Tag: Trauma

Two types of pain

33- 10 Sept 17- Two types of painEach of us must have experienced both forms of pain at various points in our life. The pain that hurts us can be physical pain or psychological pain. Physical pain, unless it is a permanent pain, is often forgotten once we are physically healed. The psychological pain on the other hand tends to remain with us for a much longer time, perhaps in some cases even lifelong. The trauma of pain that hurts is now better managed by medication, counseling and therapy, yet the experience often leaves an individual  scarred, bitter at times and definitely wary of going through the agony once again.

The same pain that we experience be it physical or psychological, can be channelized by every individual by using the right attitude and thinking to become a life changing experience. Not just life changing for the individual but also life changing for the people around, the circle of influence we can reach out to. The very essence of pain management is an excellent example of it. It is the result of years of experimentation and research done by individuals who dealt with people in pain and decided to reach out to alleviate the pain of such people. However, although most of us as individuals may not have the technical expertise to do the same, each of us can develop the right attitude and thinking to change our approach to managing our pain as well as the pain of those around us.

Accept what cannot be changed This is the toughest part of managing pain. Embracing the inevitable, making peace with the reality and looking at pain from the prism of positivity would enable an individual to accept the unchangeable faster and more whole heartedly. Death of a loved one, the loss of a limb or a physical transformation due to an accident or having an incurable disease like MND would require the individual to accept the reality that life is altered forever. Once an individual makes peace with this reality, reorienting the thinking is a relatively easier process.

Channelize your pain to transform your life – Be it your pain or you being a part of another’s pain would always impact your life. If a close friend or family member is in any type of pain, it impacts you also. You need to channelize the pain into seeing it as a way to learn some lessons be it reorienting your thinking or being made aware of people who you took for granted as being more dependable or finding your hidden reservoir of strength to mange yourself.

Empathize with those in pain – Be there for people who are in pain. Comfort them by your understanding, presence and patience. Divert their minds to pleasant thoughts, beautiful memories of the past and give them hope. Let them know that you share their suffering and that you would like to share their burden. Understanding the trauma of those in the throes of psychological pain is very tough because we tend to use logic or rationalize it. However, emotions run a lot deeper and they remain simmering within the individual. It is essential that those around try and draw the person out of his/ her trauma, reassure them of getting their life back on track and show them hope in the future. This can dull the pain, the fear and inject in them a strong desire to make a stronger comeback.

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional – This is the mantra that each one should adopt and share. Each of us will experience a variety of pain in varying degrees. We need to quickly get to grips with it and try to mitigate it by dwelling less on the suffering and instead focusing on how it is changing you to become stronger, more resilient and helping you discover your inner strength.

Try these

  1. List out 5 activities that give you maximum pain. The challenge is to confront each of them and to jot down the learning from it each time you confronted it.
  2. Attempt one or more of the following:
  • Visit an elderly / lonely neighbor once a week
  • Go to the local hospital and ask the social worker how you can help out
  • You can also visit a hospice or old age home or a home for the challenged
  • Visit a nearby park and notice people who seem alone/ lonely. See if you can strike a conversation with them and bring a smile to their face.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

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The secret about secrets

You’re only as sick as your secrets. Anon

Everyone has secrets; be a secret crush, a broken affair, some silly folly’s that are better kept under wraps, some embarrassing fears or some illness that you prefer to hide or some harsh realities that you hate to even recollect let alone recount to others etc. Unfortunately, secrets have a way of corroding the insides mentally and then physically of the person keeping them undisclosed. The net result is that people having too many secrets locked away within themselves fall sick, suffer from various ailments and are often depressed and cagey. Far too often they find the burden of carrying the secret a very heavy cross to carry.

One reason why secrets have an acidic tendency and corrode the inside is that most secrets have a touch of sinfulness if not being out rightly sinful. This is a tough situation to be in, because anyone with bare minimum value systems find this an indelible blot that cannot be cleansed in the normal course. People do find ways and means to mitigate their guilt like rationalizing it, ignoring it, denying it etc. The Catholics have an even more legitimate way through the confessional box, where their darkest secrets and sins are told to the priest and he dispenses absolution and pardon. Presto, the guilt and secret are nonexistent and the penance that gives pardon a small price to pay for a big relief.  Some secrets are too embarrassing to be shared. Being rejected in love tops the list. Using unfair means to top exams come a close second and taking bribe and other considerations follow nearabouts too. Our fears and ambitions too figure in this list.

Unless one is a spy or a secret agent, who is trained to keep secrets and indoctrinated that secrets are for the larger good of the society or nation, the average person can be sure to suffer some problems that can be directly attributed to holding on to secrets. The most common problem could be insomnia and that could be accompanied by paranoia that our secrets could be found out. Irritation, anger, withdrawal and nervous breakdown could also be symptomatic of the ill effects of stress. The lurking fear of being exposed and humiliated if our secrets are out in the open are a perennial source of tension and stress for people who have secrets kept deep in the recess of their hearts. It is important to note that having secrets and being secretive by nature are two very different things. There are people who are secretive by nature for they deliberately keep the facts and knowledge to themselves. Almost all of them are selfish by nature and their reluctance to share information could also be attributed to them wanting to deny others an advantage or their personal conviction that knowledge is power especially if they are the only ones having it.

There are two techniques to lead a more balanced and relatively less free life, by being out of the clutches of the troubles brought about by having secrets. The first is to live in a manner that does not warrant having any secrets. The second is to share our secrets with someone in whom we have some confidence so that we reduce the pressure of carrying the burden of the secret all alone. The latter option thought is fraught with the risk of having to be hundred percent confident of your confidant. In short, the secret to having no secrets is to be diplomatically straightforward or alternatively being able to confess your secrets.

Remember: “The man who can keep a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep” Edgar Watson Howe

Try this:

  1. Did you know that secrets can be fun too. Do you remember reading the Enid Blyton series of books of The Secret Seven etc. If you haven’t read it, give it a try although it is meant for young children, there is adventure in the secrets.
  2. You can attempt to organize a game called secret friend if you have a team/ group of at least 5-7 people in your workplace. The rules are simple. During the festive season, make as many chits as there are team members. Write the name of one member on one chit and ensure all members are covered. The week preceding the festivities, the chits are distributed to team members so as to ensure each member has one name (not his/ her own). The person holding the chit will be the secret friend of the person whose name is on the chit. The holder of the chit is to get a secret gift not exceeding a prefixed amount and place the gift with the receivers name of the secret friend marked on the gift in a common designated area.  On the last day before holidays, these gifts will be distributed to each one. The most important thing is that no one should reveal in any manner what gift they gave or got nor to whom they gave the gift.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

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