Tag: Troubles

Sadness is inescapable but…

Sadness is almost never anything but a form of fatigue. André Gide

It is an inescapable part of life, yet sadness isn’t welcome and so people react to sadness in varied ways. While many people openly display their distraught image through tears and wailing, there are others who keep a stoic and glum face but most people suppress the tears welling up and grieve deeply within and carry their personal burden in their hearts.  Anything negative is a cause of sadness but the intensity varies with the magnitude of the impact of the negativity, on those whom it affects. From failures in exams to failures in relationship to suffering from illness and the death of close relatives and friends the list of woes that perpetrate sadness are innumerable and people react in varied ways to it.

If tears are common expression of sadness the more difficult reactions range from silence to withdrawal and anger to temporary irrationality but it is when is harder when people suffer from depression and resort to the ultimate act of suicide that sadness moves to a different plane. The more personal the grief the harder it is to overcome. A death of a parent or sibling or very close loved one perhaps ranks very high in the list of events with the heighted sadness quotient. If the event is sudden and the person involved relatively young and popular, this sadness quotient goes up dramatically. Most other causes for failure rank relatively lower though breaking down of marriage and estrangement of friends would affect a person in almost the similar way for it is death of a relationship!

If one were to closely analyze the concept of sadness one would make a profound discovery that while sadness is a very painful and difficult experience to go through, time is a great healer. Time dulls the pain and we reconcile to the reality. The experience of the sadness though, remains etched in our heart and at times when our emotions are not on even keel and the cares of the world tire us out and frustrate us, memories of those poignant moments keep recurring and we lapse into a resigned state of sadness and hopelessness. While our mind accepts the reality of the sad experience our heart pines to connect with that pain for it provides us a solace that life can’t get worse and that we can still overcome despite being mentally and physically fatigued.

The best antidote for sadness is a good cry followed by the physically comfort of a hug from loved ones and intimate friends. The weeping releases the pent up emotions and the hug reassures us of the support system that is readily available for all eventualities. Ultimately we need to play our part and put the past behind and recoup physically, mentally and emotionally and realize that life is a journey not a destination. We need to traverse it by ourselves – alone notwithstanding the upheavals that occasionally tinge our life with unexpected sadness.

Remember: “Smile, even if it’s a sad smile, because sadder than a sad smile is the sadness of not knowing how to smile.”

Try this:

  1. Click on the following link and read the expansion of the acronym SMILESee My Instant Life Energizer http://poweract.blogspot.com/2010/01/smile.html
  2. Look around and seek out people who rarely smile or those who walk around with a frown or a sad expression. People who are often too critical and who keep complaining all the time too are people who are more often than not sad. Attempt to talk to these people and without being too intrusive try to seek the source of their sadness and give them some encouraging words and practical suggestions. You may have to repeat this a couple of times before you actually notice a positive change in them. However the best part of the whole exercise is that you come back feeling a lot better and feeling nice about having made an attempt to brighten up someone’s life.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Why Worry ?

Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow. Swedish proverb

The trouble with worry is that we tend to magnify it and treat them as calamities waiting to happen or disasters that have knocked the wind out of our sails. The old English phrase ‘Making a mountain of a mole hill ‘aptly describes human nature when confronted with trouble. True there are varying degrees of trouble that we come upon daily but it is also true that almost all our troubles subside at some point in time or get solved over time. Yet our tendency to view most troubles as tragedies in the making, threatens us with emotional upheaval and personal trauma.

Coping with worry is very tricky. To understand how tricky and troublesome it is , just try walking with a tiny pebble in your shoe. The size of the pebble is not the problem but it constantly irritates and hurts us and worse still you cannot figure out where it will poke us next. Imagine worry as a similar pebble in your mind. While one can identify and remove a physical pebble, worries will always keep niggling you and it is near impossible to eradicate it from our thoughts and life. Ever imagined seeing a red elephant? Now try to forget that red elephant. You can’t because now that imprint has percolated your thoughts and will be there for quite a while.

Most times our worries are self inflicted. It is stupid not to study and then worry about exams. Similarly it is idiotic to pick a quarrel with ones boss and then worry about his/ her reaction to it. Other times our tardiness, sloppiness, casualness, laziness etc. are responsible for missed deadlines, shoddy work, indiscipline etc. and then it is pointless worrying over the consequences. In such cases we need to change. Other times worries are circumstance specific. An unexpected event, be it missing a flight or misunderstanding in communication could lead to worries. These worries hurt us more because we are not responsible for it but we are responsible for solving it. Here we tend to lapse into a ‘poor me’ syndrome and worry more about how to shield ourselves from the problem than in attempting to overcome the problem.

So do we have to live with worries always? Now that you have identified how the seeds of worry are planted and what happens with growing worries and how they crop up of and on in our thought process, we need to focus our attention on how to minimize or mitigate its impact. Most times we try not to think too much on what worries us and instead divert our mind from it unfortunately realizing very late that the worry remains almost imprinted. The first step therefore is to look at the worry rationally and note the worst case scenario. Once we know the worst case scenario we are reasonably sure things can’t get worse and then we can go about strategizing how to mitigate the worry. E.g. We have the tendency to delay conveying bad news to our seniors or the authorities and we constantly worry about their reactions. Once we visualize the worst case situation, we need to convey the bad news appropriately and at the earliest.

Never let worries bloat up like a balloon and look bigger than what it really is.  A deft prick will deflate the worry balloon and make it more manageable and less scary. It also help sot know that no worry is just one persons alone; there will be many others to share that burden too.

Remember: “Worry is the darkroom in which negatives are developed”

Try this:

  1. List out names of 2-3 people who you think are constantly worrying. Observe their words and communication content. They will be always complaining and blaming. How do you think they can change and ensure that they enjoy life more? Can you gently give them some hints on those lines?
  2. Make a list of things that you regret. E.g I should have studied harder and got better marks or I should not have fought with my girlfriend/ boyfriend and broken off.  Do those regrets still worry you? You can change the past but you can learn from them so how will you see those regrets positively and leverage them to improve yourself?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Anxieties are passe…

Do not think of all your anxieties, you will only make yourself ill. Shih King

One of the real reasons that we are not as effective as we could be is the fact that we are constantly distracted by our anxieties and cannot focus on what we ought to do. While it is only human to take on the tensions and anxieties what is important is to ensure that we try an address the issues without getting obsessed by it. Depending on the nature of the anxiety and the person’s temperament, each person has a different method of handling and coping with anxieties. Some bottle up their feelings, others tell all and sundry; some others feel restless and nervous while others simply go into a shell and avoid all forms of interaction. There would be others who will get aggressive and loud mouthed while others will silently scheme and plot to extract their pound of flesh. What is common is that most people will walk around with their anxieties firmly entrenched in their psyche.

It is not easy to overcome the trauma and nervousness of an impending problem and a prolonged wait leads to panic and anxiety. Under such circumstances the psychological trauma can manifest itself in varied forms of behavioral and physical problems including illness. The good news though is that there is nothing really permanent in this world and so all our fears and anxieties too will come to an end sooner or later. This is a great realization and the sooner we are able to comprehend it, the easier it will be for us to divert our attention to more pleasant thoughts of forthcoming happy occasions, events and possibilities. Focusing on the positives not only calms us down but gives us a motivation to look forward to the morrow.

When we are faced with a problem, the best recourse is to accept it and meet it with a clam and optimistic outlook. Let us assume that you have made a critical error in an important report that you have submitted to top management. While the consequences can be very sever, by not owning up and having the courage to tell management about the error we are simply prolonging our agony, and worse still not giving management a chance to do damage control. In other extreme cases where the problem is beyond redemption as would be the case if someone close to you is diagnosed as having an advanced stage of cancer, we need to get over our shock quickly and then work on minimizing the impact of that news. We can prepare the patient to face the reality, get the family ready to accept the harsh truth and at the same time make arrangements to have the best possible treatment so that the suffering and pain is minimized for all.

Anxiety indicates panic and turbulence. By minimizing anxiety we can get ourselves to think more clearly and rationally and look at the positives that are there waiting to be discovered. It also help us accept the reality more calmly, see the truth more candidly and fortify ourself spiritually, mentally emotionally and physically.

Remember: “Anxiety is the rust of life, destroying its brightness and weakening its power. A childlike and abiding trust in Providence is its best preventive and remedy.”

Try this:

  1. When you study your daily ‘To Do’ list, invariably there will some tasks that you despise. Begin your day by tackling those tasks first and notice how relaxed you feel after that.
  2. Outline your 5 worst fears in life. E.g Bankruptcy, Death of a loved one etc. Now rationally look at each and see what is the probability of each of it occurring. Also examine the precautions one can take to minimize the chances of facing such a situation. Work on those precautions at the earliest.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Troubles that treble your life

Never complain about your troubles; they are responsible for more than half of your income. Robert R. Updegraff

Stop to think about this profound observation once again before you read on. Now quickly calculate your bank balance and estimate what the source of income is and simultaneously ask yourself if you love everything about your source of income. You can be sure if you had a choice you would definitely like to trim a few unpleasant chores that are part of your current job profile or maybe you want to change your current income source /profile altogether. Yet, the lure of the income more than compensates for the pain of putting up with a nagging boss, indisciplined co workers, long hours of work, the constant stress at work, the repetitive and boring nature of your work etc.

Troubles have a way of sneaking in and as much as you try to side step it, they have the uncanny knack of sticking like a leech. No sooner that you overcome one set of troubles another set is ready for the onslaught and the repercussions tyrannical. The fillip side is that most troubles eventually subside and occasionally go off and more importantly these troubles are the reason you get rewarded. Some troubles if borne with a grin and pleasant demeanor give instant income as is the case of all those who get tipped; be it waiters at a restaurant, the bell hop or the  cab driver.  For many others like insurance brokers, real estate agents, salesmen and the like the rewards are directly linked to the quantum of sale and this involves not just persuasion but even persistence, self belief and tremendous patience.

For most mortals who are employed the job profile is always a mixed bag with little choice left to us. Not only does the job get boring and repetitive but the lack of appreciation, the invariable berating of superiors and the fine tightrope walking at the work place balancing equations with colleagues are troubles that weigh heavily on you. Yet the monthly/ fortnightly/ weekly paycheck more than outweighs the troubles that you have to put up with. For the self employed and the business tycoons they love their independence but when the economy is down and the creditors keep knocking at the door and the liabilities are piling up, the troubles suddenly seem to be multiplying. With no one to blame, no escape route and not alternatives the only recourse is to squarely face the troubles even if it means having to beg or borrow. Yet when the going is good, the tax man plays spoil sport, the employees behave like unruly children and the household budgets leap frog and ensure that your troubles are far from over.

Look at the beggars on the street who have to bear the brunt of dirt and squalor not to mention the inhuman treatment meted out by passerbyers , the harassment of the law enforcers  and the ignominy of never knowing what they get at the end of the day. Yet, for all their troubles, they earn and survive and for them their whole earnings is based on the troubles they put up with. Maybe our troubles pale in comparison; but we definitely earn an income completely disproportionate to our troubles. Amen

Remember: “The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles”

Try these:

  1. Draw up a balance sheet of all the troubles and rewards of your job. The troubles to be put on the liability side and the rewards on the income side. Don’t forget that having a job / work/ business is the biggest fixed asset. Perhaps now you can see why your balance sheet is asset heavy !
  2. Pick out 3- 5 of your troubles and ask how much (in % age) of your income are you willing to part with for someone else to take over that trouble. This will give you another perspective about how the troubles are nothing compared to the income that they generate.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com

Adversity

Strong people are made by opposition, like kites that go up against the wind. Frank Harris

It is said that if you want to know the character of a person, see his/ her behavior when they face adversity. Just like iron can be molded when put into fire, we individuals are molded by the fire of adversity that tempers us. How is it that adversity actually proves beneficial to us? The answer lies in the fact that when we are put to the test, with no back up or escape route, that is when we actually use all our strengths, particularly our inner strength to face the difficulties that confront us. It is also the time when those with a weak heart might fail the test and throw in the towel, either by meek surrender or they take the extreme step of suicide.

The most common adversary is competition. Competition is a dreaded word for it means we have to fight for a share of the pie; be it market share, job opportunities or the basic amenities of life. Competition is dreaded because it is nothing but another adversary that one has to fight. Yet, it must be noted that competition is the reason we have variety, improved quality and alternates in the market place. We can be inspired by the new ideas and possibilities that are introduced by the adversary and we can then adopt and adapt them to make our space in the market place. Look at the technological revolution. It has changed the rules of the game.

Adversity also provides us the standards to benchmark ourselves. A strong adversary would force us to pull up our socks be it terms of learning, quality improvement, better customer relations or new product offerings. The same yardstick applied in our personal lives when faced with adversity, would reflect in better interpersonal relations, inspired creative thinking and better work ethics. Adversity provides us the added impetus to push our limits. It is this healthy competition that helps top notch athletes create new world records. In our lives, we may not be recognized by the world for the improvements we make but there is the great thrill of achievement that you can experience yourself, when you see the improvements, changes and achievements that you attain.

It is not just iron that uses the heat of the fire to be molded, but on the other extreme even GOLD is purified in fire and intricate designs, patterns and shapes that adorn and enhance our beauty.

Think Adversity – Think Iron – Think Gold – Be Tough- Grow Strong – Get Rich

Remember: Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.” Arthur Golden

Try these:

  1. Recollect the low points in your life. How did you meet the challenges posed by these low and depressing times? Were most of the fears and challenges that you visualized at that point, hyped by your wild imagination?
  2. Visit a palliative care center / an old age home/ a mental asylum or a hospital. Spend a day trying to cheer up the inmates. Perhaps you will come back with a feeling that you are actually blessed. Now look at your personal worries and put them in the right perspective.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com
You are also invited to visit our weekly Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com