Tag: Influences

Identifying people who have a positive influence

When one looks back on the days gone by, there will be some people and some incidents that you will recall with great fondness. Focus on these people whose memories always bring a smile to the lips and warmth in the heart and you will be transported to a world of nostalgia. If you correlate some of your successes with the influence these people have had on your life, you would be amazed at the volume of positive inputs they have given you. These inputs could be as varied as having full faith in you, encouraging you,  guiding in you, comforting you, giving you tips, empathizing with you, allowing you the freedom to pursue your passion, supporting you when you falter etc.

Here are a set of people who would be ideal people to associate with and benefit from.

Those close to you.  Beginning with parents and siblings, the list includes friends, colleagues, teachers and seniors. Of course it is possible that some of those close to you would find it hard to empathize with your thoughts and views but it is in your interest to give their counter point of view a hearing. The best part of their support is their response is always keeping your best interest in mind.

Those who have a natural flair to be cheerful and positive. Some of these people could be from the above list but it is equally possible that you do meet others who radiate positive energy. It could be trainers, motivational speakers, superiors from other departments, neighbors etc.

Those who you find knowledgeable, fair, impartial and open. These could include people in positions of authority like the principal of an institution or a senior academician, senior executives in your organization, experienced professionals, a friend’s parents etc.

Those who are good listeners.  Anyone who is willing to lend you an ear, pay attention to you and express interest in your thoughts, views, hopes and aspirations. They may counter question, raise objections, have a different point of view but as long as they pay a lot of attention to you, you can be sure their patience and genuine interest will accelerate your progress.

Those who display appreciation, give proactive encouragement and offer creative solutions. You often meet people from varied backgrounds, experiences and views at seminars, conferences, meetings etc. It is possible that they have some insights that are congruent to your line of thinking. If they display interest in your views, ask relevant questions and give encouraging feedback you can be sure you can profitably tap into their vast repository of knowledge, experience and wisdom.

Action Points:

  1. Make a list of 5 people at least 2 of whom are senior citizens and one of whom is younger than you who you believe would be excellent people to associate with and who would appreciate, understand and encourage you.
  2. Can you list out 3 of the best advice that you ever received. How did advice have a major bearing in your life?
  3. Who was the one person who offered you the best solace when you were very low or depressed? How and what did the person do or say to reassure you?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

The power of example

Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing. – Albert Schweitzer

Our initial learning is from imitating others particularly our parents, grandparents, neighbors, the au pair or nanny and those with whom we are in close contact. Obviously we end up learning both the good and the bad from these influencers since we are unable to distinguish good from bad at that stage. This method of learning continues to influence us deeply till our dying day although as we grow we can become selective in our learning. However the example set by others often tends to have an overwhelming influence on us and very often we unconsciously imbibe a lot of bad, negative and avoidable qualities, traits and mannerisms from others. The best example is our use of profanity when irritated, annoyed, angry or furious. Our accent too is a good example of how we get unconsciously influenced by those around us.

While logic, understanding, rational and reason have a major bearing on how we shape up in life, we have always underestimated the power of examples of others in shaping us. The rituals we follow at home have a major bearing on how we imitate the same as we grow up and then set an example for others. From the time we rise up each morning, to the chores we perform and even the subtle mannerisms, attitude and behavior are often molded by the examples set by those who are key influencers in one’s life. Teachers for example have a very very important role to play as role models and prima donnas of good example. Those teachers who demand the best, often get the best from their students. Those who lack that charisma and self will, end up having a set of mediocre students to battle with. While the strict teacher might not be very popular when one is in school, with maturity and the advantage of hindsight, one would easily realize that those  teachers who were strict but not whimsical or biased gave you the strength, the motivation and the self belief to excel.

While a role model would have a strong influence on helping us set standards, the choice of the wrong role model could critically hamper us and even negatively influence us. Thus many youngsters are mistakenly drawn to the antisocial and undesirable mannerisms and communication of those role models who seem to be larger than life simply because they are anti establishment or rebellious. The hippy culture of the 70’s and similar fashion trends that tend to be gross and the trend to splurge on brands promoted by our person role models, the abuse of drugs and promiscuity are but the tip of the iceberg. Selective idolization of role models is another dangerous problem. While everyone sees the success, the fame and the adulation enjoyed by our role models very few of us pay attention to the tremendous effort, hard work and sacrifices they make to reach the top of their profession. We tend to follow only the example that is suitable to us and conveniently ignore the tougher part. The net result is that we end up frustrated and disheartened by the lack of success.

The best way to improve ourselves is by the realization that each of us has both a responsibility and an obligation to be aware of our own power to influence those around us. We would then consciously attempt to change and put forward our own best efforts and suddenly we would notice that everything and everyone around us seems to be very close to the ideal we would have visualized. Both, us who set the example and the others who imitate our example would then be doing the perfect tango in sync and with grace.

Remember: “A good example has twice the value of good advice”

Try this:

  1. Can you identify 3 bad habits/ mannerisms / qualities in you that you would like to change. Do you think you imbibed it because of the influence of those around you?
  2. Identify the 3 good habits/ mannerisms/ qualities that you imbibed/ developed because of the influence of someone around you. Name the person who was responsible for it and if possible thank them too.
  3. Make a list of one role model each for the following and the one quality that you would like to imitate.
  • A sportsperson
  • A politician
  • A businessman/ business woman
  • A teacher
  • A social crusader/ social activist

Ps. As I am out of station till Sunday 6th Feb’11 the blog will be resumed from Monday 7th Feb’11

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

At judgment time

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.  Mother Teresa

Our perceptions about people have an unusually disproportionate influence on how we deal with them, how closely we interact with them and how much of confidence we have in them. Be it our own countrymen or be it dealing with foreigners, we have our biases that keep triggering our senses at regular intervals and which acts as a filter to ensure that we are communicating to suit the circumstances and the personnel involved. The net result is that we convey a feeling of suspicion, make the counter party wary and lengthen the process of establishing relationships. Ironically most of our biases prove to be negative in nature and woefully wrong which makes us feel sheepish and embarrassed.

The problem with most of us is that we have our own skewed logic that is based upon hearsay, opinions and personal prejudice which results in us judging people all the time. When we judge people the natural tendency is to look at people as prone to being deviant, problematic and difficult to deal with. This negative mindset offers us the luxury of being excessively vigilant, deeply suspicious and probably resentful of the other without feeling guilty, since we see it as a protective mechanism to shield our life and liberty. By the time we realize our folly some connections have been disturbed, many opportunities lost and most interactions have become stilted. Relationships take a lot longer to flower than what would have if we didn’t let our judgment cloud our senses.

Look at the beggars, the marginalized, the poor and the sick and ask yourself what thoughts come to mind. While we begin to feel sorry for them, we quickly summarize that most of them can easily earn a good living by hard work but prefer to be lazy and eek out a living by being parasites feeding of the rich and the hardworking people like us. None of us would have ever cared to talk to them, understand their plight or even bothered to smile at them. In fact we go out of way to shun them lest they take our goodness for our weakness.  The problems of the mentally challenged and those in prison are even more acute because we fear them, conclude that they do not deserve to be set free in civilized society and wish that they be shown mercy by a quick and painless death.  While all of us proclaim to be epitomes of LOVE, we are selective in choosing whom to love and we are very clear about maintaining our distance from those we natural prefer to shun.

While it may be difficult for us to remain unbiased and completely rational, we need to accept the fact that we can with some willpower and by suspending judgment be more pragmatic about those unfortunate people around who crave for love and affection. The challenge for us is be honest about our true feelings and biases and become aware of that influencing our rationality. Do you pass judgment on your parents when you get upset or angry with them? True you may hate them for a brief period, you may wish them to change to your way of thinking but you never stop loving them. What the world needs is for each of us to judge less and love more and automatically the world will be an oasis that for all mankind.

Remember: “We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.”  Ian Percy

Try this:

  1. Can you recollect at least 3 instances in your life when you felt wrongly judged and possibly punished for no fault of yours? How did you feel about those times? Was it the unfairness or the humiliation or the fact the culprits went scot free that hurt more?
  2. When you watch some of the reality shows like a Musical reality show or a Dance show or a Talent show are there times when you feel the judgment was biased or wrong? Do you think you are competent to make that observation? Ask yourself if you are being biased because of some remote connect with the participant eg. She is pretty or he shares the same name as you or he /she hails from your neighborhood.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com