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Posts Tagged ‘Troubles’

13-24-Dissapointments are natural...but...

Disappointments arise when outcomes do not meet expectations. As human beings we tend to brood longer over our disappointments but relish our successes fleetingly. Ask yourself how often you complaint, whine, criticize, find fault, get upset / angry, feel hurt, pass on blame, keep regretting, try to be alone/ silent etc. On the other hand how often do you smile, praise, thank, appreciate, remain enthusiastic, compliment others, be the company of others, say/ do something positive spontaneously etc. Your honest answers would give you a clue to how you cope with disappointments which are unavoidable but never unmanageable.

Even if we are optimists and have a positive attitude we can still be disheartened and disillusioned by major disappointments. If we are pessimistic and have a tinted outlook then it becomes imperative that we find ways and means to cope with the disappointments that we would encounter off and on.

Here are a few strategies to cope with disappointments.

It can’t get worse. Imagine you failed in your exams. You lose a year now. It has happened; but now you can honestly tell yourself that it is the worst possible outcome but it can’t get worse than this. Once you make this profound discovery moving on with life becomes relatively much easier than brooding over the why it happened; if only I studied more; perhaps I should have taken a chance and cheated and the numerous such thoughts that keep swimming in your head.

Thank god it is only this much. Recently a family member came home way past midnight and gently broke the news that he met with an accident. Obviously you are rattled and then shocked to see the person swaddled in bandages. Once you get over the initial shock the next natural progression is to seek more information about what happened all the while berating the person for being careless and irresponsible. Once we have calmed down and get hold of ourselves we rationalize that thank god it wasn’t worse. From then on we are able to handle the shock and disappointment with more pragmatism and acceptance.

Ok so how do I limit the damage? You are frantically searching for an important document and to your horror and terrible disappointment you just can’t seem to locate it. Your panic is matched only by the disconcerting feeling that you are heading for disaster. You search every nook and corner, you can rummage through every drawer and cupboard, you vent your frustration and then fall on your knees seeking divine intervention; alas all in vain. The quicker you get hold of your emotions the better the chances of finding an alternative solution that will help limit the damage perhaps even find an alternative solution.

What is good about the situation? Your team has played and excellent match in which you dominated the opponents and yet you lost the game thanks to a freak goal by the opposition. It is hard to come to terms with such heartbreaking disappointments. The results can be overturned; the missed chances cannot be retrieved; a blame game won’t help. A debriefing by the coach however can turn up a surprising number of useful and invaluable insights about the game. The mistakes made, the attitude and approach of the players, the chinks in the opponents armor than can be exploited next time around, the difference in play in both periods of the game; all of these are more seriously imbibed when the bitterness of disappointment is more acute.

Nothing can overwhelm me. You reach the airport only to be told that your flight has been cancelled and your connecting flights and holiday plans have in simply gone for a toss in a jiffy. Anger, frustration, helplessness, sadness, panic seem to engulfing you. Your mind is in a whirl, you can’t focus and you are in a tizzy. Quickly take deep breaths and calm yourself. While asking the reason for the flight cancellation may be a natural instinctive reaction, wasting time delving into it would be both fruitless and frustrating. Instead, focus on outlining the alternatives to salvage the situation. Take proactive action to implement your plans and be pragmatic about your subsequent actions.

This too shall pass. Pause and think; how many disappointments have actually
ruined your life or brought it to a complete standstill. The fact that you are 
reading this is proof that you are hale and hearty despite the many 
disappointments that you would have faced in your life. The reality of life
mandates that each of us will have triumphs (success) and disasters
(disappointments)  and the trick to overcome disappointment is to remember
Rudyard Kipling’s lines in his poem IF 
If you can meet with triumph and disaster 
And treat those two imposters just the same;

For neither success not failure is permanent… for this too shall pass. 

Try this:

  1. You overhear your best friend criticizing you.
  2. You were hauled up by your superior / school management for an aberration done by someone else and no amount of pleading your innocence can cut any ice with them.
  3. You encounter a flat tyre on deserted stretch of the highway.
  4. You press the buzzer during the tie breaker of a quiz final and discover that the right answer is on the tip of your tongue but alas you are unable to articulate it on time.
  5. You go to highly rated restaurant and to you horror the food is awful and disappointing.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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Nature has been very kind to mankind and that is why it has put an auto program within us in the form of our senses to help us protect ourselves from danger. Ever realized how is it that when we inadvertently touch something hot we instantaneously draw away from it or how quickly we sense danger when we smell a burning odor or stale food is immediately sensed by the tongue. The senses are programmed by nature to be true to the duty of self preservation.

The problem arises when we have to depend on ourselves for progress, growth and happiness. To this end, we are largely dependent on our academics, intellect, behavior, attitude, skill sets and motivation for setting our goals and attaining them. The very stumbling block for many begins with the academics where we are prone to expect more marks than our effort and intellect, succumb to the temptation to use unfair means so as to boost our marks and / or happily make peace with the results and rationalize that you have done your best. In effect we are just not being true to our abilities, our potential or our conscience. If you get marks that you really do not deserve, does it mean that you are academically superior to the rest? Do you think you can continue your bluff in your professional life? The replies to these questions should be again answered honestly and you would have made an important step in the pursuit of being true to yourself.

It is said that a clear conscience is the best pillow; implying thereby that if one is true to one’s self you can always enjoy a blissful sleep. In having a clear conscience one is not merely troubled by deceit, lies or improprieties that one may have lapsed into but the bigger pricks of conscience are brought about by a feeling of inadequacy that one has not discharged one’s duties effectively, not stood up to protest injustice or when one has merely sat on the fence when having to take a decisive stand. Not keeping ones promise is just a simple example of negligence in discharging ones obligation but there could be larger issues like not helping out an accident victim or not exercising one’s franchise during the elections. It may be pertinent to emphasize here that  while not voting could be viewed as an insignificant event that does not prick one’s conscience it is this collective lack of conscience that ultimately give us poor political leadership. Perhaps if each of us was true to ourselves our environment would have been a much better place to live in.

Look around and be aware of your critics. Perhaps some of those critics are people who have some differences or dislike towards you and many of their criticisms could be frivolous. There could be other critics who fail to appreciate your point of view or the reasons or intent behind your actions/ responses that they criticize. Then there are a few who are very very close to you and it this proximity to you that gives them the liberty to be more judgmental and honest in their critical feedback. What is important for you is to realize that there is always an element of truth in most of the criticisms and it is an excellent feedback to help one improve. The more important lesson though is that your friends, fans and supporters will always far outnumber your critics and most of them will never be true to you when it comes to telling you your faults, your limitations, your weaknesses or the area of improvementYou improve and progress only by being honest and true to yourself, for you and only you know yourself; only you know your fears, your ambitions, your apprehensions, your limitations, your abilities, your insecurities, your frustrations, your desires, your cravings, your hopes, your expectations, your values.

Try this:

  1. Write down your strengths and weakness and also your fears and aspirations. Make as elaborate a list as possible. Now try and honestly rate each point in each of the 4 grids and number it from 1 onwards, 1 being the most important priority. Now candidly visualize how each of the fort points in each grid impacts your decisions / your approach/ your progress.
  2. Identify 3 of the following characters and jot down one honest negative feedback you would give each of them. Think of how you will package that feedback to make it more acceptable to the recipient without your relationship being affected.

–          Friends

–          Colleagues

–          Relatives

–          School/ college mates

–          Subordinate/ junior / employee

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

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What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. George Levinger

Strange as it may sound, the theory of opposites attract as is proven by magnets is perhaps just as applicable in marriages. The genesis of the marriage could be anything from love marriages to arranged marriages or marriages of convenience as would perhaps happen when a divorcee marries another divorcee or   a widower marries a widow ;  the focus though  is often on how compatible the couple is and we mistakenly believe that compatibility will cement the relationship. Compatibility certainly plays a vital part in getting a couple together else there would be no commonality of interest/ purpose/ objective/feelings. However compatibility does not really address the reality that surfaces after the courtship and honeymoon, that of the individuality of the partners that manifests itself in differences, disagreements, opposing style and personality traits  and even in completely divergent expectations and behavior.

The real issues in marriage often surface soon after marriage but the emotions of love, tenderness, joy and the eagerness to please the partner and respective families and friends camouflage the differences that may have crept in. In many ways the earlier the differences come to the fore the individuality of partners becomes more obvious and enables the couple to find ways and means of handling it using all the positive emotions and by suppressing ones ego and making adjustments. There is no doubt that in this process each partner also does sacrifice a part of his/ her individuality and adapts and adjusts to the demands of married life. The good part is that we get used to the adjustments early on and so the process is easier than unlearning and relearning which is tedious, painstaking and above all a major psychological hurdle to cross. To explain, if one partner is obsessed with brushing the teeth before going to bed and the other couldn’t care less the earlier they adjust to the reality by either accepting each one’s differences or one of them adjusting to the others pet peeve it won’t be long before the issue becomes a major bone of contention in a temperamental married life.

It is essential to accept the fact that when we express our individuality there would be a hugely disproportionate number of differences that come to the fore. While many of these could be insignificant it is the serious differences that could often mar an otherwise harmonious marriage. It is equally possible that the differences small or big get to be more frequent, more stressful and more acrimonious and that is when the strain of living together comes to the fore. The chief culprit that actually stretches the relationship to breaking point is often cited as incompatibility but this is just a pseudonym for intolerance, ego hassles, inflexibility, bickering and nagging not to mention finger pointing and possibly culminating in use of vile and abusive language tone and threats. If one can manage to bridge the differences that crop up in a relationship through a combination of understanding, give and take, acceptance, adjustments, sacrifices, forgiveness and unconditional love, handling incompatibility would never pose a problem ; ask those couples who tenderly hold hands even when they squabble, have a love tinged mischievous smile when then poke fun at their other half and revel in the affection of their partner and display both concern and pain when the other is suffering. The vows of marriage when the couple get married offer a clear clue to the incompatibility that is central to marriage when they  vow to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish ’till death do us par.

Remember : “More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” Doug Larson

Try this:

  1. If you are married outline the 3 most annoying traits in your spouse that you never realized before marriage. In the same breath also jot down 3 wonderful traits that your spouse has that really surprised and elated which you never knew before marriage. If unmarried, list 3 traits that you would hate to have in your future spouse and 3 traits that you hope he/she will have.
  2. Identify 3 ideal couples known personally to you (other than your own family members)who have been married for  less than 5 years, married for 5-10 years and 20-25 years. Why do you think they are an ideal couple? Is there some trait that you can emulate in your relationship now or in the future?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

 

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The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can’t cure. Ogden Nash

If we pause for a moment we would realize that in a sense each of us is rich when compared to the vast majority around and yet we keep bitterly  complaining about the numerous troubles that we are confronted with daily. On closer examination we would realize that the troubles we complain about are mostly the ones that we cannot handle despite us being financial well off mainly because they concern issues that cannot be solved by money alone. For most of us, our troubles broadly fall into three categories – personal problems, relationship issues and irrational worry. In all three cases the common theme is that we as individuals are the cause and hold the solution to the problems.

Personal problems could include financial issues too but mainly relate to matters concerning our personality, our lifestyle, our work and our happiness quotient.  Far too many of us have low self esteem which means that we are not comfortable with our own physical appearance, social status and our general environment. We go around believing we are short changed by fate and that but for cruel circumstances we should have been destined for greater glory. This though process extends to our dress sense, our living conditions, the food habits and then percolates to our job contents, our responsibilities at work and occasionally we even question our choice of work place. Obviously with this kind of a negative mindset and constant walloping in problems both real and imagined we do not see any happiness in our life nor do we hope to enjoy our life thereby inviting and enduring troubles that could have been largely overcome by a rational thought process and a positive focus.

Just as we make friends with people we also end up disliking a large number of people, avoid an equal number and simply hate a few. That apart we have misunderstandings, we suspect many, we are ill at ease with some and when we fall out with people for whatever reason we carry both a grudge and hope to extract revenge. Under the circumstances the troubles that we invite in our relationships through our often unreasonable expectations and occasionally mistaken beliefs cannot be solved by our money but only by our own proactive initiative and by subduing our ego. Unfortunately, the mind does not forget easily, the heart does not forgive quickly and the ego tends to seek retribution; net result is that we remain unhappy and troubled all the while.

The biggest problem though is worry. Most times the worries are completely irrational and the product of a paranoid environment in which we live. Right from fears of getting mugged to being killed in accidents, we worry about suffering from cancer and life style disease like heart attacks. We worry about job security, the future of our kids, the collapse of the economy and its effects on us, the terrible consequences of nuclear warfare etc. The reality is that theoretically each of them has a possibility of affecting us but the probability is so minuscule that even remotely thinking of them is aggravating worry and adding to our troubles.  Notice that our irrational worries too cannot be solved by money alone.

Remember: “The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds.”  Nancy Witcher Astor, Viscountess

Try this:

  1. Read up on the post on Why Worry by clicking on this link https://actspot.wordpress.com/2010/12/31/why-worry-2/
  2. Make a huge list of all your worries that troubled you last year. Now examine each one and see how many of them came true. If the vast majority didn’t come true then ask yourself was it worth worrying about?  Now just list 5 of your major worries for the coming years.  Examine them rationally and assign each a probability of occurrence. For this year worry only about the 2 troubles/ worries that have the highest probability assigned. Also work on finding solutions to mitigate those troubles.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

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Worry is interest paid on trouble before it comes due. William Ralph Inge

Anything that disturbs our equilibrium, will pressurize us, make us anxious and continue to be an irritant that constantly nags and worries us. It could be as simple as awaiting ones exam results or it could be more life altering as awaiting the diagnosis of a biopsy report or it could be trivial issues like not being able to find a matching pair of socks or a clean handkerchief. While there would be many reading this post who would discount all the above examples as not relevant to them, it would help to just pause and reflect on our pet peeves and irritants that get us worried so often.

Interestingly, if we are honest to ourselves and study the actual happenings which initially got us worried, we would notice that barring rare exceptions most of our worries were ill conceived and completely misplaced. This brings us to an important lesson in life; that most worries never come true or happen in reality. The reason we keep worrying could possibly be explained by our parental guidance to be well prepare for all eventualities. As a consequence we have honed the skill of anticipating problems and troubles, working out alternatives to combat the perceived problem and thereafter worry that every alternative has a limitation. The irony is that originally perceived problem morphs into a myriad of subsidiary niggles each of which keeps pricking us and disturbing our peace of mind.

When seen from a different perspective, worry is simply hoarding a lot of useless stuff in the hope that it will prove useful when the time comes. Alas, this is like accumulating a sack full of salt, when all we need is a pinch of it. The excess baggage weighs us down, preoccupies us and diverts one from focusing on the more practical and meaningful activities that should ideally be our priority. Another angle to understand the futility of worrying is to see it as an off shoot of a poor me syndrome. Here we condition ourselves to believe we are in pain, in trouble, in dire straits and are constantly seeking the attention and sympathy of those around. Worry manifests itself as a bait to lure those around into paying attention, offering their support and fawning over the worrier.

The consequences of worry are what should really worry us; it affects our health, our psychology, our relationships and completely disrupts our personal, social and professional life. Ranging from sleeplessness, our worries create anxiety, panic and could end up with depression and other psychosomatic illness. What is more subtle is the elaborate process of denial that we are worrying. More often than not we have the urge to portray a happy and contented personality for the world at large while deep inside our heart and mind are progressively being weakened by our inability to eliminate, accept or confront our worries. The realization that our worries are best confronted when they really come true will help us build up the ability to reduce our anxiety, temper our fears and seek positives in perceived problems.

Remember: Don’t trouble troubles till troubles trouble you.

Try this:

  1.  Think of what would be the main worries of the following people and analyze if their worries are justified. Also try to group the worries in order of seriousness as perceived by you.
  • A chief executive of a company
  • A solider on the battle front A student who gets average marks despite working hard 
  • Parents of mentally or physically challenged children
  • An unwed mother.
  1. Check if you suffer from the following symptoms of excessive worry
  • Less sleep or restless sleep Bouts of anxiety and depression.
  • Constant negative thinking.
  • Unexplained fears Feelings of jealousy/ envy

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

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“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything? ”Vincent van Gogh

Even as I write on this quote, I can see its relevance immediately. I have just returned from an exhausting day long trip and it is 1.30 am but since I haven’t written the blog I am determined to do it. However I was assailed by self doubts, my body was screaming with tiredness and the urge to throw in the towel very compelling. However the quote jabbed my conscious hard and injected a fresh dose of enthusiasm, partly by its compelling truth but mainly by its taunting challenge.

Many of us would have gone through a similar crisis where the spirit seems willing but the flesh perceives itself to be weak. These are the critical times in life when we need to find our inner resources deep within us and motivate ourselves to pick up the challenge. Despite our personal misgivings we must plod on in hope and then we will be pleasantly surprised to discover that we had badly underestimated ourselves. This new discovery about ourselves triggers a chain reaction and suddenly we find that we are more energized, very positive and find courage to welcome more challenges. Our life suddenly seems a lot different than what it was when we merely breathed, ate and lived devoid of too much of plan, purpose or passion.

Unless we have a plan for ourselves, we would be simply drifting through life with neither any interest nor any focus. The unrealized potential of the numerous people we know, clearly vindicates the reality that without a plan people are bound to exist but  end up wasting their abilities, talents and potential. On the other hand the numerous success stories of the apparently average person, sharply focuses attention on how these individuals identified their core strengths and formulated a plan to leverage that strength. For a plan to succeed there must be larger purpose to which it is aligned. The purpose that we are set to focus on must be positive in tone, create value and generate goodwill. Corporate mission and vision statements reflect the purpose and plan of the organization.

No plan or purpose by itself gives results unless backed by passion. It is when the inner urge overrides the negative emotions that we actually gain courage and confidence for then we are sized by the need to accomplish and succeed. When we lack courage to attempt we are setting ourselves up for failure. Passion provides that one critical ingredient that ignites mind, body and soul to align as one, work in tandem and persevere even if our initial attempts fail. Our reward is in the exuding that we stuck to our task and achieved what we set out to do. The one common trait in all those who have  no passion is reflected in them behaving like wimps constantly complaining, frequently failing and wallowing in self pity. Unless one dares to attempt we will never realize the true potential we have within us be it our talents, abilities or skills. The most important lesson would be the discovery that failure never kills, opportunities need to be sought out and exploited and success is yours for the asking if you have to courage to attempt again and again.

Remember: “You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.”  Beverly Sills

Try this:

  1. Outline the three passions you were keen to indulge in but never did. Choose one of these passions and make a determined bid to be fully committed to that passion. Eg. Wanting to play the mouth organ
  2. Examine some of your worst fears. Choose one and plan with a purpose as to  how you will go about minimizing your fears. Start working on that fear an attempt to regain your confidence. E.g. You  are scared of snakes. Begin by watching some program on snakes on TV. Thereafter try to visit a snake park and if bold enough to handle  a snake.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

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Amazing things start happening when we start praying! Anon

The beauty of prayer lies in its simplicity; young and old, rich or poor, children or adults can all use this medium in various ways to meet their needs. To begin with they can use prayer to reach out for help when needed, offer prayers of thanks for blessing got and can even seek company in prayer when lonely. In fact most prayers are those that people say seeking help desperately. The first reason for that is because our wants are always unlimited but the means are limited. We want more money, more riches, more fame and more material possessions. The second reason is we turn to prayer is when we have exhausted all other means particularly when we face a crisis situation. This could be illness, when seeking a job or admission, when we have lost a valuable, when we are in some sort of extreme personal crisis like a divorce etc.

The power of prayer also lies in its simplicity. It has no predetermined format or style although in many religions they have standardized the prayers to make it more people friendly. Real prayer though is communication with the almighty and this has no fixed outline or specifications. It simply revolves round sharing our inner most feelings, talking as one would to another and the toughest part is to be able to listen attentively. All payers are powerful because they are heard and acted upon but the most powerful prayers are those that come from the depth of our hearts. Far too often we mistakenly believe that our prayer are answered only when we get what we want. There is a prayer answered when we don’t get what we want but that is difficult to appreciate because man is short sighted and selfish by nature. Gods plasn are mysterious and denial of our requests could be with very good reason.

The fruits of prayer also lie in its simplicity. The peace that comes to us when we pray is the most cherished fruit of them all. This is because most prayers are offered when in trouble and the prayer offered give us comfort that we have sought the support of the almighty. Many times prayers are answered in the most unexpected ways be it winning a lottery or landing a great job when we least expect it. Prayer often tranquilizes the soul, calms our spirit and rejuvenates our physique. Our worries and woes suddenly vanish from our midst, our needs seem satisfied and our greed transforms into satisfaction. If we offer our prayers sincerely, you will realize that Prayers have the power to turn the impossible into the miraculous.

Remember: “All prayers are answered if we are willing to admit that sometimes the answer is “no”

Try this:

  1. The next time you pray, be aware of how much you are actually seeking and how little we actually appreciate, thank or accept in good grace the answer to our prayers.
  2. Ask yourself how effective our prayers are if we carry grudges, if we have evil thoughts about others, if we cannot forgive our brother/ sister/ neighbor etc or if we refuse to accept another’s apology but still seek revenge.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

 

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