Tag: Worry

Death is not the biggest fear…

Death is not the biggest fear…

Death is a scary thought because it is a definitive end. We visualize that end and we are repulsed because we have so many unfulfilled dreams, so many wishes that we are sure will be realized if only we live. What we do not understand is the reality that, the real fear should be the realization that, what is yet to be achieved is not an accident but the result of us not risking enough to fulfill it. Even this understanding is comparatively superficial to the real fear that we are blissfully unaware of; being alive and expressing ourselves freely. We largely live a fearful life; fearful of expressing a minority view point; fearful of taking the side of your convictions; being afraid to stand up for the segregated, the marginalized, the deprived, the defenseless. In reality we are fearful but we fail to acknowledge it. Ask yourself this simple question ‘ Do I express myself freely, frankly, fearlessly on every issue that bothers me?’ You will realize that, subconsciously at times and deliberately most times, we hold back lest we are trolled, shadowed, shamed, stalked, assaulted, vilified, jailed or tortured by those who disagree with us.

Living is a risk; it carries the risk of us failing our potential; of us not standing up to be counted when the time comes; of cheating our conscious when it suits us; of us looking the other way when we should have stood by those in trouble; of telling blatant lies, white lies or being economical with the truth because the truth could hurt us; of being hypocrites, being insensitive, being inhuman and of being chameleons that change color to suit our survival. We do not risk living our real selves but live our lives to suit the world around. Can we honestly look in the mirror and look ourselves in the eye?

The fear of living, in day to day life, extends to us being fearful of skeletons tumbling out of our hidden closets; of pretending to be happy in relationships that have long ceased to exist; of doing jobs that we hate but cannot do without; of the demons of worry that beset us often; of losing loved ones; not fulfilling cherished dreams; of being made fun of or ridiculed; of having to pretend to be as rich, happy and successful as those around.

Yet, we have largely coped with these risks and that is what makes us reasonably successful. We have at times conquered our fears, occasionally learned to cope with it and sometimes succumbed to it. In our journey through life what makes us remain cheerful, optimistic and enthusiastic each day is not the absence of the fear of living but the presence of our sense of individuality, of knowing that we are an integral part of humanity and that each day has surprises that make our life love filled, fun filled and fulfilling.

Try these:           

  • Think of three occasions when you did not do, what on hindsight, you should have had the courage to do. How did you rationalize your failure to yourself? Would you have done things differently today of the same circumstances prevailed?
  • What were the three most courageous things you did, despite being aware of the consequences? Do you regret having lived by your convictions?
  • How do you deal with a person who is loud and self opinionated and gets very vocal with his/ her views when he/she sees you, because he/she knows you hold a completely dramatically opposite view point.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

The elimination diet

The elimination diet

The focus of a healthy diet is largely on what is good to eat and then on eliminating what must be avoided. To have a healthy mind and body a similar approach must be taken with emphasis on the emotions and feelings over which must exercise control and eliminate. That in turn will give space for healthy emotions and feelings to fill up and expand the quality of one’s life. The following unhealthy emotions must be eliminated so that one can have ample space to plant and nurture good emotions.

Anger – Anger they say is one letter short of danger. It is an emotion that is relatively easily provoked, often over trivial’s and frequently indulged in when the opposite party is a loved one who we often take for granted. The hacks to control anger include taking deep breaths, delaying any response to any provocation, responding instead of reacting, walking away from a potentially explosive situation etc. (Read more about Anger by clicking on the following link – https://actspot.wordpress.com/category/anger/ )

Regret – Looking back hoping things could have been different will never change the reality that you are in. Regrets only open up old wounds, create dissatisfaction with the present and drains a person emotionally. By eliminating regret, the focus shifts to the blessings of the present and using the opportunities available will open the doors to progress and success.  ( Read more about regret by clicking on the following link- https://actspot.wordpress.com/category/regrets/ )

Resentment – By hating someone and harboring thoughts of revenge all one is doing is fueling resentment for another. Resentment merely saps our energies by diverting it to imaginary, non productive and a dangerous path of self destruction. It is best to let bygones be bygones. Avoid people or situations that have got you grief so that you do not have to keep wondering about getting even. Instead focus on how you can succeed despite all the obstacles that you have had to face.

Guilt – While you may have some regrets about your behavior or the harm you caused others never let that guilt keep gnawing at your conscience. Ideally be brave enough to apologize and confess your mistake so that the slate is wiped clean. If you let guilt shadow you, the rest of your life you will be leading with one eye behind to see if the shadow is still around. It will slow down your effectiveness, make you less of a risk taker and send you on frivolous guilt trips that drain out your mental peace and energies.

Blame – Blame is the antithesis of responsibility. Blame is merely a way to pass on the buck. The responsibility is often never fixed on the right shoulders, the problems remain and blame only offers temporary let off. A blame game is the only game where there are no winners merely poor losers. It can also create animosity and bad blood leading to broken relationships. Occasionally blame also brings with it a fair share of guilt too. Growing up takes place when one is willing to shoulder responsibility; blame won’t nurture that.

Worry – Worry they say is like sitting on a rocking chair- lots of movement but not going anywhere. Worry never solves problems. It becomes a millstone round the neck that weighs a person down from performing her/ his best. Worry also triggers a wide variety of ill health physically, mentally and emotionally. It is best to embrace the reality and move on with life. The past cannot be changed; why waste time worrying over it. The future  is there for you to utilize; how about planning, thinking, working on making a wonderful future. ( To read more click on the following – https://actspot.wordpress.com/tag/worry/ and https://actspot.wordpress.com/category/past-2/ )

Try these:

  1. Make a list of the anger, regret, resentment, guilt, blame, worry that you still have within you. After writing it put the list in a small box and put the box away. It can help detoxify you from these negative emotions that you have held so long in your heart.
  2. When was the last time you did the following:
  • Apologized to someone who you had wronged
  • Let go of a guilt.
  • Forgave someone who had wronged you.
  • Took the blame for someone else’s mistake
  • Worried about something that never happened

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Five things to quit

23- Five things to quitOften people wonder what they need to do to set things right in their life. Perhaps each of us is guilty of indulging in one or more of the following, as a result of which we fail to realize our full potential.

Trying to please everyone:  We find it difficult to disappoint people. So we agree to the plans set by others even at the cost of having to make major adjustments that could impact our plans. In some cases we commit, although we are aware that we may not be able to honor our commitment. As a result we get annoyed with ourselves for giving in when we really should not have. We start resenting those who forced us into agreeing with their plans. We feel overburdened and pressurized. At times we fail to meet our commitments because we were busy trying to accommodate others.. You cannot accommodate everyone! Learn to say NO if the situation warrants it

Fearing Change: Everyone loves the status quo because we have reasonable control over what is happening. Change is therefore looked upon as potential danger, a possible threat and a definite inconvenience. We therefore find out excuses to avoid change of any sort. Actually change offers us opportunities to discover our potential, holds out promise to leap frog into something more spectacular and can often also help get away from the drudgery and irritable aspects of the existing  situation. Bear in mind that Change is the only constant in life.

 Living in the past: The good old days are symptomatic of how we get entrapped in the cage of the past. Perhaps life was simpler then but we take for granted the gifts of progress that has made our life a wee bit more comfortable. Living in the past also weighs us down from soaring and embracing new opportunities and possibilities. The past cannot be undone nor can it be re lived. While we may reminiscence about it off and on, we cannot let the past make us a prisoner of it. As Longfellow elucidates eloquently in his poem the Psalm of Life ‘Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!    Let the dead Past bury its dead!  Act,— act in the living Present!    Heart within, and God o’erhead!

Putting yourself down :  From childhood we are taught to be modest and humble. This is a good quality to imbibe. However, when we let our modesty envelope us, we begin to shy away from praise and appreciation. We feel embarrassed when others laud our achievements. At times we try to play down our contribution so much so that we try to draw attention of others to what we could have done better and how we didn’t do enough. Accept credit with humility; showcase your achievements with pride; enjoy the accolades you deserve.  

Overthinking : We do not achieve as much as we possibly can for one simple reason. We think too much about the what’s and if’s and but’s instead of working in earnest. We worry about people’s reactions to our bold initiatives. We worry about failure and that dampens our enthusiasm. We think about fool proofing our initiatives and therefore never get around to launching our ideas. We worry about the past and the mistakes we made. We think about the future and feel insecure. Thinking before acting is definitely a must but it is the over thinking and consequent ‘paralysis by analysis’ syndrome that we must be watchful of. Do not become a prisoner of your negative thoughts.

It is time you got over these personality traits that limit you from realizing your true potential!

Try these:

  1. List out 5 things that you always wanted to do but did not attempt because you lacked confidence or because you worried about failure or were too concerned about the reactions of others. Put a deadline and attempt any 2 in the next 6 months.
  2. List out 5 of your worst fears. How many of them do you think you are likely to encounter in the coming year. Do you know of anyone who has confronted the fear you are terrified of and can you learn from how they coped with it?
  3. Assuming you won a lottery ( you just might if you dare to invest in a lottery ticket) of Rs. 1,00,000 how would you utilize the proceeds?  Are you already thinking that you don’t have that kind of luck or that this is a hypothetical question and you don’t want to even think about it.?

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

In the midst of chaos find peace…

13-21-in the midst of storms

The universal truth is that life will always have up’s and downs. It is our ability to be grounded when we experience highs and cope with the frustrations of the lows in our life that plays a significant part in the success we achieve and more importantly the happiness we experience. Managing to be grounded when lady luck and success embrace us is relatively much more easier than battling the frustrations, the self doubts and the anger that follows failures, ill luck and negativity. The post today gives you insights into coping with those terrible moments that shake our belief in our own self, makes us feel victimized and sometimes push us to the brink of a chasm called depression, with suicidal thoughts not too far behind.

Be objective. Perhaps the most important cause of our frustrations is our inability to be objective about events/ happenings/ situations which we perceive to be detrimental to our interest or one that is a failure or something that we would desperately want to avoid. Objectivity comes out of being balanced, not being impulsive, avoiding panic and accepting the reality. E.g. You have carefully planned a holiday and everything is in place but alas on the day of travel the flight is cancelled. It is only objectivity that can bring sanity and some realistic solution.

See Positives When things don’t go as per our plans our disgust, annoyance and frustration see only the consequences never the possible positives. It is essential to be objective if one has to see the positives for often our judgment is clouded by our negative emotions. It is also possible that you have to think beyond the normal to connect the dots and see the positives. E.g. recently my flight was cancelled and while it did upset and annoy me, I knew I was short of time to take control of the situation. After prolonged discussions with the airline staff, they agreed to fly to me to an alternate destination and give me a connecting flight next morning. I did lose a day in the process but soon realized that the overnight stop over at the alternate destination gave me an opportunity to visit a friend and his family and offer my condolences in person on the loss of their son in a tragic accident.

Seek help. When flustered and irritated it often helps if one can vent it out or better still share it with a close friend or family. In the first place they help us let out steam and their words of comfort have a calming effect on us. Often they are much more objective in their responses and they would be able to suggest alternatives that would often escape us. E.g. When my flight was cancelled the airlines did not offer an accommodation and it was up to me to make my own arrangements. While I did try to evaluate options, I also rang up a close friend who often traveled to that city. In a jiffy he gave me the contact details of an excellent place close to the airport which was known only to a select few.

Don’t freeze. While meditation and slow breathing are the most popular ways to calm one’s self, the process particularly the former requires some skill set/ technique whilst the latter demands a fair bit of patience. Both techniques are effective but when pushed to the edge, the most effective technique in my view is action. Movement and activity will ensure your mind is distracted from the problem, if done with a purpose the activity will be focused on positive outcomes and for sure you will get an alternative solution. In some corporate offices there are punch me bags kept specifically to allow employees vent their frustrations by punching the bags. Even a walk in the park can be exceedingly helpful to calm nerves and maintain equilibrium. Ideally though diverting the mind to finding solutions and acting on the responses would give one a sense of purpose and bring one a step closer to finding a solution thus liberating the mind and body from the tensions they were subject to. E.g. When my flight was cancelled the airlines offered a full refund but by being calm I realized that it was perhaps the worst option for my objective was to reach the destination. Last minute tickets would cost me an arm and a leg and so I continued to engage the airlines to offer alternatives. Persistence and conscious engagement helped find a more acceptable solution as opposed to taking up their initial offer of full refund, which would neither solve my problem nor let me have peace of mind for quite a while.

I have deliberately used the same situation of  a missed flight  in each of the examples given above, so that readers can be sure that by and large the technique works in all crisis and chaotic situations.

Try this:

Apply the above 4 points to the following situations and find your own responses

  1. Your exam results have been announced and you are shocked to note that you have been declared  failed.
  2. You are all set to travel with your family and just 2 days before you are diagnosed with typhoid and strictly prohibited from travelling by your doctor.
  3. You are on a holiday and suddenly discover that your wallet is lost.
  4. You have had a serious showdown with your best friend and he/she has stopped all communication with you despite your best efforts to have a reconciliation.

How will you respond to the following crisis in your life.

  • You are to meet a very important client and the meeting has been scheduled after a lot of persistent effort on your part. Whilst on your way, you receive and urgent call from your close friend who requests you to rush to the hospital where your friends nephew has been admitted following an accident. Your friend is out of town and hence the request.
  • You have done excellent work during the year and each quarter you have been commended by the management during the quarterly reviews. You are sure you are in line for a promotion and a handsome increase in salary. You are shocked and confused when the management offers you a more than expected increment but declines you a justly deserved promotion. More shockingly you find out that a colleague has been give a promotion and you are convinced that you deserved the promotion more than the other person who was promoted.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

They may not follow but…

13-16-They may not follow

This pearl of wisdom is first meant for parents, especially those parents who have already chalked out the course their children should traverse.  It would also boost the confidence of youngsters who are yearning to follow their dreams/ passions which are far removed from those expectations others have from them.

It is essential to acknowledge that each person is an individual who would have his/ her parents DNA but thereafter grows up to be an independent thinker and would have to walk a self chalked out path all on his/her own. Most parents believe that having their DNA gives them a right to mould and control a child to meet their pre determined standards and fulfill their ideal desires. Other well meaning friends, family members and elders would also similarly express themselves in an overbearing manner with good intent but with precious little appreciation for the individuality of those they are addressing.

Elders in general, including teachers, grandparents, uncles and aunts and parents in particular usurp the right to profusely spiel out advice believing that their age and experience give them an upper hand in dealing with the challenges of life. While their age and experience do have immense value, what they fail to appreciate in others is that the others particularly the youngsters have matured a lot faster, are exposed to a more compact world where information flows easily and they also believe they have the right to be heard loud and clear. This clash of values, expectations, hopes and ambitions is a major cause of discord within families particularly parents and children.

Here are 3 suggestions for elders and 3 for youngsters reading this, to ensure that they appreciate this post better

Elders

  1. Just guide them don’t goad them
  2. Respect the individuality of others no matter what they age or gender
  3. Acknowledge the efforts and if you find merit encourage them

Youngsters

  1. Respect everyone and then earn the respect of others – disagree without being disagreeable
  2. Share your ideas/ thoughts with elders who would be more open to your sharing
  3. Be committed to your goals. This means writing it down and working towards achieving it.

Try this:

Visit www.johngoddard.info and find the various goals that he set for himself and how he achieved most of it. What if his elders dissuaded him? What if he did not commit himself to it?

Elders think of your parents expectations from you and your siblings. How far did they fulfill it. Now examine the growth of the 3 best students ( your classmates) in school/ college and the three so called failures in school/ college. How have they fared? Did they do something extraordinary or did some of them fail your expectations?

Youngsters don’t just have plans. Write down your plans and put it down as SMART goals. If you do not know what are smart goals, you first task is to take the effort to find out what it is. Next learn to challenge yourself. To do this write down the following first

–       The animal / creature/ reptile that is found in your vicinity that you fear the most

–       The activity  or task that you fear /dislike the most

–       The situation or occasions that you dislike immensely

–       The food or cuisine that you simply don’t want to eat

–       The one addiction or habit that you cannot do away with

You have to confront either all or at least 2 of the above till you reduce your aversion / kick the habit by at least 50% Self discipline is the key and overcoming your fears is the learning that is crucial for you to chart your won course.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Listen to your heart and give it a try…

13-13-Give it a try..

Today’s words of wisdom hold a special significance for me personally and hopefully it would also be an apt quote for all those reading this blog. Around three and half years ago in Jan 2010, when I conceived this blog, it was actually my second attempt at experimenting with the medium called blogs. I had first started off on 1st Dec. 2009 (http://www.poweract.blogspot.in/2009/12/poweract-fission-of-ideas-to-fusion.html ) and was fortunate to get a quick comment from a friend which was motivation enough to write regularly. However, when I began this blog and kept a target of writing daily, all three of the doubts expressed in the quote above overwhelmed me. Fortunately for me my heart was in the right place and nudged me hard enough and I am delighted that I have kept my pride intact, gained invaluable experience and have reason enough to make the point that unless you try you will never know what you can achieve.

When one is setting off to explore unknown territory, it is good to have some apprehensions but it is terrible to start with doubts. Apprehensions are nature’s way of injecting a sense of responsibility, caution and pragmatism all of which are essential to complete a challenge. Doubts on the other hand, fuel fear, deflate self belief and allow irrationally thoughts to creep into our mindset thus heightening the chances of derailing the journey almost as soon as we attempt it. Apprehension stems out of our inexperience coupled with the realization that there are lot of unknown variables along the way. Doubts on the other hand seep in when we let our pride assume humongous proportions morphing into false pride. There is no shame in failure if despite our best efforts we fail but there is no pride in chickening out for fear of failure.

Experience is either first hand or it is second hand (that what we see/ hear about others). Either way each adventure poses new challenges that even past experience may not necessarily equip us to handle. In fact experience should guide us to make the necessary adjustments to ensure success. At times though, experience can give valuable insights that could temper our pride especially so as to ensure that we do not do anything foolhardy. The key to leveraging experience is in making a realistic assessment of the risks, finding innovative means to minimize the risks and then translating the risks into worthwhile targets for us to pursue.

The toughest obstacle is posed by our logical mind which reasons out every action but is not fully equipped to accommodate variables like creativity, individual resilience and risk taking ability. Reasoning is an excellent mechanism for analysis, provides reference points that flag off caution and alerts and is a dispassionate tool for exercising our options. However, far too often reasoning tends to err on the side of caution thereby reducing the potency of our decisions. We cannot dismiss reason completely but have to temper it with our personal insights, gut feeling and a healthy dose of self belief. Don’t always let the head rule the heart.

The heart has its reasons; not necessarily logical nor would it be completely irrational. What it does is prod, push and nudge one to become aware of some hidden and untapped abilities, potential and daring that is ready to be harnessed. When we can add this mix to our rational and logical self we get a holistic mix far more potent than we can ever imagine. Success is all about finding this right holistic mix and using it appropriately by balancing our mind and our heart.

The voice from the heart may sound fainter than that from the mind; but it is for you to seek it, listen to it and then believe in it.

Try this:

  1. During the coming month participate in at least 3 contests. It could be giving answers to contests run by radio / TV channels or sending in your entries to contests run by newspapers/ magazines.
  2. Find & execute innovative ways (in which you are an active participant) to raise funds for your favorite charity. (Do not involve family or friends in raising the monetary resources) e.g. putting up some unused things owned by you  for sale on a website with the sale proceeds earmarked for charity.
  3. Prepare your own crossword/ quiz (the answers to which must have some relevance to your family and friends or your neighborhood or city) and use that in the next get together or party. E.g. which person in this group stays on the top most floor of his/ her building? Or  The person in this group who is born in Lucknow. Or find out some well know spots in the city which have a colloquial name but which can be translated into English. In the quiz give the English translation and ask people to identify it. For example in my city of Pune we have a Phoolwalla Chowk (Flowersellers roundabout) / Lakadipul ( Wooden bridge). These can be innovatively used to prepare your quiz.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

It is not the load but how you carry it that matters…

13-12-it is not the load

When interacting with people, some people give you an immediate connect and you can actually feel their vibrancy, positivity and joy touching you in many ways and elating you. Unfortunately there are also many others who you would keep at arms distance, if not completely avoid given half a chance, simply because they are constantly grumbling, telling their woes, keep blaming others and exude bad vibes, spread demoralizing thoughts and drain us of our enthusiasm. If you were to spent a little time and understand the background, the daily routine and psychology of both sets of people you might make a startling discovery that in almost all cases the people are just like us, share the same sets of troubles, pleasures, hope, fears perhaps in varying degrees but it is their response to the situation that is the key difference that makes them likeable or disagreeable.

Now turn the mirror to yourself and ask honestly how others perceive you. Do I have many friends? Are my neighbors and colleagues happy to see me? Do I feel welcome when joining a group? Closer home, other than your pet dog are the rest of the family members thrilled to have me around? Do people freely interact with me, trust me, share their thoughts, concerns, hopes etc and seek my counsel or views? If you can honestly say yes to all the above, then you are one of the fortunate few who has mastered the art of embracing life with a song on your lips and hope in your heart. On the other hand if you are one who cannot spontaneously say yes to the above questions, there is no need to feel despondent for by and large you share your misery with a large number of people. Though it is said misery loves company, as an individual each of us would love to live life happily minus that miserable company.

The best way to cope with life is as under:

First accept the reality that there is a yin and yang that together forms life. While everyone wishes to embrace the good things life has to offer, when there is difficulty, pain, fear, frustration and the like, the inevitable reaction is to wonder why me. The quicker we learn to appreciate the quirks of life the easier it would be to welcome each new day with a happy heart.

The next is to cope with the yin with equanimity and the yang with alacrity. Having accepted the reality of the yin and yang of life, the challenge is how does one deal with them. In fact, in managing our response to the extremes that life throws up we would realize the inevitable truth that neither happiness nor sorrows last forever (although the latter might seem to be never ending). Therefore when things are going one’s way, when life is kind to us and when we are euphoric we must soak in those moments but never let them overexcite us. At the same time when faced with challenges, problems and troubles we must not be overwhelmed by them but be hopeful that this too shall pass.

Third is to attempt a balance between the two. This is a tricky step for while we cannot actually change the reality we can telescope our joys and miniaturize our troubles by some deft psychological ploys. Learn to savor every triumph, relish every joy and spread joy and sub consciously lengthen the ecstasy, deepen the thrill and enrichen our life. Similarly when fate deals us a poor hand, when the shadows seem to be lengthening and joy looks elusive look out for the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. The change in fortunes seems just a step away, the gloom will seem to be disappearing and the hard knocks of life will be less bruising and painful. The balance you have maintained is in keeping a pragmatic proportion between the long periods of ecstasy and the brief unavoidable reality of despair.

Finally embrace each moment as the best moment for it shall never come again. The first three rules are to be practiced diligently and allowed to gently be ingrained subconsciously. That is the point of inflection when you will actually begin to embrace life warts and all. From then on you will look eagerly for the break of dawn, appreciate the joys of everyday life, value the joys of relationships, find surprises in the chirping of the birds and the blooming of the flowers and there will be a spring in every step you take. Hurdles that would invariably appear most unexpectedly would not frighten you nor would they then seem insurmountable and you would find the will, the means and the way to side step every hurdle. You will then kiss each moment for it will never give you another chance again.

The secret to coping with the surprises, shocks, joys and jolts of life is in accepting reality of constant change, maintaining harmony no matter what the challenge or surprise and making best use of the gift of life by living it and not merely surviving it.

Try this:

For a week try to live life by making the following adjustment each day. This will give you a better appreciation of how those who have to live with the limitation have adjusted to their permanent problem and yet live their life to the full.

Day 1 – Do not use your regularly used hand ( if your right handed do not use the right hand for the whole day)

Day 2 – Tie a splint around any one of your knees so that you cannot bend your knees. Now go about your daily chores with this handicap.

Day 3 – Avoid the use of any means of electrical /electronic devise – no telephone/ mobile/internet/ TV / Dish washers / credit cards/ etc.

Day 5 – Attempt not to talk to anyone / minimize your oral communication but go about your daily tasks.

Day 6 – Spend an entire day at an orphanage/ old age home/ prison /hospital or on any social service that you have never ever been to or attempted before.

Day 7 – Set your own challenging goal and try to live it out.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Life is like making tea…

This is an apt simile that offers so many possibilities to make life interesting, joyful and fulfilling. By following it, one can distill the best that life has to offer and it would make for a refreshing perspective to life.

Here is the way, to make that brew called life, perfect.

Boil your ego. Our ego is what gives us our pride, our individuality and our self respect. Unfortunately, far too often we have a bloated ego, a false sense of pride and quite often mistake unpleasant feedback got from others as an affront to our self respect. A more objective look and a realistic assessment of ourselves can help us boil our ego such that the best in us is distilled out as our unique flavor and the residue can be safely discarded.

Evaporate your worries Man is perhaps the only creature in the animal kingdom that carry’s the heavy load of worry on our backs, minds and life.If we are poor we worry about our livelihood, if we are middle class we worry about being rich and these who are rich are worried about increasing their wealth and protecting what they have. Parental worries about the children future is another never ending soap opera that rewinds itself constantly. Children worry about coping with parental expectations, academic performance and exploring their own individuality.

Dilute your sorrows Death is a certainty and obviously therefore sorrow is a natural corollary of it. However we take every niggle and every trouble to be an unfortunate and sorrowful happening and with rare exceptions tend to focus mostly on our troubles. Rather than make life a permanent mourning one must make life one big celebration and cope with sorrow by using the antidote of rationalization, acceptance, pragmatism and laughter.

Filter your mistakes When in a reflective mood many of us pensively wish we could change the script of our life, erasing the mistakes and the glitches that mar our personality. How we also wish we could redo things of the past and perhaps also do some things that we didn’t do in the past. The problem starts when we use this pensive thoughts as a crutch to lean on for all our inefficiencies, mistakes, failures instead of learning from it. Filtering your mistakes involves accepting the mistake, analyzing the root problem that caused it and taking some tough, bold and firm decisions to ensure it won’t be repeated.

Get that taste of happiness. The essence of life is happiness and that is an emotion that comes naturally to us. Alas, the harsh realities of life, our own complex thinking and our beliefs and attitudes influence and shape our perception of happiness. However, having used the analogy of brewing a good cup of tea, it is for us to finally strain out the cup of tea while discarding the residue. In the process we have got rid of our false ego, our persistent worries, left behind our sorrows and got over our mistakes. What is left is the real you. Some pointers to enjoying happiness include indulging one’s self, letting down one’s hair, enjoying the adulation and feeling light in body and spirit.

Try this:

Every day attempt any one or more of the following

  • Smile with warmth at an acquaintance or stranger or colleague
  • Share a word of encouragement/ appreciation with 2 at least 2 people
  • Forgive someone who has wronged you/ hurt you / been rude/ been disrespectful to you
  • Read one joke or cartoon strip or share a joke with someone
  • Every night think of 3 things that happened in the day that you are grateful for.

Think of the following and the possible erroneous ideas you have about it.

  • Three things that you believe are your strengths. – Do you have sense of false pride / ego about it??
  • Think of one sorrow that you find hard to overcome. Do you feel sad and despondent about any other aspects of your life so far? – By merely feeling sad and/ or worrying about it are you able to achieve anything?
  • Think of 3 mistakes made by you that you wished you could go back in time and correct. Have you overcome the anxiety cause by those mistakes or do they still negatively impact your life?
  • Think of 3 occasions when you are completely stress free, happy and at peace with yourself. Do you enjoy those moments often enough and can you find/ create other such moments to make your life very fulfilling.

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

Set yourself free…

As a social animal, man has to live with fellow human beings for sustenance, companionship and growth. Unfortunately man, unlike other animals that also live in groups or herds or prides has the compulsive unconscious urge to seek acceptance /approval of those around for every deed, action and indulgence. Even more unfortunately, man has also perfected the art of being a born critic and we easily find fault with people, happening and things around. When we analyze the behavior of the critic in us, we would realize that we have subconsciously become negative in our perception and thinking, our negativity has clouded our ability to be more discerning and appreciative and we are easily reconciled to failure, plead haplessness and find excuses to rationalize our personal lack of success.

Let us examine how each of these behaviors’ are self imposed and self limiting.

By being negative in our perception and thinking we let in self doubt creep in; we train ourselves to see the imperfections and we gravitate towards the bare minimum standards of acceptance so that we don’t seem to be failures. The fear of public speaking that an overwhelming majority of people suffer from is a classic case of our negative perception and thinking preoccupies us and restrains us from overcoming our fears.

Negativity clouding our ability to discern and be appreciative makes us succumb to the temptation of fault finding, self depreciation and failure prone. Even if someone else gives us a compliment we tend to play it down or deflect attention to something that takes the shine of the compliment. Similarly when opportunity presents itself we hesitate to take the initiative succumbing to our insecurities. We also naturally end up focusing on those failures that we may have encountered and completely ignore the numerous success that we have been privileged to embrace. Remember how our parents automatically scanned out report card to find the red lines that signified failure or quickly picked up on the lowest marks completing ignoring the numerous high scores we may have got.

By reconciling to failure, pleading haplessness and finding excuses, we do not give ourselves the opportunity to leverage our inherent strengths. Success is actually a culmination of effort most of it repetitive efforts despite failures. Many of us though give up at the first hurdle instead of persisting with hope and faith. We do not even make the effort of trying pleading haplessness or find excuses to wriggle out of a tough call. The overwhelming emotion that envelopes us is fear of failure and ridicule by others is actually the critic in us constantly whispering in our mind don’t embarrass yourself in front of others. How many of us who do poorly in our tasks began by saying ‘I don’t know what to do’ and later go on to say ‘ I am not capable of doing it’ and finally accepted failure by saying ‘ I just wasn’t cut out for it’. Notice that each of those statements are actually directed at others who maybe onlookers, co-participants or possibly evaluators and the statements are crude efforts to avoid any criticism.

The only way to tackle our fears is to confront it by being a participant and not a distanced critic. This is best done by visualizing success, anticipating and preparing for potential pitfalls and wholeheartedly embracing and enjoying the process. The real success would be in conquering one’s fears by setting yourself free of criticism, fear or failure.

Try this:

In the next one month ensure you attempt at least one of the following tasks that you have never attempted before

  • Learning a new form of dance
  • Easting with chopsticks
  • Learning to speak 10 sentences in a new language
  • Inviting friends to an exotic meal cooked entirely by you
  • Participating in 3 contests
  • Try your hand at origami

From the following situations, rate the situation that would embarrass you the most to the least. Reflect on why each situation gets the rating you have assigned.

  • Your boss getting hold of a love letter written to you.
  • You going for an important meeting post lunch and your shirt has a big stain because you spilt coffee on it at lunch time.
  • You excitedly greet and animatedly talk to a very charming person, who then gently tells you he/she is not the person you thought he/she was.
  • You are making an important presentation and by error click on a PPT you were studying of a competitor’s product.
  • You are with guests in a restaurant and despite the guests offer to foot the bill, insist that you will pick the tab only to discover that you forgot your wallet which contains the credit cards too.

 This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our Inspirational and Motivational Blog

www.poweract.blogspot.com

How to attain peace of mind

Peace of mind is that mental condition in which you have accepted the worst. Lin Yutang

I have been beseeched by inquiries from well meaning friends as to why I have not been consistently updating my posts as I was doing  through 2010. I do plead guilty of being a tad lethargic but more importantly there have been other personal, professional and social commitments that are now competing very hard to be treated on par with my other priorities. I must confess that in the process, the daily blog has got pushed out to the periphery but I can assure my readers that it will still remain a priority for me. It has taken me a while to attain peace of mind with respect to taking the decision to reduce my daily blog to writing 4-5 times a week. Yes, today’s quote aptly sums up my dilemma and my response to it.

One dreaded word that is the bane of those seeking peace of mind is CHANGE. This is because for almost all of us change signifies a shift in the status quo and this means one has to constantly readjust to adapt to the change. Most of us are tempered to follow a planned, preordained path and anything that disturbs this causes anxiety which translates to mean that it disturbs our peace of mind. To cope with change, the focus should be on looking at change as an allay rather than an adversary.  A simple example could be the stimulus that makes us follow a good diet and exercise regime. While one has to possibly sacrifice some of the most tasty and appetizing food, the pain of strain and effort in exercising  begins to both unnerve us and makes us anxious about coping up. If what drives us to diet and exercise is fear of illness then both the effort and the results would be labored. On the other hand if it is our inner desire to feel good, look healthy and be fit that is the stimulant the results would be far more spectacular.

Worry is the real culprit in disturbing the peace of mind. This is because we are constantly anticipating problems, imagining worst case scenarios and oozing negative emotions and feelings. One reason for this is that we believe that it makes the reality easier to bear if the worst happens. What we fail to see is that most of worries never happen and so we have expended our energies fruitlessly. Equally tragic is the fact that by worrying we have often missed out on opportunities and possibilities of learning, earning and growing.  The trick to tackle worry is change our mindset and attitude. This means one has to work on one’s self belief and positive attitude. This does not mean that we ignore our concerns but we build up the will power to address our concerns by having alternatives lined up but after that we proceed to leverage the opportunities that are available to us. An example of this could be those who worry about a job loss if the company is shut down during a recession. If the probability is high they would plan out the alternatives but having done so they would go about doing their job so well that they would be retained till the end because of their sheer performance.

Accepting the reality is where people really flounder. Very often when faced with an unpleasant reality, the common response of most people is denial. Denial simply implies that people do not accept the reality. They tend to fight it, ignore it, manipulate it and camouflage it. They expend their energies in a futile way hoping that some miracle would restore their original status quo. Subconsciously too they are aware that they are fighting a losing cause and hence do not enjoy the peace of mind that could help them cope with the reality. People who are detected with life changing or life threatening illness or disabilities would for example try all types of cures including alternative therapy, faith healing and could even fall prey to the guile’s of god men. Finally it is only when they reconcile to the reality that they actually give up fighting the illness and learn to enjoy the rest of their life. Enjoying life particular all that is left when we run short of time is perhaps when peace of  mind is experienced in its regal splendor and majesty.

Remember: “You’ll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.”  George Michael

Try this:

  1. We find it hard to forgive ourselves for our indiscretions. If we carry this burden then we lose our peace of mind. Saying sorry is a very simple means to retain our peace of mind. Read the following to know more about forgiving ourselves. https://actspot.wordpress.com/2010/12/10/forgiving-ones-own-self/
  2. Check if incidents in the following situations are even today making you lose your peace of mind
  • Your inability to forgive someone who wronged you
  • Your personal negative qualities e.g. Quick temper/ extreme jealously/ possessiveness/ avariciousness etc
  • Some incident from the past that has traumatized you e.g. dog bite in child hood/ scenes from some horror movies / being ditched by a loved one

This post is courtesy www.actspot.com

You are also invited to visit our WEEKLY Inspirational and Motivational Blog www.poweract.blogspot.com