imagination running riot.

Do you tend to brood a lot over any criticism or negative feedback? So if someone in authority criticizes your work or a close friend passes a negative comment or if you overhear something negative said and assume it is about you and you are preoccupied rationalizing the comment or justifying to yourself how wrong the others are, you would have already sacrificed your freedom on the altar of perfection.

Do failures or the thought of failure overwhelm you? The real shackles that most people find themselves bound by, is the fear of failure. Once a person fears failure then inevitably they lose the capacity to be independent, experimental, adventurous and original.

Freedom is never about being right it is about being able to march to the tune in your head, the beat that only you hear and walking towards a goal that only you and you alone can see. Don’t ever take things personally be it your own fears, others criticisms or disapproval’s, your doubts or your failures.

Try these:

  1. Make an inventory of the numerous odds and ends lying in your house that you would like to get rid off. Now try to sell these ( garage sale / advertise it / sell it online etc.) and donate the proceeds to charity.
  2.  Jot down the following
  • Name of an individual ( who you interact with regularly) who you loathe.
  • Your worst nightmare / fear.
  • Your one regret in life as on date.

Now for each of the above write down 3 – 5 positive things that you can think of.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Have a cracker of a Diwali by bursting …

20- 19 Oct 14 -Burst your ego

Diwali without crackers is never a Diwali. Yet, the awareness of pollution, the dangers that lurk in some types of crackers, the knowledge that a lot of child labour and inhuman labour conditions are prevalent in cracker manufacturing units and the understanding that crackers can be symbolic of the festival but not the heart and soul of the festival is slowly seeping into the psyche of people. Hopefully this awareness is spreading and encouraging people to cut down on bursting crackers during the Diwali festival.

Diwali is also a good time to reflect on how to burn and bury some of our personal weaknesses be it our negative attitude, our pessimistic thinking, our paranoia of failure and the like. However the first step to do this is to burst our ego and identify our limitations. So here is a new way to celebrate Diwali by bursting our EGO instead of crackers. Ironically ego is an essential virtue that helps an individual appreciate his/ her self worth, gives confidence and daring to move beyond one’s comfort zone and nourishes an individual’s morals and values. However, far too often our ego tends to get bloated by success, power and adulation from others. That is when our ego needs to be pricked and burst in the same manner that a surgeon would operate and get rid of an undesirable growth. The difference though is that a surgeon has many tools to diagnose the malady but as individuals we have to make a special effort to be aware of our bloated ego which can then be burst to get us back in shape.

Here are 3 diagnostic tools to helps us identify our ego

Feedback from others – Time and time you would always get a variety of messages from friends, colleagues, family members and strangers. If you pay attention to their messages, you would often get a clue to how much they appreciate like and respect you. Pay more attention and then you will also learn to discern the messages that are often vaguely critical, occasionally brutally honest and mostly gently camouflaged as sugar coated negative feedback.

Being aware of what goes on around us – It also helps to notice the behaviour and responses of people around to get a feel of how you are perceived by those you interact with. Perhaps you find some people deliberately avoiding you or refusing to engage with you. Others could be stiff and artificial when you are around. There could be others who are cynical, make snide remarks, sarcastic or provocative when interacting with you. It is possible that the problem is with them but it is equally probable that your ego has a key role in making them disturbed when you are around.

Being aware of our own actions and reactions – This is a tough challenge because we are often blinded to our own faults. However if we take time to introspect we would realise that there are times when we easily take offense, get loud and boorish, are extremely harsh and critical of those whom we do not agree with or do not like. Similarly we would notice that some people tend to get us easily irritated, we are sarcastic or disparaging in our comments about others, are not modest about what we have achieved and find it impossible to apologize even if a situation warrants it. A reality check would often point to a bloated ego behind which we cover our numerous faults.

To burst a bloated ego use these 3 tools.

Acceptance – While the diagnostic tools would help reveal the problem with our ego, the tougher part is to accept the diagnoses. For a long time we would deny it or rationalize it. However it is only when we accept our fault that would be taking the first step to curing our ailment. Acceptance is an acknowledgment that we realize our faults and then corrective action is real possibility. However acceptance is just the first big step to bursting ones ego.

Humility – The word humility is misused liberally by people particularly political parties who lose elections and claim that they accept the people’s verdict with humility. Humility is the realisation that whatever heights we have attained are temporary and fortunes fluctuate in the blink of an eye. Humility is the one virtue that will always ground us to reality and allow us the realisation that all of us whether born into greatness or inherited greatness are prone to the vagaries of life having to suffer the pain and hurts like any other human being. Humility would be the torch that lights the way into us walking the path of values, give us strength of character and treat others as you would have others treat you.

Revising upward our personal standards – The whole problem with a bloated ego boils down to the fact that we are obsessed with our current personal standards and expect the world to believe that those standards are the ultimate. We grow only when we set the bar higher and aim for that. So if we are able to raise our personal standards a wee bit higher our focus would be on attaining that rather than on looking for appreciation for our current standards. Ego gets bloated when we keep blowing our own trumpet, make others dance to our tunes and do not realize that the beat has changed.

Try this:

  1. If you were forced into doing one of the following, name two of them are you most likely to fall victim to?
  • Cheating in an exam
  • Telling lies
  • Not naming a culprit you know when questioned
  • Deliberately not keeping a promise because it was inconvenient
  • Now examine your motives for not indulging in the others.
  1. Name 3 of your strengths that you are most proud of. How would you react to someone who criticizes any of your strengths.
  2. Read up on EGO – Exaggerated Grandiose Opinion by clicking on the link

Burst your ego this DIWALI and light up your life and fill it with a new joy !

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com
You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog
www.poweract.blogspot.in

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

http://www.poweract.blogspot.in

Dear Friends,

Today’s post is very different from the normal posts. I am taking this opportunity to share with some salient features of this blog and to update you about how it has shaped up over the last year and a half. For me, the very thought that I have managed to last so long in my quest to share with you some Inspirational and Motivational content is both  an exhilarating feeling and a humbling thought. Exhilarating because this blog has achieved a milestone of over 70,000 views and 500 followers in this realtively short span of time.  A BIG THANK YOU to EACH of you who visit the blog and especially for the 500 odd ardent followers of this blog. I am humbled by the realization that but for your encouragement, this blog would never have reached these milestones.  A special thank you to the many followers, who have given their comments, rated the blog and passed on the links to friends and contacts.

In January 2010 when this blog began, I kept an ambitious target of writing every single day. The first few days were heady for in the initial enthusiasm I was able to keep writing daily. Reality soon hit me hard, when within a few weeks, the effort became laborious, the ideas stopped flowing and the rather forlorn thought that no one was reading my blog became a big dampener. Fortunately for me a few colleagues, some friends and surprisingly a number of strangers soon signed on as followers and then overnight I felt responsible to ensure that they were given their daily fix of Inspirational and Motivational inputs. I am proud that in the first 365 days I managed to write for a good 340 days or so and some of the days I didn’t post was simply because I was overseas then.

This year 2011, I have cut down my posts drastically. The strain of writing everyday was a wee bit too much and once I had proved to myself that I could write every single day, the challenge was missing too. More importantly, there have been other commitments that have taken centre stage and so the blog has had to bear the brunt of it. I am not too disappointed though primarily because I also got some feedback that there was reader fatigue since the daily posts saturated their ability to imbibe the contents, attempt the Try This and experience the learning. I also noticed a steady drop in feedback and rating which to my mind also signaled an overdose of the blog. However there have been a few ardent fans who have kept inquiring why I have cut down on the blog posts and they have reinforced the belief that my work is not in vain. The sudden spurt in followers over the last couple of months has also been very encouraging. I shall definitely be writing the blogs, perhaps twice a week.

I would welcome FEEDBACK from each one of you about the blogs, my sharing today and would welcome both bouquets and brickbats if any. I would urge you to continue to patronize the blog, spread word about it to those who you feel will benefit from the contents and be assured that I shall continue to pontificate as before.

I take this opportunity to Thank Each One of YOU once again for your support, patronage and appreciation  of both www.actspot.wordpress.com and www.poweract.blogspot.com

Wishing each of you success in your endeavors and in having a fulfilling life filled with love, happiness and contentment.

Warm regards

B.Jacob

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com