Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Perceptions’

20- 4 June17 -A great relationship

If you look at the friendships you have made over the many years of your life, what stands out is the fact that you have and equation with your friends which is often very ironical. There are things about your friend that you love and that is the reason for the bonding and yet there are habits/ mannerisms/ behavior / style of your friend that you dislike, possibly abhor and yet you overlook them. Friendships thrive on these differences and how individuals manage to reconcile these juxtapositions holds the key to endearing and enduring relationships.

It is possible that in many relationships it is differences between individuals is what triggers attention to each other but ultimately it is the similarities that bring about a confluence of appreciative emotions. In most cases though, it is the similarities in thought and approach that helps bonding and the respect for differences cements these bonds. Excellent relationships are all about managing these juxtapositions.

Good relationships are cemented stronger if both the appreciation of similarities and the respect for differences are expressed; the former more vigorously the latter more diplomatically. The latter is a tad tougher to express for it always carries a possibility of being misunderstood or being seen as a reproach and hence viewed as an indictment. This can bring about a wedge in relationships and hence has to be expressed very selectively and cautiously.  The differences are accentuated in criticisms, puns, sarcasm and disagreements. Hence it is important to be aware of the potential lethal effects of using any of the above in words or deeds.

Honesty in the relationship ensures there is greater understanding. However, brutal honesty can be damaging. Disagreements and differences of opinion are essential to retain the individuality of the people in a relationship. It is the individuality of the parties in a relationship that makes the communication, the interaction and the engagement in a relationship unique and interesting. The similarities between two individuals is what cements the relationship for there is a commonality of understanding, purpose and respect born out of appreciating the commonalities in each other.

Try these

  1. What are your three strengths that you think your friends appreciate in you? What are your three traits you think others find it hard to reconcile with or do not appreciate in you?
  2. What are the similarities and differences you note in the following people
  • Your siblings / cousins
  • Your three friends at work
  • Your three colleagues with whom you bond easily.
  • Your three best friends
  • Your classmates in school/ college with whom you meet up occasionally

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

10- The mask we wearTruth be told; each of us wears a mask to suit the occasion. We pretend to be happy when we are sad; try to obviate all traces of our jealousy, envy, greed; pretend to like those who we hate but cannot avoid. Many a time we sheepishly smile to disguise our embarrassments and irritation. While we, as individuals use a pseudo mask that attempts to project what we really are not, the clown merely amplifies it with a physical mask, to ensure all those who see it, are in sync with the image being projected.

There is a pattern in facets of ourself that we hide, behind the masks which we put on. The reality is that  ‘Each individual is actual 3 persons. The person I think I am; the person you think I am and the real me.’

The person I think I am : Each of us has an unique identity and that is not merely because of lineage but is also the outcome of how we are shaped by the family, the social settings around us and our own individuality. So siblings could still have widely differing interests, skills, attitudes, display different traits and mannerisms. What is important is how the individual visualizes himself/ herself. Some are pragmatic; some carry the baggage of their own limitations, anxieties, experiences and thinking. There are some who are over confident while others are modest to a fault.  Some are risk takers, others cautious, some reckless and most of us simply flow with the tide. There could be varied aspects of my own self that are probably noticed by others but I remain blind to it.  There could be areas of improvement that I need to focus on or talents and strengths that I can leverage. Listening to others holds the key to understand the person I really am.

The person you think I am : Who I perceive myself to be is what I largely tend to display; notwithstanding the fact that occasionally we attempt to sugar coat ourselves subtly to gain acceptance and occasionally we project a tough principled disposition so that we are seen as fair, upright and no nonsensical. However, there would always be some skeletons in our cupboard that we go to great lengths to hide. It could be some misdemeanors that we do not want others to know, we obfuscate inconvenient truths so that we are perceived more favorably and many a time we tend to display our deftness in ‘running with the hare and hunting with the hounds’ just to ensure that all our interests are projected. The person you think I am may be a far cry from the real me. Yet my style, mannerisms, behavior and attitude are tuned to make others think about me the way I subtly project myself. Phrases like ‘ still waters run deep’ or ‘Janus faced’  are testimony to the reality that ‘the person you think I am ‘ may be quite different in reality. Opening up with relevant facts will ensure that others get to understand me better.

The real me : The real me is largely hidden from others. Even I would known only myself better only when put to the test.  Occasionally some hidden aspects of me are known to very close family and friends. My insecurities, my fears, my hopes, my aspirations, my anxieties, my deepest thoughts, my confidence, my exuberance, my feelings of love, hate, revenge etc are part of me that very few know about. There are aspects of me that even I have yet to discover like my true potential, my natural aptitude, my yet to be discovered talents, my weakness, my mannerisms, my body language etc. The real me may crave for attention, may seek to be understood, may yearn for acceptance or may search for companionship. The real me could be fearful but when put to the test dare to confront his fears; she may be docile by nature but her wrath could be devastating. The real me strives to maintain equilibrium amongst the chaos of life or it could crumble like a dried leaf when trampled upon.  The real me lurks within. The real me is often searching to discover myself. The quest for individuality is what makes me uniquely ME.

Try these:

  1. Read up on or attend a session on the Johari Window concept.
  2. List out the following
  • Two criticisms about the person you admire the most
  • Two points of appreciation about a person you detest.
  • Two secrets you would find it hard to share in a public forum.(just a brief one line statement would do)
  • Two of the naughtiest things you did
  • Two actions that you took that you are really proud of
  • Your biggest fear
  • Your greatest strength

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

30 -The 5W's of LifeX Y and Z have always got their share of glory or infamy depending on how much you liked algebra and geometry but it is the alphabet W is that we focus on today. To begin with W has a rather awkward pronunciation but more importantly all progress is largely dependent on the answers to the 5W’s supported of course by the equally oddly pronounced H. Today we reflect on the critical role of the 5 W’s in shaping our life, our attitude and our successes.

Who am I! Your individuality is what makes you unique. Even identical twins would stand out from each other because of the differences that mark each one out. By being aware of our individual uniqueness, one can focus on strengthening ones attitude, skills, behavior and talents to contribute the world around us. Of course our uniqueness would also invite criticism, questioning, curiosity, suggestions and admiration from others who cannot possibly comprehend our individuality. Do not let that disturb you but do pay heed to it for there could be a lot of learning that emanates from such feedback. Most importantly be proud of who you are; faults, limitations, weakness notwithstanding.

What lies ahead? If the future was predictable life would be terribly boring. The wonder of waking up each day lies in the abundant mysteries that each day will unravel. There would be surprises, there would be shocks, there would be laughter, there would be tears. We value each emotion because we are blessed with the gift of experiencing these varied emotions. When we dare to explore, experiment, engage differently we are setting ourselves up for surprises and opportunities that never existed before in our limited vision. There is risk but there is larger glory beyond our comfort zone.

When life is a challenge what do I do? Each one of us has his/ her own personal challenge to cope with daily. The scope and gravity of the challenge would vary but we cannot side step these challenges. At times we get overwhelmed, other times we feel weighed down, may a time we are frustrated and almost often we get irritated and annoyed when having to deal with niggles and issues that never seem to end. Most times we have to deal only with irritants but it is the big challenges like coping with life threatening illness, being suddenly handled a pink slip, coping with a way ward offspring, getting into a financial mess bordering on bankruptcy etc. that test our character, our will, our capacity to cope and our resolve to overcome. Self belief is critical but calm rational thinking is essential too. Seeking help would not be demeaning neither would taking tough decisions be embarrassing. What is essential is not to give up, give in or surrender but to take the tough road to redemption with firm resolve.

Where the choices are equally alluring how do I decide? Every moment of your life you are making choices. Even as you read this you have the choice to continue reading or do something that you believe is more beneficial, worthwhile or important. Your choice must be based on what you think is most relevant at that point of time. It could be based on facts, it could be based on urgency, it could be based on intuition but what is important is that whatever your choice and the outcome, you must have no regrets.

Why do I feel apprehensive about the future? Frankly there is nothing that you can do about the future except to anticipate and prepare to face it. Even then, the future always surprises with its unexpected bounties and occasionally jolts us with unexpected shocks. If one were to dispassionately assess the happenings in one’s life, for the overwhelming majority the future that overcame us had largely always aided and abetted our growth, prosperity and happiness. It is true that we would all have experienced unexpected sorrow, failure and disappointment along the way but they would be far, few and in-between. A better way to tackle the future would be to try to create it; trust your instincts, take chances, work hard, follow your dreams and you will find you have arrived at your destination.

Try these:

  1. If you came in the possession of Alladin’s Lamp and were granted 3 boons, what three boons would you ask for yourself?
  2. If you were select an animal that best represents you what would be the endearing qualities that the animal has that resembles those that you possess?
  3. Can you recollect 3 crazy things that you did in your life? Did you regret doing it? What learning did you get from those experiences?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

13-29- How to overcome JealousyWith the world being influenced by a slew of marketing gimmicks we are brainwashed into thinking that we are incomplete without possessing the product we are seduced by. Obviously lack of funds is often the one single reason that we cannot posses what we crave for. However the pain is made worse when we notice our peers or friends or acquaintances possessing things we craved for. This added pain is an outcome of jealousy; the feeling of not merely craving for what others have but more importantly the hurt that he / she possesses it. Jealousy is a self inflicted pain that we carry around with neither a cure in sight nor the possibility of not adding to our pain.

We become jealous for 2 reasons.

We ignore or discount our own blessings.

Almost all of us are guilty of taking all what we are blessed with for granted. This means that we simply discount the value of our blessings and never ever value it till we are deprived of it. A simple example is good health. It is only when we stub a toe or sprain our ankle or suffer a fracture that we realize what a blessing it is to have good health. In a similar way we do not realize the value of the intangible blessings we have like the love of a family, the liberation got from our education, the freedom of speech and much more because we are in a democratic set up etc.

We are however equally quick to outrightly discount our tangible blessings; be it money or possessions because when we look around there is always someone who has more. Be it a mobile or a car or a house, ideally we would want to own a version higher than what we are blessed with.

We focus on others and selectively choose to highlight what they are blessed with.

Look back at your school days and recollect the times your parents compared your marks of each subject with the marks of the person who scored the highest in the respective subjects. You would have hated the fact that this was done and you found it unfair that toppers marks were used to gauge your performance and possibly also suffer the ignominy of being berated. Now pause for a moment and ask yourself if you felt jealous about a colleague’s lavish lifestyle or her wardrobe or their swanky new car etc. Do you have similar jealous feelings for some else who owns a roaring business or has a enviable social life? Have you ever paused to find out the price they have paid for those trappings of success that you are jealous about? Are you aware of the undercurrents of worries, possibly hurt and worse still fear and loneliness that could possibly be a hidden part of their real life?

Jealousy can be overcome by simply being grateful for what you have and by focusing and proactively going after the innumerable opportunities life gives us to aspire, perspire and acquire what we want.

Try this:

  • If you were to suddenly inherit USD 10,000 what would you splurge it on? You must use for at least 5 different items or purposes. Now ask yourself if any of those purchases were subconsciously dictated by a desire to own it because someone else known to you has it or because of the snob value associated with it. Is there any item you plan to purchase that is purely to indulge in a personal passion or yearning.
  • Can you identify 5 things which you are certain will make you happy. The cost should not be a limiting factor in deciding these 5 things. For each of these things can you be very specific as to color, features, measurements etc. e.g. don’t simply say ‘ I want a car’ but specify the make and type and features of the specific model you crave for. Now that you have written it for what worthwhile causes will you sacrifice these indulgences without a trace of regret.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com
You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog
www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

13-23-Life from a different perspective

Schooling has developed as a structured way of imparting knowledge in an organized, well paced and hopefully effective manner. Unfortunately traditional schooling has limited creativity, given undue importance to structure and form and made teachers, parents and students beholden to examinations, marks and competitive one upmanship.  The good part is that logical thinking has been well entrenched in students, the system attempts to give opportunities to excel for those who are academically inclined while providing ample scope for the less academically gifted to pass and progress.

However there were those who viewed traditional schooling from a different perspective. Those who found traditional schooling restrictive, too standardized and possibly too limiting for children with extra ordinary intellect, propounded the concept of home schooling.  Home schooling has emerged as an alternative but requires extraordinary vision of the parents as well as their whole hearted commitment. The concept of home schooling though has been a revolutionary departure from the traditional concept of schooling since it allows freedom to an extraordinary degree, reinforces the concept of self discipline in students and re defines the very style of teaching and learning. Above all it gives students the alternative to explore a wide range of subjects in the most practical way and to the full extent of their interest and capability.

Despite these apparent benefits of home schooling the concept is still very much in a nascent stage and that begs the question How does one explore different perspectives fruitfully? The answer lies in our ability to

Be open to change – Unless we have an open mind we would only accept what is available and if that does not suit us we would crib/ complaint/ criticize but never explore alternatives. Once we keep an open mind and seek solutions or alternatives various options would immediately come to the fore.

Appreciate the alternatives – Once we identify alternatives it is essential that we probe/ explore/ study and analyze these alternatives with the clear belief that one or more of these alternatives holds the key to what you are seeking. Of course there would be shades of grey in the alternatives, there could be doubts raised by well meaning people and some difficult to accept situations which we would have to overcome as inevitable. E.g. for most people suffering from asthma, where allopathic medicines continues to be ineffective an alternative that is often propounded is the live fish swallowing therapy that is available in Hyderabad. While the thought itself is repulsive for even non vegetarians, it could be terrifying for those who are vegetarians. Yet thousands flock to avail of the therapy simply because they are left with no alternative but to try it.

Let go the tried and tested – This is the bane of the vast majority. To prove the point let me suggest that you quickly try to draw /sketch your own portrait. Chances are that you would first attempt to draw you face, starting with a round outline followed by the eyes and mouth and nose etc. Notice how seasoned artistes approach the same drawing and you will appreciate that there are various alternatives.

Adopt and adapt the new possibilities – While we ideally try to find readymade solutions for our problems/ challenges the reality is that each solution could vary and may need to be adopted with changes or adapted to ensure the expected outcome. Almost all progress made in any field is largely an outcome of experimentation, trial and error as well as infusion of creative inputs.

See benefits however small – Anyone who tries to find a different perspective would find himself/ herself in a hopeless minority and would have a tough time fending off critics and experts who are unable to comprehend your logic/ thinking/ risk taking. The possibility of disillusionment and frustration then is best eliminated by focusing attention on any small outcome that gives a glimmer of hope. Perseverance and determination are traits that are essential for anyone who dares to walk the path less traveled by for it would be a lonely, strange, uncharted territory but holding the promise of immense possibilities.

Try this:

  1. Write down your 3 most serious worries. For each of it jot down 3 alternatives solutions that you can explore to eliminate/ solve/ minimize your worry.
  2. Out of the following alternatives try to attempt at least any two which you have never done before
  • Write a poem / limerick
  • Solve a cross word puzzle
  • Learn and perform a new card trick / magic
  • Learn to tie three different types of knots ( as the scouts do)
  • Write a movie / book review
  • Organize a theme party on your next birthday

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

13-19-Use your power

Even before you read further, ask yourself what are the 3 things that you have done/ achieved in your life that you are most proud of. Do any of those proud moments also include a display of physical or moral courage? For the vast majority of those reading this post, finding 3 achievements to be proud of could possibly be a challenge and certainly finding an achievement displaying courage of any sort could be even more challenging. The simple truth is that for the better part of our life, we are comfortable just meeting the bare requirements that life demands of us. Today’s post exhorts each reader to explore, discover and create a new life in which you experience life in new hues.

 

Here are 4 ways to emit your own frequency and thereby leverage your potential, discover yourself and impact the world around you.

 

Be aware – Awareness comes from being alert and responsive to happenings around. You are often alert when you are fearful/ anxious and every creaking sound and unusual movement would be noticed by you. Being aware constantly takes much more effort and even more discipline. The key is to align all your 5 senses and discipline them to be responsive to all that goes on around. Awareness enables one to make intelligent choices, take rational decisions and maintain equilibrium in life no matter where there is ecstasy or panic. E.g. you are passing by a school long after the school children have gone home after school and you notice a primary student loitering around. Your awareness will force you to pause and observe the child and your senses will alert you to  find out more about why the child has not gone home.

 

Be sensitive – This will enable one to better appreciate a person and / or a situation. Being sensitive is all about putting yourself in the situation and understanding the individual caught in it. When you are sensitive your response would be more empathetic, possibly logical but laced with ample heart and it would definitely be a response that will linger long after the moment has passed. E.g. You are waiting for a rick/ taxi while it is pouring heavily and soon a heavily pregnant lady and her husband join you also anxiously waiting for a conveyance. Chances are that you would if sensitive enough allow them to avail of the first conveyance that comes along.

 

Be proactive – Many of us are relatively more aware and sensitive but when it comes to being proactive and taking the initiative we are held back by a number of doubts, visualize numerous obstacles that seem to block our path and fear the possible negative consequences of our proactive responses. For the better part of our lives we have been reactive and hence conditioned that way. How many of us have willingly participated in extracurricular activities at school or college or willingly given answers to questions asked in class when you knew the answer? Being proactive is relatively simple for people who are aware and sensitive because their heart and mind simply prompt the body to act but we still need to overcome our hesitation. E.g. you notice an advertisement about an interesting lecture by an eminent personality on a topic of your deep interest. Only if you are proactive will you make the extra effort to attend the lecture. Your effort would be well worth it but it is up to you to make it happen.

 

Be responsible – Taking responsibility sounds easy but in reality we hanker to take credit but find excuses or accuse others for failures. Taking responsibility means you take ownership and therefore you have to do everything in your power to ensure the success of the undertaking. This could involve commitment of resources, delegation of tasks, managing crisis, finding innovative solutions, taking tough decisions etc. The challenge in taking responsibility is having the daring to empower yourself and if successful sharing credit with the team and if success eludes then taking on the brickbats solely. Since the pay offs of responsibility seem skewed, many of us prefer to shirk responsibility and prefer to be just another team member. Leaders are those who have trained themselves to take on responsibility. E.g.  If you are organizing a picnic or a party there are too many nitty-gritty’s to be taken care off. Often finding someone to take on the responsibility is a challenge for at end of day no matter who organizes there will be some criticism and so the initial response is to side step the opportunity to showcase one’s leadership skills.

 

Try this:

 

This coming festival season instead of sending e-greetings identify 10 very dear people for whom you would buy greeting cards that suit the specific individual. Now write a personal message in each card and send it by snail mail to the respective individuals.

 

Choose a unique way to celebrate this festive season by focusing on impacting the lives of those in hospitals / prisons/ war veterans homes (like the paraplegic home in Kirkee Pune)/ leprosy rehabilitation center.

 

Reflect on the one quality or talent that you posses. Now think of 3 unique ways / situations in which you can proactively and responsibly use your talent/ quality/ ability for the benefit of others.

 

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

13-18-Take time to do nothing

Do nothing is often equated with wasting time and consequentially being labeled a lazy, good for nothing, wastrel. Yet today’s post exhorts the reader to make a conscious effort to do nothing and reap rich dividends in ways least thought of or expected. The objective of doing nothing is equivalent to sleeping after a hard day’s work; to be rejuvenated, relaxed and refreshed. The difference is that doing nothing must not be a daily ritual like sleeping but a self motivated break availed of perhaps a couple of times a year. While one can afford the luxury of doing nothing whilst on a holiday it is essential that our mind is calm, the locale is idyllic and there is no pressure of any sort.

Skeptics must already be wondering if this is some sort of crude joke on unsuspecting victims for our culture, our upbringing and societal norms do not allow for the luxury of doing nothing. However if you were to see yourself as a sponge that has soaked itself fully with all the knowledge, the experiences and the pressures of daily life, it is apparent that you need to let out the intake and become dry. Weekends and holidays are designed to allow you the luxury of drying out systematically. Doing nothing however is not in the mould of being squeezed or spin dried but is the equivalent of hanging in the sun to luxuriate and take in the sunlight whilst drying at one’s own pace. Take a look at the forced dried clothes (often crumbled) or barely dried clothes during the monsoons ( still a wee bit moist and smelly)to know the difference.

So how does doing nothing benefit us?

  • It has a calming effect since it is self induced and a conscious choice made to allow the mind to idle ( like a car engine) without any movement or activity.
  • It gives one a myriad of possibilities none of them of serious enough to be fretted over but sufficient to trigger possibilities for the future (ever tried making objects with Lego pieces)
  • Doing nothing will let you avoid the guilt of feeling that you are wasting your time and yet it will give a balance and anchor to your otherwise tempest life. ( if you accept the reality  that following traffic signals regulate your travel experience better, then waiting for a signal change will never stress you)
  • In doing nothing you allow your subconscious to freely roam around and they will form patterns that you never knew existed. Suddenly you see that your life has a new meaning and fresh perspective and suddenly you realize your own worth and importance in the schema called life.

Try this:

Take a blank sheet of paper and randomly sprinkle some drops of paint or ink. Now visualize a work of art / pencil sketch in which all those dots will be connected. Using a pencil or pen outline your sketch.

Those who would like to explore the concept further are welcome to attend a Vipassana Course.

Read this very interesting article by Mr. Arthur GordonTurn of the tide. The article originally appeared in Reader’s Digest and is being shared in 3 parts. Click the following links to read each of the three parts

Part – I – http://tinyurl.com/q62hpo4

Part – II – http://tinyurl.com/ps7t6tc

Part – III – http://tinyurl.com/puo3pn6

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »