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Posts Tagged ‘Feelings’

23- 26 Jun17- Mantra to live byIn a fast paced world speed is key. Unfortunately, this has led to a situation where people have outpaced themselves and as a result the paradise that we can enjoy on earth, if we simply slow down, seems like an utopian idea. It is race with no end in sight and when we stop occasionally to ask ourselves where we are headed, we have no idea why we are where we are. Our life span won’t increase if we speed up, our dreams will still have bliss if one slows down but most of all we would enjoy and value our life we learn to live, rather than just exist, survive and decay.

To make sure that we enjoy the life we are blessed with, slow down and then follow the mantra below:

Don’t just look, #observe# – Look around and you see varied colors around. You see various facial expressions and body language of people around. You may notice the buzz and zip or an eerie silence depending on where you are. If you look carefully you may perhaps observe some finer aspects that would have skipped your attention; perhaps you will then notice that in a pack of cards there is one king with only one eye. Look carefully and perhaps you will observe the subtle differences in the different Jacks and Queens. Have you ever noticed the various silhouettes that you can contort using the shadow created when light is focused on an object like your hand/ fingers. Take various currency notes and observe some small varied geometrical shapes printed on the currency notes of different values. Along the highway of life you need to take time out to smell the flowers; but first you have to notice those flowers. Observe the blessings you have been showered with; family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, financial stability, good health and the list goes on.

Don’t just swallow, taste – Ever felt your mouth watering when you smelt the aroma of food. Perhaps a similar feeling engulfed you when you see the pictures of various dishes displayed in advertisements and culinary magazines/ blogs. When it comes to part taking of the food, often we are quick to notice what is wrong, but rarely do we appreciate what is wonderful about the meal.  At home, one major distraction when eating is the lure of TV and mobile phones which ensure we eat mechanically; eating fast, chewing less and swallowing it rather than relishing the taste and appreciating the effort that went into the mealAn essential ingredient of a great meal is intangible; it is a dash of love put in by the one preparing it. Next time, taste every morsel and experience the dash of love on your taste buds.

Don’t just sleep, dream Surely you can’t force yourself to dream. It is possible though to go to bed with some good thoughts, passionate ideas and blissful reflections. These will automatically turn into blissful sleep and wonderful dreams. There is also a different angle to the dimension of dreams. The biggest dreams are those that won’t let your sleep. Ask the wannabe next gen entrepreneurs. All their waking hours are spent on visualizing vividly and working diligently on their dreams. So what is keeping you awake at night; a nightmare or a dream? You can choose; just choose well.

Don’t just think, feel This reflects the difference between sympathy and empathy. It is easy to see the pain and anguish of another who is struggling to stay afloat in the tempest of life. It takes courage, daring and empathy to reach out and risk your sanity and life to stand by the one in pain. Doling out alms, making encouraging proclamations and paying lip sympathy is passé. Feeling for another enough, means to walk in his / her shoes and experience their pain. This requires a person to translate their understanding of the others pain into personal action whereby you stand alongside and share the burden of the other. An apt illustration is the story told of a small five year old girl who lost her best playmate and neighbor in an accident. A couple of days later, this young girl went to her neighbor’s house and came back after a while. On being asked by her mother, what she did in the neighbor’s house, she replied that her friend’s mother was weeping copiously and that she sat on her friend’s mother’s lap and joined her in weeping copiously.

Don’t just exist, live – Am I living everyday with regret, complains suffering and pain in my heart? This would indicate that I am going through life merely because life has not yet abandoned me. If life hasn’t abandoned you why are you abandoning life? As long as you breathe, make every breath a sign of joy, happiness, bliss and ecstasy. It is your life; your thoughts; your feelings and your future. How about looking at life in wonderment of being alive; in the joy of the numerous blessings you are bestowed with; in contributing to the world around you the value of your worth be it through smiles, encouragement, empathy and liveliness. Existence is for the ventilator to provide; life is for you to live!

Try these

  1. Which is your favorite food that you miss the most when travelling? Is there someone who makes it better than the rest? Is it because you now realize there is a dash of love in it?
  2. So what dreams are there in your bucket list to be ticked off still? When and how are you planning to achieve it and tick it off your list?
  3. What was the last big risk you took that enabled you to realize your own strength?
  4. Click on the following links to see how you too can create Shadow Art

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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38-did-you-noticeIf you get irritated by the fact that despite your best efforts, all you get is criticism for what could have been done better, then ask yourself if you are guilty of the same mistake.  Each of us guilty, albeit in varying degrees of being critical, unappreciative and  finger pointing, especially when things do not happen as we plan or hope for. Occasionally some of us even berate ourselves for our lack of success and / or our failures because we find it hard to accept that we could not achieve what we set out to do. The point is that we are pained when others do not appreciate our toil, sweat and tears and unfortunately we too succumb to the same when we undervalue ourselves and others.

Obviously no one can avoid mistakes. However we need to look at mistakes, failures, lack of success from a more holistic view. This will enable one to be less critical, more appreciative and value the efforts, the sacrifices and the struggle without overvaluing momentarily success. The former gives us work ethics; success is an important milestone and motivator but cannot substitute for the discipline, the hard work and the rigor that is the corner stone of every successful person.

So how must one react to mistakes?

Acknowledge – Mistakes happen but it is the way we acknowledge the mistake that ensures it does not cascade into a disaster. If we have made a mistake, be honest about it and acknowledge it. If others have made mistakes, acknowledge the mistake without passing judgment and / or getting emotional about it. Mistakes happen for a variety of reasons and it is patently unfair to judge the mistake without grasping all the facts.

Appreciate – Mistakes happen because someone decided to do something. Even not doing something is a decision. In most cases there is honest effort, clear goals and possibly deep thinking that preceded the action.  One needs to appreciate all these, for often mistakes are not an outcome of these but a result of calculations gone wrong. By appreciating something, the signal is that one values everything done to get success and that not achieving it, is painful for all concerned.

Motivate – Criticism is the easiest thing to do; the challenge is to find something to motivate those who failed, to try again and hopefully succeed. Motivation is essential to keep up morale, kindle hope and most of all to express confidence in the person/s. Motivation pushes people to overcome the past, focus on the future and succeed beyond their capabilities.

Suggest – In the chaos that often follows failure, critics would give opinions, point out mistakes and berate the failure. Instead, an objective feedback in the form of suggestions would be more acceptable to those who are already dejected. In calmer moments they would review the performance and ponder over the suggestions and possibly come out with a better game plan to succeed.

Exude optimism – Every individual requires reassurance; if you are successful you need to be reassured that you can have a repeat performance but it is when you fail that you need to feel that still have it in you to try again and succeed. You exude optimism by being willing to lay your bets on success the next time around, by willing to join the journey the next time around and by proclaiming aloud that you have full faith and confidence. Optimism opens up numerous possibilities, gives greater confidence, you prepared to correct your previous mistakes and most of all you are ready to begin again.

Make it a point to notice the tears, the sadness and the pain first; acknowledge that and only then focus on the mistake.

Try these

  • So list your top 3 failures and what where the reactions of people close to you then. How did you cope with those failures?
  • What did you try differently and did not succeed in the first attempt?  What did you learn from that experience?
  • Do you recollect a time when you criticized someone for a failure and on hindsight realize that either you were wrong or too harsh?
  • What are the things / activities that you are keen to start experiment with but fear of failure is holding you back? How about giving some of those desires a try?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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37-look-againEvery one wishes to have a smooth, peaceful and happy life. However, the wonder of life is in its unpredictability, its constant change and the contrasting emotions that spice up life. Like the varied delicacies that we savor everyday, which is a mix of sweet, sour, hot, cold, spicy, bland, delicious, ugh, life helps us experience a wide variety of feelings, emotions, joys and pains. Obviously, given a choice we would prefer to experience only the emotions that appeal to us, those that we enjoy and relish. The challenge then for us is to find those hidden emotions within the moment that we experience particularly when we are distraught, hurt, pained and emotionally drained. To do that we need to look again and search for what we want to feel.

Seek the good in the bad – So you got fired from the job or your boss has just given you are earful and a warning. Hurts terribly, you become fearful, you want to erase the memory of it. Yet the hurt keeps echoing in your mind. If you pause and try to calmly relook the situation making a conscious effort to focus on what is good about the situation you could realize that there are collateral benefits in the situation. Perhaps they just nudged you to do what you always wanted to do; quit and find a new job or begin a new venture. Maybe you realized that your performance was slipping because you were bored in your job and now you are forced to find new opportunities. Maybe you were already planning alternatives but not finding the time to tie up all the loose ends and the sudden turn of events has now given you ample time to finalize your plans faster and move on.

Find something happy in the sadness you encounter – May be you lost a loved one or flunked an exam or your relationship is collapsing. Not the best of times. You are overwhelmed by the sudden turn of events that are now not just painful but the reality is a nightmare that won’t go away. Pause again and try to visualize it from a more positive angle. Perhaps the person who passed away was spared pain and agony; maybe the exam failure was expected but now you know what you did wrong and correct yourself; maybe it is best that the relationship is ending without more acrimony and ill will.

Discover some gain in your pain – Did you lose your wallet or credit cards? Maybe somebody rammed your car and damaged it? Did you hard disk crash and with it your data vanished in a jiffy. Painful no doubt but it is possible that there is some good coming from it too. Look again and search for the gain in the pain you just went through. Maybe you just spend a huge amount using the cash in your wallet so fortunately the loss of the wallet happened after that or you would have lost a lot of money. Perhaps you car need an make over and the accident has grounded you now but the insurance company would settle it now for you. Quite possible that there was a lot of junk in your hard disk and you are now spared the effort of painfully going through each file before deleting or organizing it. Yes there is some gain in every pain; look again for it.

Focus on what makes you grateful not hateful – So you got criticized at appraisal time and you hate your boss for it. Did you just get a feedback from your doctor stating that you have tested positive for some aliment and now you are constantly asking yourself ‘why me’? You find something that you desperately wanted on the online portal but just when you are about to pay you realize that the dimensions of the product is not what you want and that is the only piece available.  You hate your boss, you don’t want to meet your doctor anytime soon and you hate that website that just broke your heart. Look at the events from the filter of positivity. There would be plenty to be grateful for. Now that you have a feedback from the boss, however unflattering it may be, there could be some truth in it and you have a reference point to begin to change. If the feedback from the boss is in your view distorted and not true, maybe it is time you looked for another job opportunity. The doctor is just a messenger of the truth and perhaps he is also the savior who can suggest an appropriate course of action. Did you just save some money by not buying what you longed for or better still you may find something even better later.

When hurt/ pained/ bitter pause. Re-look the situation from a filter of ‘so what is good about the situation’ and suddenly life would be much more joyous and immense possibilities open up to you.

Try these:

  • List out the 5 most painful experiences you have had in your life. Identify one good thing about each of the said experience/situation.
  • List out 5 frequent criticisms that you are accused of by family/ friends / colleagues/ bosses / teachers. Is there justification for those criticisms? What are you doing to rectify / remedy the situation?
  • Make a list of 5 people / personalities who you dislike/ disapprove of. Can you outline 2 points about each of them that you appreciate / respect them for.
  • Name 3 adjectives that apply to your positive qualities and 3 adjectives that describe your negative qualities.  So what is your action plan to eliminate those negative adjectives?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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35-pain-changes-people

Broadly pain comes in two types- physical pain and emotional pain. Both types of pain are tough to deal with. However, the emotional pain is often the one most tough to cope with, because the emotional pain hurts from inside and is much more difficult to overcome. The physical pain can at times be excruciating too and equally difficult to cope with. The challenge of emotional pain is that it provokes questions like why me? What if? Will it change my life for the worse? Can I ever cope with it? that makes it hard for an individual to find satisfactory answers to. The result is that emotional pain triggers in us a negative attitude to people, lose confidence in ourselves and a ‘poor me’ syndrome overwhelms us.

Emotional pain is non physical pain. This means that the pain is felt in the head and heart. Death of a loved is the most common emotional pain but since death is a reality everyone has to deal with, most people can get over this pain over time. Of course there are exceptions like the sudden death of young person or the sudden death of a dear pet. However, emotional pain felt when a marriage breaks down or when one gets an unexpected pink slip or one is made aware of a serious ailment is much more difficult to handle. The most common response to emotional pain are as under:

Trusting less: Emotional pain, especially if it is the result of a disconnect with another person be it a lover/ spouse or employer would seriously affect the aggrieved party/ parties and would often result in them at least temporarily losing their confidence in other people. This means that going forward, it takes them time to let go of the past, are always wary of people around especially new people and would never make a commitment to a relationship personal/ professional without being circumspect about the future.

Thinking more:  Emotional pain always magnifies the problem in the eyes of the aggrieved person. It also makes a person think of various worse case scenarios, make them interject varied negative possibilities to a possible solution and largely make them feel victimized. The over thinking limits their vision to see effective alternative solutions. It also adds to their mental turmoil and consequently  it impacts their personal, social and professional  life.

Becoming a recluse:  People who are emotionally pained tend to become recluse. They shun social contact, prefer their own solitude and face psychological trauma. They find it hard to connect with people for they trust less, think more and believe that no one can help them. They wallow in self pity, have delusions/ fears of a second wave of trauma and adapt to solitude for company. Unfortunately that also means they have lesser chances of picking themselves out of their emotional rut.

Pain changes people. Life becomes harder; living even tougher and at times dying seems like a perfect escape.

Be aware of the dangers of letting emotional pain overwhelm us and make us irrational. As long as there is life there is hope. Listen to both your inner reason and to the advice of well meaning friends. Learn to trust your instincts as well as the voice of love and reason of your loved ones who would do all within their power to help you overcome your trauma. Do not cut yourself from the world around; remember man is a social animal and your best chance to be emotionally stable would be by interacting with others. After all sharing joy doubles it and sharing grief halves it.

Try these:

  1. List out 3 painful moments of your life. How did you react to each of these moments? Do you still feel that pain even today or has time helped you overcome the pain?
  2. So which of the following emotional baggage are you still carrying with you
  • Having a breakup
  • Having a dear one insult/ hurt you
  • Hearing a rude/ disrespectful / sarcastic comment about yourself
  • Being let down / cheated  by a dear friend / colleague
  • Being forced to sacrifice your ethics in order to succeed

How did the above effect you. What have you done to regain your confidence after facing the above?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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9 Coping with  anger

Every individual however calm and tolerant he/ she is will at times get angry either because they are provoked or because they are upset at what they observe and do not approve. The vast majority of us are quick to get angry, some because they are short tempered others because they are easily frustrated and some because they are idealists and seek perfection all the time. The irony is that most times our anger is justifiable but how we give in to our anger is questionable. We rave, we rant, we scream, shout, abuse, threaten and in extreme cases vent our anger in a physical form. Unfortunately the anger we express allows us to let off steam but rarely does it propel the relationship much further.

The intensity of our anger is largely expressed in direct proportion to the intimacy of the person to whom it is directed e.g. husband and wife or parent and children. In other cases the intensity is largely inversely proportionate to the level of the organizational hierarchy of the sender and receiver of the angry exchange e.g. the superior will inflict all his anger on the junior most subordinate and will sulk to express anger with a superior. With strangers the intensity of our anger depends on the situation, our perception of the individual at who we direct our anger and how effectively the quick release of anger calms us down. What is interesting is that having expressed our anger we do tend to get a sense of relief but very very rarely do we actually resolve the problem effectively. By expressing our anger we certainly convey our emotion but do not effectively convey the real problem nor do we get the full attention of those who we address. Most times expressing anger triggers defensive responses from the recipient who try to apportion blame or to justify the action or simply apologize and escape.

On the other hand if we can pinpoint to ourselves what exactly annoys, irritates and angers us, we would be able to explain our anger perhaps forcefully but certainly very effectively. Our anger is often a quick reaction to what we perceive as an action that is contrary to our expectations. At times our anger could be completely misplaced and if we explain our anger, we would perhaps get to hear a very plausible reasoning for the action. Explaining our anger would educate the recipient, it would also make the recipient better appreciate our point of view and most of all it will be enable the person explaining and the person listening connect and see the issue from the same perspective. Explaining anger would spur the recipient to proactively rectify the problem and this in effect means you are enabling a solution, resolving an issue and achieving our objective.

Expressing anger may give temporary relief to the person expressing it but explaining anger will certainly direct energy and action towards a more permanent solution to the problem.

Try this:

  • Can you recall 3 incidences where you were at the receiving end of somebody’s anger? Were you really guilty or culpable as indicated by the person admonishing you?
  • Think of one or two times when you expressed your anger only to sheepishly realize that your anger was completely misplaced. Do you think you could have handled the situation differently and more effectively with loss of face?
  • You were entrusted with Rs.5,000 in cash to be deposited in the bank. Since one of your office colleagues was going to the bank you asked her to deposit it on your behalf. Unfortunately her handbag containing your money was stolen on the way. How would you react to this situation? How do you expect the person who entrusted you with the money to react when you explain the matter to him.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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19-30 Sept- 14 No matter how you feel

At some time or the other, especially on Monday mornings many of us are prone to feel lazy, lousy and lethargic. There are other times particularly when we have a tough task on hand or hard nut customer appointment or times when we have to convey bad news or fire people, when we are beset with the same feeling of despondency and inadequacy. Those are the times when we are challenged to bring to the fore our inner strength, push our core beliefs to the test and above all discover the leader within us.

Avoiding the task is merely postponing the problem. Ignoring the challenge would be lying to ourselves. Delegating the unpleasant to others would be an admission of inadequacy to take on responsibility. The solution lies in being brave, bold and brazen enough to banish your apprehensions and take the bull by the horns. This is best done in the following ways

Believe that you are duty bound– Everyone has a task to perform and you are duty bound to execute all that is entrusted to you. A forest ranger at great peril to his life will confront poachers just as a fireman or solider will put his / her life on the line in fulfilling his/her duties. Do you think your tasks / duties are more life threatening or dangerous? Perhaps laziness or complacency is an unwitting companion in your life which saps your motivation and zeal to hit work. Time to be aware, awake and act decisively; get up, dress up, show up for starters.

Be aware that this is testing time – Every exam time was full of stress, anxiety and apprehension for even the toppers. Most exams were planned events and we always had time to prepare. In daily life the tests are frequent, mainly unexpected and largely challenge our self belief, self discipline and resilience. Once you realize this, it is relatively easier to accept the challenges, act decisively and have a never give up attitude.

Act with prudence, passion and fairness – When we indulge in anything reluctantly, we are tempted to treat the act with contempt, seethe with anger and do the task haphazardly with the sole intent of completing it. The outcome of such hasty, tardy and reluctant effort will nearly always be slipshod and barren. Once the decision to take on the challenge is made, then doing a good job must be the only driving force. This demands we suppress our negative emotions, delve into our strengths and act with prudence, passion and fairness to achieve the b est results.

Have no regrets – There are times when despite our best efforts we do not attain success. Imagine the plight of the person standing second; it is not for lack of effort or ability but perhaps merely because of a mistake or an extra ordinary performance by the winner. However the person standing second will never regret the effort put in or the sacrifices made because the fruits of one’s labor will always be sweet for they are earned with daring, sweat and toil.

Try this:

Identify 3 aspects of your daily work life that you dislike but cannot avoid. Now for each of these, jot down 2 things that you think make this task meaningful. Next time you perform this task think of the 2 meaningful aspects of the task and see how it makes you do the task with less consternation.

You have been gifted 2 tickets for a very prized event. You are excited and all set to go for the event with your best friend. However on the previous evening of the event you are asked to urgently go to a work site in a different city on an urgent assignment lasting 2 days. How would you rationalize the complete change of plans to yourself so that you can still do meaningful and satisfying work despite the unfortunate change in plans?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.in

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Nature has been very kind to mankind and that is why it has put an auto program within us in the form of our senses to help us protect ourselves from danger. Ever realized how is it that when we inadvertently touch something hot we instantaneously draw away from it or how quickly we sense danger when we smell a burning odor or stale food is immediately sensed by the tongue. The senses are programmed by nature to be true to the duty of self preservation.

The problem arises when we have to depend on ourselves for progress, growth and happiness. To this end, we are largely dependent on our academics, intellect, behavior, attitude, skill sets and motivation for setting our goals and attaining them. The very stumbling block for many begins with the academics where we are prone to expect more marks than our effort and intellect, succumb to the temptation to use unfair means so as to boost our marks and / or happily make peace with the results and rationalize that you have done your best. In effect we are just not being true to our abilities, our potential or our conscience. If you get marks that you really do not deserve, does it mean that you are academically superior to the rest? Do you think you can continue your bluff in your professional life? The replies to these questions should be again answered honestly and you would have made an important step in the pursuit of being true to yourself.

It is said that a clear conscience is the best pillow; implying thereby that if one is true to one’s self you can always enjoy a blissful sleep. In having a clear conscience one is not merely troubled by deceit, lies or improprieties that one may have lapsed into but the bigger pricks of conscience are brought about by a feeling of inadequacy that one has not discharged one’s duties effectively, not stood up to protest injustice or when one has merely sat on the fence when having to take a decisive stand. Not keeping ones promise is just a simple example of negligence in discharging ones obligation but there could be larger issues like not helping out an accident victim or not exercising one’s franchise during the elections. It may be pertinent to emphasize here that  while not voting could be viewed as an insignificant event that does not prick one’s conscience it is this collective lack of conscience that ultimately give us poor political leadership. Perhaps if each of us was true to ourselves our environment would have been a much better place to live in.

Look around and be aware of your critics. Perhaps some of those critics are people who have some differences or dislike towards you and many of their criticisms could be frivolous. There could be other critics who fail to appreciate your point of view or the reasons or intent behind your actions/ responses that they criticize. Then there are a few who are very very close to you and it this proximity to you that gives them the liberty to be more judgmental and honest in their critical feedback. What is important for you is to realize that there is always an element of truth in most of the criticisms and it is an excellent feedback to help one improve. The more important lesson though is that your friends, fans and supporters will always far outnumber your critics and most of them will never be true to you when it comes to telling you your faults, your limitations, your weaknesses or the area of improvementYou improve and progress only by being honest and true to yourself, for you and only you know yourself; only you know your fears, your ambitions, your apprehensions, your limitations, your abilities, your insecurities, your frustrations, your desires, your cravings, your hopes, your expectations, your values.

Try this:

  1. Write down your strengths and weakness and also your fears and aspirations. Make as elaborate a list as possible. Now try and honestly rate each point in each of the 4 grids and number it from 1 onwards, 1 being the most important priority. Now candidly visualize how each of the fort points in each grid impacts your decisions / your approach/ your progress.
  2. Identify 3 of the following characters and jot down one honest negative feedback you would give each of them. Think of how you will package that feedback to make it more acceptable to the recipient without your relationship being affected.

–          Friends

–          Colleagues

–          Relatives

–          School/ college mates

–          Subordinate/ junior / employee

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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