Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

20- 4 June17 -A great relationship

If you look at the friendships you have made over the many years of your life, what stands out is the fact that you have and equation with your friends which is often very ironical. There are things about your friend that you love and that is the reason for the bonding and yet there are habits/ mannerisms/ behavior / style of your friend that you dislike, possibly abhor and yet you overlook them. Friendships thrive on these differences and how individuals manage to reconcile these juxtapositions holds the key to endearing and enduring relationships.

It is possible that in many relationships it is differences between individuals is what triggers attention to each other but ultimately it is the similarities that bring about a confluence of appreciative emotions. In most cases though, it is the similarities in thought and approach that helps bonding and the respect for differences cements these bonds. Excellent relationships are all about managing these juxtapositions.

Good relationships are cemented stronger if both the appreciation of similarities and the respect for differences are expressed; the former more vigorously the latter more diplomatically. The latter is a tad tougher to express for it always carries a possibility of being misunderstood or being seen as a reproach and hence viewed as an indictment. This can bring about a wedge in relationships and hence has to be expressed very selectively and cautiously.  The differences are accentuated in criticisms, puns, sarcasm and disagreements. Hence it is important to be aware of the potential lethal effects of using any of the above in words or deeds.

Honesty in the relationship ensures there is greater understanding. However, brutal honesty can be damaging. Disagreements and differences of opinion are essential to retain the individuality of the people in a relationship. It is the individuality of the parties in a relationship that makes the communication, the interaction and the engagement in a relationship unique and interesting. The similarities between two individuals is what cements the relationship for there is a commonality of understanding, purpose and respect born out of appreciating the commonalities in each other.

Try these

  1. What are your three strengths that you think your friends appreciate in you? What are your three traits you think others find it hard to reconcile with or do not appreciate in you?
  2. What are the similarities and differences you note in the following people
  • Your siblings / cousins
  • Your three friends at work
  • Your three colleagues with whom you bond easily.
  • Your three best friends
  • Your classmates in school/ college with whom you meet up occasionally

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

13- 28 Mar 17 -Shadows have no colorThe image today has varied interpretations and perhaps it would also make us aware of how we can get in touch with our own self. It is also the first image in this blog without any words etched on it and hence I am free to interpret it my way. I am sure you too can discover new meanings in it too. Make your life colorful !

When I say hello to myself I discover me. This is perhaps the most obvious interpretation of the picture. In reality we rarely pause to take a deep look at answering questions like, Who am I? What do I seek? Where do I want to go? How can I change and become even more effective? Pausing occasionally to reflect about one’s own journey through life and the way ahead would often be invigorating, stimulating and eye opening. You could discover latent passions, uncover flaws that limited your potential and allow you to appreciate the blessings in your life.

My emotions help me touch myself – You shadow does not define you nor does it uphold you. It is an illusionary appendage that is neither harmful not beneficial. The shadow cannot reflect your inner core. It just outlines the exterior and that to, a distorted image depending on the light. For you to really understand yourself and touch your inner self, you need to understand and appreciate your emotions. Your feelings your sensitivity, your mettle have to be dug out from within you by introspection, observation, listening and interpretation. Perhaps you also have to realign your attitude, behavior and actions to get the best out of your physical and emotional potential.

I need to reach out and touch another – My shadow can fall on another but make no difference to the other person. If I want to touch another person, I will have to make the effort to reach out and touch him/ her. My shadow in fact begins from a point in my physical self; yet I am neither conscious about it nor do I give it any importance. The same is true about my shadow that touches around without them even noticing it. Yet when I stop and pay attention to others, when I listen to them, when I talk and share my thoughts and feelings I can get responses that matter to me and them.  I have a responsibility to reach out and have a positive influence on those around me.

Shadows reflect an outline; I reflect my life – A shadow just takes the form without any depth. It is my life that I lead, that projects the real me. My values, my upbringing, my education, my attitude, my behavior, my strength of character are all displayed in full measure by the way I lead my life. I would be judged (correctly or wrongly) by others by the example I set and the personality I reflect my real self in my interactions. Ironically the shadow that follows me everywhere is just a uni-dimensional projection of my physical self and even that is distorted.  When I say hello to my shadow, I am just making myself aware that there is a multi faceted individual within me that no shadow can do justice to. It also is my way of realizing that there are hues of grey within me that I need to paint brighter. I am responsible for who I am.

In the end thou art just a form but… – This is a chilling reminder that the shadow is all that you are. No color, no emotions, no attachments just a form that you can neither touch nor feel nor avoid. Yet, the form cannot be visible without a physical you and the power of light. As long as you are alive you are duty bound to make the best of your life and the light around; be it family, friends, colleagues or simply the presence of nature around you. The challenge for you is to prove Shakespeare wrong  when he said ‘ the evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interned with their bones’.

Don’t let your shadow define you; let your life be your epitaph long after you are interned.

Try these:

  • Try and write your own epitaph. It will give a purpose and meaning to your life.
  • Choose 3-5 sayings or proverbs that you can make it the bedrock of your life.
  • Click on the following links to see how people creatively use the power of shadows. Perhaps you too can attempt to do something creative in a similar way.

http://tinyurl.com/m25ywpo

http://tinyurl.com/mkd8bd5

 Identify two special qualities that endear the following people to you

  • Your parents/ siblings / a special family member
  • Your two best friends
  • Your two favorite teachers / bosses / colleagues
  • Your favorite animal or bird

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

40-family-treeThe Christmas season is fast approaching and that is a time when most times families, particularly in countries that celebrate Christmas get together to bond and renew ties. Equivalent festivities are definitely present in various other countries and cultures too. So what is common to all these festivities?  It is a time when we realize how each person has evolved and found his/ her own path in life and chalked out their destiny. What makes the season special is also the fact that gifts are exchanged, which means each gift is thoughtfully selected for the person to whom we gift it. It is also a time for fun and bonding, a time to reminisce and a time to realize how each one has grown and yet remained rooted.

This is a good time to have a re-look at our own family tree.

Branching out – The individuality of people, the paths they tread and the way each one evolves is reflected in the way one branches out and chalks out one’s own destiny. The beauty of this branching out is that it helps people evolve, it is the blooming of the child into maturity and it is the culmination of how one attempts to give expression to ones dreams, hopes and aspirations. Some are fortunate to have a smooth passage with encouragement and relatively easy success paving the way. However, for many, branching out is a challenge. There are parental expectations, personal weakness and conflicting alternatives that we need to overcome, before we reach stability in personal and professional life.

Remaining rooted –Branching out happens because we have our individualistic thoughts, dreams, passions and abilities that are different from the other family members.  However, what gives us identify apart from our own achievements are the family ties that bind us, the support system they represent, the commonality of emotions that draws us close to each other. We can fondly reminisce about the good old days; go through the ecstatic and most depressing moments together, feeling it as one. It is also the bond that makes us come together for a joyous celebrations like weddings in the family or a significant birthday of a loved one and it is also the same bond that enables us to be present during traumatic moments of our extended family  be it a an accident or a death. Our roots bind us together for we are all nourished by the same love that runs through our branches, leaves and fruits.

Growing – For a tree to become a tree, it is essential that both its roots and its branches grow healthy and strong. The same holds true for a family. So while the individuality will help one find his/ her own future and destiny, it is the bond with the family and extended family that provides one with values, culture and nourishment through support in testing times. If the roots are strong, the tree will always grow and flourish and a family that is grounded in good values, culture and close bonds would be the same too. Give space to individuals to bloom and flower and keep them close so that they continue to be nourished by the bonds that tie one another.

Try these:

  • Make a family tree and share it with the extended family.
  • Hold family reunions to ensure there are more meetings and interactions especially between the younger members of the family.
  • Share interesting tidbits of family members who have some remarkable achievements/ talents / success so that others can be proud of them and also benefit from their success.
  • Surprise a family member with a surprise gift on a significant occasion for the person.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

3-27Apr14-Be  the CEO of your lifeThe major problems we face in our life, has its roots in our attitude towards it. Unfortunately, our attitude is also largely influenced by people around us. So it is essential that we periodically evaluate the numerous people who come into our life and influence us. By and large, those whom we interact with are people who fall in one of the following categories; those who are part of our lives like our parents, siblings and relatives; those who are influencers like elders, teachers, bosses at work; people who come into our life like friends, colleagues, neighbors’, household staff etc. Each one of them will broadly have your welfare in mind when interacting with you but the problem arises when you cannot accept their point of view or they refuse to appreciate your viewpoint.

Parents and teachers would ideally like obedient, studious and well mannered children /youngsters. Friends and colleagues would seek a pleasant, friendly and fun to be with person. Similar characteristics are sought by others too be it neighbors’, co passengers on a journey or the household staff. As individuals we too would look out for many of these qualities in the people we interact with. The problem begins when we fail to meet the other people’s expectations and they react in a manner designed to influence your thoughts and attitudes to their expectations from you. When the differences become acute our attitude and consequent behavior also alters often sharply and negatively. We can turn into rebels or become docile or indifferent or become angry and uncooperative or turn into defeatists. A few though are also able to adapt themselves and adopt a positive, vibrant and go getter attitude designed to succeed and prove others wrong.

If you are not one of who is blessed with a positive, vibrant and go getter attitude, it is essential that you take charge of your life immediately; after all you are the Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of your life. One of the toughest tasks a CEO has is people management for it involves promoting people, demoting people and in extreme cases terminating people. As CEO of your life, this is the time to also ask yourself who are the people in your life who are invaluable to you. These, are the people who you must promote by interacting more frequently, seek counsel of when required. You would also need to listen to them more attentively, answer their questions more truthfully and trust their advice more implicitly. They could be parents, teachers, friends, well wishers or mentors; trusting them is the key.

There are other people in your life who you cannot avoid despite them being people you dislike. This could be because they give you a bad vibe or because they are constantly interfering or because they spew advice without a pause or because they display a ‘I know it all’ attitude or because they want to control your life. Unfortunately since you cannot avoid them because they are an integral part of your life either as family or office colleague or boss or a neighbor what you need to do is demote them. This can be by limiting interaction with them, acknowledging their suggestions without commitment, taking your own decisions and merely informing them about your actions etc. When it comes to the people who you despise the simplest action to be taken is to terminate them from your life. Not responding to them, avoiding them as often as possible and frankly telling them that you do not like their interference in your life are sure shot ways to ensure you eliminate the people who you have no interest in.

Now you have taken the first steps to being the perfect CEO of your life.

Try this:

  1. List out 3 names each of people in your life who you would like to promote, demote and eliminate. Also work out an action plan to execute the same.
  2. Name 3 people who have supported and encouraged you. Write down the most inspirational message they gave you.
  3. Can you recollect the most misplaced negative comment or feedback you ever got?
  4. Can you remember the 3 most encouraging statements you have made to others and the most critical statements you have told others?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

It is jokingly said that after God man Adam, he had a good look and then murmured I can do a better job and then he took a rib of Adam and created Eve… and possibly ever since love was supposed to be the dominant theme.  Alas, the serpent had other ideas and once he lured Eve with the Apple, she enticed Adam too with it. Possibly that was the beginning of people continuing  to be lured into loving things and using people for their own self centered interests.

When we dispassionately look at our behavior we would know how true it is that we tend to love things a lot more than we will admit. Why is it that we want the lasts gizmos in the marketplace, the trendiest watches, the latest styles in attire no matter what the costs or irrespective of its utility for us. Look at the way we hoard things, the umpteen pictures we take without digital cameras in the fond hope of holding on to memories, the huge cache of books right from our KG days not to mention the wardrobe of long discarded but safely kept clothes.

At the same time though we may deny it our conscience won’t let us forget that there are many a time when we use even those who are close to us for our own selfish ends. How much time do we spend with our parents once they grow old and we get busy with our lives? Do we ignore our siblings or family members who have grievances to share, fears to express or seek attention from us? Most times it is because they disturb our tranquility and we cannot empathize with them. Yet when we need them we will shamelessly mend fences or build bridges to get our way with them.

If we are wee bit pragmatic we would realize the futility of loving things; for while we can accumulate and possibly enjoy the luxury and comfort and the adulation it brings, they are by no means a guarantee of long term happiness and more importantly they are all replaceable. On the other hand, if we open our hearts and give our all to those around, we would double the joy around by being participants in the others happiness too. Those whom we love are all irreplaceable and LOVE is the only emotion that ensures an unconditional and undying connect forever. Just look at a picture of someone whom you loved passionately but is not around anymore; in a jiffy you can feel the persons presence, fast forward our minds to the blissful moments we spent with them and fell their warmth and affection in the deepest recess of our heart.

Try this:

What adjectives/ words of appreciation would describe the following persons? 

  • Your dad / mom (choose any one)
  • Your favorite sibling/ cousin
  • Your favorite grandparent
  • Your favorite teacher

Make a list consisting of at least 2 persons/ things but not exceeding 5 who meet the following criteria

  • The things you have lost and miss very much
  • The people in your childhood whom you resented very much
  • The relatives (except from your own family) you love the most
  • The things you own that you won’t gift even to your best friend
  • The things that you wished you owned if you had all the money in the world
  • The causes of charity for which you would donate the most

 This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

Among the most difficult choices one has to occasionally make, apologizing perhaps ranks pretty high on most people’s list. As honest, good and objective individuals we would unhesitatingly state that if we are on the wrong we will always offer an apology. The reality though is quite different.

Here are 4 reasons why we find it hard to offer a simple unconditional apology when required.

We find it hard to accept our mistake. E.g.  Despite a frantic search you are unable to locate your set of keys at home. You are in a rush as you are getting late for office. You have in your anger and frustration also accused all and sundry at home that they could have possibly had a hand in the disappearance of the keys. On reaching office you see the set of keys lying in the office drawer. You sheepishly think of apologizing to those at home but then let it pass for it would then mean accepting your mistakes; first of being responsible for the problem; for blaming those at home; for creating a scene etc.

We tend to play down the happenings and attempt to justify/ rationalize it. E.g. in an examination you have strategically placed you answer paper to let the candidate seated behind you copy from it. The invigilator who notices this tactical but unethical arrangement warns both the candidate behind you and you of stern action. You remonstrate that it is the person behind who is copying and that you are blameless.

We mistakenly believe that an apology is equivalent to admitting a fault. E.g. As children we have often squabbled with our siblings or playmates. When the situations got unruly the elders intervened and then there was a blame game that was never ending with no one wanting to apologize. The genesis is the mistaken notion that an apology immediately implies our guilt.

We pamper our ego and forget the importance of relationships. E.g.  We have under a mistaken notion launched a tirade against a subordinate who for fear of more drastic retribution meekly submits to the barraging. Later when we get the facts fully and realize our mistake find it ‘humiliating ‘ to admit our fault and worse still ‘apologize’ to a subordinate.

Here are 3 ways to smoothly embrace an apology as a mature decision.

Remember that saying sorry is the simplest form of apology. Sorry forms part of the trio of Please and Thank you which are the 3 magical words in English that smoothen life.

An apology often helps us start gain with a clean slate. While some scars may remain, the wound is by and large healed and ‘all is well that ends well’ since an apology puts an end to the hurt, resentment and anger that may have been in the air.

An apology at the appropriate time, to the right person in the right manner for the right reason, is a test of your character, a critical component of leadership and a reflection of your personality.

Here let me offer my apologies to…

You my reader for the long delayed post which was actually written 10 days ago. Unfortunately due an oversight I didn’t save the same and I lost the entire file when the computer crashed. What you are reading now is a completely new post than what was originally written.

I need to apologize to my immediate family members who had to bear the brunt of my wrath for the post that was lost to the computer crash. The fault was entirely mine, but in my human weakness I raved and ranted and unburdened myself on all those who unwittingly crossed my path in the immediate aftermath of my disaster.

My apologizes to a couple of well meaning friends who politely inquired about my posts but had to bear  the brunt of my ire for I  had been rather curt and brusque to them when narrating what happened. I think I was also selfish enough to expect more sympathy from them and perhaps that aggravated my irrational behavior at their well intentioned and polite inquires.

Try this:

  1. Name 3 people who deserve an apology from you. Pick up courage to apologize to them even if a lot of time has elapsed since the original event happened.
  2. Can you identify with some of these situations when you felt apologetic about your own response to the situation
  • You did not make enough efforts to cast your vote
  • You told a deliberate lie for fear of the consequences
  • You harbored ill will against someone who wronged you
  • You shielded someone from being justly punished/ reprimanded simply because you shared a close relationship or friendship with him/ her

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Read Full Post »

What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. George Levinger

Strange as it may sound, the theory of opposites attract as is proven by magnets is perhaps just as applicable in marriages. The genesis of the marriage could be anything from love marriages to arranged marriages or marriages of convenience as would perhaps happen when a divorcee marries another divorcee or   a widower marries a widow ;  the focus though  is often on how compatible the couple is and we mistakenly believe that compatibility will cement the relationship. Compatibility certainly plays a vital part in getting a couple together else there would be no commonality of interest/ purpose/ objective/feelings. However compatibility does not really address the reality that surfaces after the courtship and honeymoon, that of the individuality of the partners that manifests itself in differences, disagreements, opposing style and personality traits  and even in completely divergent expectations and behavior.

The real issues in marriage often surface soon after marriage but the emotions of love, tenderness, joy and the eagerness to please the partner and respective families and friends camouflage the differences that may have crept in. In many ways the earlier the differences come to the fore the individuality of partners becomes more obvious and enables the couple to find ways and means of handling it using all the positive emotions and by suppressing ones ego and making adjustments. There is no doubt that in this process each partner also does sacrifice a part of his/ her individuality and adapts and adjusts to the demands of married life. The good part is that we get used to the adjustments early on and so the process is easier than unlearning and relearning which is tedious, painstaking and above all a major psychological hurdle to cross. To explain, if one partner is obsessed with brushing the teeth before going to bed and the other couldn’t care less the earlier they adjust to the reality by either accepting each one’s differences or one of them adjusting to the others pet peeve it won’t be long before the issue becomes a major bone of contention in a temperamental married life.

It is essential to accept the fact that when we express our individuality there would be a hugely disproportionate number of differences that come to the fore. While many of these could be insignificant it is the serious differences that could often mar an otherwise harmonious marriage. It is equally possible that the differences small or big get to be more frequent, more stressful and more acrimonious and that is when the strain of living together comes to the fore. The chief culprit that actually stretches the relationship to breaking point is often cited as incompatibility but this is just a pseudonym for intolerance, ego hassles, inflexibility, bickering and nagging not to mention finger pointing and possibly culminating in use of vile and abusive language tone and threats. If one can manage to bridge the differences that crop up in a relationship through a combination of understanding, give and take, acceptance, adjustments, sacrifices, forgiveness and unconditional love, handling incompatibility would never pose a problem ; ask those couples who tenderly hold hands even when they squabble, have a love tinged mischievous smile when then poke fun at their other half and revel in the affection of their partner and display both concern and pain when the other is suffering. The vows of marriage when the couple get married offer a clear clue to the incompatibility that is central to marriage when they  vow to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us par.

Remember : “More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” Doug Larson

Try this:

  1. If you are married outline the 3 most annoying traits in your spouse that you never realized before marriage. In the same breath also jot down 3 wonderful traits that your spouse has that really surprised and elated which you never knew before marriage. If unmarried, list 3 traits that you would hate to have in your future spouse and 3 traits that you hope he/she will have.
  2. Identify 3 ideal couples known personally to you (other than your own family members)who have been married for  less than 5 years, married for 5-10 years and 20-25 years. Why do you think they are an ideal couple? Is there some trait that you can emulate in your relationship now or in the future?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

 

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »