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Posts Tagged ‘Pain’

33- 10 Sept 17- Two types of painEach of us must have experienced both forms of pain at various points in our life. The pain that hurts us can be physical pain or psychological pain. Physical pain, unless it is a permanent pain, is often forgotten once we are physically healed. The psychological pain on the other hand tends to remain with us for a much longer time, perhaps in some cases even lifelong. The trauma of pain that hurts is now better managed by medication, counseling and therapy, yet the experience often leaves an individual  scarred, bitter at times and definitely wary of going through the agony once again.

The same pain that we experience be it physical or psychological, can be channelized by every individual by using the right attitude and thinking to become a life changing experience. Not just life changing for the individual but also life changing for the people around, the circle of influence we can reach out to. The very essence of pain management is an excellent example of it. It is the result of years of experimentation and research done by individuals who dealt with people in pain and decided to reach out to alleviate the pain of such people. However, although most of us as individuals may not have the technical expertise to do the same, each of us can develop the right attitude and thinking to change our approach to managing our pain as well as the pain of those around us.

Accept what cannot be changed This is the toughest part of managing pain. Embracing the inevitable, making peace with the reality and looking at pain from the prism of positivity would enable an individual to accept the unchangeable faster and more whole heartedly. Death of a loved one, the loss of a limb or a physical transformation due to an accident or having an incurable disease like MND would require the individual to accept the reality that life is altered forever. Once an individual makes peace with this reality, reorienting the thinking is a relatively easier process.

Channelize your pain to transform your life – Be it your pain or you being a part of another’s pain would always impact your life. If a close friend or family member is in any type of pain, it impacts you also. You need to channelize the pain into seeing it as a way to learn some lessons be it reorienting your thinking or being made aware of people who you took for granted as being more dependable or finding your hidden reservoir of strength to mange yourself.

Empathize with those in pain – Be there for people who are in pain. Comfort them by your understanding, presence and patience. Divert their minds to pleasant thoughts, beautiful memories of the past and give them hope. Let them know that you share their suffering and that you would like to share their burden. Understanding the trauma of those in the throes of psychological pain is very tough because we tend to use logic or rationalize it. However, emotions run a lot deeper and they remain simmering within the individual. It is essential that those around try and draw the person out of his/ her trauma, reassure them of getting their life back on track and show them hope in the future. This can dull the pain, the fear and inject in them a strong desire to make a stronger comeback.

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional – This is the mantra that each one should adopt and share. Each of us will experience a variety of pain in varying degrees. We need to quickly get to grips with it and try to mitigate it by dwelling less on the suffering and instead focusing on how it is changing you to become stronger, more resilient and helping you discover your inner strength.

Try these

  1. List out 5 activities that give you maximum pain. The challenge is to confront each of them and to jot down the learning from it each time you confronted it.
  2. Attempt one or more of the following:
  • Visit an elderly / lonely neighbor once a week
  • Go to the local hospital and ask the social worker how you can help out
  • You can also visit a hospice or old age home or a home for the challenged
  • Visit a nearby park and notice people who seem alone/ lonely. See if you can strike a conversation with them and bring a smile to their face.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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38-did-you-noticeIf you get irritated by the fact that despite your best efforts, all you get is criticism for what could have been done better, then ask yourself if you are guilty of the same mistake.  Each of us guilty, albeit in varying degrees of being critical, unappreciative and  finger pointing, especially when things do not happen as we plan or hope for. Occasionally some of us even berate ourselves for our lack of success and / or our failures because we find it hard to accept that we could not achieve what we set out to do. The point is that we are pained when others do not appreciate our toil, sweat and tears and unfortunately we too succumb to the same when we undervalue ourselves and others.

Obviously no one can avoid mistakes. However we need to look at mistakes, failures, lack of success from a more holistic view. This will enable one to be less critical, more appreciative and value the efforts, the sacrifices and the struggle without overvaluing momentarily success. The former gives us work ethics; success is an important milestone and motivator but cannot substitute for the discipline, the hard work and the rigor that is the corner stone of every successful person.

So how must one react to mistakes?

Acknowledge – Mistakes happen but it is the way we acknowledge the mistake that ensures it does not cascade into a disaster. If we have made a mistake, be honest about it and acknowledge it. If others have made mistakes, acknowledge the mistake without passing judgment and / or getting emotional about it. Mistakes happen for a variety of reasons and it is patently unfair to judge the mistake without grasping all the facts.

Appreciate – Mistakes happen because someone decided to do something. Even not doing something is a decision. In most cases there is honest effort, clear goals and possibly deep thinking that preceded the action.  One needs to appreciate all these, for often mistakes are not an outcome of these but a result of calculations gone wrong. By appreciating something, the signal is that one values everything done to get success and that not achieving it, is painful for all concerned.

Motivate – Criticism is the easiest thing to do; the challenge is to find something to motivate those who failed, to try again and hopefully succeed. Motivation is essential to keep up morale, kindle hope and most of all to express confidence in the person/s. Motivation pushes people to overcome the past, focus on the future and succeed beyond their capabilities.

Suggest – In the chaos that often follows failure, critics would give opinions, point out mistakes and berate the failure. Instead, an objective feedback in the form of suggestions would be more acceptable to those who are already dejected. In calmer moments they would review the performance and ponder over the suggestions and possibly come out with a better game plan to succeed.

Exude optimism – Every individual requires reassurance; if you are successful you need to be reassured that you can have a repeat performance but it is when you fail that you need to feel that still have it in you to try again and succeed. You exude optimism by being willing to lay your bets on success the next time around, by willing to join the journey the next time around and by proclaiming aloud that you have full faith and confidence. Optimism opens up numerous possibilities, gives greater confidence, you prepared to correct your previous mistakes and most of all you are ready to begin again.

Make it a point to notice the tears, the sadness and the pain first; acknowledge that and only then focus on the mistake.

Try these

  • So list your top 3 failures and what where the reactions of people close to you then. How did you cope with those failures?
  • What did you try differently and did not succeed in the first attempt?  What did you learn from that experience?
  • Do you recollect a time when you criticized someone for a failure and on hindsight realize that either you were wrong or too harsh?
  • What are the things / activities that you are keen to start experiment with but fear of failure is holding you back? How about giving some of those desires a try?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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35-pain-changes-people

Broadly pain comes in two types- physical pain and emotional pain. Both types of pain are tough to deal with. However, the emotional pain is often the one most tough to cope with, because the emotional pain hurts from inside and is much more difficult to overcome. The physical pain can at times be excruciating too and equally difficult to cope with. The challenge of emotional pain is that it provokes questions like why me? What if? Will it change my life for the worse? Can I ever cope with it? that makes it hard for an individual to find satisfactory answers to. The result is that emotional pain triggers in us a negative attitude to people, lose confidence in ourselves and a ‘poor me’ syndrome overwhelms us.

Emotional pain is non physical pain. This means that the pain is felt in the head and heart. Death of a loved is the most common emotional pain but since death is a reality everyone has to deal with, most people can get over this pain over time. Of course there are exceptions like the sudden death of young person or the sudden death of a dear pet. However, emotional pain felt when a marriage breaks down or when one gets an unexpected pink slip or one is made aware of a serious ailment is much more difficult to handle. The most common response to emotional pain are as under:

Trusting less: Emotional pain, especially if it is the result of a disconnect with another person be it a lover/ spouse or employer would seriously affect the aggrieved party/ parties and would often result in them at least temporarily losing their confidence in other people. This means that going forward, it takes them time to let go of the past, are always wary of people around especially new people and would never make a commitment to a relationship personal/ professional without being circumspect about the future.

Thinking more:  Emotional pain always magnifies the problem in the eyes of the aggrieved person. It also makes a person think of various worse case scenarios, make them interject varied negative possibilities to a possible solution and largely make them feel victimized. The over thinking limits their vision to see effective alternative solutions. It also adds to their mental turmoil and consequently  it impacts their personal, social and professional  life.

Becoming a recluse:  People who are emotionally pained tend to become recluse. They shun social contact, prefer their own solitude and face psychological trauma. They find it hard to connect with people for they trust less, think more and believe that no one can help them. They wallow in self pity, have delusions/ fears of a second wave of trauma and adapt to solitude for company. Unfortunately that also means they have lesser chances of picking themselves out of their emotional rut.

Pain changes people. Life becomes harder; living even tougher and at times dying seems like a perfect escape.

Be aware of the dangers of letting emotional pain overwhelm us and make us irrational. As long as there is life there is hope. Listen to both your inner reason and to the advice of well meaning friends. Learn to trust your instincts as well as the voice of love and reason of your loved ones who would do all within their power to help you overcome your trauma. Do not cut yourself from the world around; remember man is a social animal and your best chance to be emotionally stable would be by interacting with others. After all sharing joy doubles it and sharing grief halves it.

Try these:

  1. List out 3 painful moments of your life. How did you react to each of these moments? Do you still feel that pain even today or has time helped you overcome the pain?
  2. So which of the following emotional baggage are you still carrying with you
  • Having a breakup
  • Having a dear one insult/ hurt you
  • Hearing a rude/ disrespectful / sarcastic comment about yourself
  • Being let down / cheated  by a dear friend / colleague
  • Being forced to sacrifice your ethics in order to succeed

How did the above effect you. What have you done to regain your confidence after facing the above?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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13-12-it is not the load

When interacting with people, some people give you an immediate connect and you can actually feel their vibrancy, positivity and joy touching you in many ways and elating you. Unfortunately there are also many others who you would keep at arms distance, if not completely avoid given half a chance, simply because they are constantly grumbling, telling their woes, keep blaming others and exude bad vibes, spread demoralizing thoughts and drain us of our enthusiasm. If you were to spent a little time and understand the background, the daily routine and psychology of both sets of people you might make a startling discovery that in almost all cases the people are just like us, share the same sets of troubles, pleasures, hope, fears perhaps in varying degrees but it is their response to the situation that is the key difference that makes them likeable or disagreeable.

Now turn the mirror to yourself and ask honestly how others perceive you. Do I have many friends? Are my neighbors and colleagues happy to see me? Do I feel welcome when joining a group? Closer home, other than your pet dog are the rest of the family members thrilled to have me around? Do people freely interact with me, trust me, share their thoughts, concerns, hopes etc and seek my counsel or views? If you can honestly say yes to all the above, then you are one of the fortunate few who has mastered the art of embracing life with a song on your lips and hope in your heart. On the other hand if you are one who cannot spontaneously say yes to the above questions, there is no need to feel despondent for by and large you share your misery with a large number of people. Though it is said misery loves company, as an individual each of us would love to live life happily minus that miserable company.

The best way to cope with life is as under:

First accept the reality that there is a yin and yang that together forms life. While everyone wishes to embrace the good things life has to offer, when there is difficulty, pain, fear, frustration and the like, the inevitable reaction is to wonder why me. The quicker we learn to appreciate the quirks of life the easier it would be to welcome each new day with a happy heart.

The next is to cope with the yin with equanimity and the yang with alacrity. Having accepted the reality of the yin and yang of life, the challenge is how does one deal with them. In fact, in managing our response to the extremes that life throws up we would realize the inevitable truth that neither happiness nor sorrows last forever (although the latter might seem to be never ending). Therefore when things are going one’s way, when life is kind to us and when we are euphoric we must soak in those moments but never let them overexcite us. At the same time when faced with challenges, problems and troubles we must not be overwhelmed by them but be hopeful that this too shall pass.

Third is to attempt a balance between the two. This is a tricky step for while we cannot actually change the reality we can telescope our joys and miniaturize our troubles by some deft psychological ploys. Learn to savor every triumph, relish every joy and spread joy and sub consciously lengthen the ecstasy, deepen the thrill and enrichen our life. Similarly when fate deals us a poor hand, when the shadows seem to be lengthening and joy looks elusive look out for the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. The change in fortunes seems just a step away, the gloom will seem to be disappearing and the hard knocks of life will be less bruising and painful. The balance you have maintained is in keeping a pragmatic proportion between the long periods of ecstasy and the brief unavoidable reality of despair.

Finally embrace each moment as the best moment for it shall never come again. The first three rules are to be practiced diligently and allowed to gently be ingrained subconsciously. That is the point of inflection when you will actually begin to embrace life warts and all. From then on you will look eagerly for the break of dawn, appreciate the joys of everyday life, value the joys of relationships, find surprises in the chirping of the birds and the blooming of the flowers and there will be a spring in every step you take. Hurdles that would invariably appear most unexpectedly would not frighten you nor would they then seem insurmountable and you would find the will, the means and the way to side step every hurdle. You will then kiss each moment for it will never give you another chance again.

The secret to coping with the surprises, shocks, joys and jolts of life is in accepting reality of constant change, maintaining harmony no matter what the challenge or surprise and making best use of the gift of life by living it and not merely surviving it.

Try this:

For a week try to live life by making the following adjustment each day. This will give you a better appreciation of how those who have to live with the limitation have adjusted to their permanent problem and yet live their life to the full.

Day 1 – Do not use your regularly used hand ( if your right handed do not use the right hand for the whole day)

Day 2 – Tie a splint around any one of your knees so that you cannot bend your knees. Now go about your daily chores with this handicap.

Day 3 – Avoid the use of any means of electrical /electronic devise – no telephone/ mobile/internet/ TV / Dish washers / credit cards/ etc.

Day 5 – Attempt not to talk to anyone / minimize your oral communication but go about your daily tasks.

Day 6 – Spend an entire day at an orphanage/ old age home/ prison /hospital or on any social service that you have never ever been to or attempted before.

Day 7 – Set your own challenging goal and try to live it out.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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13-4-Little things matter

In the week gone by, this blog has crossed 1,50,000 views and now has 875 odd followers. A BIG THANK YOU to all of you patronizing this blog. For me this amazing journey started on 1st Jan 2010 and as I look back I am both surprised at my own gumption to try and write every day (which I did justice to in 2010) and grateful to my blog followers both for their feedback (largely favorable) and for providing me the motivation to keep writing. Today’s blog post, is also a tribute to all of you my readers, for as the daily views and increasing followers list came in trickles initially, they laid the foundation of the milestone I mark today. Thank you buddies. Jacob

Nostalgia they say is recalling the fun without revealing the pain. No matter what your age, if you are reading this now, you would definitely have enough years behind you to look back and visualize the wonders that have lit up your life at various times. Cut to childhood; the earliest recollection of your birthday celebration would bring a tear in your eye, a lump in your throat, a heaviness in the heart but most of all an unmatched thrill and joy. Perhaps another birthday celebration could trigger a wave of ecstatic emotions with you as the focus but love as all encompassing.

It is not all fun and joy that we recollect all the time. Perhaps there are painful memories too of the first punishment that you got for no fault of yours. Or the nasty injury you suffered when playing a highly competitive sport or perhaps you missed the finals that you looked forward to playing because of suspension. Yet when you look back at these moments, what remains etched more than the pain is the realization that those were defining moments that shaped you into what you are. Perhaps the injustice of being unfairly punished made you subconsciously more sensitive to others or it could be the reason why you are far harsher to those who are guilty.

Remember the first gift you gave your first crush or it could be your lovelorn mushy mushy little note. If you can recollect the contents, you might even unconsciously squirm at the realization of your immaturity then and the frivolous nothings that you conjured up. Yet, that day you grew up to overcome your inhibitions, overcame your apprehensions and learned to be more decisive. Remember the reluctant way you went through the mandatory social service visit to the local orphanage or old age home. Once you got over your initial shock and surprise at what you experienced there, the human values in you kicked in and they, the inmates, suddenly became an extension of your life. Perhaps those moments made you strive for success so that you would not meet a similar fate or turned you into a large hearted person, who gives at every opportunity without the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing.

Pause a moment to remember the school days. The mischief, the examination phobia, the elation at unexpected academic success, your share of the punishment that you had to endure, the words of praise or congratulations that also came your way which was the icing on the cake called schooling. Perhaps the memories of some exceptional teachers have become a role model for you in life, the strict teachers that you resented then now remain idols who were fair and impartial though strict. The patience of others who understood your limitations in keeping pace with the others or those who secretly sympathized with your struggles or those who tactfully highlighted your strengths and pepped you up are now memories that well up your heart.

Finally family, parents, siblings, elders and neighbors and pets; can you just remember in one sentence how they left a mark on you? Love would be a common theme but for some it could be the harshness of not being able to get their affection or it could be their inability to appreciate you that hurts. Yet the precious moments spent with them would each hold a lingering fragrance of experience, affection, guidance, intrigue, regret in some cases, hurt in some very rare cases but a definite impact in all cases.

Beginning today, seek out those moments consciously, hold on to them in memories tenderly and embrace them tightly in the cockles of your heart.

Try this:

List out the following

  • The 3 happiest moments of the your life so far
  • The most painful moment you experienced
  • The most unexpected surprise you got
  • The best gift that you ever received
  • The most unfair criticism that you have received
  • The 3 mistakes that still make you cringe
  • The 1 love (each) of your life which is – a person, a place, a thing, an animal

Write down the first thought that comes to mind when you have to name

  • The best book you ever read
  • The worst book that you would not suggest to anyone
  • The best movie you have seen
  • The movie you couldn’t sit through
  • The most impactful proverb/ saying
  • The silliest feedback you have ever got
  • The best meal you ever ate in a restaurant
  • The worst foodie experience

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, but only saps today of its strength. A.J. Cronin

Strange as it may seem, many of us worry because the pain of worry seems to offer an axis around which one can go in circles and feel that we have actually done our bit to stem the tide. Unfortunately we fail to realize that in the process we have expended our energies, have not really changed the reality that stares at us and if anything we have just compounded our worries by wasting the present moment.  Assume we have an exam coming up and we have squandered away our time. Suddenly the reality of the exam date looms ominously ahead and instead of at least attempting to salvage the situation if we panic and brood and worry about our performance and fate, we would only have made a bad situation worse.

To cope with worry, we need to see the bright side of a hopeless situation and the get busy with our work today. Both these are tough especially when the Damocles sword of an impending worry is looming over our head. Seeing the bright side of a hopeless situation is a paradox in itself because hopelessness means a dark and bitter reality ahead. The brightest aspect of it is that at some point it will be over and done with. There could be other small but significant happenings like someone in dire pain lapsing into a comma where there will be no pain or failure helping one to switch tracks a decision which we longed for but didn’t dare to take. The key is to find straws of hope to clutch on to without turning those straws into steel ropes to latch on to and clamber out. One worry that is hard to overcome is the ‘what only if ‘syndrome. Take the case of a student who loses his rank by one mark. He/she can keep ruing that one silly mistake or the one question not studied well but the reality will not change. Or take the case of a person who is on the final question of ‘who wants to be a millionaire’ and chances his. her luck and fails.

If we can see the bright side of the future and to that extend minimize our worries, then we need to turn our focus on keeping busy. This is not to say one needs to engage in worthless and futile work rather one has to divert our positive energies into ensuring that w do our current jobs well. By being busy, our mind is occupied and will not stray and catch the worry bug.  At the same time, we would achieve some of our personal and professional goals, have no regrets about wasting our time and efforts and the net result is that we remain fit and agile. Where we really stumble is when do a tardy job, turn out shoddy work and pass the blame on to our worries and anxieties.  In the lexicon of the brave and the pragmatic person, today is what counts for the opportunities and the time will never come again no matter what the reality will be tomorrow.  Ask if we can we be concerned about the problem rather than worry about it?

Remember: There is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a problem, and a concerned person solves a problem.” Harold Stephens

Try this:

  1. Make a list of 10 worries and assign 100 marks to be distribute amongst those worries with the highest marks going to the worry that we are most anxious about. Focus on the top three worries and orient yourself to be concerned about finding a solution.
  2. Ask yourself if more than 3 of the following traits are frequently exhibited by you, for then that shows signs of a person who worries too much.
  • Frequent negative thoughts
  • Constantly complaining, cribbing, whining
  • Do you get easily angry and enraged?
  • At the first signs of uneasiness do you consult a doctor?
  • Are you obsessed about things eg. Children’s exam marks/ punctuality/ neatness / rituals
  • Do you hate it when your carefully laid plans go awry and your schedule is upset?
  • In a crowd if the focus of attention suddenly shifts to you  do you feel very foolish/ sheepish/ disturbed/ irritated ?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

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That which does not kill me makes me stronger. Friedrich Nietzsche

Yes, troubles come in all shapes and sizes and often at the most unexpected moments. While the normal troubles of illness and niggling interpersonal problems can be relatively easily handled, we are nearly always stressed out by troubles that are of a much larger proportion.  Since none of us like any form of disturbance in an otherwise tranquil life, we also tend to exaggerate our troubles on very many occasions and make it look like a terrible cross to carry. On the other hand there are a few unfortunate people who by a strange quirk of fate, are destined to be in a vice like grip of unending troubles and one must doff our hat to these individuals who still manage to retain their sanity and embrace life with regret perhaps but not rancor.

The real trouble starts when one gives up battling the troubles that are both inevitable and unpredictable. Of course there are times when we invite trouble by our own stupidity, greed, ill temper or some similar vice or irrational behavior. In such cases, one must be ready to faces the consequences and invariably such troubles are anticipated and appropriately managed. How does one battle something like a debilitating disease, an accident that seriously impairs the person, the sudden and unexpected death of someone his/ her prime? Whilst people react in various ways to such sudden upheavals in their life, the most important aspect of the response is to accept the troubles as a reality and not to sweep it under the carpet of daily living. When one is not reconciled to the reality of the existence of the problem, one is prone to live in denial and then life becomes complicated since no proof will help mitigate the problem or resolve it.

Some people are able to quickly adjust to the reality of the changed circumstances that the troubles have unwittingly foisted on them. Such people will immediately plan to work out both short term and long term strategies with minimum emotional baggage as possible. They would also attempt to ensure that those around them particularly their loved ones are comforted and put at ease despite their own mental turmoil. Those who cannot accept the reality, have a very tough time even dwelling on their troubles. They could ascribe motives right from their cursed fate, to some terrible past life crimes or to the sins of their forefathers for their fate. Reality won’t change with these thoughts but if one cannot adjust to the reality, they are quickly engulfed by the troubles. Strangely enough most people in trouble suddenly turn more religious and spiritual irrespective of their acceptance of their troubles or not.

Like fire that toughens the steel that is tempered by it, troubles if seen in the right perspective, actually helps one to rediscover the reality of who one is and find hidden reserves and new strengths. For one, almost all of us in trouble suddenly make the painful discovery of who their real friends are. Whilst some come up with the shocking realization that those intimate friends were mere fair weather friends, others from whom we keep our distance surprisingly turned out to be more understanding and helpful. Our perceptions about our friends that were once distorted are crystal clear now. If we objectively analyze the reality post the changed reality, one can get a sense of urgency, a dose of being pragmatic and discover a fighting spirit that was never tested before but which now races to the forefront. Finally it also dawns on us that the troubles never can kill the spirit; it can sap the energy, confound the mind and kills the body but the spirit lives on: forever!

Remember: “Trouble brings experience, and experience brings wisdom

Try this:

Although these links have been given in some other posts, it is highly recommended that we visit these links once again to help us understand our troubles in the right perspective.

  1. Look at this video on the life of Nick Vujicic the man who was born with No Arms & No Legs http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6F8zK57Wa0A
  2. Read the article Airborne to Chair borne by the Paraplegic Air force Officer M.P.Anil Kumar whose life changed overnight in a tragic accident. http://pallavees.blogspot.com/2006/03/airborne-to-chairborne.html

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

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