Tag: Temper

Adaptability makes the difference

He is happy whose circumstances suit his temper; but he is more excellent who can suit his temper to any circumstances.  David Hume

Everyone would like things to go the way they want it, visualize it and plan it. When most times things do fall in place as per our desires, we are elated and more often than not swagger around with a triumphant air. Good planning, reasonable expectations and a pragmatic approach invariably ensures that our plans are executed to perfection and definitely one can take pride in the effort. The trouble is when our efforts are not duly rewarded and things unexpectedly go wrong. It is here that the true temperament of a person is revealed, his/ her character tested and the ability to handle pressures and stress displayed. In short the mettle of a person is tried, tested and trusted when he/ she can gracefully tackle the crisis and relieve the pressures that would have built up.

Road rage is a perhaps one of the most explicit examples of people not being able to adjust their temper to suit the circumstances. In daily living there are umpteen numbers of times when we find our temper rising, our blood pressure shooting up and our normal personality acquiring a demonic transfiguration. Most parent’s complaint about their unruly children, complete forgetting that the children have the parents genes and a little probe into history would probably reveal that the parents were much more terrible brats. Most citizens revel in the armchair luxury of criticizing the government in general and the living conditions in particular while spouting umpteen reasons for not exercising their franchise. Our health, the weather, inflation and politics are but a few of the millions of topics on which we fail to reach any positive conclusion and prefer to wallow in the woes both real and imagined.

Reactions of people when circumstances let them down provides a very dramatic study in human psychology. The most commonly seen behavior when stressed is to use expletives to relive themselves of this uncontrollable rage that wells up within us. It might sound strange that people react so dramatically differently to the same situation. Some people go into panic and rage when they are unable to find their valuables, while others would calmly conjure up improbable theories to rationalize the location of the missing valuables.  There are people who sulk, while others would rave and rant. There are still others who would wail and scream hoping to get both attention and sympathy while others would soak it all in and possibly be heart broken in the end. Of course there are some who are so petrified that they simply remain rooted to the spot unable to think, act or react. Sudden death of a loved one often brings forth such a reaction for the pain of loss is searing and benumbing .

Ideally though, the most composed people are those who may panic briefly but quickly regain their bearings and take proactive action. Those who display a sense of equanimity and are able to keep their cool despite suffering extreme pain, anxiety or frustration are the people who can be relied upon when the chips are down. If these people can have a calming influence on others as would be required in case of emergencies or disasters then they would rated as the people who have not just the best leadership qualities but perhaps the most balanced persona too.

Remember: The art of life is a constant readjustment to our surroundings.   Kakuzo Okakaura

Try this:

  1. Think of 3 instances when you lost your temper. Do you think that on hindsight you could have controlled your temper and thereby become more effective? Also think of 3 people you know / knew who just cannot /could not take pressure of any kind. Recollect their reactions when stressed. What was your reaction their inability to cope with stress?
  2. Read up on the Suffering and rescue of the Chilean miners who were trapped for over 33 days in a collapsed mine. Here is one link for you. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/14/world/americas/14chile.html You are encouraged to search for other links including video links to get a better insight into how circumstances did not overwhelm the brave.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Anger & Fear

The angry people are those people who are most afraid. Dr. Robert Anthony

Aggression they say is the best form of defense and very often this logic succeeds because the counter party is too swamped or overwhelmed to respond effectively. It is this logic that is used by many a people many a time when they are on a weak footing and have their back to the wall. To hide they fear they use aggression, very often in the form of anger, to deflect the opponent, divert attention from the problem and to bulldoze the other into submission. While there may be temporary success, it is obvious that in the long run it wont hold up against someone who sees though your thin veneer of the angry performance.

 There are two lessons to be learned here. The first is that, if you are on the wrong, it best that you stop covering up and admit the fault rather than deflecting attention by aggression and anger. Your fear that you will be exposed can happen any which way because the probability of the truth succeeding is much higher than the untruth being camouflaged forever. It is also important to realize that when fearful we are prone to make more mistakes, tell more untruths, get stressed and will be mentally disturbed. This will take a toll on ones personal health, relationships and mental peace. The net effect is that we would be walking around fooling ourselves that we have a problem solved but always wary that the facade can be exposed.

 It is imperative that we be aware that an angry opponent is very often irrational in his/ her behavior and hence prudent confrontation is always advised. Bearing this in mind the second lesson is that when confronting someone who is angry; examine the source of the anger even while we maintain our cool. Remember a calm mind can think better and more rationally and so your arguments, logic and rebuttal to an angry outburst will be measured, firm and pointed. Often an aggressive, angry and  fearful opponent when cornered with facts, evidence and logic will make some attempts to heighten the tempo of his / her aggression but will never be able to keep it up for they suddenly realize that they are standing on a quick sand pit. They will then make attempts to reconcile and resole rather than confront and lose.

Remember: Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration. Dr Phil

 Try these:

The next time you lose your temper and after you have calmed down, ask yourself the following questions.

  1. Did I lose my temper because I didn’t get my way?
  2. Did the other party irritate me by being stubborn/ indifferent/ unresponsive/ loud/ boorish etc.?
  3. Was the other party right and was my anger more a reaction to my own helplessness?
  4. Was I cowed down or fearful of the fact that my own family members/ children disobey me and I feel powerless and try to assert myself by anger?
  5. Did the answers to the above enlighten you?

During the past month can you recollect the times and the reasons why you got angry and irritated?

  1. How many of these situations warranted your legitimate anger and how many of them were avoidable?
  2. When you get annoyed how do you express your anger?
  3. Do you shout, use foul language, sulk , threaten people or get physical?

 This post is courtesy www.actspot.com  

You are also invited to visit our weekly Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com